In Omne Tempus
by La Vita Nuova
Summary: When Edward and his family go away for a hunting trip leaving Bella alone, an impromptu trip to La Push turns her life upside down. Who is the newest pack member and how has he managed to curse Bella's perfect fairy tale love?
1. Touch of the Moon

I shivered involuntarily as I felt Edward's cold body press down on mine for one last kiss, one last moment of perfect togetherness before he left me. He had spent hours last night reassuring me over and over again, to the point that even I was sick of myself. My need to hear that he would return to me was overwhelming. I had told myself when we had returned from Italy that in order for us to move on I would have to put him leaving in the past and move on, but my own advice had been caught in the back of my throat ever since. Edward, patient as ever didn't seem to mind though, he just smiled lovingly at me and swore again and again that he could never leave me; not again.

As his hard lips stole their last kiss from me I breathed in his beautiful sweet scent. I stretched out my whole body as he pulled away, groaning in pleasure as my muscles stretched after a night without use. I looked to see Edward smiling at me, watching me, loving me. How on earth this God of a man had come to be mine I still couldn't fathom. From his beauty and his grace to his gentlemanly nature he was perfection personified and quite often I had to pinch myself to remind myself that he was real. Today it seemed was just such a day.

"My love, I will be back with you before the sun sets tomorrow night"

I grimaced at his words. I found any separation from Edward difficult, no matter how short a period of time it would be. His black eyes confirmed for me that he had been stretching his control to its very limits to accommodate my need for his presence. The least I could do was send him on his way with a smile

"And I will be counting the minutes and waiting right here for you"

My words seemed to please him as he swept forward, too fast for my slow human reactions to see and caught me in a breathtaking last kiss. I was still reeling when I heard the distinctive sound of Emmett's Jeep roar to life from the garage below. Looking up I frowned to see that not only had I been too slow to catch the kiss but to see my love leave also. Sighing I dressed for the day, picking out casual black yoga pants and a form fitting black short sleeved hooded top to accompany them, at least with Alice being gone too I could wear something more appropriate than dresses and heels to lounge around in.

As I made my way through the scrambled eggs and toast I had prepared myself for breakfast I considered possibilities to keep me entertained for the day. It had been over a year since I had moved in with the Cullen's after Charlie had been killed in a car wreck and having graduated from school several months prior my days had thus far been filled with Cullen's to entertain me. This weekend would be different though. Edward, Alice, Rose, Emmett and Jasper had all gone on an extended hunting trip, while Esme and Carlisle were attending some fundraiser at the hospital. Having finished breakfast I wandered out to the back porch and sat on the swing. It had been so long since I had to occupy myself that I was at a complete loss for what to do.

Tiring of my own thoughts I headed back into the house and up to the library, running my fingers along the spines I tried to decide what to read lingering unconsciously on a Jack London classic; Jacob. It had been months since I had last seen him primarily due to the fact that Edward absolutely despised any time I spent down in La Push. Running back through the house I knew I would have to be quick, having now made the decision it wouldn't be long until Alice would be able to see my future disappear as it was known to do around the Wolves. It was one thing to visit Jacob on a whim but something else entirely to go if Edward called and asked me not to.

I jumped in my old Chevy truck remembering when Rose had declared that it was a true vintage classic and instead of destroying it as Edward had intended she had taken it on as her own pet project. As far as I could tell she had replaced everything but the shell and there were even days I wondered about that. My old truck now ran like a dream; no longer stuck at 50 miles per hour I swiftly made my way to La Push in a record 15 minutes.

Pulling up in Jacobs drive I felt the nerves begin to trickle down into my stomach. Jake and I had been such good friends, best friends when Edward had left me with the possibility of more still heavy in the air when Edward had suddenly returned. I couldn't deny that I had allowed Edward to come between our friendship since. I hopped out of the truck and made my way slowly to Jake's front door. There had been a time when I would have barged right in like one of the family but I hesitated and decided to knock, not quite sure how Jake would react to my impromptu appearance.

I knocked again a couple minutes later when no one had answered. This time though I could hear the irate voice of Billy Black, Jacob's father from behind the door

"Alright, whoever you are, I'm coming, I'm coming"

I smiled to myself thinking about Billy's temper, he was quick to grumble but Billy was a sweetheart deep down, he just liked you to think he was mean. When the door pulled back to reveal me standing there Billy didn't bother to hide the surprise from his face

"Isabella Swan, Jacob didn't mention you would be coming over"

I looked down at my feet and scuffed the tow of my shoe back and forth in the dirt making a little trail

"Uhh, well the thing is Billy, I didn't tell Jake, I just wanted to see if he was home, if not I can come back later or something"

My nerves were getting the best of me, quite simply I just wanted to turn and run, to forget that I had come here, Jacob probably didn't want to see me ever again anyway

"No kiddo come on in. He's should be back any minute now"

I didn't want to sit inside and wait, I would probably wear holes in the carpet with my nervous fidgeting or something

"Billy, if you don't mind I'm gonna head to the beach, can you tell Jake that's where I am"

"Sure kid. Hey and Bells, don't leave it so long next time"

The last thing I saw of Billy was his friendly smile as he closed the door. I couldn't begin to understand the complexities of the relationships between the wolves and the vampires but I respected them none the less. Billy came from a black and white era, there was very little room for shades of grey and the Cullen's for him should be the enemy, plain and simple. Living with them, being in love with one of them should have automatically have put me in the enemy category but Billy had somehow been willing to see beyond that for me. I knew he didn't like it, but he had never let me really feel his disapproval.

Feeling the earth begin to sink in underneath my feet I knew without looking that I had reached the beach. I bent down and took off my sneakers and socks and felt the cool grains of sand give underneath my toes. I made my way down the beach and just as I came to the waters edge I rolled up my pant legs. I had always loved the feel of the water pulling the sand away from under my toes as it retreated back into the ocean. After a few minutes I felt the water warm as the temperature in my feet cooled to meet its own. I was swept away in the hypnotism of the ocean when I almost collapsed under the force of someone knocking me from the side

"You haven't heard a word I've said have you"

I looked up after regaining my balance to see my former best friend Jacob Black staring down at my with amusement written clear across his face. His appearance still managed to surprise me, his once boyish frame and face had been left long behind, leaving muscles and maturity in their place.

"Bells. First you show up out of the blue, now you're mute or something, just say something, you're scaring me"

Shaking my head I tried to clear away my rambling thoughts

"Hi Jake"

"So, tell me how did you escape his clutches?"

"They're hunting out of state"

"So he doesn't know you're here"

I shook my head. I wasn't sure if this would annoy Jake or not. While Edward didn't like me visiting the Wolves I knew my absence from Jacob's life was mainly my fault as I hadn't fought very strongly for my best friend.

"Huh"

I could see the disappointment on his face but it quickly gave way to a bright smile

"Can't say I'm not upset that it's taken you so long Bells, but there's nothing I can do about that now is there"

I smiled as Jacob wrapped his massive arm around my shoulder and filled me with his warmth. We strolled around the beach for hours talking about things that had happened during each others absence. While nothing of huge importance had occurred in the months we had been apart it was the small things that made me sad that I had let our friendship go so easily. Quil had imprinted on a girl named Claire who was barely old enough to count. Leah and Seth and another guy had joined the pack putting the numbers now at eight. Jake meanwhile had been working on a new car, fixing it up.

The sun was just beginning to get lower in the sky when Jacob looked at his watch for the third time in ten minutes

"Jacob, if you have somewhere to be I understand"

"It's not that Bells, we're having a bonfire out here tonight and I promised I would pick up some stuff. I was just trying to figure out how long I could push it before I had to go"

"Jake, would you like some company?"

A big smile lit up Jacob's entire face at my words

"Excellent. Let's go"

Jake threw my on his back and loped back to his house, seeing my truck he let out a low whistle

"Let me guess, Barbie Leech?"

I nodded, I had learned long ago to let the nicknames go. Leech, bloodsucker, dogs, pups, mutts and so forth, it didn't matter how many times I stood up for one or the other, the names continued unabated.

I threw Jake the keys as he made his way around the truck fingering the paintwork in admiration. Even I could see that Rose had done an absolutely stellar job. I pulled myself in on the passenger side to see Jake rubbing his hand across the steering wheel taking in the whole new interior

"I gotta hand it to her, that leech knows her stuff"

I smiled, even if it had been hidden within an insult, Jacob Black had just complimented a Cullen. I began to picture what Rose would say when I told her. The drive back into town was decidedly shorter with Jake at the wheel who insisted that speed limits were only a guideline. At the grocery store we quickly filled up three whole carts with bonfire supplies. Feeding eight werewolves for the night was a costly expenditure it seemed. We drove back into the La Push limits as the sun set on the horizon. La Push always seemed so magical to me at night, where the legends of the tribe were told behind the blue flames of the salted driftwood. I was lost in my memories of the first bonfire I had been to with Jacob when I felt my body being pulled into the cold night air.

"What is with you today Bells, you keep going somewhere on me"

"Just memories Jake, that's all"

"So you're not thinking about your leech then?"

Jacob was looking at me with complete skepticism on his face, clearly not believing me. I laughed as I told him the truth

"No Jacob, I was actually thinking about the first bonfire I came to with you. When the Elders told all those tribe legends"

"Well it won't be like that tonight Bells, no elders, just the pack and some friends"

I nodded as we wound our way back down to the beach again our arms laden down with bags. Well in honesty Jake's arms were laden down, he had left me only two to carry and had smirked when I had grimaced at their weight.

As we came through the trees I felt the familiar sinking underneath my feet announcing our arrival. I walked carefully behind Jacob as we drew closer and closer to the fire that had been lit. Finally reaching the fire I helped Jake as we arranged the contents of our bags on a crudely composed table made from driftwood and sheet of plywood, happy for something to do I snuck glances to see who was in attendance. I smiled in relief to see that as of yet only Sam and Emily had shown.

"Bella, Jake didn't tell us you would be coming tonight"

I smiled up at Sam as his huge frame drew closer to me. All of the Quileute boys were massive in size, just being in their presence could make your neck hurt. Sam's expression was clear as he glanced with trepidation between Jake and I. Of course being the Alpha of the pack he had a perfect right to be nervous of my presence. I was after all the _leech lover. _

"Hey Sam, Emily"

I waved in Emily's direction seeing her making her way to us with red plastic cups in hand

"Beer?"

I smiled hesitantly and thanked Emily as I took one of the cups from her.

"Isabella Swan, what would your leech say"

I rolled my eyes at Jake but he was right. Edward would have a fit if he saw me now, drinking beer with a couple of immature pups as he would put it. This was what I liked about Jake and his friends though, they were all just so normal. It wasn't like hanging around with Edward or the Cullens, where the atmosphere could never be this relaxed.

"Jacob, a word"

I walked away as Sam and Jake began to talk too low for my ears to register and sat close to the fire against one of the pieces of driftwood that had been arranged to form a circle. I sipped the fizzy beer from my cup and enjoyed the cool distinctive taste on my tongue. I felt a warm body sit next to me but was surprised when I looked up to see Sam and not Jake sitting next to me

"So, Bella, how've you been?"

Sam and I had found ourselves in a strange almost friendship since he had found me the night that Edward had left me alone in the forest. I could quite honestly say that no-one had seen me as low as Sam had and somehow I felt tied to him because of it. But I knew that my absence and whatever pain it had caused Jacob would make him wary of me now.

"I'm good Sam"

We both stared at the fire in front of us the silence between us almost palpable. Sam obviously wanted to say something to me but was holding back. I looked up to see him staring at me his eyes drawn in some internal debate

"What is it Sam?"

Having come to some decision Sam took his eyes from mine and spoke into the fire

"Bella, I know I never said this. But when Charlie, well when Charlie died, I hope you realize that you had other options. Anyone of us would have welcomed you in with open arms"

I turned around and saw that Jake and Emily were lost in conversation oblivious to what Sam had just said to me. When Charlie had died so suddenly I had moved in with the Cullen's without any real thought. I hadn't even considered that other options might have existed.

"Thank you Sam. I appreciate what you're saying but I'm happy with the Cullens, truly."

"I know that Bella. I just want you to know that you still have family here, regardless of the decisions you've made"

Apparently feeling that everything that had needed to had been said had been Sam stood and walked back to Emily, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind as she continued whatever her and Jake were discussing. I knew not to take Sam's words lightly, while I knew that my heart belonged to the Cullens, I would always have a place set aside for my Wolf family. I was glad to know that they still had a spot for me, my choices withstanding.

As I listened to the crackle of the fire intermingle with the roar of the ocean I lost myself thinking back to when I had first heard that Charlie had been killed. It wasn't long after Edward had come back to me fearing the worst when one of Alice's visions had hinted at my death. While Charlie had never understood how I could go back to Edward after he had caused me so much pain he had accepted my choices as my own and I was glad that was still alive to see me happy again. I had only returned to my childhood home once after the accident; Esme and Alice propping me up from either side as some sort of cathartic exercise that had failed abysmally. I knew that Esme kept the place clean in hopes that I would decide to return and face my past but it had been over a year and I had still yet to find the courage.

A nudge to the side threw me out of my own thoughts and back to the present

"Jesus, Bells what was it this time? If you don't cut it out I'm going to start thinking you're going crazy"

I looked up to see Jake looking at me with a smirk on his face

"Sorry Jake, I don't know what's wrong with me today, something about being here is bringing up all these memories"

I noticed then that as I looked around the bonfire was now surrounded by people and not all of them I knew. I felt my cheeks flush slightly wondering how many other people had seen me lose myself in the fire.

"C'mon lets get you a refill"

I pulled myself up and walked with Jake to a keg that I hadn't noticed before behind the makeshift table. As Jake filled our cups I looked around to see who I did and didn't know.

Paul, big and brash as ever was flirting with two girls I couldn't remember ever seeing before over by the bonfire. Emily and Sam didn't seem to have moved from earlier except now they were deep in conversation with someone. The stranger was tanned just like Jacob and all his friends, with his face turned away from me all I could see was his dark hair tousled and messy reminding me for a brief moment of Edward. I jumped as Jake put the cold cup into my hand.

"That's Jared, he moved back up to La Push a few months ago"

"Is he one of the pack?"

I looked up at Jacob who was still watching the conversation between who I now knew was Jared, Sam and Emily

"Yeah, he started phasing almost right out the plane"

I moved with Jacob back the fire taking small sips of my drink as I went, not really ever drinking I was beginning to feel a light tingling sensation which I was sure could be attributed to the beer I had consumed without even realizing it. Great I thought, another thing Jake and the pack could tease me about, knowing their size they could probably drink all day and feel nothing, but me, well of course I have to be a lightweight.

I listened as Jake, Embry and Quil talked animatedly about something that they had seen while out on patrol the other day but I couldn't concentrate on their words. My eyes kept stealing glances at Leah who was watching Sam and Emily with a tell tale glisten in her eyes. I knew a little about their story from Jacob but it was heartbreaking to think how difficult it must be to watch your love with his arms around another girl. I wanted to move and sit next to her and offer my support but I had never spoken to Leah, her reputation wasn't exactly one of bunnies and pink bows and I didn't want to risk her wrath falling on me.

I stood anyway wanting some space from the onset of so many people. I walked back down to the edge of the beach as I had earlier and sat listening to the waves crash lit only by the crescent moonlight.

"Hey Bella, do you mind if I join you. The pack are all talking about old patrols and its gets a little tiring after the hundreth time"

I patted the sand next to me, indicating to Emily that I would be happy for her to join me.

"I'm glad you came Bella, Jacob has missed you a lot"

"I've missed him too. Emily do you ever wish it that none of this had happened?"

"What do you mean Bella?"

I looked around us throwing my arms out to emphasize my point as I spoke

"This, everything, Wolves, Vampires, Treaties"

"Oh"

When she didn't speak again I turned to look at her. Emily had been affected so thoroughly by the onset of the wolves both internally and externally that I couldn't even begin to understand her. Her eyes now cast directly down on her fingers that were fidgeting with the laces on her sneakers. Her voice was barely above a whisper when she finally spoke

"It's different for me Bella, I don't know where I would be without _this_. I mean Sam would probably still be with Leah and as much as I hate how much pain we caused her I don't think I can say that I wish it hadn't happened"

"But don't you think it would have happened anyway"

We were now sitting so close together our voices were only a whisper above the roar of the ocean.

"No, I think if we had met under other circumstances it would have been sordid, no one would have been able to see past Leah and I being related, but it wasn't like that at all Bella. It was beyond us, like a force of nature, unstoppable. Now let's go before they get any ideas and throw us in the water"

We both stood at the same time and walked back to the group, Emily making a beeline for Sam who was laughing loudly at something the others had said. I remained on the outskirts and watched the group from the edge of the light. I felt rather than saw someone approach me from the right

"Hey"

I looked up to see the owner of the voice and my words caught in my throat. Jared the stranger from earlier was standing barely feet from me

"I'm Jared"

I looked from his outstretched hand back up to his face, up close he was undeniably beautiful. His face a construction of hard clean lines, a strong jaw led up to sharp cheekbones which only drew me in closer to his shockingly light grey eyes. The firelight danced across the plains of his face and I stood there gazing at the man in front of me without words.

"Sorry, she's been doing this all day. Bells!"

I heard Jacob next to me but still my eyes remained glued to the strangers face who was now smiling at me. I tried to think of the words to say but the only things that came out my head was _umm_.I looked up at Jacob for help. With my eyes pleading he laughed at my expression

"Jared, this is Bella Swan"

I nodded at Jake's word. Yes that was right, Bella. I shook my head trying to regain some focus. Seeing Jared still holding his hand outstretched I took it in mine, hoping that he wouldn't be able to think of me entirely insane if I could manage this simple feat.

I watched as his hand engulfed my own with its size, his warmth seeped right through my skin and I felt like my entire body had risen a few degrees in temperature with this brief touch. Hearing Jacob laugh at my side I was aware that I needed to let Jared's hand go, but as I watched his hand didn't leave mine either, instead his thumb drew one small circle on my wrist and then released me back to the chill of the night air.

I needed to get away. I looked up to see Jake looking at me with his eyes drawn in confusion

"Jake I'm hungry"

I plastered a big smile on my face and was pleased to see that Jake didn't read too much into it. Instead he threw his big arm over my small shoulders and led me away to the table. I could hear him throw out names of food at me but my concentration was shot. Instead I thrust my plastic cup at him only to be met with a guffaw

"Ok Bells, but if the bloodsucker asks this was all you"

I nodded as he filled up my cup again with beer. Happy to have something to do with my hands I held it tightly with both. I watched distractedly as Jake threw endless amounts of food on two plates and then thrust one at me. For the next hour I sat silently next to Jake, occasionally chancing glances around the group. All in all no one seemed to be paying me much attention, besides Emily who every time our eyes met offered me the softest of smiles.

Feeling the strange tensions from earlier slip away from me I stood and walked away from the group. The stories had inevitably made their way around to the Cullens and other Vampires the pack had encountered. Feeling uneasy with the conversation I walked down to the edge of the beach but feeling too cold to stop and sit I walked along the edge of the water line.

"Do you mind if I walk with you?"

I turned around to see Jared walking slowly to me from behind. Not wanting to be rude I nodded and he fell instep beside me. I watched as our feet moved in synchronization with one another.

"I've heard a lot about you"

"What have you heard?"

I wanted to stop, to see his face when he answered but I didn't, I kept my feet moving and my eyes trained down

"That you live with the Cullens"

I didn't say anything, I simply waited for the next words which were inevitable

"That you're engaged to one of them"

We had reached the rocks at the end of the beach. I turned to look back the way we had walked and saw the bonfire in the distance the sounds of echoing laughter cut through the air. I didn't move to walk back though, instead I looked up to see Jared staring at me. His eyes asking me a question that he had yet to bring alive in the night air

"Is it true?"

I nodded, not trusting my voice for some reason

"Do you love him?"

I opened my mouth to tell him just how much I loved Edward, to make him understand, but I couldn't. Looking up into his eyes I couldn't speak the words that until five seconds ago I had known in my gut to be completely infallible.

"I…."

Jared was looking back at me with intensity in his eyes and in that moment everything that I had known, believed, fought and lived for was not longer a certainty to me. I couldn't answer his question because I no longer knew.

My head dipped slightly to one side inquisitively, who was this man standing in front of me his beautiful eyes piercing into my soul. Why was he making me question my entire world, my future, my Edward. Not being able to hand the intensity anymore I pulled my eyes from his and walked away. I walked straight back into Jacob's arms and while his warmth relaxed my tense frame I longed for the cold hard feel of my Edward. I needed him to push my fears away, but I knew I would have to wait.

"Jacob, will you take me home?"

I looked into his eyes to see the concern looking back at me.

"I can't Bells, you know I can't go on Cullen land"

I considered my options for a moment. I had been drinking and couldn't even fathom the idea of getting behind the wheel of a car knowing what Charlie would think of the idea.

"Can I stay with you then?"

"Of course you can Bells"

"Do you mind if I head back now?"

Jacob didn't let me go alone though, he kept his arm tightly wound around me as he led me back through the trees to his home. After a twenty minute argument over who would sleep where Jake won. Not long after my head hit the pillows on his bed and Jake's snores began from the floor beside me did I drift into a dreamless uneasy sleep.


	2. My Fought Night

**AN: I own none of the characters**

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I woke up the next morning to the sound of my cell phone vibrating noisily on Jacob's bedside table. I knew who was calling me without needing to look at the screen. Hopping softly over Jake who was still snoring loudly on the floor I let myself out of the Black home as quietly as I could and answered the phone

"Edward"

"Bella, where are you? I've been calling you for three hours, Alice can't see your future and when I spoke to Esme she said you didn't come home last night"

I rubbed my hands over my eyes trying to think how I could make this better. Edward sounded frantic and I knew that this time I couldn't play it off as him being overprotective, I had fucked up. I sat back down on the steps of the Black home and sighed

"I'm sorry Edward, I'm fine I promise. I will be back home in twenty minutes. Can I call you back then?"

"Yes"

I was about to open my mouth to tell him I loved him when I realized that Edward had already hung up. I gave myself a moment before going back into the house. Not wanting to wake Jake up I left him a note telling him I would call him later in the day and thanking him for his bed.

I drove back home at a snail's pace, hoping that the longer I took the more time Alice might have to reason with Edward or at the very least he could take his anger out on someone else, Emmett perhaps. At least I would have the chance to shower and remove the scent of the wolves before Edward saw me. It's one thing to hear I spent time with Jake but another to have olfactory proof of it. My relief was short lived though, as my truck twisted its way closer to the Cullen home I noticed a lone Vampire stalking the front of the property. Edward wasn't with Alice or Emmett, he was home.

Before I even had a chance to turn off the engine my seatbelt was off and I was being pulled into a fierce hug.

"Bella, please, please don't do that to me again"

I gave in to his arms, returning his embrace with my entire strength

"I'm sorry"

"Well there's no need to tell me where you were, I can smell those mutts all over you"

Edward had pulled back to look at my face, I knew that even though he knew where I was he still expected an explanation

"I was so bored yesterday so I went to see Jake. They were having a bonfire and I wanted to stay, it's been so long since I've seen him. Anyway it got late and I didn't want to drive home so I stayed. I'm sorry Edward I should have called and told Esme where I was, I just wasn't thinking"

"Was that before or after you got drunk?"

I looked at Edward in shock, had he somehow followed me?

"I can smell it on you Bella"

"Oh. I wasn't drunk, I just had one or two, I asked Jake to bring me home because I didn't want to drive but he can't come here because of the treaty, so I stayed with him"

Edward looked disappointed. I couldn't tell if it was in me or the story though so I decided let it go. I moved to walk into the house and Edward followed me. I couldn't help but think over the events of last night in my head. As I looked at Edward the only thing running through my mind over and over was _do I love you?_

For two weeks my thoughts were stuck on those four simple words playing over and over again. I could say for certain that I loved Edward but what I no longer knew was whether I was in love with him. I caught Jasper looking at me more than once in question no doubt as to my new conflicting emotions. Edward asked me again and again if something was wrong but what could I tell him…"_oh yeah I met this guy at the beach and now I don't know if I can give my forever to you…" _. I began to convince myself that the beers I drank had played into my actions more than I had originally considered. But something had become twisted in my mind, whether I was of sound mind or not the consequences of our meeting were clear. I cursed myself for going to the beach and meeting Jared that day and for the doubts he had created into my mind.

I found myself watching Edward's every move. Seeing his grace and his beauty but not feeling them for myself as I once had. Watching him was like watching a movie, he was no longer real to me Each moment I spent with him my doubts grew closer to uncertainty and my uncertainty brought a whole new level to our relationship. My kisses became hungered and needy and while he reciprocated I could feel his hesitation as I begged him for more. I was attached to his side like a limpet, his very being feeding my existence. I needed him, but more than him, I needed to feel what I once had. I needed to be sure.

It was almost two weeks to the day when I received a text message from Emily

_Hey Bella,_

_Got ur number from Jake, hope you don't mind. Sam & boys out on patrol tonight, do you want to come over, keep me company?_

_Emily_

It was perfect timing on her part, I didn't know how she had my number but right now I didn't care either. Edward had just given me the look that I knew preceded questions regarding my new strange behavior and ultimately I was sure my sanity. I didn't give him a chance though, fingering the dazzling ring on my left hand I smiled sweetly up at Edward

"Edward, I was wondering how you would feel if I went over to Emily's house tonight?"

He looked confused for a moment before either his own thoughts or Alice's who sat across from us reminded him of who Emily was.

"I don't know Bella"

"All the Wolves will be on patrol Edward. Please I just really need to get out of the house"

I saw his eyes light up when I mentioned the boys wouldn't be there. Feeling certain now that he would say yes I pulled out my phone to confirm with Emily. Happy to have something to do other than try to reaffirm my feelings with Edward for the night I ran upstairs to change into something more appropriate. Dragging on my jeans and a black long sleeve v-neck sweater I practically skipped as I made my way to my truck. It was only when I ran head first into Edward that I remembered I had to say goodbye. I kissed him briefly on the lips before shouting a happy goodbye out to Alice as I hopped into my truck and swiftly made my way back to La Push.

The house that Emily shared with Sam like all the houses in La Push held that rustic yet homely appeal. When I arrived the front door was standing wide open. Tentatively I peered into the house and called out

"Emily"

Emily's head popped out from the kitchen with a bright smile on her face

"Hey, I left that open for you, figured you would need more encouragement to just walk on in than the boys do"

I walked in closing the door behind me. Emily and Sam's home was a cute little thing on the beach, the décor was simple with a very country cottage feel to it. It wasn't decadent like the Cullen's but each house seemed to innately represent it's inhabitants. Esme would be upset to know that I found the Cullen home quite cold with it's modern expensive furniture and clean sharp lines but it just couldn't compete with the worn in warmth and sweet nature that Emily's home exuded effortlessly.

I walked through the living room to the kitchen and found Emily uncorking a bottle of wine.

"You want to take that through to the living room" She said motioning to the pizza box on the counter. I grabbed it and two plates with napkins and walked back through with Emily trailing behind me, wine bottle and glasses in hand.

"I hope you don't mind, I figured we could have some fun while those boys pretend they're out saving the world"

I laughed with Emily as she poured the wine and I dished out the pizza. It was nice to feel completely at ease with her as we ate in silence aside from a few moans of delight from our greasy dinner. When we had both finished off two pieces we lay back rubbing our full stomachs with satisfaction.

"Are you sure you can't eat more. I would love to see the look on Sam and Jared's faces if they came home to an empty pizza box"

I laughed but it caught slightly in my throat

"Jared?"

"Yeah, didn't Jacob tell you, he's staying here"

I shook my head while grabbing my still full wine glass giving my hands something to do.

"Yeah he used to live two houses down when the boys were little, but his Mom and him moved to California when he was ten or so. His dad died a few years back leaving the house here empty, I guess when his Mom died a few months back he decided that it was time to come back, good thing too cause he phased pretty much soon as he his Quileute soil"

I couldn't help the sadness that welled inside of me, knowing how it felt to lose one parent I couldn't even fathom the devastation that must come from losing both.

"He's planning on moving back into his Dad's place but it needs a lot of work doing to it first. But don't worry they won't be back until early in the morning"

I wasn't quite sure what I could add to the conversation so I was happy when Emily took control once again

"So movie or gossip, your pick"

I thought for a moment

"Movie first, gossip after a few more of these" I lifted my wine glass to indicate what I was referring to

"Bella Swan I like the way you think"

We were already a glass into our second bottle of wine when the movie ended. We had finally chosen Independence Day after bonding over our mutual dislike of romantic comedies, something we had both wrongly assumed that other would have been into.

"So what's it like kissing a Vampire?"

I laughed, but had to admit I was a little shocked at how forward the normal quiet shy Emily was. I didn't know if I should attribute it to the wine or how comfortable she was becoming in our new friendship. Wine was my final conclusion though.

"Well I don't really have much to compare it to"

"You mean you've never kissed a normal guy?"

"Uh well, Jake kissed me once, but it was sort of one sided so I don't think it counts"

Emily shook her head

"So Emily, what's it like kissing a werewolf?"

"Well Bella, if you really want to know I can probably rustle up eight of them right now willing to show you?"

"Even Leah?"

"Okay, fine seven"

"Sam?"

She thought for a moment before answering

"Yeah he'd probably do it just to show you what you're missing"

I laughed as Emily looked me in all seriousness as if she were truly offering up her boyfriend and soul mate for me

"Thanks for the offer Em, but I'll pass for now"

I don't know quite how we got onto the subject but as we finished off our second bottle of wine Emily began to tell me the story of how she and Sam got together

"I remember when Leah called me, her and Sam had been together a couple of years by then and were engaged but I still hadn't met him. I was living with my family just north of Seattle. She was so upset when she called, it shocked me, I mean you've met her, she's not exactly the kind of girl who wears her emotions on her sleeve. So when she called me crying saying that something was going on with Sam I was more than worried. She said that he kept disappearing, sometimes for weeks at a time but that he swore he still loved her, that he would never cheat. Anyway she asked me to come down, to stay for a while and I couldn't say no, I mean this was Leah, she never asked anyone for help. I was here with her for a week before I met him. But when I did I bet she wished she had never called. It was like everything I knew up until that point meant nothing. I think what made it worse was not knowing. I mean we all know about the imprinting and stuff now but then I think we both thought we were going crazy"

Emily paused to take a sip of her wine but noticing it was empty she stood up and made her way to the kitchen a little unsteady on her feet. She came back in with a third bottle and I couldn't help but think that I would be paying for it in the morning as she sloshed the wine into my glass.

"A week was all it took. I'm sure we could have dealt with it better, maybe we both could have resisted longer but I'm not sure. A week after meeting each other for the first time Sam was telling Leah that he had fallen in love with me. When he discovered the legends that spoke of imprinting it finally made sense and he finally knew that he could tell me everything. Bella it was like we had no choice. Just these invisible binds pulling us together. That's why when you asked I said I couldn't wish for everything to be normal. I don't know what we would have felt if Sam hadn't been what he is"

I listened intently as she continued

"It was hard for Sam then but it's nothing like it is now. I mean he was in love with Leah, ready to marry her, to settle down and have kids. Now that she's one of the pack they share each others thoughts, I can't imagine what that must be like for either of them. I just wish she had someone to speak to"

The two of us became lost in our thought until Emily broke the silence

"Well this got depressing didn't it. So do Vampires have imprinting?"

I thought for a moment trying to get my mind back to a normal working pace, settling for slightly fuzzy I answered

"No, not imprinting but they do mate for life"

"So what does that mean for you?"

"I don't know. I'm human, and I think we both know that it doesn't work like that for us, well I guess it did for you. I think, well, I don't know"

Emily laughed at the confused look on my face and our topics moved on to things of a less serious nature.

I don't know at what point Emily and I fell asleep. The only reason that I knew we had was when strong arms were lifting me and I looked through fuzzy vision to see Sam lifting Emily from beside me at the same time.

I was too tired to complain to the arms as they pulled me softly to their chest. I wound my arms around their neck as I tried to bury my head into their chest. I heard a soft chuckle and I looked up to see Jared looking down at me with a tender smile on his lips. I closed my eyes as the scenery moving around me was making me feel dizzy. A few moments later I felt myself being laid gently on a bed, something soft being put in my hands

"Here, puts these on, I'll get you a glass of water"

I looked down to see a pair of sweats in my hand. I worked to rid myself of my jeans which seemed to have gained perhaps twenty more buttons during the evening. When I was done with my jeans and v neck I threw both to the floor with little care. I lay back on the bed in the oversized light grey sweats and my own white tank top.

A soft knock and the creaking of the door announced that Jared was back in the room. He put a glass of water down next to me and put two Tylenol in my hand

"Here take these"

I sat up and swallowed the two tablets at his command and then drank a few sips of the water when the glass was placed in my hands. When the glass was removed I flopped back on the bed to hear his gentle chuckle once again but almost immediately I sat back up again in panic

"Edward!"

Jared looked hurt but I didn't have the energy or mental capacity to figure out why

"Can you get my phone and text him to tell him where I am, it should be in my pocket. He'll be worried"

Jared nodded when I pointed roughly in the direction I had thrown my jeans on the floor, I watched as he bit his lip while figuring out how to send a message from my phone. He showed me what he had written before he hit send

_Edward,_

_At Emily's, too tired to drive. See you in the am._

_Bella_

I nodded and he took the phone from me sending what he had written. Happy that was taken care of I took the phone back from him and pushed the off button, not wanting to deal with unhappy responses from Vampires who never slept.

I lay back down and closed my eyes as my head hit the soft pillow

"Not yet"

I opened my eyes at his words but didn't say anything, I just watched as he moved to the other side of the bed and pulled back the covers only to return to me once again and lift me effortlessly into his arms. My eyes didn't stray from him once as he laid me back down and pulled the covers around me, essentially tucking me into bed.

"Now"

I smiled at his words and let my body fully relax in the warmth and comfort of the bed around me. I closed my eyes and fell asleep listening to the sounds of his movements as he rustled around the room.

I woke the next morning not entirely sure of where I was. It took me a full minute to remember the Jared had put me to bed last night. I remembered the tablets I had taken and was grateful knowing all too well that with the amount of wine we consumed my head should quite rightly be pounding at this very moment. Somehow in the night I had found my way to the very edge of the bed. I tried to sit up but immediately lay back down when the dizziness in my head led to a nauseous feeling in my stomach. Turning on my side I closed my eyes and for the first time heard the faint sounds of breathing in the room. I opened my eyes and moved my head so that I could look down to the floor next to the bed.

There, laying in all his angelic glory was Jared. With a pillow under his head and a small blanket barely covering his body he looked entirely at peace. His handsome strength had given way to a soft vulnerability with his body curled up and his tousled ebony hair falling down into his eyes. I felt my hand twitch as if it wanted to reach out and touch him but I held myself back.

I wasn't sure how long I had watched him sleep but at some point I must have drifted back myself. I woke to see Sam standing in the doorway smiling lightly at myself and Jared. It was only when I tried to pull back that I realized that at some point my hand had made it way over the edge of the bed and was now being held by Jared who still seemed to be sleeping deeply. Scared of the intimacy of the gesture I pulled my hand back as quickly and cautiously as possibly being careful not to wake him. By the time I was standing Sam was gone leaving a closed door in his place. I changed back into my clothes as quickly as I could stopping to sit every once in a while as a wave of nausea passed over me. Finally I was done and as swiftly as I was dressed I was at the front door. I had attempted to go into the kitchen but had been dissuaded quickly when the smell of bacon had violently turned my stomach. Sam had laughed when he saw me, no doubt my face looking as grim as I felt

"At least you're up. Emily can't move"

"Will you tell her I'll call her later"

"Sure thing, any other messages?"

Sam smiled at me knowingly and I couldn't help but shake my head feverishly and retreat in haste out of the house.

I sat in my truck for a few moments blowing ice cold air on my face trying to compose my stomach and my mind as my head slumped back against the head rest. When I was finally ready to move I started my truck and wove my way back to the Cullen house.

Edward had been angry at first, angry that I had turned my phone off, angry that I had drunk enough to make myself sick, angry that I had drunk at all. I nodded at all the right times and said I was sorry in the correct spots but all the while I was dragging my body up through the Cullen house, cursing the distance of Edwards room from the front door. Finally he had relented and had taken pity on me and carrying me when I had decided that crawling made my stomach churn less. I think secretly he was happy when I snuggled up as close as I could to his icy body where I remained for the entire rest of the day falling in and out of sleep.


	3. My Mate or My Soul

**A/N: Characters - Not mine!

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"Bella, I need to talk to you about something while Edward isn't here"

It had been a week since I had sworn that I would never drink again and while the time had been spent enjoying my time with the Cullen's I was still torn over my new uncertainties. Alice had been relentless in pursuit of a Bella/Alice shopping trip and finally I had relented. The quizzical looks that Jasper had been throwing me on occasion had now worked their way through the family and infected Alice too, I was sure. I had known it wouldn't be long before my inquisitive friend started asking questions.

"Bella, I don't think Edward realizes this yet and I'm doing my best to not think about it when he's around, but your future in my visions, well it's not the same as it once was"

This caught my attention. I had assumed that Jasper had shared with Alice my internal struggles but this was something I had not expected

"What do you see?"

I should have known what words were coming, anyone else would have guessed I'm sure but they hit me with the force of a thousand Vampires

"Nothing Bella, it's all gone black"

I turned my head to stare out of the window to escape her penetrating stare. I didn't want Alice to see through me, to know that everything that I had once considered my destiny was falling apart around me. I had wanted her to be able to reassure me that my future was still solidly intact, that I was still destined to be a true member of the family, that this was just a hitch, a bumpy path that I needed to traverse. But no, that one word told me everything I needed to know; nothing. That was my future now, an empty void.

Without thinking I sighed, while Alice's attention had never wavered from me her blatant stare had now turned her petite features into a grimace of concern that someone as delicate as Alice should never even have to consider wearing

"Bella, you're my best friend, if there's something going on, something you need to talk about, you know you can tell me"

But I couldn't. I couldn't open my mouth and tell her how I had been cursed. Every word I spoke to Alice would be played back in her mind to Edward at some point whether it was a conscious choice or not. Hell, this whole conversation would be played back for him to dissect and replay with his perfect memory. I couldn't risk that when I still had a chance to make everything perfect between us once again.

"It's nothing Alice. I guess I'm just feeling a little bit weird right now. School's been over for quite a while now and when I decided to take a year off before college I guess, well I thought I would be a little more durable by now"

It was true at least. When Edward and I had discussed my future he had been all for me attending college immediately, to experience things as a human. I couldn't stand the idea though. I would end up being twenty two at the very least before I would be changed and of course Edward would be forever seventeen. I had finally persuaded him that I needed a year to decide what I wanted to do, thinking that in that time I would be able to convince him of my impending need to be eternally at his side. But when Charlie had died so suddenly my plans had fallen by the wayside. Discussions on my immortality were replaced with those of Charlie's mortality. And now I was almost twenty, my birthday was a few months away and I was still the same old breakable Bella.

My internal musings must have dissuaded Alice from any further questions as we arrived at the Mall in silence. Having convinced Alice of the joys of online shopping I had managed to cut down actual real life shopping trips to on average once a month which had been met by relief not only from myself but the other members of the Cullen household. Five hours of dressing and redressing later and my feet were now being dragged along behind me and while Alice still had the energy of a Jack Russell on a sugar high I was done. Seeing my pitiful state she finally relented and we headed out on our way back home. I couldn't keep my eyes open as the warmth from the heaters and the purr of the engine lulled me into a deep sleep.

"Who's Jared?"

"Huh"

I wasn't sure how long we had been sitting in the Cullen driveway with the engine off but Alice was staring at me intently. As the groggy haze of sleep began to lift from my mind I realized that I must have spoken in my sleep.

"He's one of the Wolves"

"Oh"

I didn't offer her anymore than that but I could see her mind working overtime.

"Do you remember your dream?"

My face scrunched up in thought but I couldn't remember anything, in fact if Alice remained silent about my little slip I would have assumed my sleep had been dreamless. I shook my head, concern edging at the corners of my conscious about just what else I may have unconsciously said.

Alice gave me one last quizzical look and then the veil of indifference slipped over her face. Whatever I had said had obviously not been of much consequence if the conversation was being dropped so effortlessly. I sluggishly followed Alice into the house and while she dragged Jasper out to help her with her numerous purchases I curled up in Edward's lap on the sofa.

I heard his melodious soft laughter from above me as his fingers played with the ends of my hair

"Did you have fun love?"

I didn't have the energy to reply. Instead I tried to dig myself deeper into his marble body and huffed out a "…mmm" in response. With Edwards strong arms wrapped around me in my semi slumbered state I was content to listen to Alice chatter in the background about what we had bought as Edward very quietly hummed my lullaby in my ear. I didn't fall into a deep sleep but I drifted softly throughout the evening, catching brief glimpses of conversations around me. Eventually Edward carried me to our room where he peppered me with light kisses and finally pulled me into a deep sleep where finally I dreamt only of him.

The following week was filled was confusing instances of indecision. While I couldn't doubt Edwards unwavering love and affection for me I found myself watching Emmett with Rose and Jasper with Alice as they shared their intimate moments. At times I felt like a voyeur and Jasper's previously innocent quizzical glances turned to those of concern.

A week after our shopping trip I was watching Jasper as he watched Alice as she shopped obliviously online. Jasper and Alice were so private with their affections for one another that you really needed to look to see the signs of love that passed so discretely between them. Jasper had a book in his hands but I could tell by the slow progress he was making that his attention lay more on his wife than in the words on the page. Small smiles played on his lips as Alice made squeaks of excitement every now and then. After an hour or so of Jasper and Alice watching, Alice suddenly got up and left the house. As I watched her leave I had failed to notice that Jasper was no longer watching her, but watching me.

We sat in silence for a few moments. Edward had enforced that Jasper and I be chaperoned early on in our relationship and even though Jasper had long ago been desensitized to my scent and cleared to spend time one on one with me we hadn't ever quite gotten beyond that distance. I didn't mind that Jasper could sense my emotions, I didn't find it as invasive as I imagined I would Edwards mind reading.

"How've you been Bella?"

If anyone were listening in they would think nothing of the innocent question, but with Jasper and I almost never passing pleasantries I knew that Jasper didn't really care how I had been, he was asking about my strange behavior. I thought for a long time as to how to pose my question without being too invasive.

"Jasper…how do vampires know when they've found their mate?"

Apparently that had not been the response Jasper was expecting to his question, perhaps I had misread him and he was actually looking for the more perfunctory _fine, _or _good thanks_.

"Well, umm maybe you should talk to Alice about this"

I nodded, but I couldn't hide my disappointment from him, neither from my face or my emotions. Alice would only ask more questions, which I couldn't and wouldn't fathom to answer right now.

"Are you worried about yourself and Edward?"

Well of course I was but I had no interest in discussing that with him. Jasper put down his book and his bright honey colored eyes took on a new intensity as he looked at me as if he was really seeing me for the first time.

"No, I mean, I just wanted to understand how it works. Like is it possible to be in love and not be a mate or is it an all or nothing thing?"

"I see"

Obviously happy to hear that I wasn't looking to discuss my relationship with Edward, Jasper was more willing to talk

"Well as a vampire your mind will be far more complex, capable of many different processes at the same time. When we feel emotions it's on an entirely different level to humans. To love is such a monumental thing for us that it changes us forever. I don't know if it is possible to love without being a mate as to love for us means being a mate"

I nodded, it was the answer I had expected but I had hoped that he would offer something new

"Can you love more than once?"

"Well we all feel different levels of love, like humans do. But apart from mates there are also souls mates that exist to our kind. That brings forth an entirely different level to the relationship. I believe vampires are capable of recovering from a mates destruction but I don't believe the same is true of soul mates. Once a soul mate has been found the two beings become one. To break apart, would mean destroying half of yourself, it something no one can recover from"

Jasper stopped and looked at me. I didn't want to ask him if Edward was my soul mate, just like I didn't want to know what the uncertainty I felt towards my future meant. It was enough for now to think on. I rose steadily and left for my room, thinking as I went about what this could mean. If I was no longer sure that my eternity belonged with Edward then I would be giving up everything, but if I was his soul mate I would also be destroying him in the process. I didn't want to walk away from my family, but could I give my humanity to Edward and in his eyes my soul. Could I give that to him and forever be content with my decision knowing how unsure I felt right now.

I spent the rest of the day thinking over my worries in my head. Everything could be traced back to the one moment on the beach, that one question from that one stranger that had cursed my future. I resolved myself to try, to push away all worries and doubts and to just live, to love, to return to the person I had been only weeks ago. To return to Bella and Edward. Unwavering.

If only it could be that simple though.


	4. A Task At Hand

**A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who has read or paid special attention to this story. This is my first attempt at writing anything and I am so happy that even one person has read this, let alone taken the time to review. So, thank you! **

**Once again, I own nothing.

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My new resolve tore me down. With each day my mind wandered and no longer was it focused solely on Edward Cullen, instead my thoughts trickled back to Jared and the fateful bonfire. His dark hair and piercing eyes, his warmth; just the few moments we had shared played on a loop constantly in my mind. Every kiss and touch with Edward became a lie, and the more I pushed myself to feel what I once had, the more I grew despondent. Edward asked me time and again if he had done something, anything. But I had no words of comfort to offer him. My life had so quickly become a lie.

Even Emmett began to steer clear of me and I could tell that my once happy family was being torn apart by my clear change in character. I found myself sleeping less and less, spending more time on my own just sitting and berating myself. I seriously considered just asking Edward to change me, to rid me of my conflict and have done with the decision. But if he had been unsure before about my potential future of immortality I was in no doubt that his response would be a resolute _no_ now.

As the days turned to weeks and Edward became more loving as I pushed him further and further away and my indecision on my relationship became more of a certainty. For six weeks I had tried with every ounce of emotion in my body to feel the certainty I once had. Edward and I took reminiscent trips to our meadow where we basked in the sun, I watched in awe as his skin refracted, glittering like a angel. Hours I spent just watching him, listening to his melodic voice and watching his graceful nature.

When I could see no end in sight to the days of doubt Edward walked into the living room with a hint of a smile on his face. He grasped my hands firmly in his and pulled me into his lap.

"I know that things have been strained recently, and I thought that maybe a change of scenery would be good for us"

I tilted my head slightly, urging him to go on with my slight movement

"I called your mother a few weeks ago, she and Phil are in Seattle this weekend and I thought you might want to go see them"

I wanted to jump up and down in excitement but I didn't. I had been keeping my distance from Renee since Charlie's death. Charlie leaving me had been so heartbreaking and I had been so determined in my pursuit of my immortal future that I couldn't bear the idea of saying goodbye to my mother so soon too. I longed to give in, to tell Edward that I would love to visit them but I knew she would see right through me the minute I was in her presence. It would be a tortuous time with unending questions on what was wrong. I shook my head seeing Edward's face fall with my decision.

Instead of the trip to Seattle I proposed that we spend some time in Port Angeles, visit the restaurant where we first really spoke, he agreed reluctantly but the fear was clear in his eyes. He had been sure I would say yes. Nothing helped though and we remained in our bubble of nothingness. I tried to push us physically, but seeing my change Edward resisted me even more and his frustration and my rejection just added to the miasma of bad emotions that followed me everywhere I now went.

Six weeks was all it took and as the days of June slipped past me my once fairy tale love turned into a nightmare. My future and my life had become foreign to me and that was destroying me piece by piece. I think Edward was genuinely happy when I told him that we needed to talk.

I sat on the bed, our bed and watched as he entered the room. I could hear the voices of the family fade as they made their way from the house. Had Alice seen what I was about to say, had Edward been in her mind and seen it too? Edward sat next to me, both of us rigid in our posture.

"Are you ready to tell me what is wrong my love?"

Edward's face was full of love and concern, I longed to feel what I once did, to look at him with the same awe and adulation I once had. I wanted to see his love and feel complete again, but I felt nothing, nothing but hatred towards myself. I wrung my hands and fidgeted with the hem of my shirt. I had played these words over and over in my mind but having to hear them out loud, to speak them, was another thing entirely. Never had I been more grateful that my mind was black to Edward.

"I'm not sure about anything anymore"

Edward opened his mouth to speak but I shook my head indicating I was not finished

"I don't know what's wrong with me Edward, but everything I do feels like a lie and you deserve more than that. I don't deserve you Edward"

"Is that what this is, because, you do Bella, it's me who doesn't deserve you"

I shook my head again. How could I make him see when I couldn't really understand for myself

"I just need some time Edward, away from here, from you, from the family. I need to understand what I want, because if I'm with you Edward I need to be sure, to be certain. I never questioned us Edward, since I first knew that I loved you I knew I wanted my forever with you, for your eternity"

I could see his mind working coming to a decision

"Isabella, I told you once I would only stay as long as you wanted me to. I will give you all the time you need. But do you need to go, you would be much safer here, if this is what you need my love I'll go, I'll stay in Alaska until you're ready"

I had known he would offer this, Edward wouldn't want me to be unprotected. It wouldn't be enough though, just to have him leave, to remain here, half in and half out. I needed to take a full step back, not a safe half step.

"No Edward. I'm going to move into Charlie's house. And Edward…"

I slid my engagement ring from my finger and placed it in his cold palm

"I can't wear this. I need you to understand that I'm not asking you to wait for me"

Edward fell to his knees in front of me, his face in his hands. I reached out to touch him but pulled my hand back. It would do neither of us any favors and only prolong my words finding their true meaning in his mind

"I'm sorry" I whispered to him through silent tears.

Edward left the room without another word. It didn't take me long to pack up all of my belongings, while I had lived here for over a year my possessions were few. The only things I had ever accumulated were books and clothes, the latter as a result of my time with Alice. I took everything I could find, not wanting to give Edward false hopes of my return. I could finally see his reasoning for taking away all memories of himself when he left me so long ago. A clean break, leaving no doubt or hope that I would return for that one pointless item.

As I loaded up the last bag in the trunk of my truck I took one last lingering look at what had been my home for nearly eighteen months. Who knew if or when I would be here again. I wouldn't let the sadness overtake me though, not yet, I took shaky deep breaths and tried to focus on the tasks at hand to keep me from braking down. Simple things, like a mantra. Get in the truck, drive the truck to Charlie's, unload. Over and over again. Once each task was complete it was replaced with a new one. Once I had unloaded it became clean the kitchen, clean the bedroom, dress for bed, make hot chocolate.

Each day for an entire week I lived like that. Task after task worked its way methodically through my head, it was quite frankly the only thing that kept me together. Sometimes I would break down in the middle of something, but I learned to break everything down to such minutiae that everything became a little easier. I allowed myself less and less time to think as the tasks were broken down more and more. Make hot chocolate became get mug, boil milk, add powder, stir, drink, wash cup. My life had become an endless session of tiny tasks.

I couldn't sleep though, instead I would stare blankly at the ceiling. It was the only time of day that I didn't set a task for myself other than go to sleep. I still forced myself to my bed each night though. Night after night I kept my eyes firmly to the left as I passed Charlie's bedroom door, a door that had yet to be opened since he had shut it firmly behind him on the way out of the house _that_ day.

I thought not only of Edward but everything I had walked away from. Uncertain still of my actions. I had left behind not only my love but my family, my future. The pain was not the same as when he had left me, that had been such an earth shattering heart ache. I had been unable to even think of his name without breaking apart. Edward leaving had left a gaping hole in my chest that only Jacob had been capable of sewing back together with his very nature. This was different, I was just so unsure. I would sit for hours without even realizing it, rooms that were once lit with sunlight would be filled with darkness in a heartbeat. I lost huge portions of time to questions I still couldn't answer.

Each night the phone rang at precisely 8pm. I never answered it, fearing who it could be, who it wouldn't be and the words that I didn't have to say. After a month it stopped though and then I missed it's nightly song. It was the day after it stopped that I ventured out to the supermarket. I had left it as long as humanly possibly to interact once again with the outside world, but with nothing but a sole tin of Spaghetti O's left in the cupboard I had finally admitted defeat. Having checked off a few tasks in my head I was in the process of picking three apples, item number six my list when I began to think back on my night with Emily. Through all of my thoughts, in my month alone I had been filled with constant thoughts of Edward and my choices, about Jared and how his words had destroyed me, but I had spent little time thinking beyond that. I realized that I had never called her back after that night.

I'm not sure how long I had been staring at the apple in my hand but a warm hand on my arm pulled me from my thoughts. I looked up to see a pair of beautiful warm eyes staring at me with annoyance.

"Are you ok?"


	5. Reality Doesn't Always Bite

**A/N: Not sure if I need to keep saying this but...I own nothing

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I nodded, indicating that I was fine but she didn't leave. Instead she made pulled her cell phone from her purse and muttered quietly into it. After a few direct words with an extremely intimidated supermarket boy she was pulling me quite forcefully out of the shop and towards my truck. I looked back to see both our half filled carts being wheeled away by the same fearful looking boy.

"Keys"

Leah's hand was outstretched and a look of impatience was written clear across her face

"C'mon I'll drive you back to your bloodsucker"

I laughed, I hadn't meant to, her words weren't particularly funny but something about Leah driving up to Cullen house with me in tow just struck me as amusing. Obviously I had been spending far too much time on my own

"I'm living at Charlie's"

"Okay"

And that was it, no questions, no awkward forced pretense of friendship or intimacy while I explained why I wasn't staying at the Cullens. Leah drove me home, but she didn't leave like I had expected or hoped she would, instead she ordered me to shower while I heard the familiar sounds of pizza being ordered. I wanted to tell her to leave, to tell her that I was quite content within my lonely existence, but I wasn't and for some reason I didn't. I showered and for the first time in a month I couldn't formulate the next task for my mind to process, probably because with Leah involved I had no idea what would happen next, so my task became just that, see what happens next.

I returned downstairs and was surprised to see Leah had already worked her way through half a pizza, I hadn't even heard the door go, she did have the sense to look a little embarrassed though

"Sorry, it's the whole Wolf thing, my metabolism is ridiculous"

I nodded and grabbed a slice before she could devour the rest. It was nice to taste something for once. Tasting the food I put in my mouth wasn't on my list of things to do so I just didn't.

Leah surprised me once again when she still didn't ask any questions when the pizza was done as I had expected. I honestly didn't know what answers I would have for her but the uncertainty was killing me. When she finally spoke though it was only to ask what movie I wanted to watch instead of anything intrusive.

And so it went. Every three or four days Leah would come over, unannounced of course. I'm sure she assumed I would be in, of course she was never wrong, where else would I be. Eventually we began to talk. Not necessarily about the important things but about the small stuff. She wouldn't just leave after a movie or throw food down her throat without taking a breath, instead a steady commentary began to formulate and I found my first real post curse friend.

That was how it had officially become to be known in my mind. Post curse or pre curse. Everything could fall neatly into the two boxes. For example pre curse I had a family and a future all neatly mapped out in a blood sucking box. Post curse I had, well, nothing. I got a part time job to keep me entertained, it wasn't that I needed the money just the mental stimulation. It wasn't anything too exciting, just reviewing books for an online magazine. It was perfect for me. I ordered the books online, read them and submitted my reviews, again, online. What more could a book loving self imposed hermit wish for in gainful employment.

It was two months since I had seen the Cullen house last, three and a half months since Curse day when Leah once again strolled uninvited into my house. She didn't knock of course, she probably knew I wouldn't answer, but somehow I doubted that was the reason. I had been sitting at the kitchen table staring at the oven as a cake I had made purely to relieve some boredom rose.

I didn't notice when she sat down or when she picked up the book that was laying open in front of me.

"_Wicked_, huh, what's it about?"

I looked up seeing Leah leafing through the pages

"It's about how the Wicked Witch of the West became who she was. I mean you watch the film and you don't question why she was so fucked up, you just assume that its inherently in her nature or something. You know pure Evil. But it's not true, things happened in her life to make her that way. I guess this makes her seem more real, more human"

"You mean the green witch in The Wizard of Oz"

I nodded

"huh"

That was Leah, she wouldn't say it out loud but I could tell from the way she was still flipping through the pages that she was more intrigued that she wanted to let on

"Take it with you, I've read it before"

She hmpf'd at me, but I saw her discretely closing the book and moving it closer to her.

"What do you want to do tonight?"

This was new. Leah never asked me what I wanted to do, she just waltzed in, took over my life for a few hours and then disappeared again into the night. She never asked or cared for my opinion on the subject.

"I'm thinking we should get drunk"

I shrugged my shoulders, if that was what Leah wanted to do I was fairly sure I would be tagging along for the time period she had allotted for me whether I agreed or not.

"Ok, great. I'll be back in twenty"

While she was out I put the icing on the cake. Bored that Leah still hadn't returned I moved to the living room. I turned on the tv not caring what channel it landed on, instead I simply sat there staring at the screen watching the figures move around without paying any real attention.

"Baseball, B, I didn't take you for a sports fan"

"It was just on" I mumbled to myself

I could hear Leah rummaging around in the kitchen, a couple of minutes later she came back out with mismatched shot glasses, a bottle of Jack Daniels and a couple bottles of beer. Once it seemed she was pleased lining everything up she stole the remote control and turned the channel over to an old comedy rerun. I didn't hesitate when Leah shoved a shot glass of Jack into one of my hands and a bottle of beer in the other.

"Cheers"

I didn't have a chance to reply as I watched Leah throw back her shot and grimace. I tried to look like it didn't bother me but the bourbon burned its way down my throat until it reached my stomach where it began to warm me from within.

We didn't speak until three more shots had been thrown back, each burning a little less than the last. The table was now littered with empty beer bottles and Leah was sitting with her legs casually draped across mine.

"So I guess you know why I did this"

I nodded, I had a fair idea. Here she was, my closest friend post curse and the only things we ever discussed were meaningless. I had assumed the alcohol was for both of us. Leah wasn't intrusive by nature and I didn't offer her anything freely in return. I had come to lose the tension of wondering when she would start asking questions but from the looks of things tonight would be that night.

"What do you want to know?"

Leah thought for a moment.

"I only have two questions?"

I didn't need her to ask them, I knew what they would be, what happened and why, even a fool would know. Leah was a particularly harsh judge of the Cullen's and I had been surprised that we had lasted this long. I was sure she was dying to give me her two cents worth.

"Go on then"

Just as I thought the questions rolled from her lips

"Your leech?"

This question was easy really, okay so it would be the first time that I would vocalize it, but it was just like reading lines from a script. No need for emotion.

"I broke off the engagement with Edward two months ago. I walked away and I haven't spoken to any of them since"

My answer obviously didn't surprise her. I'm sure she would have been informed as part of the pack if any of the Cullen's had left Forks due to the Treaty. Not that I knew if they were still here, I assumed of course that they were. The fact that Edward and I were no longer together was plain to see from my now solo existence

"Why?"

I couldn't answer. I moved to sit at the edge of the sofa and poured two more shots and handed one to Leah. I threw mine back and slumped back down on the sofa. I didn't have an answer for her though.

"What does it matter"

"You don't know do you?"

Leah wasn't trying to be mean I could see her honesty in her eyes but it angered me none the less. I mean I knew how I felt.

"I just wasn't certain anymore okay? I never had any need to question what I was doing before, there was no doubt and then all of a sudden… "

I paused to consider my words

"It was never a normal relationship, Edward constantly suffered being with me, his family did too. How could I make them all suffer when I wasn't absolutely certain that it was what I wanted anymore"

We sat in silence for a while, the only sounds were the tinny canned laughter from the tv and the sloshing of beer as we each sipped from our bottles.

"I think you should visit Jake"

I hadn't been expecting that from her. Some gleeful exaltation of how I was better off without my leeches sure, but Jacob was so left field that I had to wonder where she was going with this

"Why would I want to do that Leah. We haven't spoken in months"

"Because he's your friend and he's struggling with this too"

I looked at Leah in confusion. Why would Jake be struggling with me leaving Edward, he should be absolutely ecstatic, this was after all what he had always wanted

"Oh"

That was the end of our enlightening conversation. It took an hour of us both pretending to watch the terrible old comedy before we could breathe an internal sigh of relief and return to our usual pointless banter.

I gave Leah my bed that night, with my barely there sleeping pattern I knew it would be selfish me taking it. Even with the copious amounts of alcohol consumed I still only slept for a few hours. Just long enough it seemed for the alcohol to work its way through my bloodstream and fill my body with pains instead of my previously happy haze. I cleaned our debris as quietly as I could, happy to at least not feel nauseous. When the sun began to rise I made myself a cup of tea, stepping out on the back porch to drink it. Just as I sat down I heard the house phone ring, not wanting it to wake Leah I answered tentatively. I wasn't sure if I had even spoken loud enough for the other person to hear me but of course when nearly everyone in my life had ridiculously sensitive hearing I should have known better.

"Bella, I will be at Charlie's at noon. Be ready"

And then she hung up. Two months I had not heard a word from Alice and now she was calling up completely out of the blue. I knew that I wasn't going to be able to avoid her forever, hell she had shown far more patience than I knew she was even capable of by waiting this long. It wasn't like locks or doors could hold her back if she truly wanted in so I resound myself to a day with Alice, come what may.

Leah finally got up at eleven looking like she had just entered a beauty contest. I should have guessed that the alcohol would work through her system far faster than it had with mine, but it still made me a little envious.

"Morning B. Gotta run. Pack meeting in twenty"

I heard the front door slam shut in her wake. Aware I only had an hour left to prepare I trudged upstairs to get ready for Alice. I put more effort into my hair and makeup than I had in the entire two months I hadn't seen her combined. I found myself cursing loudly when I wasted precious minutes trying to find my hairbrush which had been hidden under my bed since who knows when. I was completely in shock when none of my clothes seemed to fit me anymore, everything hung limply from my body, I hadn't even been aware that I had lost any weight but it made sense when I considered just how little attention I had been paying to myself recently. I settled on some skinny jeans that had once clung to my figure and a oversized shirt. It would have to do.

Alice of course was punctual and peppy and she shuffled me quickly into her Porsche. I didn't ask where we were going, I just assumed that shopping would be on the agenda as it always was. Everyone seemed in the mood to surprise me lately though as Alice pulled into Port Angeles and parked along the ocean front. I was led swiftly to a nearby coffee house where my favorite white chocolate mocha was ordered without a word from my lips. With everything seemingly in place Alice led the way to the pier.

I sat with my back against the wooden railings, facing Alice, my knees pulled up towards my chest in defense of what was to come. Alice however sat swinging her petite legs over the edge of the pier looking like she didn't have a care in the world.

The silence was broken when Alice turned to face me and spoke

"How've you been Bella?"

I shrugged, I knew that there really wasn't a good answer to that question.

"Ok I guess that was a silly question. Bella, you're my best friend, I know that when Edward left you we all went with him. I need you to know that I learned my lesson Bella, I'm not going anywhere. I've given you space because I felt that you needed it but I won't walk away from our friendship unless you ask me to"

I let out the breath I didn't know I'd been holding

"Can you tell me what happened?"

I did want to remain silent, I wanted to tell Alice everything, but did Edward deserve to hear how I doubted my love for him from his sister. If I owed him anything, it would be my own words, not a memory in Alice's head.

"I would Alice, but I don't think it's fair if Edward hears it from your mind instead of directly from me, do you?"

Alice nodded

"Edward is in Alaska. He's been there for six weeks. He won't be back until you speak with him, which by my estimations will be happening in two weeks time"

"Oh"

"Bella, I'm here as your friend, not as Edward's sister or as a vampire or however else you see me. I just want to find out why you walked away from us and if there's anything I can do to help you"

I felt so guilty. I knew when I walked away from Edward it was far more than the end of a relationship. I was walking away from parents, sisters, brothers, friends. Family. I owed Alice an explanation and knowing that I would still have the chance to tell Edward everything myself directly I felt like a dam had been broken inside me. I told Alice everything, about the bonfire and what had happened. I told her about my doubts and fears and uncertainties. I felt the tears streak icily down my cheeks in the ocean air as I told her about the six weeks when I tried everyday to get back to how things had been.

Alice held my hand as I tried to explain that with the uncertainty of my relationship with Edward came my fears of what it feel like to be a vampire without him, and how even though I couldn't explain what had happened I still loved him. That I couldn't sit by for eternity as a part of the family torturing Edward every moment of every day, so I had walked away.

When I was done Alice embraced me softly as my tears fell on her shoulder.

"Bella, I don't know what to say. Jasper said you were feeling a whole host of unusual emotions but he said he couldn't get a hold on anything certain. When your future changed I knew something was wrong. Oh Bella, I'm so sorry, for everything"

Alice pulled back from me and looked me directly in the eyes

"Bella, can I ask you something?"

Obviously taking my silence as a sign to continue Alice spoke again

"Have you considered what it means?"

I'm sure my eyes scrunched up in confusion

"What what means?"

"The Wolf, the only you spoke to at the bonfire. Have you considered what he means to you?"

I thought about it, I had considered Jared and how he had ruined my life, my days were sometimes filled with thoughts of just him, but more often than not those thoughts turned quickly to loathing. His beautiful face taunted me in my waking dreams reminding me of everything I had just moments before he crashed into my life. I didn't want to think about it anymore, so I turned and watched the waves as they crashed in foamy waves.

"Bella, whether you want to think about it or not, he's significant"

"He cursed me Alice, what else do I need to think about it"

Her eyes softened at my words

"Oh Bella. You don't see do you"

"Alice I don't understand what you're saying to me, what else could I possibly see, I don't get it"

"I know, but you will. Bella, you need to speak to Edward, but I suggest maybe you try to figure this all out first. As much as you need to understand so does Edward. I think he's quietly hoping you will come around"

I nodded, of course Alice was right. I had spent two months in Ostrich mode with my head firmly stuck in the sand. It was time I stopped walking in the other direction and faced everything head on.

The drive back to Charlie's was filled with Alice's chatter about what the Cullen's had been up to. Emmett and Rose were apparently making plans to leave on an extended trip around Europe and Alice had been given free reign to sort out their wardrobe for the entire trip. She tried to pretend it was a chore but I could see the glint of excitement in her eyes.

As I approached the door Alice told me to wait, a few seconds later she was back in front of me with a bag in her hand.

"Just something for you"

I smiled, of course Alice would still be thinking of me. How could I have ever doubted she wouldn't be.

"Promise me Bella, that you won't push me away. I'm not asking to intrude on your relationship with Edward, I know it's going to be difficult for both of you. But I love you Bella, you're my sister no matter how breakable you are and I don't want to lose you again"

I held back my tears as I walked back in the house feeling both lighter and more oppressed than I had that morning. Hearing Alice say that she didn't want to lose being a part of my life had been touching, but thinking practically how was that ever going to be possible. It would be easier for Edward if I walked away and never featured in their lives again. How would I have fared in his place? I knew that if he was to have a chance to move on I needed to keep as big a distance from the Cullen's as Alice would allow. I made good on a promise I had made to Alice though and found my cell phone where I had left it months ago in a kitchen drawer. I turned it on and waited to hear the bells of messages and voicemails.

I didn't want to read or hear anything though. I scrolled through looking at names. Edward, Alice, Emmett, Esme, Jacob, Emily and a couple of numbers I didn't recognize. I deleted everything without looking at it. I broke my heart though, thinking of what Edward may have written, what his words may have said to me. I fell back down against the kitchen cabinets and sobbed, my body convulsing in sorrow. I didn't move as the darkness swept through the house, long into the night I continued to cry. When I finally fell silent I longed to cry again. I felt guilty that the tears had stopped, it hadn't been enough. My efforts didn't feel worthy of the pain that I had inflicted on Edward.

I sat there for what felt like forever, but the sky was still dark when I finally stood and turned on a few of the lights in the house. I sat in the living room with Alice's bag in front of me. I pulled from it two boxes. One held a beautiful dress, black with red stitching; with three quarter length sleeves and an empire waist emphasized with a delicate red ribbon. I put it aside and opened the other box. On top was a note

_Bella,_

_Humor me! _

_A_

_Xxx_

I didn't bet against Alice, so I pulled the other box open to reveal a pair of fabulous knee high black boots with a fairly large heel. I put them on and instantly was surprised when I felt no less stable than I did in flats. Of course Alice had seen this but I pulled my phone from my back and sent her a brief but sincere _thank you_ text. Now if only I knew what I would be wearing them for.


	6. Water Runs Dry

**A/N: Once again, I own nothing**

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Leah appeared in my living room at 7:00pm the next day

"Ok, you have fifteen minutes. Get ready, we're going out"

I didn't ask where we were going but I did grumble a little at the time restraint as I made my way upstairs. I knew if I asked I might not want to go and Alice's latest gift seemed a little too coincidental so I dressed as fast as humanly possible in my new dress and heels. I put on a little lip-gloss and mascara and then wrestled to tame my hair, eventually winning the battle so that it fell in soft tousled waves. Alice had spent days teaching me how to make my hair look great with very little effort and her excellent guidance was just now being put to good use.

I couldn't contain my smug smile when only ten minutes later I walked down to Leah ready to go. Now that I was finally out of my own sweats I was far more aware of what Leah was wearing as well and I noted that she was fairly dressed up too; wearing tight low cut dark wash jeans and a white silk dangerously low-cut kimono top which just seemed to make her dark complexion glow. I didn't think I'd ever seen Leah in anything but a scrubby t-shirt before and I had to give it to her, she looked effortless and amazing. I ran my fingers through my hair feeling a wave of self conscious nerves pass through me.

I had never been in Leah's truck before and was a little shocked to discover it was littered on the inside; empty pizza boxes, soda cans and take-out bags were strewn _everywhere_. I raised an eyebrow in her direction.

"What! It's Seth, he's a complete animal!"

We both laughed lightly at her insult. I tried not to pay attention to where we were going but the roads to La Push were so familiar to me that our destination was hardly the worlds best kept secret. We pulled up to a small house a couple of doors down from Emily and Sam's place. It was a classic beach home with a wrap around porch with a swing and everything. I tried not to let my fears settle in my stomach as I followed Leah through the front door that had been painted a bright almost garish blue.

"Bella!"

I was almost swept from my feet when Emily barreled into me front the side in a violent hug

"I haven't seen you in _forever_"

I laughed at her enthusiasm and at Sam as he peeled her from me

"Sorry Bells, she got started on the wine a little early"

I nodded but was pleased to see how easily I could walk back into this environment and feel so welcome. I was pulled away from a cheerful Sam and Emily by a frowning Leah though. I waved back at them as I was dragged into the kitchen, a glass of white wine was thrust into my hand and chinked in a _salute _with her own glass that I hadn't even seen Leah pour.

I looked around and saw that for once the pack was also dressed a little more formally. No one was wearing shorts and for once no bare chest's were on display, I silently wondered how long it could last and what had prompted such propriety.

Leah left me in the kitchen to chase Quil when he made some smart ass remark about not knowing she was really a girl. I leant back on the counter and watched as she caught him easily and forced him to apologize over and over again with a sadistic gleam in her eye as she twisted his arms in an ugly position behind his back. The kitchen opened up to the living room with a neat little breakfast bar which gave me a great view of everything that was going on. I was so focused on Leah though that I didn't see a figure approach me from the right

"Bella. I didn't know you were coming"

I looked up into Jared's piercing eyes wondering why he would he would be privy to whether I was coming here or not. Then it clicked, a couple houses down from Emily and Sam, of course

"This is your house isn't it?"

He nodded

"I'm sorry, Leah just sort of showed up and told me to get dressed, she didn't tell me where we were going and I didn't ask. I can leave"

I started to walk towards the door feeling terrible that I had crashed what I was pretty sure was his housewarming party when I felt his hand on my arm and words almost so quiet I wasn't sure if I was meant to hear them

"Please don't"

I turned to look at him, to see his eyes pleading with me and something deep within me that felt as if it had been dormant for my entire existence fluttered in response. I smiled tentatively back at him and moved to return to his side but faltered when I heard a throat being cleared angrily behind me. I turned around to see Jacob glaring, his eyes darting back and forth between Jared and I scorching us with his hatred. Jared dropped his hand almost immediately and I took an unconscious step away from Jacob but before I could go any further he was gone. I looked back to Jared who was glaring at the spot where Jacob had been, he was shaking almost imperceptibly and once again I was feeling utterly confused.

"Umm, I think I need to find Leah"

After exhausting almost the entire inside of the house looking for Leah I opened the door which I guessed led down to the beach and found her sitting on the back steps deep in conversation with Jake. I sat down next to her but as soon as I did Jake stood and left without even a glance in my direction. I watched him, trying desperately to catch his eye but his movements were so purposeful that he never even saw me looking his way.

I turned to look at Leah who was also staring at Jacob's retreating figure

"Like I said, he's struggling with all of this"

"All of what Leah, I'm trying not to be dumb here but I just don't get it"

I could sense the frustration between us as Leah sighed

"You just need to speak to him"

I didn't move though. I couldn't understand what exactly I had done to upset Jake, as far as I could calculate he should be dancing some happy Irish Jig right now. I finished off my glass of wine while I mulled over possible scenarios of what I could have done to upset Jake so much. The only thing that even half made sense was that maybe he was angry I hadn't confided in him in regards to my situation with Edward, whatever was going on I decided I was more than ready to sort it all out.

I slammed my glass down a little harder than I meant to and stood

"Fine"

I stalked back in the house and stood directly in front of Jake who was sitting next to Sam on the sofa both wearing equally serious expressions

"Jake I need to talk to you"

Jake didn't move to stand though, instead he just shrugged in my direction without even meeting my eye. That was all it took for my confusion and annoyance to give way to my fury

"I don't get it Jake, what exactly have I done to you? What the hell could I have possibly done? Is it because I didn't tell you about Edward, is that it?"

Jacob's eyes found mine but they were filled with confusion and not the anger I had bargained for

"Edward?"

"Yes Edward, don't act dumb Jacob. What? Are you pissed that I didn't come running to you and instead you had to hear everything through Leah's thoughts?"

I looked over my shoulder to see Leah with a deer in the headlights expression on her face, immediately realization hit me and somehow I knew; she hadn't been phasing around Jake.

"Heard what Leah?"

Leah's fear was becoming more palpable as her eyes began to dart around the room. Jake moved to stand and I assume confront Leah but Sam placed a hand on his shoulder essentially keeping him in place. Leah's voice was small when she finally broke the silence

"She left the leech"

"What the fuck?"

Jacob was now glaring at Leah while shaking violently, sharp intakes of breath and shocked mutterings emanated around the room. It didn't make any sense though, if Leah hadn't told Jacob then what the hell was going on, why was he so angry at me?

"Hold on a minute. If you didn't know about Edward and I then why are you angry at me Jacob. I don't understand"

It took a moment for him to answer but when he did his voice was no longer full of anger

"Why did you leave him Bells?"

Jake slumped back down into the sofa with his head in his hands, his shaking softened to light tremors and I felt the hard resolve inside me soften

"I just, I don't know Jake. I just…"

But Jacob didn't want to hear me stumble around looking for my words, his voice came back at me unfaltering and full of authority as his eyes met mine with a steely glare

"Why Bella?"

"I don't fucking know Jake, okay, is that what you want to hear? One minute I was perfectly fucking happy and the next minute I was cursed and everything just fell apart, what do you want me to say Jake? I can't explain it, I really wish I could"

I faltered for a moment feeling my voice crack with emotion

"One minute I was kissing him goodbye telling him I loved him and the next I couldn't even feel the words on my lips without it feeling like a lie…. But I don't understand why this has you so angry at me Jake"

"But that's not why though. Why did you leave him Bella? why now? I begged you for months and you stayed with him. What's so different now?"

I could feel the tears begin to flow down my cheeks as I feel to my knees at his feet and I unconsciously let my eyes wander to meet Jared's from across the room, my words came out in a whisper though

"I don't know"

"That's bullshit and you know it Bella. Tell the fucking truth for once. Why couldn't you leave him for me?"

The last part came out in a whisper his eyes now firmly locked with mine

"Is that what you want Jake? You want me to tell you that I left him for you? If that's what you want… then fine…"

I heard rushed movements and hushed sounds of conversation from around the room but I didn't really take any of it in, everything was nestled on my periphery. I threw down my arms on Jacob's knees, my wrists exposed to him and looked directly in his eyes

"Take me then Jake"

I shook my wrists at him to emphasize what I was offering

"I walked away from everything, from Edward, from my family, from my entire fucking future because I couldn't look him in his eyes and lie to him anymore, because I loved him too much for that Jake. But if that's what you want, if that's what you need from me then I'll do it for you. You saved me once and I will never forget that and if this will do the same for you then take me. I'll be yours Jake, forever. It'll destroy us both, you know that don't you? Everyday you'll have to look into my eyes and know the truth. Are you sure you can live with that?"

I saw him nod somewhere in front of me through my tears but I wasn't done, my voice was now coming out broken and barely controlled

"And then what Jake, when I've torn you apart, when you realize that you have nothing left to give, will you do the same to me? Will you tear me apart too? Can you promise me that you'll never leave, what about when you find her Jake, your imprint. Do you really think you'll be strong enough to resist? And if you can't what will you be walking away from, our marriage? Our children? how long do you want me to live waking up everyday wondering if today is the day that you leave me for your soul mate?"

My wrists were still laying on his knees and I was now sobbing desperately at his feet my head buried in my outstretched arms. I looked up to see the tears falling silently down Jacob's face matching my own in their intensity. Everything was eerily silent until I heard movement behind me but I didn't relinquish my focus from Jacob both of us holding each another in a glassy stare.

A hand came down on my shoulder and the hypnotic spell was broken. I looked up to see Leah, her eyes full of sadness and unshed tears. I stood up on wobbly legs and walked away from Jacob and out of the back door leaving a silent pack in my wake. I barely noticed the heavy rain on my face. I reached down and unzipped my boots from my feet needing to feel the earth beneath me as I walked away from the house towards the beach. Each step I took I felt myself sinking a little further into the sand. I walked until I was too cold and wet to feel anything other than tiny pinpricks of ice all over my body. My muscles protested against my motions, my body finally giving way to exhaustion, seeing a nook of rocks nearby I walked over and sat down pulling my knees to me. I had no more tears to give, no more of myself to offer. Tonight the skies would cry in my place.

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**A/N: I still don't know how I feel about this chapter but after playing with it for hours I'm just not sure what else it can be. All I know is that it had to be done.**

**Thank you for coming along with me on this journey, I promise that there will be smiles to come, although I do enjoy an angsty Bella!  
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	7. Gravity

**A/N: A little earlier than I planned but here is chapter 7. I hope you enjoy!**

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"Bella"

I didn't look up, but I recognized Sam's voice even though it was muffled through the heavy rain and thunder. He kneeled in front of me just as I had done to Jacob and took my freezing hands in his, my frigid skin barely acknowledging his warmth. I smiled at him weakly through the torrents of water cascading down my face

"Why are you always the one saving me Sam?"

He didn't respond as he took in my soaked appearance, instead he silently lifted me into his arms as if my weight matched that of a feather

"It's ok, everything will be fine, I promise"

I didn't say anything, I was done with predictions for my future.

I closed my eyes and listened to the roar of nature as the thunder and lightening crashed down around us. I didn't notice when we moved from the beach to the sturdier footings of solid ground or when the water no longer fell on my icy skin. I felt myself being put down gently only to see that we were now in a bathroom. Sam left and Leah came in his place. She didn't say a word to me as she turned on the shower and carefully removed both my clothes and her own, leaving us both in our underwear. Leah carried me into the warm water and my skin tingled as my blood began to thaw.

I heard a faint knock on the door and without a word to welcome her presence Emily was stood standing at the door to the shower with towels out ready for us. Once I was neatly wrapped in a warm towel Emily left again and returned almost immediately with a pile of clothes.

"Put these on"

I did as she said but not once could I meet her eyes. I was now dressed in a pair of oversized sweats which I had to roll several times just to keep up on my new delicate frame and a t-shirt which fell around me hinting that its previous owner had been a behemoth. I didn't care what I looked like though. Leah redressed silently in her clothes and Emily led me by the hand through to a bedroom where I curled up into a ball on the bed. I saw Leah and Emily pass worried glances back and forth until Leah stood and left. I lay there, listened to the rhythm of the rain drumming against the window awaiting her inevitable return.

"Sit up Bella"

I did as Leah said, pulling myself against the headboard where I noticed she was now holding a bottle of Jack Daniels and three shot glasses in her hand

"Is that your answer for everything?"

I nodded down indicating the Jack. Leah shrugged her shoulders and smiled wryly while Emily laughed at her response

"Pretty much"

We each took a shot and I felt the warmth begin to spread from my stomach outwards through my body. I shivered involuntarily. Seeing this Emily began to rummage around in some drawers betraying her unfamiliarity with the room. Eventually she pulled out some socks and threw them at me. I put them on quickly and smiled at the new layer of warmth they provided.

I sighed, I didn't want to know but I asked anyway

"How badly did I fuck up?"

Both Leah and Emily looked between each other again and I was aware that this was possibly the first time I had seen the two alone in a room without the distraction of the pack, I couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of apprehension in my stomach

Leah poured us each another shot before she continued

"You didn't fuck up Bella, Jake needed to hear it"

"Is he here?"

The look passed between them again before Emily spoke

"Sam wants to talk to you"

I sighed knowing that neither of them would betray Sam to provide me with any answers. They stood and left when Sam appeared a moment later in the doorway. Once we were alone he moved silently to the bed where he perched awkwardly on the edge

"Jacob left right after you did, he'll be back but he needs some time to get used to everything. I know you're worried about what you said Bella, but don't be. He's not angry at you, he's just upset at the situation"

I nodded, appeased at least that Jake would be okay with some time

"Bella, there's something else I need to talk to you about. I spoke to Leah and she seems to think you don't really understand everything"

I looked at him in expectation

"Bella, do you remember the night of the bonfire?"

I nodded but he looked at me with an eyebrow cocked as if I was meant to understand something deeper within his words. After a few moments of us staring at each other Sam finally broke the silence

"Well, that night when Jared saw you, he imprinted on you Bella"

I couldn't help it when my mouth dropped open. Sam was looking at me for my reaction I was sure, but all I could do was stare at him with my mouth agape.

"Oh"

It took a few minutes to get it out but that was it, out of the hundreds of questions and thoughts bouncing around in my brain, that was the only word I could formulate

"You really didn't know did you?"

I shook my head. I felt like I had been slapped across the face and a fog had lifted from my mind leaving clarity in its place. This was why my life had suddenly taken such a sharp turn. I couldn't help feeling like an absolute idiot but if I was being honest imprinting had been the last thing on my mind. I forced myself to speak but my voice came out barely above a whisper

"Did Jake know? Is Jared here?"

Sam shook his head and his eyes suddenly turned to the floor

"Yes he knew and no, Jared left while you and Jacob were still discussing things"

Suddenly the implications of my words with Jake were far more reaching than just the two of us. If this was all true then there was now a third party who would most certainly have been affected by the entire incident. I shook my head mentally berating myself. I tried to work through some of the questions in my mind but I kept getting stuck of how I could have missed something that now seemed so glaringly obvious.

"Are Leah and Emily still here?"

Sam stood and left and a few minutes later Leah and Emily rejoined me the room. They watched me expectantly as I tried to figure out what I to say. I opened my mouth a few times to speak but the questions that kept coming to mind didn't seem very appropriate for my current audience so I kept closing it again. It wasn't long before Leah started laughing at me

"I'm an idiot aren't I?"

Both Leah and Emily nodded at me with huge smiles on their faces.

"And that was why Jacob was upset"

Again they nodded in unison. They both looked at me and then at each other but neither offered to fill the silence with words. Instead of someone else filling my glass I poured a shot for each of us

"I have so many questions but I don't know how I feel about hearing the answers just yet"

It was a blatant lie of course. I wanted answers and if I had a choice I wanted them months ago, but I just didn't feel right asking my questions in the presence of both of them knowing what I did about their past.

"How about we just not think about it for a while?"

Of course it would be Leah and not Emily who would be on team avoidance

Before either Emily or I could pretend to protest Leah turned on the huge flat screen TV sitting on the opposite wall and threw in a DVD for us to watch. My mind being encapsulated in a light Jack induced haze made not thinking a little easier and before I knew it I was drawn into the world of Harry Potter of all people.

I woke a few hours later to find myself alone on the bed with a light blanket covering me. I tried to get back to sleep but my throat my throat ached relentlessly, I looked around trying to orientate myself and when my eyes adjusted enough I began in my search for the kitchen. I found the easily stairs and crept my way down. Finding the kitchen was simple after that and I eagerly filled a glass with water, feeling the dryness of my throat subside with each gulp, satiated I walked softly into the living room.

It took me a few moments of standing awkwardly in the darkness to notice that Jared was curled up on the couch breathing heavily with sleep. I stood frozen; unable to move and incapable of taking my eyes from his face. Even in sleep, a state of complete vulnerability, his presence still radiated strength to me. I thought back to the bonfire when I had first seen him so many months ago. Losing myself in my thoughts I moved to sit on the couch opposite him and nestled down into the overstuffed cushions. My mind replayed over and over again the very moment when my doubt had begun to shape the new patterns of my life. While it was a moment I had relentlessly thought over in the past few months, now I had a new perspective. With one word everything I knew had once again been torn and misshapen. Imprint.

I wasn't sure when I had fallen asleep or at what point I had been moved but I woke up back in what I assumed was Jared's bed, alone. I lay still for a moment trying to decide if my midnight trip downstairs had actually happened or if I had been fooled by a particularly vivid dream. I stretched languidly and looked at the clock next to the bed to see it flashing 11:59pm. It took a couple of seconds for my brain to compute that the clock must have lost power at some point as the room was clearly being illuminated by rays of sunlight.

I listened for any sounds of life from the house but the only thing my ears could detect was the distant roar of the ocean. Nervous of what exactly I would find downstairs I tiptoed my way out of the room and down the stairs. I'm sure I looked like some crazy imitation of an old-school silent movie burglar with my over pronounced tiptoes. I let out a big huff of air when I reached the bottom step and nothing had changed, only the eerie sounds of silence surrounded me; I was by myself.

I looked around for a moment contemplating what to do. I looking around for a phone and smiled to myself when I found an old corded wall phone in the kitchen. I dialed Emily's cell from memory and drummed my fingers on the counter as I listened to the ringing in my ears.

"Hello"

"Emily?"

"Oh my god, Bella, you're awake. I'm so sorry I'll be right over"

And that was it, no further explanation, just a dial tone where Emily's voice had been. I wasn't sure if I should be worried or not, it was very un-Emily to be so frantic. I didn't have to wait long to find out though as barely minutes later Emily came barging through the front door a light sheen of sweat on her forehead and a big Cheshire cat grin laying wide across her face.

"Good Afternoon Sleeping Beauty"

I looked around in confusion until I saw a clock on the microwave 2:34pm. But surely that couldn't be right, that would mean I had slept for over twelve hours. My look of confusion was obviously bringing down Emily's high as her super smile dropped a few notches to just plain gleeful. I laughed as Emily skipped out of my vision and started up the stairs, I followed behind her feeling her infectiously happy mood begin to seep its way into my usual morning gloom.

"So, Jared had to patrol this morning, he tried to swap shifts but I'm sure you can imagine just how difficult it is to persuade a teenage boy to wake up before they absolutely have to, especially on short notice"

I noticed that I had followed Emily into what looked like an upstairs laundry room where she was pulling out my clothes from the previous night along with my boots. Emily seemed slightly oblivious to me as she backtracked downstairs with me in tow.

"He asked me to make sure I was here when you woke up so that you didn't feel strange about being here along. I came by a couple of hours ago but you were still out to the world and then time just got away from me. Please don't tell Jared, I think he might just kill me if he knew you woke up by yourself"

Emily looked so scared that my words came easily

"Hey, don't worry about it, it'll be our little secret"

"So what would you like to do today? Jared should be done with patrol in a few hours"

Emily was now bouncing on the spot waiting for my response

"Honestly Em, I kinda just want to get home and think about everything"

The bouncing continued for a moment until my words finally hit home and Emily went directly from looking like a sprightly hyper jumping Elf to a sad lost puppy from a PETA commercial.

"Oh"

She was quick to put on her poker face though

"Of course you do. Well let's head on back to my place and I'll give you a ride back"

I felt guilty that I had managed to cause such an about turn in Emily's mood but I wasn't about to go back on my decision just to make her happy.

I had been in my house for probably two hours when I heard my cell phone vibrating from the kitchen table where I had left it the night before. Not wanting to speak with anyone I made no moves to retrieve it. Sadly for me though whoever was calling also knew Charlie's home number and after a couple minutes of listening to the shill ring fill the house with no signs of letting up I finally relented and picked up the phone irately.

"What?"

I should have guessed that it would be Leah's laugh that reverberated in my ear

"Leah"

"So how was last night?"

I didn't respond hoping that without two of us in the conversation that Leah would get to the point faster

"So you really did a number on Emily, I think she thought it was going to be a case of the happily ever afters"

I still hadn't spoken but it didn't really seem to be deterring Leah at all.

"So I'll bring this to a close B, I know you're giving me the silent treatment in hopes that I'll shut up and fade away and you're lucky that I have to patrol today or else I would be there right now to piss you off in person. Anyway, tomorrow, we're having a Pack dinner at Sam and Emily's 7pm. No excuses"

"If it's a pack dinner then why am I coming?"

"Because B you're part of the Pack now or didn't you know, perks of an imprint and all that jazz, you get to be one of us without the whole naked, spurting fur, mind-sharing creepiness"

Leah didn't bother with goodbyes but it didn't bothered me, I mean even if we had managed somewhat of a strange friendship she was still Leah after all.

I spent the rest of my Saturday cleaning Charlie's house and for the first time in months I didn't feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. One word however kept creeping back and forth in my mind; imprint. Each time it did I tried to shoo it away with little to no effect. I wasn't even sure if I really believed Sam. Imprinting gave a great justification for my own behavior but I couldn't help but think back to Emily's words from so long ago. She had said that her and Sam had been unable to resist each other and Leah was living proof of the ferocity of their affections for one another. It wasn't really my reaction that made me question the whole potential imprint scenario but Jared's. How is it possibly that he had imprinted on me and then not even attempted to be a part of my life for the past four months? From everything that I had heard in regards to imprinting it just didn't make any sense.

I resound myself that I would just have to lock all of my questions away in the section of my mind now labeled _Things to ask Emily later. _

Sunday evening came all too fast and I was glad that I had not left getting ready until the last minute. My room now looked like I had decorated it floor to ceiling in disheveled discarded clothes. I couldn't remember being as nervous for a social encounter since Edward had invited me to meet his family for the first time. I tried to tell myself that I had nothing to be afraid of, but it didn't stop the flock of pterosaurs from flapping away in my stomach, butterflies just didn't seem violent enough for what I was feeling.

At 6:59pm I was sitting in my truck outside Sam and Emily's house with my hands still firmly attached to the steering wheel. I had been sitting here for five minutes already and I knew it wouldn't be long until someone came past and saw me acting like a crazy Bella but I couldn't seem to will my muscles to move an inch. My nerves were on edge and any moment I expected some mammoth Quileute boy to sneak up on me, tap on my window and scare me half to death.

Taking a final breath I mentally pried my fingers from the wheel and forced myself out into the chilly Washington evening air. Hearing the gentle hum of voices coming from the house and I forced my feet to bring my body closer and closer until I was right in the middle of the noise.

I heard my name shouted from several directions but I didn't linger, instead I almost ran into the kitchen where I knew I would be able to find refuge in Emily.

Taking one look at my frantic eyes Emily stopped what she was doing immediately, not to offer me any form of comfort but to put her hands over her face to hide her laughter. I almost turned on my heel but I scolded myself and forced my feet to remain in place, after all I was the one acting like a skittish mouse. I threw myself into helping with the mountains of food Emily was preparing and silently wondered just how Emily and Sam survived when their grocery bill alone was probably equal to most peoples rent. The few attempts Emily made at conversation were non-starters as I was still quietly fuming over her initial reaction.

It wasn't long before everything was ready so I jumped up to sit on the only spare space of counter left. I watched with interest as Emily surreptitiously put a little of everything onto two plates, hiding them both in the oven once she seemed satisfied. It didn't take me long to figure out why though. Barely seconds after she had called out that everything was ready a herd of oversized half naked men came running into the kitchen jostling each other back and forth for position. Happily I could laugh at their antics from where I was sitting with no fear of being crushed in the need for sustenance.

I couldn't help it when my attention became focused on just one of Emily's guests though. Behind all of the chaos surrounding me my eyes instinctively found Jared's. Leah and he were standing a little distance from the rest of the pack deep in conversation. I couldn't hear what was being said but every once in a while I would see Jared's mouth move in response to something Leah had said, his eyes were all for me though. I felt my cheeks warm slightly and I couldn't help it when my eyes darted down, the intensity of his stare forcing me to look away.

Though my head was inclined to the floor I couldn't help it that my mind had not followed suit. I tried to keep my eyes away but something kept pulling their focus back up again and every few moments I would find myself glancing up to see Jared still looking at me wearing a playful smile.

I silently begged that my face no longer held the tint of a blush when I noticed that Leah was now loading up her plate with food and Jared was moving purposefully in my direction.

"Hey there"

"Hey"

It came out as barely a whisper but I knew that it hadn't gone unheard. Jared inclined his head towards the food

"Can I get you something?"

I felt like an idiot when all I could do was shake my head in response. Jared lingered for a few moments and I could see his conflict, to stay with me or to eat his fill of Emily's well prepared food.

"Go, we can talk later"

His eyes lit up with appreciation but as soon as he had retreated I gave myself a mental beat down. Why had I not been able to form an intelligent thought around him? Even with Edward and the whole puzzle surrounding what he was I had still been capable of speech, so why did it have to be so difficult now? I could just see him asking Sam if there was anyway to reverse the whole imprint thing since he had been landed with a leech lover who seemed to be lacking the mental capacity to count to ten. I wished that Jake were here, he would just tuck me under his arm where I could hide like a coward for the rest of the night. But nope, turns out somewhere in all of this mess I had managed to fuck up that relationship too.

I hadn't noticed Emily come and go, the only evidence of her presence was my once empty hands were now clutching onto a plate of rapidly cooling food. Not wanting to sit in the kitchen by myself so I decided to take my chances and hopped down from my perch with a hint of apprehension.

Walking into the living room wasn't as intimidating as I had imagined. Apparently nothing can divert the Packs attention when food is involved. I wondered if Vampires knew how easy it would be to take them out, just lay out a buffet, wait a couple of minutes and viola. I found myself amused by the idea that it would take Kryptonite to bring Superman down but all the wolves needed was a three course meal. I didn't realize I had actually been giggling at my own inane internal mumblings until I caught a few eyebrows being raised in my direction. Taking their cue I lowered my head and tucked in to my food with a new fervor.

When not a speck of food remained and the dishes had been cleared, everyone began to settle down around the living room in various states of satiated pleasure.

Having placed myself on the floor at Embry's feet I watched on in amusement as Seth and Leah squabbled over what movie we would be watching in a way that only siblings can. I felt the air change around me as warmth suddenly flooded my right hand side. My head inclined slightly to see Jared sitting next to me seemingly focused on also enjoying the antics of Leah and Seth. When Leah finally emerged victorious Seth threw himself down on the floor as only a petulant teenager can where he grumbled incoherently for a few seconds. I had been so focused on those around me that I hadn't noticed Jared's attention was now solely trained on me.

"I'm sorry I had to leave this morning"

His voice was low enough to offer the illusion of a private conversation but I could tell from the sudden silence in the room that ever single ear was listening intently. Feeling very self conscious of the situation I offered him what I hoped was a reassuring smile and returned my gaze to the TV to see Leah's movie had begun.

It was quite possibly the longest ninety minutes of my life. My entire right side continually tingled with tiny bursts of electricity from Jared's close proximity. I found myself shuffling around constantly in hopes of finding a position that would alleviate some of my tension. I didn't notice it at first but every time I moved Jared's body would reflect my subtle movements, so much so that I began to move intentionally just to see what his body would do. I couldn't tell if it was conscious though as his attention seemed entirely focused on the exploding cars and trains that lit the darkened room.

When the movie ended and the lights were turned back on the entire atmosphere of the room changed and I breathed a sigh of relief. I listened as those who had obviously been paying attention weighed in with their thoughts on the movie. Fearing I would be asked my opinion and knowing I wouldn't be able to recall a single character I retreated to the kitchen.

"Hey"

I turned around to see Jared barely a foot from me and I felt my whole body begin to hum with anticipation

"Sam told me what happened yesterday, after I left I mean. I know this is all pretty weird but I was hoping you would come over one day this week so we could talk"

Jared's hypnotizing light eyes were filled with uncertainty

"So Sam was telling the truth then?"

A quick flash of something passed over his face but was gone so quickly that I couldn't interpret it

"You didn't believe him?"

I hesitated for a moment trying to think of what exactly I wanted to say, I couldn't bring myself to say the word out loud though

"I…uh…well it's just that it doesn't exactly make sense. I met you months ago and I haven't heard anything from you since. It just doesn't really add up from what I know"

As Jared took a step towards me my body unconsciously moved back also, with nowhere left to go my body was now pressed against the kitchen counter. Seeing my predicament Jared moved closer again a wicked smile on his face, his lips brushed my ear as his head lowered to mine. I shivered slightly when I felt his warm breath on my skin

"Believe me, it's true and let's just say that I haven't necessarily been as distant as you seem to think"

"Oh"

Once again my brain seemed to have shut down and while Jared had moved a step back to see my reaction my body was still too busy reacting to his to do anything else

"I uh, I have to go"

"So about this week?"

I nodded my head and then watched in fascination as he lithely stepped away from me and left the kitchen leaving me breathless in his wake.

After a moment of collecting myself I heard the group throwing around their goodbyes and decided to sneak into their fold. Not even Emily seemed to notice me as she was too busy gazing longingly at Sam. I walked outside with a hint of relief but it wasn't until I was practically on top of her that I noticed Leah lazily draped against the side of my truck.

"Don't think I didn't see you squirming around in there. What's up, you got ants in your pants or something?"

I was going for a glare but I couldn't help but join in when Leah hit me with her infectious laughter. Apparently she thought she was funny.

"Seriously B, what's going on in that pretty little head of yours? Can't take forever figuring this all out you know, time has consequences"

And with that cryptic little farewell she was gone. I could spend forever trying to figure out Leah Clearwater, but unfortunately I didn't have the time, I was too busy trying to figure out myself.


	8. War of Nerves

**A/N: I own nothing**

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**Three days later found me curled up on Charlie's favorite lounger. I was trying to make a dent in the pile of books waiting to be reviewed, _trying_ being the operative word. I had a deadline coming up but I'd been stuck re-reading the same page for what felt like the better part of forever. Try as I might, my thoughts kept venturing off in frustrating directions. Any progress I thought I was making would be lost when my mind released me back to the same jumble of words, useless in my oblivion.

I threw my book down in defeat after it finally hit home that I didn't have the focus for this today. My feet began to tap an anxious beat on the floor, I couldn't sit around the house any longer. I took a quick look down at what I had thrown on that morning and decided that my jeans and vintage tee would do. Grabbing my keys and cell I headed out to my truck, no longer feeling my earlier discontent when the light Washington air hit my lungs. My intention had been to drive around aimlessly, but as I passed the 'Welcome to La Push' sign I couldn't fool myself any longer.

I parked the truck and hopped out, my gaze lingering on Jared's home as I knocked on the door. It didn't take long for Emily to answer and lead me gracefully into her home.

"Bella, I thought you would have known by now to just come on in"

"Thanks Em, but I think I'm just going to stick with the knocking if that's okay with you. You don't mind me stopping by do you?"

I threw myself down on the couch and chuckled to see Emily had been watching some terrible daytime soap full of beautiful people.

"Of course not Bella, you know you're welcome anytime. It's always nice to have female company with the amount of testosterone I have to put up with on a daily basis. Do you mind watching this? It drives Sam crazy but I'm completely addicted"

So that's what we did. We watched, Emily provided a running commentary on the characters and the impossibly fantastical lives they led. I found myself being easily sucked in by the poorly acted over dramatics. It was just so terribly bad that it somehow made it good. Only when the credits rolled did Emily finally let her curiosity loose.

"So Bella, what brings you on down to our little neck of the woods anyway?"

I raised an eyebrow and a devilish grin told me that Emily already had a couple of ideas running through that pretty little head of hers. I couldn't help but find her obvious enthusiasm to be endearing.

"I needed to get out for a little while and my aimless driving somehow found me at your door Em"

"Hmm"

Emily's eyes narrowed a little as she spoke.

"So you _didn't_ have plans today with a certain somebody, who just happens to live nearby?"

I could feel my cheeks warm with a faint blush and even though I wasn't lying I didn't feel like I was necessarily telling the entire truth either.

"Nope, just came to see you Em!"

"So then Bella, now that I officially have you all to myself, what do you want to do today?"

I thought about it for a minute, I did have some questions for Emily, but now that I had plans to speak with Jared sometime this week I decided to hold off for now.

"Not sure Em, you sure you don't have any cooking to do?"

I had said it as a joke but she obviously didn't take it that way. Emily had already sprung to her feet and was now blabbering away, I caught something to do with freezers. I didn't really feel like spending the day in the kitchen. However, it did beat repeatedly reading the same annoying three hundred words as I had been doing that morning, so I put my grimace in check.

Cooking ended up being far more fun that I had anticipated. We spent the entire time laughing, singing and dancing around each other to the random selection of songs Emily had on her ipod. I'm sure we looked like idiots but I just couldn't find it in myself to care when we having such a good time playing around. The fun came crashing down when over the beats of the music we heard loud shouts coming from outside.

Emily and I immediately stilled like statues looking at each other our brows furrowed in consternation. We moved as one to the ipod but it was Emily who reached out to alter the volume. With the music down low we stood braced, our ears pricked for the source of the interruption. When the shouts began again we both moved hastily in their direction. I pulled the front door open cautiously to see a Jared and Paul standing chest to chest in confrontation. Both were clearly too involved in their spat to notice their audience had just increased in numbers.

"She's a Leech fucker dude"

Paul's shout rang out and I felt Emily's petite arm wrap around my shoulder in a gesture of comfort. It didn't take a genius to figure out I was pretty much the only candidate in town with a heartbeat fitting that description, even if it was flawed. Jared was now pacing back in forth like a caged animal in front of an amused Leah, as Paul smirked victoriously at her.

"She's probably over there right now giving it to him"

They moved too fast for my eyes to keep pace, but even I couldn't miss Jared slamming Paul up against a big black truck. Each word out of Jared's mouth sounded pained while even from this distance I could see the tremors of anger ripple through his body.

"You think if I had a choice it would be this"

A sharp intake of breath sounded from my right and three pairs of eyes turned to see Emily and I standing in the doorway. Everything stopped, no breaths were taken, all movement ceased, I couldn't even be sure that hearts were still beating. For a long moment we all just stood there looking at one another. Suddenly the world began to rotate again and Paul was released, dropping to the floor on unsteady feet. I could feel the soles of my feet tingling in anticipation of our escape. I wanted to run away, to liberate myself from the intense stares, but I couldn't move. My eyes were now locked on Leah who was staring back at me with an expression I couldn't fathom.

"Come on Bella"

I felt myself being tugged back inside the house, the others only following us with their eyes. I moved on autopilot as Emily maneuvered me into the kitchen and sat me down gracelessly on a stool.

"Are you ok?"

Emily was looking over me in concern as if I might have some physical manifestations of pain for her to cure.

"I'm fine Em, really"

I gave Emily my most reassuring smile which didn't even dent her armor of concern. While my world wasn't falling apart I was willing to admit that I felt a little unsettled. The silence and Emily's concern was making the air around me feel oppressive so I moved away from both to the couch. I played around with the remote until I found the same wicked yet terribly addictive show we had watched earlier. I switched off my brain and allowed the characters melodramatics to take over.

I was thoroughly entranced by a love pentagon dilemma when something big and intrusive moved in front of the screen. I tried to angle my head around the obstruction but the object moved with me. Angered I looked up ready to give the object a piece of my mind. My words got caught in my throat when my eyes found an amused Jared looking down at me. I raised an eyebrow when he reached a hand out to me in expectation.

"Walk with me"

I chewed on my bottom lip while considering my options. It didn't take me long though, all conclusions led me to the truth. I wanted to put my hand in his, I wanted to walk with him and most of all I wanted some answers.

Jared led me out of the house and we walked down the beach in silence. When we reached the edge of the lapping waves our movements ceased and I felt the warmth dissipate as my hand became my own again. I kept my eyes trained on the horizon as Jared's voice sounded from behind me.

"It's dangerous to listen in on private conversations you know"

My head whipped around to see if his expression would match the hard tone of his voice. Jared was looking off into the distance but I didn't know him well enough to read what his eyes were hiding.

"I don't think I would consider what I heard earlier a _private_ conversation would you?"

I turned back around, to look once again on the horizon. I wasn't sure why but I knew I didn't want to see Jared's face when he answered me in the affirmative.

"Did you mean it?"

I heard him sigh behind me.

"I meant what I said, but what you heard and what I meant are probably not the same thing"

I could feel the vexation bubbling angrily within me. Needing to find some release I walked away down the beach. I had expected to feel like I was getting answers when I spoke with Jared, not more layers of cryptic nonsense designed to keep me awake at night.

I had made it about half way down the beach before I felt the tension ebb from my body, done with walking away I moved a little further inland and sat down. I pulled my knees to my chest as I sifted the minute grains of sand through my fingers. It didn't take long for Jared to move into my visual path. He didn't sit next to me as I would have anticipated. Instead he placed himself directly in front of me, his legs surrounding mine forcing an intimacy between us. I felt both protected and slightly daunted by his large presence surrounding me.

My hands continued their methodical ministrations in the sand and while I watched Jared, he was busy watching me right back.

"When I said it was dangerous to listen in on private conversations I meant it. Sometimes you hear things you shouldn't, other times you hear things but they aren't what you think"

"What like that I'm a leech fucker?"

I tried to keep the teasing tone from my voice or my eyes.

"Paul didn't mean that"

I let out a huff of laughter at his attempt to appease me with a lie.

"Yeah he did"

Jared's cool eyes bore into mine with intensity, searching for something unknown. Finding whatever it was he was looking for his eyes lit up, his smile now matching my own.

"Ok, yeah he did"

As the smiles faded from both our lips Jared cocked his head to one side. After a few minutes of appraising the situation it seemed he was now ready to speak.

"Have you ever spoken a word over and over, so many times that it comes to a point where the word no longer sounds like itself anymore. Something about it just feels strange, wrong somehow"

I inclined my head slightly and considered what he was trying to tell me.

"Am I that word?"

His eyes narrowed slightly in response to my interpretation of his words. Had I of not been watching him so intently I was sure I would have missed it.

"No Bella, this moment, this situation is that word"

I rolled the thought around in my head, feeling it form and take shape until finally it made sense. Sometimes over thinking a situation beforehand can be a bad thing. Suspecting I had caught up with him Jared continued.

"Tell me again why you didn't believe Sam?"

I felt the air escape from my chest. My fingers began to nervously tug on the frayed edges of the rips in my jeans. I tried to work through the pattern of words assembling themselves in my head.

"It's not that I didn't believe him exactly, it just didn't all add up from everything I had been told"

The silence between us was palpable, only being broken once Jared had considered my words for a long minute.

"Do you think that the way you feel happiness is the same way I do?"

I looked up to meet his eyes knowing that mine would be full of intrigue. Who was this man in front of me? I wasn't sure what I had expected from Jared, but I was embarrassed to admit that his depth of thought was taking me thoroughly by surprise. I wasn't even sure if his question had been rhetorical or not, but I decided to take it as such and think on his words later. I was feeling out of my depth and I needed to take back some control of the conversation.

"You said that you hadn't been as distant as I thought, what did you mean by that?"

I caught a flash of guilt in his eyes before Jared angled his head away from me, turning to look in the direction of Emily and Sam's home. He was still facing away from me when one word slipped from his lips.

"Leah"

It took me a little while to discern just why he had spoken her name. Memories of the times we had spent together cascaded through my mind, from the supermarket all the way through to the previous Sunday's dinner. Each moment was now stained with the blush of something other than the innocence of friendship. For the second time in fewer weeks I felt like I was getting the punch line but didn't understand the joke. Of course our friendship didn't make any sense, Leah had always been one of the Wolves who possessed the most vehement hatred of the Cullens. How pitiful I must have seemed to her, believing she gave a damn while all the while she was busy enduring my presence through gritted teeth. I had been so naïve that I hadn't even thought to question her motives.

"How?"

I wasn't sure what emotions I had been emitting as Jared brushed my hand aside with his own. He took over playing with the frayed edges of my jeans, worn at my knees through time. Tingles of contentment shot through my body as his fingertips brushed hints of my exposed flesh. I watched enraptured as his fingers continued their ministrations while his husky voice filled my ears.

"Leah called from the supermarket telling me that she had found you staring at fruit or something, she tried to ignore you of course but she said something didn't feel right. She knew by then, everyone did and we have an obligation to one another in these circumstances, so she called me. I asked her to take you home, nothing more. After that she came to me with a proposal, something that we would both benefit from; so I ran her patrols and she kept in contact with you"

There was a sadness apparent in the tone of his voice. The words flashed in my mind and somehow I just knew them to be true. If Jared had been running her patrols, then Leah had not phased around the others since that first night in the Supermarket.

"But she didn't tell you I left Edward did she"

I looked beyond Jared to the ocean behind him trying to gather my thoughts while he shook his head in my periphery confirming what I already knew.

"I feel like we're all playing out our parts in some intricately choreographed dance routine and I've been too busy singing the song to learn the steps"

I let my eyes wander back across to Jared's face to see him intently studying his fingers still dancing across the rips in the fabric my jeans, leaving me with no indication that he had heard my words.

"How do you feel about…this?"

His eyes looked up at me through his dark lashes, the angle and a mischievous smile only enhancing his rugged beauty.

"You can say the word Bella"

Something about saying the word aloud made me nervous. Apparently my avoidance hadn't gone unnoticed but it didn't mean I wasn't going to try playing dumb.

"What word?"

All I got was a raised eyebrow and a chuckle in response. I let out a huff of air knowing I was up against a wall.

"Fine, how do you feel about this whole _imprinting_ thing?"

I knew I was blushing but I tried to push that thought to the back of my mind when I noticed that Jared's eyes had lowered and his smile had swiftly faded. He took a deep breath before answering.

"I don't know if I should be honest with you Bella, my answer will probably hurt you and in turn me, but I just don't like having my choices taken from me"

I felt like he had just punched me in the gut. It was all I could do to turn my eyes to the ocean, hoping to hide from Jared the intensity what I was feeling. I hadn't realized just what a hold he had over me or my emotions until my body had reacted so violently to his words.

"Me"

I hadn't even realized I was going to speak until the word escaped my mouth in a desolate whisper

"That's the point Bella, I don't know you to say whether I would chose you or otherwise. My feelings on imprinting have nothing to do with you though, and I need you to see that. Hell if Sam hadn't told you then we wouldn't even be here having this conversation"

"Why did he tell me?"

"I wasn't the only one being affected anymore"

I ran my hands through my hair feeling a little too claustrophobic in the conversation. I just needed one question to be answered that would not lead to a million other others. Fragmented thoughts were laying malignant roots in the recesses of my mind. I knew it wasn't going to happen anytime soon though and this conversation had been a long time coming. I was cycling through everything that I wanted answers for when something latched onto my mind. I had doubted the imprint due to his distance, but now that I knew he hadn't known of my split from Edward there was a possibility it wasn't so questionable.

"So did you stay away because you thought I was with Edward, or because you chose to?"

I had been looking out the ocean but I drew my focus in to see a wry smile on Jared's face, his eyes still not on mine though.

"I don't think it's a coincidence that we're here having this conversation less than a week after I find out you're no longer together do you?"

"What happened to choice?"

Jared's eyes flashed to mine and I was surprised to see them full of amusement.

"It comes at a cost"

"How much?"

The amusement was gone and a sadness was left in its wake.

"You don't want to know"

I left his response to linger in the salty air. I had other questions poised on the tip on my tongue when we were interrupted by a shrill ringing. Jared raised his finger to me in a gesture for me to remain silent as he drew his cell phone to his ear

"Yep"

I couldn't hear the voice on the other end of the line but I did note Jared pulling the phone from his ear, something he saw on the display caused a shift in his mood.

"Shit, sorry, I lost track of time, I'll be there in five"

The call ended and he was on his feet holding his hand out to me

"Sorry Bella, I need to get going, let me walk you back to Sam's"

I nodded and allowed him to help me to my feet, enjoying the warmth that his hand provided for the too few moments we were entwined. We spent the few minutes it took to arrive back at the house engrossed in our own thoughts. I led Jared around to the front of the house to my truck. I nodded in it's direction and broke our silence.

"Next time you want to have one of those not so private conversations of yours, you might want to take a look around to see who's home first"

I caught his eyes running across my truck in appreciation.

"Yours? Did Jake do this?"

"Yes it's mine and no he didn't, well, initially he did, but pretty much everything you see here is Rosalie"

"Rosalie?"

"I think we should probably save that for another day"

His eyes flashed with curiosity but he nodded and opened the door for me. I got in and rolled down the window.

"We're having a bonfire this weekend"

I nodded but my eyes were locked on his fingers as they ran nervously back and forth across the lip of the window.

"Will you come?"

I nodded again but this time my eyes wandered up to see the beginnings of a smile on Jared's lips. The smile broadened as our eyes met but then he was gone, giving my truck a quick pat on the bonnet as he jogged towards the black truck Paul had been thrown against earlier.

I watched in awe as Jared climbed into his truck. He sent a heart stopping smile my way before throwing on a pair of aviators and hauling ass past me. It took a few minutes for my head to stop spinning and a couple more after that to admit to myself that Jared had taken my breath away. I had known the moment I laid my eyes on him that Jared was handsome but seeing him there in his truck had been something else. He was everything that a man should be, raw, sexy and exuding masculinity. Remembering that I was parked out front of Emily's and knowing that I wasn't ready for a cross examination was all the incentive I needed to finally start the engine and leave.

All the way home I forced my mind out of Jared's truck and back to our conversation, berating myself for the things I should have said but didn't. Nothing had gone as expected. I couldn't refute that Jared had a strong influence on me, I was far more enamored with him than I could even begin to comprehend. However, I now had to contend with the thought that even though I was his imprint, I wasn't sure what effect I had, or he would allow me to have, on him. There were some questions bouncing around in my head that I knew wouldn't be waiting until the bonfire to be answered.

I arrived home to find myself both hungry and exhausted. I looked at the clock to see that it was barely 6:00pm but I couldn't figure out what hours of the day I had spent where. I didn't even bother to cook, instead I dragged my feet upstairs to my room. I threw off my shoes but didn't have the energy to change, so I just climbed into bed dressed from the day. I welcomed the exhaustion as it crawled through me, leaving me to dreams of wolves, vampires and moons of blood.

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**A/N: I had hoped this chapter would have been with you sooner but I've been addicted to editing it. I'll get the next chapter out to you on either Saturday or Sunday, I'm not sure which yet. The next couple of chapters are going to give you a lot more insight into Jared but it's not going to be a JPOV, this was just a Jared amuse bouche for you! Also I am seriously thinking of changing the rating from T to M, I'm not sure just how M rated things will get but I don't want to feel restricted in how I write. However, if this is something people are against I will keep things as they are. So please let me know.  
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_**LVN**_


	9. Muddy Waters

**a/n: AHHH...so happy to get this out. I tried to post this yesterday but ff and I were having issues!**

**P.S. Twilight is not mine to own**

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I woke early the next day feeling refreshed but hungry. I made quick work of my clothes from the day before and jumped into a much needed shower. Something about sleeping in day clothes always left me feeling extra dirty. I usually found showers soothing but I was too busy being led by my stomach to think about anything else. Distractedly I thought about the ingredients in the kitchen cupboards, breakfast already taking form in my mind.

When it was ready I practically inhaled my loaded plate of food and I was overcome with a sense of satisfaction once my primal cravings had been satiated. I moved through to the living room, sitting down in Charlie's lounger I threw my head back and closed my eyes. Now that my body was feeling completely at ease I could now truly think.

Leah's face and memories of our time spent together kept popping in my head. I felt stupid for being so caught up in Bella-land that I hadn't even thought to question Leah's complete personality transplant. Worse than the stupidity, I felt a deep sense of betrayal. Even though we had never braced the topic one on one, I was well aware of the hurt that Leah had endured from the whole imprint process. She was the last person I expected to involve herself in something of this nature. The thought led me to question whether I knew her as well as I thought.

I wondered who else was involved in their little scheme. Leah hadn't been phasing the entire time she had been working whatever her angle was on me. But that didn't mean the entire pack didn't know. Jared was still phasing and it was inevitable they would have heard about their little deal in his mind. It hit me then that if the entire pack knew then Emily would also. I was ninety nine percent certain that Sam and Emily didn't have any secrets and that meant that I not only needed to question the validity of my friendship with Leah, but with Emily also. The level of betrayal hit me hard and I could feel the beginnings of tears form in my eyes. I wiped away the traitorous liquid and made a vow that I wouldn't let myself cry anymore. I wanted more than anything to call Alice, but I wouldn't allow my selfish stupidity to hurt Edward too.

I opened my eyes and they immediately fell on my stack of books waiting patiently for my attention. I knew that I couldn't spend another day with everyone else controlling my life. I needed to read and have a clear head doing it, another day of self deprecation and doubt was going to screw that all up. I found my cell phone in my pocket and dialed Leah's cell.

"Hey B, what's up?"

The cheeriness in her voice grated it's way down my spine.

"We need to talk"

If the hard tone in my voice had affected her, Leah didn't let on in the slightest.

"Well I have to patrol in an hour so you wanna catch up this evening?"

"Patrol? Really? What, Jared not doing that for you anymore?"

I heard the intake of breath on the other end of the line and Leah's voice came back to me as a meek imitation of the feisty girl I knew.

"He told you"

The silence between us was deafening and I refused to be the first to speak.

"I'll be right over"

I didn't wait to hear anymore, I just ended the call and let out a sigh.

It only took fifteen minutes before I heard a faint knock at the door. I expected Leah to just waltz in, acting for all the world as if nothing were amiss. Hearing her knock on the door took a little of the wind out of my sails. I knew I was officially sailing blind when I opened the door, Leah was standing their on Charlie's doorstep looking absolutely forlorn. I reminded myself that this was Leah Clearwater I was dealing with and curtly stepped aside for her to enter.

The air in the living room was tense as Leah and I sat facing each other. I desperately wanted to remain in control of the situation. Confrontation was not something that fell naturally into my repertoire, but she had hurt me and I wasn't going to take that lying down.

"I want to hear it Leah, no bullshit this time, no more pretending"

I sat back and watched as Leah pulled her knees underneath her. I couldn't tell if it was because she was just so damn at ease, or if it provided her some level of comfort.

"You know I didn't like you Bella, I never hid that from you, from anyone. But it was never _you_ I didn't like, it was your choices. I didn't understand why anyone would be willing to give up their humanity for a leech"

I went to interrupt but Leah held up her hand. I decided that no matter how offensive I found her words I would listen. I was tired of knowing half truths and Leah wasn't exactly known for holding back. Our conversation had the potential to be a blessing in a particularly egregious disguise. I nodded, letting her know to continue.

"B, whether you agree with my choice of words or not is irrelevant. What I am, what we all are, it's ingrained in us to hate the Cullens. It's what we were created for. Whether they drink bambi juice or milk, it doesn't change the instinct. You wanted to become one of them, willingly. Can you see that you were asking to become my mortal enemy? Can you understand the severity of that Bella? Every instinct in me would tell me to kill you"

I think Leah was looking for some affirmation from me at this point, I didn't offer her any as I carried right along with my blank stare. While I could appreciate her instinctual nature, it didn't have anything to do with what she had done _since_ I left Edward.

"When I saw you that night in the supermarket, I actually walked past you a couple of times. I even tried to talk to you, but you were completely out of it. You were mumbling at that apple like a freaking loon B. I was actually planned on leaving you there, but I just couldn't. When you looked at me you weren't the Bella that I hated, you were just some girl who looked really, really sad. I already knew about the imprint so I called Jared. I thought maybe he could come and rescue you, but he was still all about being too noble to ruin your life or some shit. I promised I would get you home safe"

Leah's eyes were on mine now and I felt my hard edge softening.

"I was just gonna drive you home and be done with you, but then you dropped that bomb on me. I wasn't sure if you were just staying at Charlie's, or if you and Cullen were done, but I was pretty sure I knew the answer. Anyway, I'm sure Jared told you I was a little light on details. I just told him that you weren't feeling well and I got you home safe. A couple of days later I still couldn't get your eyes out of my head, it's like you were haunting me or some shit. You reminded me of how I had felt when…"

I watched as Leah's head dropped low, staring down at the floor as if Charlie's muted carpet was the most interesting thing she'd ever seen.

"Anyway, I didn't want anyone to find out about you and Cullen. I knew that the first time I phased they would all see it, so I made Jared a deal. If he ran my patrols I would come and see you on a regular basis. I played it off like I was doing him a favor, but if he really knew, well…"

"Why?"

Leah took a deep breath and her eyes met mine again.

"I don't know everything B, but I know that Jared didn't want to hurt you. He asked and Sam gave the command that no one could tell you about the imprint. I knew it wasn't easy for him but it was his choice to make. You were just all torn up about Cullen and as far as I could tell you had no idea about the imprint. We'd been told that it couldn't be done but Jared was managing to stay away from you. I'm sure you've heard my story B, everyone has. We were engaged, planning our future together, things weren't perfect but still... I introduced them and before the week was even out Sam was the missing half of my cousins soul. I promise B, I never meant to hurt you. I just needed to know the truth, I needed to know if Sam _could_ have resisted. "

I took a deep breath. My thoughts were all tangled up in Leah's deceit.

"So let me get this straight. You pretended to be my friend and you lied to Jared. All to see if Sam could have resisted Emily, if he had just wanted you enough?"

I saw Leah wince. To go through with this she must have endured a lot of self justification, either that or she was just a heartless bitch. Right now I was leaning towards heartless bitch.

"But it's not like I held your hair while you threw up or asked you to be my maid of honor B. I just spent time with you. At first yeah I bit my tongue a lot, but after a while it wasn't like that anymore"

I shook my head. I had to at least give her that, the friendship she had offered me had been meager. It didn't mean that it hurt any less though.

"And now?"

"And now I feel like shit because I think I fucked up the only real friend I've had since I don't know when"

My instinct was to forgive her. It was my Achilles heel and I knew it. You could cut out my heart and feed it to your Chihuahua, but offer me a heart felt apology and I was all about forgiving you. I point blank refused to be that girl today.

"Who else knows about this little deal you and Jared had going?"

I was glad that Leah was feeling guilty enough to not hold anything back. She had already told me a few things which had opened windows on the mystery that was Jared, probably without even realizing what she was saying.

"As of last Friday, everyone. Before that I'm fairly sure it was just Paul, Jared and I"

"Why last Friday? Why Paul?"

"Last Friday you announced to everyone that I knew about you and Cullen. When you disappeared Sam forced us all to phase and voila, group mind-fuck. Before that Paul and Jared were the only ones running patrols together"

I nodded.

"So Jared stayed away because of Edward? He told me it had to do with making choices"

"That's something you'd need to ask him yourself, but I know that you don't put yourself through what he did without a reason"

I gestured for Leah to continue, she sighed loudly in response.

"Have you looked at him recently B, I mean really looked at him. Staying away from you has had some pretty serious consequences. He barely eats, he can't sleep, he's in constant physical pain and that's only the stuff I know about. Why do you think Paul was the only one patrolling with him, it wasn't because they like each others company, trust me. Paul fucked up on patrol one day and that was his punishment. No-one's tried to stay away from their imprint before B and trust me, after this no one will again"

My eyes narrowed. I wasn't sure if Leah had realized it but everything that she had just told me was a consequence of her actions. Ok, so her and Jared seemed as obstinate as each other, but her actions seemed to come from a much darker place. Any thoughts of forgiveness had been washed away in a flood of anger. I didn't hide the heavy sarcasm from my tone.

"Well Leah, this has been fun"

I walked to the door and opened it, not leaving any question in her mind that she was being asked to leave. Leah complied silently, only stopping to turn when she was a foot from the door.

"For what it's worth, I really am sorry B"

I nodded but I couldn't meet her eyes. I knew if I did there was a chance my mouth might betray me and tell her it was ok. It wasn't, it was about as far from ok as it could be. So much for getting some work done today.

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Surprisingly I managed to get the reviews done on time. A weight was casually lifted from my mind and now I had the entire weekend to do as I pleased. The only problem was that now I had the time, I didn't know what to do with it. My initial reaction had to be squashed, my best friend and family had been sacrificed to the Wolves; literally. I couldn't figure out who to trust anymore and it was making me physically sick. I wanted to trust Jared but he seemed intent on running me in maddening circles. Leah clearly was far too focused on manipulating my life to serve her own purpose and I couldn't quite figure out where Emily stood to know what category to put her in. Needless to say I was stuck on paranoid.

I decided I would take the rarely sunny day that Forks was offering and lay out in the August sun, even if I had have to wrap up in layers to do it. I gathered a rug out on the back lawn and lay down with my face to the sun. Listening to a shuffled mix on my ipod, I spent the afternoon drifting in and out of a light, sun induced siesta. I was brought back to a conscious reality by a buzzing sensation against my right thigh.

_Bella, _

_R u still coming tonight? Say yes, please!_

_Em._

I just lay there looking at the message over and over. I hadn't quite decided what I was going to do yet. I just couldn't figure out what my presence would accomplish. Every time I considered myself down at the bonfires of La Push I saw myself reaching for the safety of Jacob's embrace. I didn't even know how I would feel about that now, but I doubted that the night would offer me any comfort without him.

_Em,_

_Sorry but I'm gonna give it a pass. _

_B_

I didn't want to get into it with Emily over a text message, so I went the whole Ostrich route and turned off my phone. I fell back out of consciousness easily and only woke when a light haze of moisture fell from the sky. A light sheen lay itself on my skin like morning dew. With the sky already darkening I gathered my things and I walked inside, noting on the way that it was nearing 8:00pm. I was pleased with myself for managing to while away a whole day, with little to no effort. Deciding on a night of bad movies and junk food I ran upstairs to change, hastily I threw on my yoga pants and a fresh tank. It took a while of channel hopping but eventually I found something that I knew I could endure to watch.

I felt like I had just sat down when my attention was pulled from the screen by a heavy knock at the front door. I cursed myself for turning off my phone, it was possible I could have saved whoever this was the hassle of being turned away. I looked at the clock to see that it was nearly nine and furrowed my brows, trying to imagine who would be coming to see me this late.

I opened the door to a soaking wet Jared standing in the doorway, water cascading down his face. I looked past him to see that unbeknown to me the light shower from earlier had evolved into a full blown torrential downpour. I pulled my focus back to Jared, his black tee and jeans molding to his body with the heavy rain. While I had seen all of the La Push guys in various states of undress, it didn't mean I was any less in admiration of the glorious view in front of me. I heard a throat being cleared and I instinctively closed my eyes knowing I had been caught staring. My cheeks blazed with fire.

"Can I come in?"

I opened my eyes and muttered out an apology before standing aside, motioning for him to enter the house. While he dripped all over the carpet I went in search of a towel. Tossing it to him I tried my best not to stare. Feeling myself linger I walked away, taking up my previous position on the couch. I knew I was being a bad host but my embarrassment had coupled with my uncertainty and I ouldn't figure out how I felt about him being here. I knew however that it didn't lend itself to an air of hospitality.

I chanced a brief look over my shoulder to see Jared rubbing the towel through his dark hair. It looked even more disheveled than usual and I had a sudden annoying desire to touch him. I whipped my head back around at the thought, silently chastising myself for being so weak. I heard some more shuffles and then Jared was sitting on the floor opposite me. I wanted to ask him what he was doing here, but I couldn't bring it in me to be quite that rude, instead a silence settled and grew between us.

I pretended to watch TV, my eyes occasionally playing Judas by flashing in his direction. Jared didn't bother with the pretense, his eyes were firmly fixed on me. Normally I would have felt nervous under such scrutiny, but I couldn't find it in myself to mind. I could wait for whatever it was he had come here to say, or so I thought. Fifteen minutes of being silently appraised later and my patience had thinned considerably. I looked back over at him to see him smirking at me.

"I knew you'd give in first"

"Get out"

The words even surprised me, but the moment they flew from my lips I felt the conviction behind them and I knew I meant it. Jared's face seemed to mirror my own shock. I repeated my actions from my encounter a few days prior with Leah and moved to open the front door. I stood there waiting for him to leave, all the while being abused by the gusts of wind and rain that had stealthily descended on the town. My eyes were busy focusing on the darkness outside when I felt a barrier of warmth strike me. Jared was still a foot from me, but I could feel the subtle advance my body made as it subconsciously sought out his warmth. When I heard his voice it was filled with soft tones and husky inflections.

"I'm sorry Bella. When Emily told me you weren't coming I tried to stay away. but I knew I had to see you. I know I didn't make the best impression the other day, but whenever I'm around you nothing I say seems comes out right. Just give me one more chance. Please?"

On his final word I felt the warmth of his large hand wrap around my shoulder. I looked down and was amazed to see how tiny I looked in his grasp. My eyes wandered back up to his to see him looking at his own hand in wonder. I felt his thumb reach out to taste more of my flesh, one side of his mouth turning up into a smile as he watched himself touch me. I took the opportunity of our proximity to really look at him, Leah's words coming back from the depths of my mind where they had left deep indents. I noticed for the first time the deep dark circles underneath his eyes, the eyes themselves were marred with thin lines of red. His complexion while still a beautiful deep tan looked sickly and pallid somehow. I wasn't sure how I could have missed these clear physical representations. Something wasn't right. We probably would have stood there all night. Him with his star-struck expression on his face, me drinking in his subtle changes; but my body had other ideas. While my shoulder was wrapped in delicious warmth, the rest of my body was battling against an onset of icy wind and rain. I couldn't hold back the shivers as they trickled through my body.

I didn't speak a word as I was pulled back into the living room, Jared closed the front door behind him with a swift kick. I hated myself for being so weak, for not standing up against whatever power he held over me. Even if I was a traitor to myself.

We didn't resume our previous positions. Instead Jared pulled me down to sit with him on the floor, I should have argued and moved away but his warmth was a sweet remedy to my frozen body. Our positions mimicked each other; our knees pulled up with backs resting against the couch. I watched in fascination as Jared took my hand and placed it face up in his own, his fingers began to trace invisible patterns over each millimeter of my palm.

"You don't even know how many times I've thought about talking to you Bella. But then finally I had you in front of me and everything I wanted to say just got all fucked up."

"I thought you hated this whole thing"

"That's what I mean. You asked how I felt and I told you I didn't like having my choices taken away. It might be true, but I also told you it had nothing to do with how I felt about you, I doubt that was the part you paid attention to though."

"Oh"

He was right, I had listened to his words but like always, my brain had immediately latched on to the bad and discarded the good in its favor.

"Bella, I need to know you. Do you think you could do that, let me know you I mean?"

I watched, captivated still, as Jared continually traced patterns on my palm. I could see from the peripheries of my vision he was doing the same thing. I wasn't even sure what I wanted. I didn't like the spirals he had sent me spinning on the other day, but there was a connection between us that I wasn't even sure I wanted to ignore. Damn imprint.

"I need you to answer something for me"

"Ok"

"The thing you said about me not feeling happiness in the same way you did, what did you mean by that?"

I heard a chuckle as his finger stumbled on my tingling palm.

"You were comparing the way I reacted to the others. But I'm assuming what you were really referring to was Sam's reaction to Emily. I know we don't really know each other Bella, but I need you to know, I'm not Sam. I'm nothing like him. I don't think you really know how I reacted, all you can see is that I stayed away from you. When I asked you that day if you were in love, all I really wanted to know was that you were happy. I stayed away because I thought you were. Maybe I was wrong. But it wasn't easy Bella. Can imagine how strange this is for me? I barely even know two things about you, but your happiness is worth everything to me. The consequences are irrelevant"

"What are the consequences?"

I sat in silence as I waited for Jared to answer.

"Bad, Bella, the consequences are bad. But if staying away made you happy then it's a price I was willing to pay, I still am. But it doesn't seem like it turned out so well though, does it?. I just don't know what the right thing to do is anymore. Sam is an order away from forcing me to spend time with you"

"Would he really do that?"

"He's thought about it, yes"

I tried to understand what he was telling me. I wasn't sure if I should be angry or hurt, there was a possibility Jared was only here under pressure from Sam. But then again the whole situation was fucked up. Jared was hurting because he was keeping himself from me and like he said, he barely knew me. Who was I to have that level of control over his life. I wanted to take all of his pain away and there was only one way I knew how to do that. I knew I hadn't been happy in the fours months he had kept himself from me, but I didn't know what role, if any, he had played in my misery. Before I made any decisions I needed to know what his motives were.

"Is that why you're here, because of Sam?"

"No"

"Why then?"

"I don't think I can stay away from you anymore; even if it's just as friends, I need to be near you Bella… But I promise, if you ask me to, I'll stay away"

I couldn't say how long we sat under a veil of silence, both of us lost to own thoughts. I wasn't conscious of anything beyond our bubble. Out of nowhere I yawned and the bubble burst, a deep exhaustion began creeping through my body. I couldn't believe I was so tired knowing how I had spent the day, but I could feel that I was fading fast. I wanted to push myself, to stay awake and find out everything that my mind craved. But I yawned again and I knew today just wasn't that day.

"Come on, walk me out, it's looks like it's someones bedtime"

I smiled with his words and Jared led me back to the front door. He turned to look at me one last time, his eyes full of unspoken questions. Looking up at him through sleepy eyes I slowly shook my head. I wasn't sure of much in that moment but I was certain of one thing. I wanted my voice to be strong, to reassure him, but it came out in a soft whisper.

"I don't want you to stay away from me"

A soft smile crept slowly across his lips, transforming his entire face as it took shape and grew. His head lowered once in a show of blissful comprehension before he turned and left, walking away into the night.

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**a.n: as of yet no one has opposed to the potential M rating: this is your last chance folks so let me know if it will bother you in any way. Thank you!**


	10. All We Are

**A/N: Twilight - I own nothing! Thank you to all the wonderful people who have reviewed/alerted or favourited this story. You mean the world!  
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It was officially two weeks since I had last spoken with Alice. Two weeks since she prophesized that today would be the day. The day where I would finally face the past and explain my actions to the now not-so other half of my soul. I had barely managed to do anything productive all day, all week in fact; my world had been slowly rotating around this pending phone call. While my phone was busy glaring at me from the table; cold and silent. I wasn't sure what I was waiting for, only that I'd been waiting all day. Something just kept holding back my fingers from bringing the phone to life.

I cursed Alice for the thousandth time. I couldn't fathom the circumstances that would have led me to decide to make this call today; nothing except for her meddling words of course. I was fairly sure by this point that there was no vision, that she was only manipulating the situation as she saw best. A part of me wanted to call her bluff, to take a chance and bet against Alice. But a stronger part knew that the call was a long time coming, I had just been avoiding making it.

I thought over the blueprints of what I would say. The whole conversation had been intricately mapped out in my mind; complete with escape routes and alternate endings. Earlier in the day there had even been a script, several scripts in fact. But each had been balled up and thrown across the room in frustration. Seeing the words on paper felt wrong, they had commanded an undeserved innocence, becoming nothing more than script on a page. It felt like a betrayal to the monumental, life altering sentences that they were.

I picked up the phone and felt its barely there weight in my palm. Steeling my nerves I pulled up Edward's contact information. For the first time that day I considered the possibility of him having been in contact with Alice, had she promised him a call, just as she had promised I would make one? That thought left me with no doubt in my mind. If there even a fragment of a possibility that she had, then I knew I couldn't back out now. I hit dial.

As the ringing sounded in my ear I stood up. My nervous energy couldn't be contained.

"Bella"

One word, just one simple word in his melodic, ethereal tone, was all it took for the tears to fall silently from my eyes.

"Edward"

We were both silent for the longest time, before my mind managed to catch up with my emotions.

"How are you Edward?"

It was a selfish question. I wanted him to tell me that he was wonderful, that the world had been kind and we could live out our lives as friends. But I knew it wasn't to be.

"I'm fine"

And there it was, the dreaded phrase, rounded out with a terse tone for emphasis. There was possibly no other quite like it in the world. He wasn't _fine_, nobody was ever just _fine_. It was a throwaway comment meant for strangers and lies, and everybody knew it.

"I need to explain some things to you and I hope you're willing to listen"

When he didn't answer I took it as a sign that he was going to at least hear me out.

"Edward there was something that I didn't tell you. Do you remember that weekend when you all went hunting and I went down to La Push. Well that night I met one of the new Wolves…"

My words began to unscramble themselves in my carefully constructed blueprints and I was floundering around helplessly. I could think of words, but not how to form them into viable sentences.

"He imprinted on you"

The words were quiet and controlled but I could feel the pain behind them stab me sharply in the heart. Edward had always been such an open book to me.

"Yes…I didn't know though, not for months, months after I had moved back to Charlie's even. I'm so sorry Edward"

I cringed as I heard the whiney pleas in my voice. With silence radiating back at me I thought for a moment that our call had been disconnected, until suddenly Edward was back, stoically so.

"Bella, I'm sorry, Alice just sent me a message asking me to call her urgently. I have to go"

And the phone went dead. I stood there wondering what had just happened.

If Alice had truly seen my phone call, then she would also have known her message would interrupt us. I could gather all of the pieces together but I knew that something wasn't right. Either Edward had lied about Alice. Alice had lied about the call. Or, she had put the idea to call in my mind with the intent to interrupt us. The only scenario that really made sense was the first. Alice would have seen me making the call after she planted the idea in my head, wouldn't she? My mind began to swirl with the possibilities all focused around Alice's power. The complexities of a subjective future were too intricate for me to contemplate in my frazzled state.

Unfortunately though, that wasn't it for my internal debate. Suddenly I was wondering why if Alice had seen the call and had known that Edward would lie, then why had she wanted me to make it? I felt like I was playing a game of chess, only my opponent was a pro and I was wearing a blindfold. I quickly pulled up Alice's number and hit dial.

I growled when her phone sang out with her perky, …_it's Alice, leave me a message_ voicemail recording. I fought to keep my frustration out of my voice, but was entirely unsuccessful.

"Hey Alice, it's Bella. Can you give me a call back when you get this please?"

I hung up feeling too agitated for words, so my pacing continued. Deciding that Charlie's front room was too small for my requirements I moved my restlessness to the back garden. I was on my second lap when my phone vibrated in my hand.

"Hey Alice, I need some answers"

"It's not Alice"

I looked down at my called ID, to see that the amused yet masculine voice was correct.

"Sorry, I picked up without looking"

"Is there anything I can you help with?''

I chuckled thinking just how that conversation would go. _Oh yeah hey Jared, I was just on the phone with my vampire ex_… Just hearing that was enough, I knew I didn't have to go any further.

"No, nothing, just a little confused. What's up?"

"Sam called a pack meeting and he wants you there. Can you meet me at his house at eight?"

I pulled the phone away from my ear to check the time, eight o'clock would leave me about twenty minutes to get down to the reservation.

"Sure, I'll start out now"

"I'll wait for you out front"

I hung up and made my way back into the house. I took a couple of minutes to clean up my paper trail from earlier, before grabbing my keys and heading out.

Jared and I had managed to hang out a couple of times already this week and our relationship had moved on to something which didn't seem to fit in any of the traditional boxes. There was a level of intimacy too close for friends, but then we weren't quite anything else either. The silences were comfortable but the words were still filled with tension. I impatiently awaited each new encounter, eager to learn something new and unusual.

On Monday I had been stuck between impressed and amused when he told me that he worked for a small publishing house, drawing illustrations for comic books. But when he spoke so passionately about what he did, no matter what the medium, I knew I wanted to see everything he had ever drawn. Even if it did involve a mutant superhero or two.

Tuesday was filled with small tidbits of information that I began to store in the back of my mind. Like the fact that he had grown up with a cat, but Tails had apparently hated him on sight and hissed whenever he was near. I wondered if it had anything to do with the wolf gene, but he shot that down saying that every other cat he had encountered liked him, every cat but his own. It wasn't necessary the things he said though. It was the familiarity of his expressions, the things he would do to avoid a question or encourage an answer. All those small things made me feel like I was gently unraveling a mystery.

I pulled up to Sam and Emily's to find Jared, true to his word, sitting on their front step. Seeing me pull up he approached my truck, opened the door for me and proceeded to wait patiently for me to catch up with his actions. When I did he placed his large hand on the small of my back as we walked into the house. I had noticed on Tuesday that his small touches had become more prominent and persistent. Every possible opportunity to touch me was not wasted in any way and I smiled to see that a day apart hadn't dulled the familiarity.

As I entered Sam and Emily's I looked around to see that the entire pack had already assembled. Huge tanned bodies seemed to cover every available inch of the room and loud voices filled my ears. I felt my eyebrows draw down in confusion as Jared led me to towards two conspicuously open spaces on the couch. I felt my Spidey senses begin to tingle, my presence here was not simply to fill the imprint quota. Couch space was a sacred thing for these boys, they wouldn't give it up without a fight, a bribe, or a command. Having a coveted spot left open for us spelled trouble.

Sam stood and shouted for attention over the din of the room.

"Alright everyone, shut it"

I laughed at the craziness of the situation. Coven meetings in the Cullen household were a far cry from this raucous event. I couldn't even begin to picture Carlisle's poise governing this barely controlled chaos.

"Okay, pretty much all of you know why we're here. Seth and Embry tracked a leech yesterday while out on patrol. I spoke to the Cullens and they don't have anyone visiting. Bella, we are all in agreement that for the time being we would like you to stay either with one of us, or with the Cullens"

Sam looked directly at me with his next words

"If you really want to stay at Charlie's we can extend the patrols out to cover you there, but I would really appreciate it if I didn't have to do that"

I nodded and weighed up my options. I knew that staying with the Cullen's had always been a natural fit for me, but after my awkward call with Edward earlier it didn't feel right to stay there.

"Umm, I'll stay down here somewhere if that's alright with you"

"Great, just to let you know, you are more than welcome to stay with me and Em, though I'm sure you'll have a few more offers before the night is through"

I could feel my face redden as Sam obviously directed his gaze to Jared, while little whistles and hoots sounded out from around the room. I wasn't sure what I was going to do. A couple of months ago I would have stayed with Jacob. That was all but impossible now. He hadn't been seen since our little tête-à-tête of a few weeks past. Leah would have been my second choice, but as of revelation night that was out the window. I couldn't imagine staying with Jared at this point, even though I knew it was what I really wanted to do. I decided I would take Sam and Emily up on their offer instead. It hadn't taken all that long to decide and having made the decision I tuned back in to Sam.

"…so eight hour shifts. Is everyone is agreement? Seth, Leah, Quil you guys take the next shift. Paul and Jared will take over from you at six and then Embry and I will relieve you guys"

"Seriously Sam, what the fuck have I done this time?"

My head whirled around when Paul slammed his fist down violently, he was glaring furiously at Sam.

"You and Jared are two of our best fighters and you seem to do it best with each other. I don't give a damn if you like it or not"

I turned to see what Jared's reaction was to Sam's decision and was surprised to see him sending a look of pure disdain in Paul's direction. I made a side note to find out just what their problem was with one another. I tried to pay attention to what was being said, but as the talk moved on to encompass patrol areas and potential scent trails I began to lose focus. I was busy thinking over my Alice/Edward dilemma when I felt myself being nudged by Jared.

I looked around to see every single pair of eyes was now trained solely on me. I almost smiled back at Leah who was grinning diabolically, until I remembered that I was still upset at her. Focusing back on Sam, I cringed to see a hint of irritation in his eyes. I mumbled out a quick apology in his direction.

"The Cullens seem to think you might know the Vampire in the area. They said you might be able to tell us about her. Seth?"

I listened as Seth garbled out something about wild red hair and I didn't need to hear anymore, they were dealing with Victoria. What I didn't understand was why the Cullen's wouldn't just explain themselves.

"Sam, why didn't the Cullen's just tell you?"

"The one I spoke with seemed to think the story might be better coming from you"

I thought about it for a moment, the story did include me being hunted and bitten. Maybe it would be better hearing that from the human who survived, than the Vampires who couldn't prevent it.

"The Vampire you described, her name is Victoria.."

It took about an hour in total to explain about my encounter with James. Mainly due to the angry question and answer sessions that erupted every time I took a breath. Several times I had to stop so that certain members of the pack could curb their anger. I began to understand just how peculiar I was. This was only a story to them, but for me it was something I had lived through. Yet each and every person in the room was reacting with an intensity I had never shared. Even Emily seemed to have more emotional attachment to the memories than I did. It was fairly likely that my peculiarity had led me here though and if that was my means then I would embrace it.

The story did have a side effect though. Well, two actually. The first seemed to be that it had riled the pack up to hysteria. A previously fun trip to hunt down a leech or two had transformed into a blood thirsty mission for vengeance. The second was Jared fingers, as they were now crawling languidly back and forth across the crescent evidence on my wrist.

It took a while for everyone to calm down, but when they did things faded out fairly quickly. Seth, Leah and Quil left to take the first patrol, but not before Seth and Quil both offered me a place in their homes. Leah just stood by the door looking a little bereft until I politely declined. Paul and Embry followed next, as I suspected this time it was only Embry offering up room at the Inn. I smiled and thanked him but told him that I had decided to stay at Sam and Emily's. This of course brought on squeals of delight from across the room when Emily overheard. I caught something about a sleepover before Jared interrupted my attempts at decoding her piercing shrieks.

"You know that I want you to stay with me, don't you?"

I smiled at him but his eyes were still looking down at my scar in vexation.

"I know, but I think it would be a little too much, too soon. Don't you?"

He just shrugged at me before continuing on with his ministrations in silence. I knew he was either hurt or angry at my choice but I wasn't sure I was ready to deal with certain situations; namely the fact that he only had one bed. My relationship with Edward had been so bound by his control. I had learnt many things from my time with Jared but one of the most interesting was the dichotomy between himself and Edward. There were so many things that created contradictions between the two. Trivial things such as their contrasting temperatures. But one thing lay prominent. One of them was compelled to protect my life, while the other was fighting against himself to take it. It made me wonder in kind if the control issue would be the same.

"I need to drive home to pick up some stuff, will you come with me?"

It was the first thing I had ever asked him to do anything with me and his eyes met mine in delight. He pulled me up and led me to my truck, I barely had a chance to tell Emily I was leaving. I was standing perplexed by the passenger side door when Jared turned to me, a pleading expression on his face. It took just a moment for me to realize what he wanted before I dropped my keys into his palm. I had forgotten that not everyone in Forks knew where Charlie's house was. It was only when we didn't make an essential turn that I began to give Jared directions.

"You know I met Charlie once"

"Really?"

"Yeah, it was on a class trip when I was in third grade, at least I think it was third grade. Anyway, he showed us around the station and then he locked us all in one of the cells. I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I told my Mom when I got home that I wanted to be a Cop"

Jared smiled warmly at the memory and I reached across to take his hand in mind. I wasn't sure if he was aware, but just knowing that Charlie had met him, even fleetingly as a child, was ineffable to me.

It didn't take long for me to gather everything I could think of to take, even if I did have to work solo. Jared had proved absolutely useless the moment he had found ESPN and Charlie's favorite lounger. When I was done, I stood leaning against the doorway watching him. I wanted to walk across to him and bury myself in his arms and though I was almost certain it would be appreciated, I held back. I wasn't sure if it had been the comment in the car, or seeing him here in Charlie's home, but I felt a shift in my emotions. I didn't have long to dwell on the thought though. When he turned and saw me watching him a smile spread slowly across his face.

"Ready?"

I nodded and pushed off from the wall. I went to grab my bags but my hands were slapped away comically. We made our way back out into the night together.

When we arrived back at Sam and Emily's they were both sitting on the couch watching a movie. Jared decided to stick around and after throwing my bags in the spare room, he pulled me down onto the other sofa and tucked me securely into his side. It wasn't long after sitting down that I felt the day lay its weight on me, as I yawned and closed my eyes.

I woke up sometime in the middle of the night in Sam and Emily's spare room. I tried to remember getting there but the last thing I could remember was watching the movie, snuggled deep into Jared. It took me a beat before I realized that I wasn't alone. Soft rumbling snores were rising from the floor next to me. I hesitantly scooted to the edge of the bed and peered over. Having confirmation that my room hadn't been invaded by a narcoleptic burglar I threw myself back down on my pillows with a sigh. I already knew what I was going to do, now it was just a case of doing it.

I peered back over the edge and shook Jared's shoulder, rousing him gently.

"Hmmm"

"Hey you, so are you planning on sleeping my floor every night I'm here?"

Jared's voice was enticingly hoarse with sleep when he responded.

"I'm too tired to lie"

"Well, that's probably a good thing, I'll remember that"

"I went home. But I couldn't sleep. I just can't have you this close to me and not be near you. So yes, I'm going to do this every night"

"C'mon"

I moved across and patted the bed next to me. I knew what I was going to do. Tomorrow, I would move my bags over to Jared's. But for tonight I wasn't going to lie here taking up barely a fraction of the bed while he lay on the cold hard floor. As I felt the bed sink down under his weight my body began to slide down involuntarily closer to him. I didn't fight it though and neither did he. I fell asleep with a contented sigh on my lips and warmth enveloping my body. This was where I was meant to be, this was home.

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**A/N: Thank you to mauralee88 who pointed out that you all had no idea where Jacob was. Sometimes I forget that just because I know something doesn't mean you do to! **

**Chapter 11 is almost ready and hopefully I will have it up by the end of the weekend. I hope you enjoyed this... plenty more fun to come!  
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	11. Bookends

**a/n: Once again when it comes to Twilight I own nothing**

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I wasn't trying to wake up so early, in truth I felt like I could have slept on for at least a couple more hours. But when Jared got up the mattress sprung up comically, sighing in relief that it no longer had to bear his mammoth frame. I couldn't hold back my giggles as my body was thrown around, the bed had been transformed into a trampoline.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you"

I fought to get my words out between giggles

"I know"

He sat back down on the edge of the mattress, restarting the tremors and my side effect giggles.

"I'll be back to see you at two"

I nodded and watched in fascination as he bent down and placed a soft kiss on my shoulder. It didn't escape my notice that it was the same spot that he had held me in Charlie's house; the first place he really touched me. As the door shut behind him I lay back down on the pillows with a sigh. Even though it was early, even though I abhorred mornings with a passion, I rose from the bed with a skip in my step and a beaming smile on my face.

I didn't think anyone would be awake so I jumped in surprise when I strolled in the kitchen only to be greeted by an equally chirpy Emily.

"Was that Jared I just saw leaving?"

Instead of answering I just skipped past her, stealing the piece of toast she was holding just inches from her mouth as I went.

"Isabella Swan! What did that boy do to you?"

"Nothing"

Emily reloaded the toaster and turned back to me, a devilish smile owning her face.

"So did he even bother going home, or did he sneak back in when he thought no one was looking?"

"He snuck in"

Emily buttered the fresh toast and passed a couple pieces my way.

"Here, now you don't have to steal mine….So?"

The glimmer in Emily's eyes was something every woman can read intrinsically, it shouted out …_spill every little sordid detail like your life depended on it, and do it now!_ I just laughed as Emily got closer, apparently we were about to share a heavily guarded secret.

"Nothing happened Em I swear. I woke up and he was sleeping on the floor"

My evasive answer hadn't been enough fodder to feed her little gossip gremlin though.

"And? Did he _stay_ on the floor, Bellaaa, come on"

I couldn't hold back my laugh as Emily tugged on my sleeve while she elongated my name.

"No, I rook pity on him and he ended up sleeping in the bed"

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god"

You would think I had just announced that I was pregnant with kittens the way that Emily was jumping around hysterically. Suddenly she stopped and leaned in again.

"He's gonna do it again tonight isn't he?"

"Umm, well yeah, he was. So that's why I decided to just give in and stay at his place"

If I thought Emily had been enthusiastic before I was severely underestimating her ability to manifest excitement. I wanted to wrap her up and give her to Jasper as a gift just to see what he would do with her.

"Em, what's with all the noise"

Sam seemed to understand every word his animated imprint spoke, as Emily bounced around him babbling rapidly in excitement. Words seemed to bleed into one another far too fast for my ears to catch up

"Bella…..Jared…..bed"

Sam just turned to look at me though as this was the most normal thing he had ever encountered

"I wondered how long it would take him, didn't think he'd have the balls to do it on night one though"

Emily was still hopping around like a demented frog when Sam picked her up mid hop. He wrapped his arms around her petite frame and whispered something hypnotic in her ear. Either that or he located her off swift, as Emily suddenly morphed into a limp rag in his arms.

"Can you show me how to do that?"

Emily let out a protesting yell as Sam turned back to look at me.

"Sorry Bella, special Wolf power. I can teach Jared though if you'd like"

I laughed at the image of me ever getting that excited, let alone over something so trivial.

It's amazing how quickly time can fly when you're not really doing anything at all. Around midday, Sam and I drove back to Charlie's to pick up the books I needed for my reviews that I had stupidly forgotten to pack. We were almost pulling up to the house when I thought how strange it was that once upon a time I had believed that maybe Sam was the leader of some gang. Even though he was of sorts, it wasn't the noxious kind I had originally envisioned. Thinking back on that time my internal musings of course turned to Jacob.

"Hey Sam, have you heard from Jacob at all?"

Sam kept his eyes firmly on the road as he spoke.

"I have actually. I called him yesterday to fill him in with everything that's going on, figured he shouldn't be left out of all the fun. He's seemed to be doing really well"

"Where is he? What's he been doing? Is he coming back? He's not still mad at me is he?"

Sam allowed himself a brief glance in my direction as he chuckled.

"Okay, let me see if I get this right. He's in Seattle. He didn't really say what he was doing, he was a little vague but he seemed pretty happy. He didn't mention coming back and I already told you that he wasn't angry at you Bella. He was just upset at the situation. What you said that night was something that he needed to hear and I think it was something you needed to say too"

Seattle surprised me, it seemed so tame. I had pictured a desolate wilderness in Northern Canada filled with Polar bears, raw landscape and one lone Wolf. Why would the boring metropolis appeal when he could be off running wild somewhere? If I had the world at my paws I was fairly certain I wouldn't be hanging out in Seattle.

When we arrived back Emily was bustling around the kitchen as usual. How one person could spend so much time cooking and do it with a smile on their face was beyond me. I mean a meal here and there I could put up with, but this girl was a culinary machine.

When Sam ran out to take over patrols I could feel the little bubbles of excitement begin to bounce around in my stomach. Jared would be back soon and I was going to tell him that my plans had changed, we would be cohabiting. I didn't want to waste any time when he arrived, so I went to take one more look over my bags, checking that I had everything packed and ready to go. I lugged them to the living room and sat back down on a barstool, staring at the door and tapping my feet in apprehension.

It didn't take long before the door handle depressed and my tapping immediately stopped. Jared strolled casually in and spied my bags immediately, his eyes snapped up to mine in confusion.

"Going somewhere?"

I bit my lip and held back a giggle as I nodded, infuriating him with my lack of information.

"And where would that be?"

"I decided to move in with Paul"

I knew if he bought this that it would really piss him off, but I couldn't resist. His expression shifted so quickly into a mask of fury that I felt a little bad for playing with him, but I held my tongue.

"The hell you are!"

Jared pulled his phone out and began jamming his fingers down on buttons with such force that it was a wonder the thing was still intact.

"Who're you calling?"

"Sam, he'll just have to order him to stay away from you or something"

I looked back at Emily who wasn't even trying to hold back her wide grin as she raised her shoulders, she had no idea either. I was quite glad when Emily let out a little giggle getting Jared's attention. He looked between the two of us slowly and then focused his glare on me, every muscle in his body was tense with irritation.

"You're fucking with me aren't you?"

I couldn't hold back the laugh as I nodded my head, Jared's shoulders slumped down and I could see the glare drop just a notch to allow a hint of relief in. Just a hint though, he was still four fifths full of anger and it was directed at me. I cringed a little as his eyes bore into mine, I had never experienced a furious Jared before and I wasn't quite sure what to do with one.

"Paul hates me, how could you believe I would stay with him?"

"I don't know, I wasn't thinking about you, just him really. It's exactly the sort of thing he would do just to fuck with me"

I walked up to him slowly, I didn't want to make the angry pup bite after all. As I got closer the aggravation seemed to lessen with each step I took. When I was close enough I ran my hands up and down his taut arms and felt the muscles ripple softly and relax under my touch.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. I _was_ going to come and stay with you, if you will still have me that is?"

I looked up at him through my eyelashes, maybe a little bit of the puppy dog eyes would help my case. It seemed to do the job just fine as the last remaining hints of tension left Jared's face, to be replaced by a soft smile.

"Let's go"

I had to shout out my goodbye to Emily between giggles from over Jared's shoulder, as he practically sprinted to his own home. Arriving moments later, he placed me down gently on the counter in the kitchen and began to rummage around his cupboards. I had been around Jacob enough to know that this was normal, they needed to refuel post phase. It was far more fun to watch Jared in the kitchen than Emily. If she was a well oil kitchen machine, he was a first timer with Alzheimer's; he was hopeless. Ten drawers were opened before he would find anything, everything was burnt or undercooked, there was more food on the floor, counter and stove than on his plate; the phrase quantity over quality came to mind. The boy needed a cooking lesson, stat and if I was going to be here a lot, then I was damn sure going to be the one giving it. No way was I going to turn into Suzy Homemaker like little miss Emily, tied to the kitchen to fill a mouth that wouldn't quit.

The day was good, well no, actually the day was great. We just lounged around watching movies and hanging out. I didn't feel the awkwardness that I had expected to from spending so much time around him. Everything just felt natural. Even the arguments. Seriously, we fought for thirty minutes over some actor in a film. By the end I couldn't even remember what the original reason had been for the battle, or what side I was on; but I knew I liked it. I liked the way he would throw his arms around to highlight a point. Or the way he would laugh mirthlessly at my inability to back down, even when I could see I was wrong. But most of all I liked that he didn't hold back with me. He was passionate and stubborn, intelligent and frustrating, and I knew more than anything, I wanted him to be mine.

I was busy cramming popcorn in my mouth in an attempt to get some before Jared stole it all. Suddenly massive hands that I knew weren't Jared's reached around me and covered my eyes. I didn't hold back my screams, nor did I keep a hold of the popcorn that when flying everywhere when I attempted to escape. Only when I was across the room with my heart beating like a freight train did I see Jared and Embry holding on to their stomachs laughing uncontrollably. I would like to say that I took it well, but with my body still reacting to the gallons of adrenaline floating around my system, I couldn't do much of anything. All I could do was slump down on the couch in an attempt to catch my breath.

Seeing my lack of reaction both boys immediately stopped laughing and moved frantically to my side. Stupidly I felt the tears begin to prickle behind my eyes, I had just been so damned frightened that I was overwhelmed, but of course they wouldn't know that. I bit my lip hoping the self induced pain would stop the tears in their tracks. I didn't work though and I felt so stupid when big fat embarrassing wet dollops of saline started falling down my cheeks.

"Oh Bells, I'm so sorry. Please don't cry"

Embry pulled me into his arms and I felt so guilty. It wasn't his fault I was an idiot.

"S'ok Em, I promise. It was funny"

"I know it was Bells, but I didn't mean to make you cry"

"Sorry, I'm just being a stupid girl"

When the tears stopped I felt like even more of an idiot. Jared showed me to his room not long after Embry had arrived sensing my discomfort. I made a mental note to cook Embry something great the next time I saw him, to make up for my lack of tear control.

When I was all tucked up and ready for sleep Jared sat on the edge of the bed watching me.

"I hope you don't mind but I asked Embry to stay with us while you're here. I'm sorry I didn't ask you. I just thought that after you had been so hesitant you might feel more comfortable with him here too. Plus I would be happier knowing someone was here with you while I was gone"

I couldn't figure out if I was relived or disappointed that we had company, but I was bordering on team disappointment. The plus side was, I could start making it up to Embry sooner rather than later.

Jared didn't sleep with me that night. In fact he didn't sleep with me any night after. I tried to argue with him that we had already slept in a bed together and the world was still turning, but he was adamant. I knew that he was trying his best to make me feel comfortable and like everything else in our relationship it seemed, I was torn. I liked that he wanted us to take our time, but a bigger part of me just wanted him to sneak into bed with me, instead of sleeping on the stupid floor.

It had been two weeks since I had first moved in to Casa Jared and everything had been going wonderfully. Jared and Embry didn't really see each other what with their long patrol shifts and everything. But Embry and I had become really close. So much so that I caught Jared glaring at him a couple of times when Embry was his usual tactile self.

It wasn't long before we had a routine going. Embry would arrive at ten and all three of us would go to bed not much after. Sometimes Embry and I stayed up and watched TV or something but mostly we all just went to bed. When Jared woke up in the morning I would wake up and send him on his merry way and usually head on back to sleep. Mid morning Embry and I would walk over the Emily's where the three of us indulged in our secret addiction, daytime soaps. It had taken Embry a week to admit that he loved them just as much as we did but we already knew; he wasn't a great actor. In the afternoons Embry would head out to patrol and then it would be Bella and Jared time. Each afternoon varied but one thing remained the same, they were without doubt the best part of my day.

There had been any sightings of Victoria in a while but she was still around. It felt like she was just playing a game with them and I found myself hoping that it would last just a little bit longer. While the Wolves were out keeping us all safe, I was busy having the best time of my life.

"You ready yet?"

There was irritation in his voice but I knew his tones enough by now to tell that it was forced.

"I can't find my book"

In the two weeks I had been here I had slowly moved from living out of my bags to having my belongings strewn everywhere. It wasn't a conscious thing. I wasn't one of those girls who accidentally on purpose left their tooth brush, hairbrush or whatever behind, just to stake a claim. Something about living with two boys brought out my messy side, my books were everywhere and I couldn't find the one that I currently needed.

"Which one?"

"Water for Elephants"

"It's on the kitchen counter"

I shook my head a little, shocked that he could come up with the answer so swiftly. But I found it exactly where he had said it would be, I looked between Jared and the book with my brow furrowed.

"How did you know?"

"You were reading it there while I cooked for you on Tuesday"

If it had been anyone else I would have made some stupid joke about him being my stalker, but this was Jared. Jared who I didn't even know was paying attention but in fact saw everything. With my lost book in hand I finally walked out the back door with him, taking his hand in mine as I went. I was finding it easier and easier to initiate physical contact with him, but I was still holding back. I liked our pace and while my body ached for him to just throw me down and ravage me, I felt like what we were building towards would be so much better somehow. Every step we took was nurtured and adored, leaving me longing for more.

Our picnic down the beach had been planned the night before and while we spent all of our available time together, Jared still liked to plan little activities for us. The afternoon was spent lying under the cloud covered sun. Me reading, while Jared sketched in a book that he kept well hidden from my prying eyes; no matter how much I begged to see it. It was one of the few things he denied me and I wasn't sure if he was aware that it made me want it all the more.

"Jared! Bella!"

The tone of the voice was so desperate that both of us stood up immediately, our passions laying discarded at our feet. Seth was running towards us and something about the harried look on his face made the hairs on my arms immediately stand on end. My hand instinctively found Jared's.

I tried desperately to quell my impatience as Seth stood feet from us taking a moment to gather his frantic breaths.

"Sam sent me. Bella you need to call the Doctor, find out if we can bring Jacob to him, he's been in an accident"

I tried to catch on but Seth was looking infuriated with my slow thought processes

"The Doctor Bella, the leech"

I started to run for the house but was swept up mid stride by Jared which drastically cut our arrival time. Barely a minute later I had my phone in my hand making a call to potentially save my lost friend.

Hearing Carlisle pick up I wished for once that I could talk at an inhuman speed.

"Carlisle, it's Bella. Something's happened to Jacob. He's been in an accident. Are you at home? Can we bring him to you?"

"Slow down Bella. I'm at home and of course you can bring him here, but I need more details. What happened to him? I need to know if I should send Alice for supplies"

"Umm, I don't know Carlisle. That's all I have. Maybe I can get Sam to call you, or Seth, maybe I should put Seth on?"

I looked up at Seth to see him nodding at me, so I handed over my phone. I stood rigid as I listened to one half of a conversation when I desperately needed to hear everything.

"No… A car wreck, out on the 101, he was on his way home… No, he had someone with him, but she's on her way to the hospital in Forks… Yeah… Ten minutes… I don't know, but Sam said it doesn't look good"

My eye caught Seth's and I knew that he was talking about Jacob, it wasn't the weather or the car that wasn't looking so great. It was Jacob, Jacob didn't look good. Tears streamed down my face as I fell to my knees. I saw arms wrap around me and for once they weren't warm or comforting, they weren't anything because I couldn't feel a thing.


	12. Volcano

**a/n: Twilight - not mine**

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It felt like I had been transported into a huge body of water. I could see Seth in front of me, concern etched clear across his face, but he wasn't clear and I couldn't find the correctly corresponding emotions within me. My body had been invaded by an empty void. The voices calling my name sounded like they were being fed back and distorted through a slow winding tape. I saw the room jolt around as arms reached out to shake me, but I couldn't do anything to bring myself out of my haunting reverie. I thought I would be locked there forever, until everything suddenly snapped back into its correct time and place. The sharp sting of Seth's hand spreading fast across my cheek. It took a couple of moments for my mind to reassemble my surroundings, but once in place, the bodies that had encompassed me and voices that had called out to me, no longer were. I looked on with a sickening realization to see Jared pinning Seth up against a wall and to top it off he looked moments away from phasing.

I scrambled ungracefully to my feet and approached the scene as loudly as I could from the side, not wanting anyone to be taken by surprise. I saw Seth look my way and shake his head, clearly intending for me to step away from the obvious dangers. I didn't adhere to his caution though, instead I moved forward and ducked my head under Jared's taut arms. With my back to Seth I could see the flickers of hesitation trickle into Jared's eyes. My presence had added a new dimension to the unfolding events, if he phased now it would potentially put me in a life threatening situation. I couldn't tell if he was still holding onto Seth through a resolute anger or a desperate need for control.

I took the half step forward that the limited space allowed and felt the warmth of Jared's proximity melt into my skin. His eyes had not wavered and were still focused entirely on Seth. I made myself as tall as I could standing on the tips of my toes and even with my added height, it was all I could do to nestle my head between Jared's neck and shoulders. With my right hand I began to play with his hair in what I only hoped was a soothing manner.

While I could feel his tremors fade down to trembles, it wasn't enough. I reached up with my left hand to place it directly over his heart, unintentionally my hand found it's way beneath his shirt and the strong muscular plains of Jared's body sent a thrill though me that I immediately felt guilty for. With one hand on his heart and another running methodically through his hair I began to whisper soothing words to tame his inner beast. The words were unimportant as I felt Jared's arms release Seth, only to be drawn tightly around my own frame.

I felt a sudden chill behind me and knew immediately that Seth had withdrawn himself from our strangely intimate three person embrace. As I absorbed Jared's strength I felt my own body sag under the weight of the situation, Jacob's face reemerging in my mind. While the immediate tension had lifted, the reality of the pending situation had yet to be dealt with.

I allowed myself a moment longer of comfort before I began to untangle our frames from one anther. Almost immediately I saw Seth looking forlorn, sitting on the arm of the sofa, our eyes met and I spoke.

"Thank you Seth"

It didn't seem to offer him any comfort though as he shook his head violently at me. Jared was still standing close to me and I nudged him, hoping he would offer Seth some words of support. When he didn't say anything I looked up to him to see him almost imperceptibly moving his head slightly to the right and then the left again. Apparently I was going to be doing this solo.

"Seth, seriously I'm fine. You didn't hurt me I promise"

His eyes held a new hint of hope but the dominant emotion was still one of pain.

"No Bella, I shouldn't have done that. I wasn't thinking, it was really stupid of me"

I moved to step towards him, but I felt a tug on my shirt and I was still standing right where I had started.

I watched intrigued as Jared led Seth silently outside. I was happy when they only moved slightly down the beach, still within my vision. I didn't even bother hiding that I was blatantly watching their exchange.

It seemed to be Jared doing all the talking as Seth stood just feet from him with his head lowered. It wasn't long before Seth lifted his head and both boys turned to look at me; Seth with a toothy grin and Jared with a stoic expression. Now that we all seemed to be of sound mind I felt my stomach drop, the trials of the day were only just beginning and I wasn't sure if I was prepared for what was to come.

Jared led us all silently out to his truck, like we were playing some morose game of follow-my-leader. Once we had all jostled ourselves into our positions, myself firmly tucked between Seth and Jared, the truck started and Jared swept us out of La Push.

It had been months since I had stepped foot on Cullen land and if I had been expecting some symbolic change to show our time apart I would have been disappointed. Like the Cullen's themselves, the house remained forever frozen in time. It was like coming home from an extensive journey, everything is the same yet there lies a twinge of unfamiliarity hidden, buried in the cracks.

I wasn't sure what I had been expecting but it wasn't Alice waiting for us on the front steps. As soon as my feet hit the ground I felt her icy frame holding on to me.

"I need a minute with you"

I pulled back to look in Alice's eyes. I was almost positive she was going to tell me that we were too late, but she just shook her head in my direction.

"No, it's not that"

Jared and Seth remained firmly fixed in place as I walked a couple of feet away with Alice in tow. While I knew they would hear every word spoken, I had the impression that the illusion of privacy was more for my benefit than anyone else's. Seemingly happy with the space we had put between us, Alice expertly maneuvered me so that my back was to the house and the boys.

"Bella, Edward is here"

I didn't say anything, I couldn't think of a single word that would be an appropriate response. Instead I stood there foolishly blinking furiously at her. We waited, for my delicate mind to catch up I'm sure. But none the less we waited.

"Did you interrupt my call with Edward with an emergency yesterday?"

Alice nodded and I willed her to go on with some frantic hand gestures.

"You needed to tell him what was happening before he would consider returning, but if you had spoken any longer he wouldn't have come either. I saw Carlisle calling Edward, needing his help. I couldn't see the outcome of events but it seemed important that he be here. So I had to have you call, and then I had to intercede in the call. I'm sorry, I know it probably feels like I manipulated you, but I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't thought it was absolutely necessary"

I hadn't really felt manipulated by Alice, until she said the words herself but I forced the twinge of resentment down. I was positive that Alice worked with the best of intentions in mind and today just wasn't the day for my paranoia to send us into a tailspin. So instead of pursuing the conversation I offered her a small smile and turned back towards the house.

"Is everyone here?"

Alice followed my gaze with her eyes and looked a little pained, for once though I knew she wasn't seeing some future possibility, today, like the rest of us, she was blind.

"Emmett and Rose are in New York, Jasper left, he wasn't sure how he would react. Sam and one of the other wolves are out back, I don't know his name"

I nodded but I could feel the solemnity in the tone of her words seep into my core. It didn't matter if Edward was here, or if Jasper had been pushed out of his home, the only thing that was of importance was Jacob. I wanted to ask how he was doing, to hear every little detail of his condition, but I also didn't want to know a thing. I selfishly longed that I had been unreachable, absent in some distant corner of the world, until I could hear the conclusion foregone.

"Come on Bella, I know Esme would love to see you"

I allowed her to drag me inside and only as we passed did Jared and Seth relax their stiff postures. I had forgotten that visibly spending time with Alice a distance away from them may have been difficult.

When we were all inside the house Alice motioned towards the back and Seth lopped off out onto the back lawn to join Sam and Embry. Jared hesitated though, I offered him a small nod with a weak smile and immediately his body continued his retreat outside.

"Bella, oh sweetheart, How are you?"

Wrapped in Esme's arms I felt her maternal nature wash over me. Esme could mash together any words she chose, but as long as they came out in her motherly tone it would sooth me exponentially. I felt the tears begin to fall again as my body gave in.

My tears fell through my silent sobs until I thought of what was going on just feet above my head. Jacob wouldn't need to hear me crying for him, he would need me to be strong. I steeled my shoulders and felt the remnants of the tears fall as I mentally pulled myself together.

Esme seemed pleased that I wasn't going to be swallowed by grief and she flashed me a look of pure pride as I stepped back away from her.

"What can I do?"

I didn't like the way that my voice sounded a little weak from tears but it was the best that I could produce in the moment.

"How about you head on out there and find out if those boys are hungry"

Normally it wouldn't have even been a question, I had yet to see any of the wolves turn down food, but today was such an anomaly that I couldn't predict how they would react. My hand hesitated on the door just as I was about to step outside.

"Ali, I don't know if he'll want to, but can you let Jasper know that he's welcome to stay at Charlie's"

Alice threw me her most heartbreaking smile and I left the claustrophobic tensions of the house to welcome the endless tensions of the outdoors. As I walked towards the intimate circle of bodies I saw them move aside, leaving a space by Jared's side. My feet continued forward but my mind was reeling. I wanted to run into his warm embrace and just live there through these moments, but I didn't know how to synchronize my old and new lives together. Could I wrap myself in the comfort Jared provided me with Edward so near and not feel the deserving guilt overwhelm me?

When I was by his side I allowed myself a glance in his direction. I was close enough to touch him, but I had been careful not to and it seemed that my actions hadn't gone unnoticed. Jared looked hurt and it tore at the corners of my soul. I couldn't bear to see him suffering if there was a hope of doing something to relieve it.

I reached out my hand and felt the exposed warmth of his forearm beneath my fingers. As the made their journey downwards, I relished the taste of his flesh under my fingertips. Only once I reached his hand did I let out the breath I had been holding while I entwined my fingers with his. In that moment I was in a bubble of sense and sensations, nothing existed beyond the connection between Jared and myself. It took a second to compose myself before I looked up to take in the changes in his expression. The pain had faded away and a look of longing had replaced it. I knew precisely how he was feeling; it just wasn't enough. Nothing was anymore.

I popped the bubble as I turned to the others and spoke

"Esme would like to know if you're hungry?"

The faces around me were all drawn but each held a hint of guilt and I knew that I had my answer. I squeezed his hand softly and left Jared's side to return indoors, ready to inform Esme that she would be preparing a feast. I had one foot through the door when I froze. Standing across the room in all of his ethereal glory was Edward. He had obviously seen me coming as a smile was already adorned on his lips, while I stood suspended in time.

"Hello Bella"

I had barely whispered his name when I heard a commotion behind me. I whipped around to see Jared walking away with Sam on his heels. Seth and Embry were both standing in their original positions looking back and forth frantically, uncertainty marring their faces.

I turned back to Edward who had yet to move an inch.

"Bella, can we talk?"

I looked back around, noting that Jared and Sam had already disappeared into the forest and nodded my head once. I had thought that he would lead me outside, instead I followed silently up the stairs to a room I had been in several times before. When we stopped outside I felt my chest sting from the fearful breath I was holding. Edward reached his hand out to me but then pulled it back at the last minute, obviously reconsidering his actions.

I wasn't sure what I had expected but when I walked into Carlisle's makeshift hospital room, I was shocked at the extent of the equipment inside. Beeps and whirs surrounded me and in the middle of the technology was a very pale and fragile looking Jacob. I rushed to his side but had to take a hasty step back when I saw just how thoroughly damaged he was. His face was barely recognizable underneath the bruises, cuts and swelling and I was glad that the rest of his body was hidden from my view, under a pale sheet. I glancing up to Edward through my liquid vision, looking for some reassurances.

"He's going to be okay, right?"

Edward didn't look so reassuring though, instead he was looking downright guilty.

"We're not sure"

"But he's a wolf, and you have Carlisle, can't you fix him?"

I watched as Edward slumped down in a nearby chair, his head held in his hands.

"Carlisle doesn't know, he's in an induced coma right now, but he's pretty beaten up. We think if he makes it through the night, he'll likely be okay. We've done everything we can"

I shakily drew my hand across Jacob's and was shocked to find his signature warmth was gone. He was cold.

"What's happened to him?"

Edward was hesitating and I knew he was trying to protect me, but I didn't want it. I just wanted him to tell me that everything was going to be okay, but he couldn't do that.

"Please Edward?"

He looked torn for a moment before he started throwing words like internal and bleeding at me, followed by long medical terms. He described the procedures he and Carlisle had performed and I felt my stomach churn. I didn't want to think of Jacob as some slab on a surgeon's table, but that was exactly what he was right now. Edward's painted picture wasn't pretty and I needed to remain in control so I focused on taking long drawn breaths.

I wasn't sure at what point we had left the Jacob's side, or moved down the hall, but when I finally felt like I could welcome in external stimuli I was sitting in Edward's room on his couch. Edward meanwhile was pacing the room. I'm sure to a stranger he would look perfectly at ease, but I could see the underlying signs of tension in his composition.

"Edward?"

Immediately his feet stopped and he turned to see me with a sadness in his eyes.

"I always tried to protect you, but no matter how hard I tried, it didn't matter, because I couldn't. I shouldn't have told you all that, it was unnecessary"

I let out a sigh.

"No, I'm glad you told me. It was hard to hear, but you can't protect me from this Edward"

I didn't want to address his first comments, we would likely never see eye to eye on the subject and neither of us needed to slice open old wounds.

"I can hear his thoughts you know"

My first instinct was Jacob, but with the intensity of his gaze I knew that we were no longer discussing him. A sick part of me wanted to know everything that he had heard, while another wished I could shield him from any unnecessary pain Jared's thoughts might produce.

"I know we didn't get to finish our conversation yesterday, but I want you to know that I don't blame you Bella"

I moved forward in preparation to interrupt but my movements were stilled when Edward sat down next to me and pulled me into his lap. I tried to imagine that I didn't feel comforted, but I did. Edward was familiar and safe for me.

"Selfishly I want to keep you all to myself, but as much as it hurts me, this is everything I have always wanted for you. He can give you everything and I could only take away. I just wish I could have been the one to give it to you"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my head as deep as I could into his stone frame. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, but I couldn't. Instead I familiarly ran my fingers through his hair, knowing this would be the last time he would ever hold me like this.

"I'll always love you Bella"

I didn't mean the words I spoke to be cruel, but they were true and I hoped that Edward would be able to see their true meaning.

"I hope that's not true"

I pulled away from him to see the sadness of unshed tears in his eyes. I didn't look back as I walked away from him, leaving him and his room for the final time. Edward Cullen was officially in my past and while I would always hold a place for him, he just wasn't destined to be my forever.

I reached the bottom of the stairs to find Esme dishing out plates of food to a table of large, hungry boys. Quil had arrived at some point and while the atmosphere was somber, there was an idle conversation being entertained. When my eyes met Jared's, he looked at me, questioning if I was alright. I nodded once but turned and walked out to the rear of the property to find Alice sitting on the back steps.

"Hi"

Alice appraised me silently for a while before deciding she was ready to speak.

"Are you okay?"

It was such a loaded question and the obvious answer was no, but I wasn't sure how I felt. Everything just seemed to be descending at once and I was glad that at the end of this day, I would be able to close my eyes and find some reprieve from the world.

"I'm just trying to keep everything together"

Alice wrapped her arms around me and whispered softly in my ear.

"He will be happy you know, it'll take a while, but it won't take forever"

I let the words soothe one of my worries away, making more room for the other fears in my mind.

"Emily is on her way, she's bringing someone with her"

I looked at Alice for any signs that she was mistaken. Sam was so protective of Emily. I couldn't imaging a reason that would allow him to bring Emily in such close proximity to the Cullens.

"Wait, you said she's bringing someone. Who?"

I looked to Alice who was eyeing me in apprehension. I wasn't sure what she was nervous of, but apparently it was something in the way she was expecting me to react.

"From what I can gather, she was in the truck with Jacob…"

Just as she was about to continue I heard the door click shut behind us. We both turned to see Sam walk towards us with his head lowered. He sat a couple of steps down from me and positioned himself to back up at us. Once he was in place Alice nodded, then continued.

"…It seems that Jacob obtained the majority of his injuries when he tried to protect her. She has a broken arm but other than that she is fine, just a couple cuts and bruises"

I wanted them to get to the point. I knew Jacob well enough to know that his selfless nature would probably mean he would try to protect anyone, but I sensed that Sam, at least, thought this girl was his imprint.

"So you think she's his imprint?"

Sam and Alice passed looks that were too quick for me to interpret but I got the impression they were waiting for some monumental reaction from me. I looked between both questioningly. It was Sam who broke the silence, speaking as if I might break any moment.

"Yes we think so, but we would like you to speak with her to determine the nature of their relationship. If she isn't, it's going to be very difficult to keep his progress from her when he begins to heal"

Sam's words were so sure that for a moment I almost believed that Jacob truly was going to walk away from this.

"Why me?"

"We just think you would be the least intimidating, also you are the closest to Jacob"

I didn't really understand his reasoning but I was happy to have something to do to keep my mind from the reality of the day. I nodded to let Sam know that I would be happy to help and sat back to wait for the new arrival.

"Emily has told her that the Doc is the official doctor for the res, so we don't think she'll ask too many questions about that. We don't want you to tell her anything, just find out what she knows"

It sounded so simple but I knew it wouldn't be. How was I going to be able to find out if this perfect stranger was the other half of Jacob's soul. The task was beginning to sound damn near impossible but I wasn't about to give up.

When Sam and Alice left I sat on the steps waiting with an unusual patience. My thoughts didn't linger on my impending conversation, only on Jacob and his faintly beating heart. The sky around me was darkening and I wasn't sure how long I had sat there when I felt the air change around me.

I looked up and my eyes met familiar brown orbs. It took a moment for the pieces to fit together; this was Jacob's potential imprint; this was Angela Webber.

"Hey Bella"

I looked her over to see tiny cuts on her face and her arm held in a plain white cast. It confirmed everything for me.

"Hey Angela. How're you feeling?

"Physically I'm okay I guess, all things considered"

I looked behind to see pairs of eyes peering at us through the windows.

"You want to take a walk?"

Angela looked between the house and my face before she nodded quickly. We walked around the house in silence and while I longed to whisk us away into the woods, I doubted that we would get very far before someone forced us back into their line of sight.

"You want to talk about what happened?"

Angela kept her eyes trained off in the distance as she shrugged, before speaking so softly that I had to strain my ears to hear her.

"I don't really know what happened, we were driving and then just all of a sudden Jake was swearing something about leeches and then everything went black. How is he?"

Her dark eyes pierced deeply into mine for the first time and while the lie was ready on my lips, I couldn't bring myself to speak it. Instead I copied her earlier motion and shrugged. I know it wasn't particularly comforting but I didn't know what else to do.

"Was Jacob giving you a ride home or something?"

It was feasible after all, they could have met and recognized one another. I was fairly certain that Jacob and Angela had met all those eons ago before my life had been full of Vampires and Wolves. I knew immediately that wasn't the case though when a soft smile formed on Angela's lips.

"It's weird you know. I was headed to my job in Seattle and I don't know how but I just sort of stumbled into him. Somehow since I've ended up here, with you, in the Cullen's house, surrounded by people I barely know. Why is Dr. Cullen treating Jake in his house?"

My brain scrambled. It would be fine with a stranger to explain this, they might think it was strange but I'm fairly certain it could be overlooked. But this was Angela, not only was she astute but she knew the town well. Lying would be a little tricky so I decided to go with evasive instead.

"He's treated the La Push boys for years. It's sort of a long story. So what happened to Ben?"

From what I remembered, Angela was an intensely private person and I knew it was a little cruel but I was hoping the aggressive question would throw her away from her line of questioning. I sensed her discomfort as her cheeks lit up in a soft blush.

"We broke up not long after leaving Forks. With me in Seattle and him in California, it was just so much harder than I think we were prepared for"

I stopped walking and Angela instinctively stilled by my side

"I'm sorry Ange, Edward and I broke up too"

"I know, I'm really sorry, Jake told me"

I tried to hold back my surprise, but if Jacob was sharing that sort of information, then it definitely hinted at a deeper relationship than friendship. I didn't know quite how to proceed without outright asking what was going on.

"What else did he tell you?"

I didn't mean the hard edge that came out with my words, but once it was out there I couldn't exactly take it back.

"Oh Bella, I'm sorry, I promise we didn't sit around talking about you. Jacob just explained to me that he was upset when you left Edward, he was fairly sure you had feelings for one of his friends and I think he was a little jealous. I promise it wasn't anything bad, he really cares about you"

I wanted to tear my hair out. Between relishing in the idea that my old friend may find a place in my new life, I felt that I was betraying her by looking for some hidden depths in all of her words.

"Ange, I'm sorry too. I didn't mean it to come out like that. I just, well I guess everyone is a little confused, I don't think Jake told anyone he was coming home, let alone bringing anyone with him. I guess we're all just trying to catch up, myself included"

Angela let out her light airy laugh and I threw her a smile in response.

"I didn't think of it like that…."

I felt like I was being let into the depths of Angela's soul when her next words were spoken with a hushed reverence

"I love him Bella, I don't know how or why, but I love him. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy, but it's just so different from how I felt about Ben. Bella, he's going to be okay isn't he?"

I smiled widely at her and took her hand, the words were easy this time as I reassured her that everything was going to be fine and for the first time that day I wasn't sure why but I truly believed it.

I led Angela back into the house and before we had moved a few steps Esme was busy bundling Angela up in her arms and leading her up the stairs to see Jacob. At a loss for something to do I looked around, bodies were lounging around but there was still an oppressive air surrounding the room. I moved to sit by Sam and noticed him looking at me expectantly.

"You could have told me it was Angela"

"Yeah, but then we wouldn't get to see you looking all shocked and goofy now would we?"

I wanted to chastise Sam for being so carefree but I sensed that he was only doing it in an effort to keep the air light around us.

"I'm not positive but I'm pretty sure she's his imprint"

I rehashed most of our conversation and as soon as the words were out of my mouth my body sagged back down against the sofa. I was hungry and tense, but above all I was exhausted. I was disgusted with myself for thinking it, but along with all of that, I was also feeling a little jealous of Angela and Jacob. Barring his current condition, everything seemed so easy for them. I ran my hand across my forehead, angry at my own line of thought before I swallowed my emotions, forcing them down. I lay my head down on the arm of the sofa and closed my eyes, listening intently to the quiet conversations around.

"Bella!"

I was being shaken and while I wanted to push the hands away and let my body fall back into it's slumber, something in the tone of the voice forced my body upright. The room was dark and it took a few moments for my eyes to adjust to see a desperate Jared returning my gaze. The room was one I hadn't spent much time in but I recognized it as one of the spare bedrooms on the third floor. My voice was slightly hysterical when I spoke.

"Is it Jacob?"

"No, Jake's out still. You were having a nightmare. You don't remember?"

I tried to think but I couldn't even remember being asleep, so I shook my head.

"Are you sure he's okay? What time is it?"

"It's a little after 2am and yes, I'm sure. Come on let's get you back to sleep"

I nodded and allowed my body to fall back onto the soft mattress. When Jared stayed rigidly positioned on the edge of the bed, I moved across to make room for him. It didn't even take my pleading eyes for him to lie down with me, if I had to hazard a guess I would say that he had yet to sleep himself.

We lay there facing one another in silence. Even though he was only inches from me I felt lost, there was so much that I wanted from him and I didn't know to take it, or even how to ask. I watched as his eyelids fluttered closed, finally succumbing to his body's needs.

I watched him for hours as he rustled with sleep, as his chest rose and fell with his necessary breaths. I was losing my battle of wills and I needed to feel closer to him somehow, to absorb some of his innate comfort, but I was hesitant to disturb his sleep. I edged forward until our bodies were puzzled together, his broad arm reaching around subconsciously pulling me closer as he mumbled out something incoherently. I couldn't breath but I knew what I needed. His lips were only inches from mine and I could feel my resolve unwind. Without further thought I leaned in and brushed my lips across his with barely a hint of a touch, but it wasn't enough. I needed more. I reached forward once more, this time my lips lingered on his, not daring to move but longing for a deeper connection, I willed him to wake up. But he didn't, not even when my lips pushed softly against his. My mind was dizzy from my actions, so I pulled back and nestled my head softly into his neck whispering the words that I had been holding on my tongue for days. But of course it was at that moment when all hell erupted, as shouts and beeps violently broke through the silence of the house.

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**a/n: I've been thinking about it for a while but the decision has been made. Chapter 13 will be from Jared's point of view...**


	13. Man on Fire JPOV

**a/n: I own nothing**

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I fought with myself to remain calm, keeping my breaths even and steady, but god damn it, it was hard. Her lips were pressed against mine and it was something I had been dreaming about for months, but she had chosen to do this while she thought I was sleeping and that told me just about everything I needed to know. I wanted to kiss her back, to show her that she didn't need to be afraid, but for some god knows reason I held on to my restraint and let her keep on thinking I was asleep.

Fuck me though, it was everything I had imaged it would be and more, I used every hint of resolve I had amassed in our time together to hold on, hoping against fucking hope that she would stop soon. I wanted to let out a sigh of relief when she buried her tiny little head into my neck and while I loved that shit I wanted so much more. I wanted her to do this while I was awake.

Everything since I had stepped off that flight had been a test of my patience. Something I knew my mom would laugh wildly about if she knew. A lot of the other guys had it bad, but as least the first time they phased they had an idea who the voices in their head belonged to. I seriously thought I was going insane. While I knew some of the guys from way back, with ten years plus between then and now it had been a serious lesson in restraint. Like going from zero to sixty without even blinking. I knew more about these fuckers now than I ever wanted to and then some, it wasn't the same as the friendships that they all shared, only time could solve that though.

It was in his mind that I had first seen her. I didn't really think much of it, but I'll admit I was intrigued, pissed Jacob the hell off too, hearing my thoughts about his innocent little Bells. From the memories I could see she didn't have it for him though, it was only when he thought about her relationship with Cullen that it really got to me. I didn't like seeing his hands on her, even if it was just a memory stuck in someone else's mind. Fuck, if I had known then what that shit meant though.

It was only when I saw her in person that the world spun off it's axis and spiraling out of control. Jacob's memories couldn't even touch her. She was all brown eyes and vulnerability and I wanted to run over there and drag her away from his meaty ass paws. Couldn't do it though of course, Sam put a stop to that the minute he saw the fucked up expression on my face. I didn't want to hear it though. I pulled her aside later to ask about her relationship with Cullen. Heads or tails I told myself. Tails; she's happy, you stay the fuck away. Heads; she's not and maybe you don't.

She couldn't open her mouth and say the words to me, but it was enough. I'd already seen it in her eyes, reverential and full of heartbreaking adoration. She loved him even if she couldn't bring herself to tell me. So tails it was; I stayed away.

Sounds simple right? That's what I thought too, funny how these things work out though. I convinced myself that I didn't like the idea of imprinting anyway. Who the hell wanted their life dictated by something they had zero control over and could barely comprehend? My logic was pretty sound and I actually began to believe a lot of the shit I was selling. I tried to keep myself ridiculously busy, and fuck me if my house wasn't done in half the time I expected. I'd even been optimistic in the planning stages too. That wasn't enough though, every achingly free thought was filled with brown eyes and stolen memories. Everything I had seen in the minds of my brothers cursed me and saved me in waves. I needed to see her, but no one could handle phasing with me after a while. I could barely eat, making my crazy new muscles scream in response and if that wasn't enough I actually had to physically fight the pain to keep myself away from her.

Leah's words kept me sane and while I knew she had her own agenda, I couldn't find it within me to give a shit what it was. Hurt like a bitch when I found out she had kept the whole Swan-Cullen separation from me though. But even then when I couldn't understand one fucked up thing that went on in her head, I owed her. Leah was just being Leah, I was the one who had insisted I could stay away, she was just going along with my fucked up plan. Even with all that she eventually brought Bella to me, no one else had been willing to step in and save the day. Without her I was fairly fucking sure I would still be patrolling with Paul, the only thing to ease my mental pain being the bruises we laid on each other every day. Maybe that's why Sam let it go on, forcing us on each other like rabid dogs, both working out our crazy aggression.

That's the thing though, even when Bella and I finally got on track, we just weren't. I had been pining over her for months and she barely even knew I existed. She drew me in quickly enough though, it wasn't that I was already in love with her. I couldn't understand when Sam had said that to me, that he had been in love with Emily since he had laid eyes on her. It wasn't like that for me though, I was too logical to believe I could love a stranger, someone who's mind I didn't know. I was drawn to her though, obsessed even, like she was my fucking oxygen or something. But I still couldn't even claim to know her. I told her as much and fuck, the words wouldn't seem to come out right. I wanted her to have a choice, even if I knew now that I didn't. If she wanted to stay away from me, I would help her with that as much as I could, consequences be damned.

But when I felt her tiny frame under the palm of my hand I knew I was done. It wasn't a coin flip anymore. I was going to fight. If I had to die in the bloodiest battle known to man, then bloody me up, I was fighting to the death. Bella was tiny and fragile, but she had fight in her. Feeling her warmth, her energy, seep into my palm, from that point on I just craved to be near her.

I touched her every chance I got but I was still holding back. Fucking patience and time seemed to be what she needed, so I waited. I wanted to know what it would feel like to kiss her, to taste her on my tongue. But I couldn't. Now that we were finally moving forward I wasn't about to fuck everything up at the last hurdle.

I don't know when my mind caught up with my body and fell in love with her.

Maybe it was that fucking gut wrenching night, when I had to get my ass out of there as she laid her tiny little wrists on Jacob's knees. Offering herself and her misery to him, like he deserved her selfless love. He knew he couldn't keep her, but I didn't blame him for trying, he loved her. He was just too blinded by his emotions to see what he was asking her to give.

Maybe it was when she fought so ferociously with me over that pointless shit we both knew she didn't believe in. I fucking loved fighting with her, she was intelligent and passionate and it took all of my control to not just attack those beautiful lips of hers. It didn't matter when it happened though, all that mattered was that I loved her.

Slowly she was coming closer to me though. I wasn't the only one initiating the touches anymore and fuck, if she didn't whisper my name every night in her sleep. Calling out to me, like a Siren beckoning me to my death. It's wasn't that I couldn't sleep because of the pain anymore, now it was a self induced need to hear my name just one more time; whispered like a soft prayer on her lips.

I had analyzed her every action around me and it was like a new form of torture. Every time she touched me, or smiled at me in her intoxicating way; I would replay the memories I had seen of her in Jacob's head. Everything was a comparison and honestly, I couldn't see much difference in the way she behaved around him, to the way she was around me. I looked constantly for some new emotion in her eyes, something that would tell me how she felt. While we were a fuck load closer since she had all but moved in with me, I had already pretty much resigned myself that she would never see me as anything more than her friend. So to feel her plump little lips on mine, to hear her whisper her love for me, it was like I was upside down and the world was fucking exploding around me.

Of course, this was the moment the beeps that had been falling rhythmically in time with my own heart stopped. In their place was an angry chaotic noise. I sat up immediately and I heard the frantic sounds of movement echo throughout the gargantuan home. I didn't want to get up, I had a deep feeling of dread over what was about to happen and an even deeper need to keep Bella shielded from whatever it was.

The Cullen's had been so ridiculously welcoming and I was a little ashamed to admit that were the roles reversed, I was almost positive they wouldn't be receiving the same treatment. I had driven up this morning ready to hate them all. But I just couldn't follow through on the instinct. Yeah, they smelled so sickeningly sweet, but they were just so human. Even Edward who by all rights should be attempting to dismember me, was so fucking polite.

I would never admit it to the guys but when he had pulled me aside earlier I had been fucking sick to my stomach over what he was about to say.

…"_Jared, isn't it". I looked around to see that conveniently he had found a moment to intercept me when I was running solo. _

"_May I have a word?". I couldn't get over this guy, I had never asked Bella how old he was, but he was just all charm and etiquette, just another fucking thing to worry about. Was this what she wanted? All heirs and graces? After all she had chosen him, but been stuck with me. I followed him out into the forest and god if every instinct in me wasn't telling me to phase, just to be playing on an even playing field. Who knew when this guy would snap but it would have to be soon._

"_I spoke to Bella earlier and told her mostly what I will tell you. While selfishly I would like her to remain with me forever, I am glad that she has found someone who can give her all the things I believe she deserves"_

_Was this for real? Who tells the guy who took his girl that he's happy about it. Edward Cullen it seems, that's who! _

"_For Bella to be with me, forever as she wanted, I believe it may have destroyed us both. She was asking for me to take away her essence, the very things that made her the girl I love. I don't know if I ever could have done that, knowing what she was sacrificing. Yes, she was willing to give those things up now. Nut what about ten years from now, one hundred, would she still have felt the same or would she have resented me for taking away so much? So yes, in some ways I am pleased by her choices"_

_The idea of Bella being a vampire made my stomach retch in protest. Of course, I hadn't thought about the fact that this guy was the mind reader, so obviously when I went off on a mental tangent about whether he could have really loved her at all if he was giving her up so easily; he was none too pleased about it!_

"_Thank you for those lovely thoughts Jared. But please don't ever question my feelings for Bella again. I think I am being more than reasonable in this situation, but if you would like to test my patience, then please, continue"_

_It wasn't exactly a 'go fuck yourself', but I think it was about as close as Edward would get. I couldn't even find it in me to pretend that I didn't deserve it. I didn't know if I could be as selfless as he was being, but I would never have to face the horrors he would, just to be with someone I loved. Here I was, in his house, with his former fiancée, who had essentially left him for me and I was rude enough to question his motives. I'd want to take me out too. I probably wouldn't be so controlled about it though. I couldn't hate him, or even be jealous that once upon a time she had chosen him, I just felt sorry for the fucker. _

Edward had given me a pretty wide berth after that and out of respect I did my best to keep my Bella thoughts to a minimum.

Bella led me out of the bedroom and down the stairs with all the trepidation of a lamb headed to slaughter. I could hear her heart sing out with a crazy beat in her chest as we neared Jacob's room. Sam had warned us all that there was a very real possibility that Jacob wouldn't be making it out of this, but I don't think any of us had really believed him. I knew I hadn't. But those beeps and the rushed, frantic tones, coming from within that room weren't something I could deny.

I was glad that Bella couldn't hear anything, but her beautiful eyes looked so forlorn when the beeping suddenly stopped. She couldn't hear the voices to know that it had no reflection on Jacob's condition. I could see the question in her eyes that she wasn't strong enough to voice. I knelt down next to her, where she had slumped down against the wall and lifted her chin with my right hand. I could see the set of her jaw where she was holding on tightly to her tears, and I wanted nothing more than to take all of her pain away. "It's okay, I promise. They just turned the machine off that was making the noise. Jacob's okay, he's going to be fine". I didn't know if it was true, especially with the words I could hear coming through the wall, but I prayed that the Doc wasn't going to make a liar.

I wasn't prepared for Bella when she threw herself at me, leaving us both splayed out in the hallway. I righted us but kept Bella in my lap and ran my hands up and down her sides in what I hoped were soothing motions, as she cried silently into my neck.

We had been locked in the same position for hours and between my focus on Bella and the nearby voices I was aware of very little else. I knew that we weren't alone in the hall, it was packed with warm and cold bodies, ancient enemies bound by an event that could possibly alter us all forever. I had questioned their presence at first, not being able to see the rational reason behind their companionship. But one look in their eyes had told me, Bella was the reason we had all thrown down our weapons and given up the war. They loved her. Another reason why I couldn't find it in me to feel any animosity towards them.

The heartbeat that I had been praying to like a devoted disciple for the last few hours, fluttered and then stopped. All eyes rose to meet, all but Bella's, who thankfully remained curled up obliviously in my neck. A collective sigh rang out as the beat restarted, singing out clear and strong once again. I felt Bella twitch beneath me, but as far as I could tell she remained blind to the close call.

We stayed like that until the sun was already making it's descent for the day. I had thought about making attempts to pull Bella away from the scene, but had decided it wasn't worth the fight I knew she would put up. It had been eerily silent for hours, without warning the doors opened and two tired vampires emerged. No one moved to stand and great them, instead they both slumped uncharacteristically to join us on the floor.

"He hadn't been healing as fast as we thought he would, we didn't realize the cause of it earlier, but it seems that he had been bitten by one of our kind. Not very deeply, but enough to slow his healing. What little venom infected him has now cleared his system. I believe he is over the worst." I could tell from his look towards Bella and Angela that the Doc had censored his speech for delicate ears. Sam had been so explicit in his details earlier of the internal injuries that Jacob had endured; I had been envisioning his insides to resemble packages of minced meat. I was glad that Bella was being kept somewhat out of the loop, even if she would be angry if she knew.

"Jake's gonna be okay?", it was weak and muffled but I could hear the hope in Bella's voice none the less. I looked up at Carlisle expectantly and saw several of the guys doing the same.

"Yes, Bella, I'm fairly certain he will be", I couldn't hold in the big grin that was taking shape across my face and watched as Bella raised her head to show the wide smile that was forming on her own. I didn't know if she was about to say anything else but a happy melodious voice sounded from my right speaking some of my favorite words. "Well that's wonderful, now I'm sure everyone is hungry, how about something to eat?".

Five wolves rose as one and the air in the house shifted from traumatic to gleeful with our movement. It didn't feel wrong to laugh or joke around, it felt right somehow. Angela stayed by Jacob's side, much as she had done the previous day. The rest of us converged on the kitchen, a strange camaraderie existing amongst us. It felt like we had all stood side by side in a long laborious battle and come out the other side as victors.

By the time I had convinced Bella that we should return home to sleep, Jacob was well on the way to being healed. Unfortunately his bones had set in unnatural positions, while the Doc had concentrated on the plethora of surgeries he had been forced to perform. That meant they would need to be re-broken and set. I didn't want Bella around while that happened, knowing the process was going to be torturous and there was a possibility that with the addition of adrenaline Jacob may wake up. The Doc couldn't say with certainty and had silently told me that if I could convince Bella to leave it would be best. I couldn't imagine how she would react to hearing Jacob howling out in pain and I didn't want to.

Getting back into the boundaries of La Push lifted a tension from my mind that I hadn't realized was there until it was gone. Embry had opted to remain at the Cullen's and it would be the first night since Bella had arrived that we would be spending alone. I'm sure I should have been excited about the prospect of no longer enduring my self enforced chaperone, but I was just so damn tired. Bella was looking pretty out of it herself so when we both made our way up to the bedroom without words. I didn't even try to sleep on the floor, I couldn't find it in to call on the last few traces of resolve I had left. Instead I threw off my shirt and climbed into bed. Bella didn't bat an eyelid or even miss a beat, she climbed right on in with me and snuggled up to my side. I wanted to ask her if she would be too hot, or if this whole set up was okay, but I fell asleep with both questions poised unspoken on the tip of my tongue.

Waking up with Bella was one of my favorite things to do, but as I opened my eyes I felt the disappointment pool in the pit of my stomach to find I was alone. It didn't stay there for long though as I was assaulted by the glorious smell of bacon wafting through the room. I fucking loved this woman. Nothing could've held me back as I sped down the stairs, the mouth watering aromas igniting a primal hunger in me. I stopped when I got to the kitchen though, Bella looked absolutely delectable with her plump bottom lip between her teeth as she worked on preparing our breakfast. Bella on her own was something, but Bella cooking for me was like all of my dreams being brought to life. I was shocked by my train of thought as I thought of her doing this years from now, possibly with tiny versions of ourselves running around her feet. It was the first time I had truly thought of a future involving Bella and I, and now that I had the thought was hard to suppress. I forced it back though, I couldn't even tell her I loved her yet and here I was imagining her barefoot and pregnant.

I didn't think as I walked up behind her, there was nothing left in my head but thoughts of how she would feel under my touch as I wrapped my arms around her and buried my face in her neck. I didn't even think when she leaned back into my chest, welcoming the embrace. Neither did I think when her head angled up to mine. Resolve was gone, patience was out the window, hunger long forgotten.

I dipped my head down and sucked on her plump lip, tasting her flesh as she melted beneath me. None of my actions were tentative or soft, they were desperate and greedy. Her lips were like fire under my own and as my tongue delved into her mouth I wanted to sing out in exaltation as she welcomed me with an equaling need. I didn't know when she had turned around, or when I had picked up her. But I did know that I had her pressed up against the fridge, my fingers brushing along her thighs, while her legs were locked firmly around my body.

We were interlinked in a frenzy of motion as we grinded up against each other, caught in passionate delirium. I moaned out loudly as she took my bottom lip aggressively between her teeth, sucking it hungrily into her mouth. Kissing Bella was the most earth shattering, mind numbingly wonderful thing I had ever experienced and I never wanted to stop. It was even better knowing she was matching my need with her own, beat for beat.

Who knows how far we would have gone, or how long I would have kept Bella pressed deliciously up against the fridge, if it weren't for the deep chuckles singing out from behind us. Bella's lips froze, the only movement between us were the ragged breaths our bodies were forcing us to take. I could feel the warmth of Bella's heated cheeks as she tried to bury her head into my neck, I didn't know if it was from passion or embarrassment. I needed a minute to compose myself before I turned around and kicked Embry's ass. Screw chaperoning, fucker would not be welcome here anymore.

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**a/n: Everyone say a BIG BIG thank you to Tammywammy... who made me see the light. Without her we would all be gearing up to prepare our eulogies for Mr. Black. **


	14. Fade Into You

**a:n: I don't own anything Twilight related**

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My head was buried deep in Jared's neck. Although it constricted the amount of air I was able to absorb to counter my ragged breaths, I was still managing to hide my embarrassment from the world. While my face was busy concocting new shades of red for the human face to display, I was trying desperately to think of some witty slight to hurl in Embry's direction. The best I had managed to come up with so far was 'fuck off', but I didn't think I was about to win any originality awards for that one. I felt all of Jared's muscles tense under my fingertips, altering me that I was probably not the only one ready to take a razor to Embry's fur. But knowing Jared, he was probably thinking of going for a more physical approach.

"Embry, outside now". I lightly chuckled hearing the obvious strain in Jared's voice. I wasn't sure how long we had now been stood in our awkward post kiss positions, but I felt myself being moved and my feet came to rest on the kitchen floor. I brought my hand to my cheek, I could feel the heat still evident, but I hoped it had probably diminished to a soft pink blush.

I didn't want to get caught in the middle of some giant, wolf/man battle so I ran my fingers lightly through Jared's tousled hair, in a weak attempt to keep him calm. The problem was though, it made me think of the position we had been in just moments before and that brought on a new wave of desire from within. Having felt the touch of his lips on mine, to feel his want and passion had been incredible. In fact if Embry hadn't interrupted us, I was fairly certain I would still be pressed against the refrigerator right now, enjoying every moment of an unshackled Jared.

"I just came over to let you guys know that the Doc thinks Jake may be okay to come home tomorrow, I didn't realize you were going to be providing some afternoon entertainment, or else I would've brought popcorn!"

I watched rooted to the spot at Jared led Embry outside, the strain clear in his shoulders as Embry chuckled. If he was worried he certainly wasn't showing it, he even threw me a sly wink on his way out the door and I couldn't help but giggle in response.

Alone again, I looked around to see that the breakfast I had been preparing was now seared to the base of the pan. I could barely even identify the now blackened eggs and I made a mental note to buy Jared a new pan for ruining this one. Although maybe he should be the one doing the replacing; he started everything after all.

I couldn't help the little spring in my step as I left the pan to soak while retrieving a slightly larger one from the cupboard. I grabbed the eggs and bacon back from the fridge and started everything from scratch, all over again. I almost felt like I was stuck in some sort of wonderful groundhog day when I felt Jared's arms wrap around me again just as they had earlier.

"No distracting me this time Mr.!", I turned and gave him my best cheeky smile while scooting away from him slightly. I wasn't sure about his own self control, but mine obviously was in question after the mornings activities.

Seeing my intent Jared grabbed a loaf of bread and began putting pieces of bread in the toaster.

"So did you and Embry have a nice chat?", I turned from the pan to watch Jared as he banged around the cupboards looking for plates. I wanted to laugh at his inability to remember where anything was, but I was too busy waiting for an answer.

"I guess. I was all ready to kick him out, when he reminded me why I asked him to stay in the first place…", I nodded, I doubted he was the only one to forgot about Victoria over the past couple of days.

"So I guess that means he's staying put then?"

I plated our food while still waiting for a response. When I had managed to work my way through my breakfast and had still only been met by silence, I decided I probably wasn't going to get one.

As soon as we were done eating I called Alice to get an official Jacob update.

"Hey Ali, I was just calling to see what's going on" I heard some shuffling around on the other end of the line before Alice finally spoke.

"Hey Bells, sorry, we just walked back in the door. Jacob's doing well, Carlisle is going to wake him up soon. Are you coming over?" I looked over at Jared questioningly, knowing he could hear both sides of the conversation.

"Yeah, we'll head out in a couple of minutes", I was about to tell Alice what Jared had said, but she was two steps ahead of me. "Great Bells, see you in a few then", and of course she was already gone.

Before I knew it we were dressed and driving back out to the Cullen's. I was beginning to think that I had said something wrong, as silence still surrounded us. Once he had parked the truck I put my hand on Jared's arm, asking him not to leave. His beautiful light eyes met mine, and as I took in the light smile on his lips, I knew we were okay. But I still needed to hear the words.

"Are we okay… I mean…", before I could say anymore his lips were on mine, stealing the sweetest of kisses. He still didn't say anything though, but I caught the cheeky grin he flashed me before he hopped out of the truck. I laughed to myself while shaking my head at the new turn of events.

I hopped out and followed Jared up to the Cullen's doorway. I saw he was about to knock, so I stepped in front of him and opened the door. You didn't live somewhere for over a year and then lose certain liberties overnight. Downstairs seemed fairly quiet and I was happy to see that the boys had converged out on the back lawn again, the Cullen's had been more than hospitable.

I heard light footsteps coming down the stairs and knew from their familiar tempo that Alice was fast approaching.

"Hey Bells, Jared. I heard from a little birdie that you two are having a very lovely morning", of course she had a smug little grin on her face. I didn't bother to question how she knew.

"Hello Bella", I looked beyond Alice to see Jasper appearing from the shadows. I was glad that he was back, even if his presence had caused Jared to move forward slightly, standing in front of me in a show of protection no doubt. I put my hand around his broad bicep in hopes of showing him that it was unnecessary, but he gave no sign of any intent to retreat.

"And you must be Jared, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Jasper." His hand was outstretched in a fairly innocuous manner that I think we all knew was for show. I held my breath as Jared paused for just a moment too long to be considered polite, before he took the outstretched palm being offered to him.

"Well isn't that lovely, now that you boys are friends, I'm sure you won't mind lending me Bella for a few minutes?" Of course knowing Alice it wasn't a question and neither did she give anyone time to answer. As I was being briskly escorted up the stairs I trailed my eyes back to take in Jasper patting Jared on the back in a sympathetic manner. If anyone could understand or explain the ways of Alice Cullen, it would be her empathetic husband.

"So, spill it Bells, I want all the details", apparently while I had been otherwise engaged, Alice had dragged me into her cave. I shook my head at her, I wasn't about to go spilling details with Edward lying in wait somewhere around the place.

"Oh, I guess I didn't tell you yet. Edward left this morning, once he had the okay from Carlisle that he was no longer needed of course. None of us will see him again for a few years."

I didn't realize how long I had been away with my own thoughts until Alice's choral voice invaded them. "I'm sorry Bella, I thought you guys worked things out yesterday, I didn't mean to upset you." I tried to think for a moment as to whether I was upset or not. It was a lot to take in and while I wasn't necessarily upset that he was gone, I was selfishly a little sad that he hadn't wanted to say goodbye. Especially knowing it would be so long before I would potentially see him again. I hoped that in that time he would find some genuine happiness though.

"It's okay Ali, just a shock that's all. So why have you dragged me into your lair", Alice was sitting cross legged on the bed, a picture perfect imitation of all things calm and serene. Unfortunately, I knew Alice and her pseudo serenity was making me uncomfortable. If we were playing a waiting game I was bound to lose.

"So, tell me everything", I laughed loudly that her impatience had obviously taken hold. "C'mon Bella, I've been waiting all morning", the Queen of exaggeration had apparently struck again. "How can you possibly have been waiting all morning to know about something that happened less than an hour ago?" I wasn't aware I was walking into a trap until it was too late.

"Oh my god Bella! So something did happen? I knew it! I am officially invoking the best friend card, so spill my little best-y", of course she was incorrigible but I loved her none the less. I skimped on the details, i.e. the role the fridge played, but all in all I gave what I considered to be a stellar account of just how wonderful it was to kiss Jared.

It felt great to just feel so normal for a change. My conversations with Alice in regards to my kisses with Edward, even though she'd seen them first hand, had all centered around his control. This was an entirely new ball game though. I almost wanted to hear her spill about Jasper, but it was like I said, almost.

When I was finally freed from my best friends clutches we both made our way back downstairs arm in arm. The sight before us though was definitely something to behold. Apparently in our absence Jared and Jasper had been doing some bonding of their own. Both were sprawled out on the sofas, clutching controllers in their hands and laughing like they had been the best of friends for centuries. I turned to Alice who was wearing a similar expression of surprise, "Did you see this coming?" Her little head bobbed to the negative, the boys however still hadn't noticed they had an audience.

I didn't want to break whatever spell the two were under, but it certainly was powerful. I took a look out to the backyard to see that Seth and Quil were throwing a ball around. I decided enough was enough and threw myself down on the sofa next to Jared, emitting a loud 'oomph' for emphasis. Alice seemed to follow my lead, she was a lot more graceful in her actions though, as she sprung lithely into Jasper's lap.

"Hi Boys, whatcha doing?", Alice giggled along with me as we looking back and forth between Jasper and Jared, waiting for god knows what as a response.

"Ladies", of course Jasper would take this as smoothly as the sky were blue, well grey, if we were going for accuracy. His consummate charm was in full effect as he brought Alice's palm to his lips and laid a soft kiss there. I felt Jared's arm slide over my shoulder and pull me softly to his side, where I intuitively snuggled in deeper.

We sat there for over an hour, watching our men play video games, cheering them on raucously until Carlisle suddenly found his way in front of us.

"I hate to break up the fun, but I am planning on waking up Jacob in a couple of minutes", Immediately I felt guilty that I had been in the house for a while and hadn't even really bothered to ask how Jake was doing. I felt a wave of serenity hit me and I smiled over at Jasper in appreciation.

"What the hell?" I looked at Jared and then to Jasper who was clearly hiding his amusement. I couldn't recall if I had ever told him of Jasper's gift, but it was irrelevant now that he had felt first hand the slightly foreign synthesized emotion. I wasn't sure how quickly he would skip from amused to angry so I decided to offer some assistance before it got that far.

"Jasper is an empath, he can feel all of your emotions and manipulate them at will", I enjoyed watching as Jared's expression moved from amused to mildly horrified, and then back to an attempt as something resembling nothing.

"Sorry, I thought you knew", he nodded, but I wasn't entirely sure how he was feeling. I turned to Jasper who lowered his head just slightly in what I assumed was an offer of reassurance. Surprisingly I had forgotten about Carlisle once again, until he cleared his throat to raise our awareness to his presence. I rose from my seat and called Seth and Quil in from the back yard and from there we all made our way up to Jacob's room, where unbeknownst to us Angela was already waiting.

"Hey Ange, how're you doing?" Her delicate head turned. She smiled when she saw myself and Alice, but I could see the panic behind her widening eyes as a trail of people continued to march into the room. Once everyone was assembled, Carlisle fiddled around with some tubes and then stood back. The entire room was filled with a strange tension and each slight new movement Jacob made amplified the feeling. Even though I knew it was a positive thing, I couldn't bring myself to watch. I turned away from Jacob and wrapped my arms around Jared who pulled me softly to his chest, his chin resting on the top of my head. I'm not sure how long we remained in that position until I heard a voice call out. It may have been raspy but I could still identify the familiar tones of my best friend from anywhere.

I slowly turned around and while I wasn't sure if I was ready to look, I knew I couldn't hold back any longer. While we had our ups and downs, our times of separation, lying there on that table was my best friend. Everything had changed though, I was no longer the girl he would look for first and while I was so pleased that he had found Angela, their new relationship would take some getting used to. I felt a cold hand come down on my shoulder and I looked up to see Jasper smiling down on me. I returned his sweet gesture and leaned my head back against Jared's chest, watching as Jacob was reunited with his love.

It wasn't long before Carlisle was shuffling us all out again claiming a need for Jacob to rest and while I lingered on the side lines, Jacob had yet to notice anyone but Angela. I tried not to allow the silly feelings of jealousy to take root, but I was finding it to be a losing battle. I felt embarrassed and angry with myself for feeling any hints of the green eyed monster and not wanting to take Jasper out in the rip tide of my emotions, I suggested to Jared that we leave. He didn't seem to hesitate at my suggestion and it was only an extended goodbye to Jasper that stopped us from leaving immediately.

As soon as we arrived back at Jared's I immediately changed into my pajamas and although the night was still fairly young I went straight to bed. When I hadn't returned downstairs after a good half an hour, I heard Jared's heavy footsteps on the stairs.

He lay down on the bed facing me and I took in the concerned expression marring his handsome face. "Is everything okay?" I wanted to tell him that I was being stupid and female, that everything would be fine, but I didn't. Instead I lied and told him I had a headache. Something behind his eyes told me that he didn't quite believe me. He let it go though.

"Do you need anything?", I shook my head, I knew I could possibly solidify the pretense slightly and ask for some pain killers, but now that we both knew I was lying it seemed a little pointless.

"Well, I have some work to do, that is unless you want me to stay with you?", there was no hope in his voice. "No it's fine, you go work". I didn't want him to leave thinking that he had done something, so before he had a chance to slip away I grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him closer to me. I knew I was being a selfish idiot but I couldn't stop the emotions swirling around inside me. I breathed him in as he allowed himself to move closer and just as he was close enough, I lifted my head and brought my lips to his. It was a far cry from the few nights prior when I had kissed him while he slept. This was full of nerves and heat. I felt his lips mould to mine, meeting my pressure with his own. I could have laid there all night, with his lips pushing away all of the turmoil within, but I felt like it was something akin to a betrayal.

Instead I pulled away from the kiss and looked into his soft eyes, full of passion and concern. I traced the hard plains of his face and felt three words bubble to the edge of my tongue. I didn't want to push them away though, but I was afraid of the depth of my feelings. So instead, I pushed him away, not wanting to see the pain I might be causing in doing so I turned to face the wall.

I fell asleep not long after I was left to my own overactive thoughts. When I woke up hours later alone, I couldn't resist going in search of the man I had potentially hurt with my selfish actions only hours earlier. I padded around the house and I was beginning to think that he had left when I spied movement coming from the back porch.

Opening the back door I felt my breath hitch when I could finally see Jared clearly. The plains of Jared's bare upper body were glistening, bathed in the pale light of the moon. He didn't turn to acknowledge me, but instead pulled his beer bottle to his full lips, taking a long drag of the amber liquid held within.

I sat one step behind him, the warmth of his body oozing into the skin of my bare legs as I wrapped them around him.. He still didn't acknowledge me and while I knew I probably deserved this treatment, it didn't make it hurt any less.

"I'm sorry", I whispered the words into the dark skin between his should blades as I laid soft kissed on his body. I could feel him softening beneath me as his right hand gripped my calf, sending shudders of pleasure through my body as his fingers moved slowly up towards my knee. My kisses reached higher in retaliation until my lips were trailing across his broad shoulders. I couldn't help the feeling of bitter disappointment as he casually took another large drink from his beer.

"Did you get any work done?" I tried my best to make my voice sound as smooth as I could, but even to myself it sounded tense.

"No"

When Jared's response was followed by nothing but the roar of the ocean I decided to try again.

"I'm sorry", this time not only did I sound tense, but needy as well

"I know, you already said that", I couldn't stand the terse tone in his voice and while I knew by all rights I owed him an explanation, I just felt so beyond the bounds of what I knew how to deal with. I could feel my body retreat in preparation to run back indoors. Sensing my body's motion Jared's fingers wrapped tightly around my leg.

"Don't run away again", I was about to speak when he interrupted the beginnings of my protestations, "you ran away, whether it was physically or not". I closed my mouth again and laid my head back down on his shoulder.

"You think I didn't notice, that I didn't see how much it bothered you when Jacob woke up and didn't ask for you?" I felt like even more of a petulant child to hear the words said aloud, but to hear the pain in his voice on top of everything it was heartbreaking. How had we managed to traverse so many emotions in one day; to go from this morning to this?

"You're right I didn't think you noticed, and I didn't ever want you to, because I was embarrassed that I felt that way at all". I was glad that I could bury my head away and not have Jared assess my emotions, but I wanted more than anything to see how he was reacting to this conversation.

"Felt what way?" The question took me aback and I needed to know if he was implying just what I thought he was. "Jared, Jake is my best friend, that's it, you know that right?"

"Do I?", the cold tone cut to my core and I could feel my heart drop to the pit of my stomach. I scrambled to my feet, moving around his large frame to kneel on the step in front of him. The empty look in his eyes hurt me even more than his words had.

"Hey…" I pulled softly on his jaw until his eyes met mine, "The way I feel about Jake and the way I feel about you, they don't even compare. He's my friend, I've never seen him as anything more than that and I never will. I'm sorry that I reacted that way, but I guess selfishly I've never seen Jacob need or want anyone but me, I know it's wrong but I couldn't help it. I knew it was stupid and that's why I tried to hide it from you"

"Show me", I heard the words and automatically I raised myself higher. When my lips were just millimeters away from his I spoke softly, each syllable causing my lips to brush against his, "like this?" I felt his lips brush back against mine as he nodded his head, tiring of the teasing I pulled his head aggressively to mine, our lips crashing against one another. He tasted of salt and beer, and my tongue reached out to sample more of him.

I felt my body being lifted as Jared pulled us both into the air, the sounds of glass clanging as we moved indoors. I wasn't sure of the time but I hadn't seen Embry inside and for that I was silently grateful. Jared moved us towards the couch, before I breathed out Embry's name, followed by 'upstairs'. I felt our bodies shift as we moved climbed upwards, only to plunge softly down on the bed.

I wasn't sure how far this would go, or how far I wanted it to go, but I felt the twinge of nerves to know the precarious position I was in. Jared shifted us so that I was straddling him up against the headboard and I was relieved to know that we weren't lying down, for some reason this seemed just a little less dangerous.

My tongue battled against his own as my hand followed the waves of muscles down Jared's stomach, each plain blazing a fire on my fingertips. My fingers stopped to trace the edge of his shorts, his hips bucked against mine in a silent plea for more. I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks as my fingers trailed lower, tracing the hardened length of his erection. I probably would have stopped there were it not for the warm palms that were now traveling upwards along my naked stomach. The sensation sending me over the edge as desire pooled at the very depths of my being. I longed for more, my hips moved in a synchronized rhythm, as a primal need built within me.

My fingers began to shakily pop open buttons as Jared's brave fingers traced the outlines of my hardened nipples through my bra. I softly bit down on his lip as the feeling of his fingers intensified the need within me. I wanted more.

I brushed my fingers across the newly exposed breadth of skin beneath his shorts. Of course he wouldn't bother with excess layers of clothing. I was tentatively hoping to reach what I so desired, but I was fearful at the same time. As my fingers finally found his surprisingly smooth erection I heard the breath hitch in Jared's throat, as it did in mine. Just as my fingers wrapped themselves around his hardened length, I felt the cool air hit my nipples, that was until they were encased in Jared's warm mouth. Everything beyond that point was a heated battle of push and pull. As my hands moved rhythmically up and down, I felt my body being expertly manipulated under Jared's fingers and mouth. It was a heavenly coexistence of desire and need. I wasn't exactly sure what I needed or wanted but I knew it was something more.

Hot fingers sparked across my skin and as I felt myself lose control of the situation I softly whispered in Jared's ear, "show me". I felt him hesitate slightly before one of hands moved from my own body to his wrap around my hand, showing me the speed and pressure he desired. As my body rocked against his I felt my own need growing exponentially. I heard Jared groan and as he shuddered underneath me, I looked to see his face contorted in a grimace of pure pleasure. I kissed him softly on the lips before I moved from his lap, laying back down on the bed, feeling the dichotomy of satisfaction while being unsatisfied. I closed my eyes to concentrate on my own needy breaths.

I felt Jared leave the bed but I didn't realize he was back until I felt myself being lifted. My body once again straddling his, but this time my back was pressed against his chest. My breathing had almost regulated itself when I felt open mouthed kissed being laid deliciously along my neck, my desire surging once again. I couldn't control my body as it began to rock instinctively against his. I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted but as I felt Jared's hungry fingers trace down my body, I knew that he was heading in the right direction.

As his fingers found their way to the most sensitive niches of my body I gasped out in pleasure. I felt his other hand grip my hip aggressively as he rocked my own body against his own creating a delicious friction with a faster rhythm. When Jared place one of his fingers inside me I immediately pulled away at the foreign intrusion, but as gentle words and soft kissed filled my mind, I felt my body relax again. As a second finger joined the first my body began to writhe under the new sensations. It didn't take long at all before I reached the peak of my pleasure; tidal waves of euphoria drowning me in the wake.

Only once Jared had released me did the real world finally begin to seep beck in to my consciousness. He moved me softly to the bathroom where he turned on the shower for me, I wasn't paying much attention, lost as I was in my blissed out high. As he laid a pair of sweat pants on the counter I smiled at his thoughtful actions.

When I was dry and changed I lingered at the bathroom door, not sure if I was ready for the possibilities of conversations to be endured. We had covered up pain with sex and while I knew that wasn't healthy, I was still ridiculously happy about what had passed between us. When I couldn't take it any longer I emerged, moving with my head down to place my clothes in the washer before I slunk back to the bedroom.

Jared was already laying in bed but when he saw me he offered me a light smile and patted the area next to him. I moved slowly and lay down, my legs wrapping around his body as my head lay softly of his chest. I had done it specifically to not face him, but I soon felt strong fingers beneath my chin, lifting my eyes to his.

"You and Edward…" I could sense his hesitation, but I was silently begging for him to continue "…how far exactly did you go?" I smiled wryly, knowing that the answer was never what people expected. "Kisses, nothing more"

I watched as his eyebrows raised slightly, followed by a deep, joyous smile.

"How're you feeling?" I couldn't help but try to hide my head from him. "No, I need to see you"

I lifted my eyes, Edward had always been willing to let me hide, but maybe this was what an adult relationship was about; facing everything you felt head on.

"I'm okay. A little embarrassed maybe, but I've never… I mean nobody has ever made me feel like that before". I couldn't help the blush as it spread across my face and the smile that I was met with in return. I didn't even try to stop the yawn as it fell from my mouth and looking to the clock, I saw that it was almost four in the morning.

I nestled down deep into Jared's chest as I felt the ripples of lethargy pass over me. I didn't want to fall asleep but the arms encapsulating me and the comfort they provided were just too much for me to withstand.

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**a/n: ahhhh, please be nice! This is the first time I have tried to write anything of this kind.....and well, I'm feeling a little trepidation regarding my efforts.  
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	15. Clarity

**a/n: Twilight - not mine!**

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"Can you believe Jake's been home for nearly two weeks?" I rolled onto my side to see Jared make what I'm sure he thought was a discreet attempt to hide was he was drawing, before he lifted his eyes to meet mine. I couldn't say that we were perfectly on track with the whole Jacob jealousy issue, but we hadn't been derailed yet either. We had both been to visit him separately over the two weeks but tonight, at the bonfire, would be the first time we would see him together. To say I was nervous would be a huge understatement. I heard the little slap as his sketch pad closed and I watched as he pushed it dismissively to the side.

He moved to mimic my position and I lowered my head when he caught my eyes in a wry smile. I knew that we were still fairly young in our relationship, but I couldn't believe the things he could do to me with such simplicity. Just one look could send me whirling into gutters brimful with butterflies and school girl smiles.

"So…?" It was a subtle prompt, but I wasn't even sure what I wanted to say. Jared looked me over with a hint of concern that I really didn't want to see. I opened my mouth to talk about what could possibly happen when we both were forced within Jacob proximity, but I didn't know what to say about something that I wasn't even sure would happen.

"I don't know. I just want to make sure that everything is going to be okay tonight, with us I mean", I couldn't look at him as I said the words.

"Well that all depends", I held my breath, I had just realized that I didn't really want a response, just an affirmation of sorts. "…it's hard to say if things are going to be okay, with us I mean, if I don't even know what we are." It was such an easy transition that I barely even acknowledged how readily we had moved from talking about Jacob to us. But then maybe that was what we had really been discussing all along.

"oh…okay", it was pretty much all I could come up with. I was uncomfortable and I wasn't even sure why. Maybe it was the magnitude of the conversation we were having, or I guess about to have would be more accurate. Jared though didn't seem fazed in the slightest. He just sat there wearing his casual grin, like he just asked me about my favorite flavor of ice cream or something similarly inane.

It seemed like a pulley system, the more uncomfortable I got, the more amused Jared became. As a soft chuckle fell from his lips I turned away, my emotions so tight that I knew I could erupt at any time. It was such a tempestuous situation, my nerves were so fraught that him laughing, whether intentional or not, well it felt like it was directed at me. I didn't know if he could sense just how close to the edge I was, or if everything that had taken place between us this afternoon was contrived. He reached out and pulled me to his side, shifting to lay on his back as he did. Every emotion that I had been trapped under lifted, as I felt waves of calm wash over me. Sometimes it was annoying how easily my emotions could be manipulated.

"Now first of all, you're going to tell me what was just going through that crazy little head of yours. Then you're going to listen to me for a minute." He spoke so assuredly that I didn't even consider disobeying.

"I don't know. I was just got all uncomfortable and then the more you found it funny, the worse it got. Does that make sense?" I tucked my head deeper into his broad chest, hiding away from the embarrassment I felt over losing control over something so stupid.

"Of course it makes sense. What worries me though is just how uncomfortable you got. I didn't think this would be an easy conversation, but I never expected you to react like that." I wanted to punch myself in the face for the pained twinges buried throughout his tone. I felt his chest rise as he swallowed huge chunks of air, no doubt in preparation to go on. I needed to stop him, to make right what I had so very easily fucked up just moments before.

I shifted my body to straddle his and laid my hands down across his body. I rested my head on his arms and looked deep into his eyes.

"I want you, nobody else and I don't want you to want anyone else. Does that, I mean, does that answer your question?", I could feel my cheeks flushing but I didn't lose his glimmering eyes once. It seemed like an eternity we spent just staring at one another, until I felt strong arms lift my body, pulling my closer to him. Our faces were so close that I could lean forward just a fraction and we would be kissing. But I was too mesmerized to move. His eyes were holding me, locked in place with the strength of their intensity.

"The idea of you even talking about me wanting anyone else, you know that's never going to happen don't you?" I felt strong hands tug at my chin but it was his eyes, begging me that kept me frozen. I felt like his was asking me to see something, some deeper understanding that I still couldn't quite reach.

"So does this mean you're my boyfriend?", I couldn't help laughing while I said it, but I knew how strong the blush on my cheeks was at this very moment.

"No, it means that's you're my everything and one day, I hope everyone else knows that too", I felt his fingers brush down from my chin to my hand, tracing patterns across my ring finger in a symbolic gesture. I couldn't help looking away, but only as I closed my eyes, brushing my lips across his in a silent promise. I didn't feel any fear from his intentions for our future, or the speed at which they had been delivered, But that in itself scared me and I knew that now would be the right time to share a few details from my past.

I pulled back from him and positioned myself a safe distance from his tempting lips.

"When I agreed to marry Edward I was so afraid, I feel bad saying it but it wasn't something I really wanted to do. Renee, my Mom, she married Charlie so young, I guess when everything fell apart for them, well it did for me too. I didn't want to get married. I'm really ashamed to say it, but with Edward it was just a commodity, something to be bartered"

I knew he was going to ask what the terms of the deal were before he even opened his mouth to say it, so I decided to cut him off at the pass.

"In exchange for becoming Mrs. Edward Cullen he was going to change me." All in all, I would say that he took this snippet of information fairly well. As much as throwing me from him and running to the woods can be seen that way. I waited, knowing he would just need to pull himself back under control before he returned to me. It took longer than I had expected though and when he did emerge it was in a different pair of shorts and nothing else. Clothes would always be the first casualty.

He walked back to me the picture of calm and lay back down next to me, mimicking his previous position. I smiled in relief when he patted his chest asking me to come back to him again. When we were nestled down he reached out and tucked a stray wisp of hair behind my ear.

"Next time you want to drop something on me like that, I would suggest a little warning might come in handy," I smiled along with him, but I knew his words carried a serious warning.

"I think I always knew, but hearing you confirm it…" He left it there and we fell into silence, just watching one another. I didn't think I would ever be able to truly understand the way the Wolves felt about Vampires. For me I held all Vampires to the Cullen's standard. I knew it was warped but they proved that there was a humanity within, no matter how evil.

"So, tonight?" I wanted desperately to get us back on track. I knew it probably wasn't easy to share information about past relationships to your current, but add in mortal enemies and everything got just that much more intense.

"We will be fine", I felt his fingertips trail down my sides and his words took a hold of me. I believed him. I had seen Jake around Angela enough this week to know that my irrational instincts were long gone. The only lingering fear for me was how Jared would react. I hadn't been the only one suffering from feelings of jealousy during our last encounter.

"So, what were you drawing?" I chuckled to see how I had taken him so off guard. Not only did he look like a rabbit caught in the headlights, but his arm reached out to protectively clutch his sketch book. "That bad huh?"

I didn't want to read too much into it when his clutch seemed to only intensify. "It's not that I don't want you to see, I'm just not sure how you'll feel about it." Talk about throwing breadcrumbs at the hungry, if this was his way to stop my interest then it was a terrible attempt.

"Please, show me?" I gave him my best puppy dog eyes and I could see his resolve slipping as his grip loosened on the book. He lifted us with ease, reposition me to sit in his lap. I was fascinated as he flipped quickly through pages upon pages showing me flashes of exquisite pencil markings, until he finally stopped.

I felt my heart jump to my throat as I saw the image in front of me. It was beautiful, but so foreign that I looked to him for help.

"The comic commissioned me to create a new character", I didn't want to sound like a floundering fool but somehow it came out that way, "But that's me". He nodded and I outlined his sketch with my finger.

He had drawn me and captured something that I couldn't and probably wouldn't ever see. I was beautiful. Beautiful and strong.

"Is this, I mean, is this how you see me?"

"No, there is a look you get, when you're reading, it's so peaceful. I tried to capture that, but this was as close as I could get."

I couldn't get the words out to express just how much this meant to me. "Why didn't you want me to see it?" His focus remained glued on book we both held. "It wasn't what you'd see but the questions that would follow"

Of course this triggered just what questions he might be afraid for me to ask. I probably would have thrown every question in the book at him, but of course fate stepped in the way. The heavy vibrations of a phone ringing pulled both of our attentions back to the real world.

Jared closed the book and answered his phone, while I lamented the lost opportunity to understand why Jared was so wary. His usual eloquence was substituted by a series of grunts. My guess was Paul and I mentally cheered for myself when he confirmed this, once the call was done.

"So, what did he want?"

Apparently we were on grocery patrol and I couldn't stop my mind tracking back to how this was beginning to shape into a very vivid memory.

So we went grocery shopping, and we filled three carts just as Jake and I had done and every step I took felt like I was walking into something bigger than I could comprehend. This very situation so many months ago had led me down a path like no other I had ever known. It felt ludicrous but I didn't want to dismiss the bubble of something I could feel in the pit of my stomach, a sense of foreboding encapsulated me.

I stopped mid action. We were still loading up bags of groceries into his truck and quite frankly I couldn't find it in me to care.

"I don't feel right", he immediately stopped and I wasn't sure if I was doing an injustice by sharing my idiotic feeling, but I couldn't hold it in any longer. His hands were on me, feeling for signs of a fever that didn't exist.

"No, I mean I have a bad feeling", Jared sighed out in relief. I guess to him a physical ailment was far worse than a mental one.

"I don't know. I just, this…" I flailed my arms around but I knew that he still wasn't getting the point, "…did you ever get a feeling, a feeling that made you nervous, like something bad was going to happen?" I welcomed his arms as they encased me within his strength.

"It's okay, nothing bad is going to happen, I promise. I won't let anything bad happen to you", I don't know why I believed him but I did, I think maybe it was enough for me that he believed it.

The feeling was still there but I managed to quash it each time it made a resurgence, just with the memory of his words. We made it back to La Push and back to the beach without a hitch. Before I could find a way to mess up the day anymore I was busy, arm deep in food helping Emily to set everything up. It was different this time though. I wasn't on the outskirts, this time I belonged. People began to converge on our patch of beach, voices and laughter filling the air with glee.

The reason for the bonfire had been two fold. The first being this would mark the two week anniversary of Jake's accident and the day Carlisle had officially cleared him to phase once again. The second was Jake's decision to inform Angela of his true nature with a bonfire ceremony. To keep Pack things from her had proved to be increasingly more and more difficult and I think everyone was feeling a sense of relief to no longer be bound by lies and omissions.

I knew when they arrived. Not by voices or a change in the air, but by warm arms and soft lips touching my shoulder with their affection. My eyes immediately raced around until they fixed on their target. My two close friends were walking towards us with such grace and ease that I couldn't even fathom that the events of a few weeks prior had ever taken place.

I don't know what it was, but in that moment something solidified in my mind. Instead of watching the happy couple approach us I turned in Jared's arms and took his eyes in mine. I didn't feel any fear or trepidation as the words escaped my lips, everything just felt right.

"I love you"

A moment passed, followed by two, then three. But I still wasn't afraid. This was right and even if he didn't feel this way about me, I knew with a certainty that my feelings for him were nothing I have ever encountered before. Nothing could even compare to the way he made me feel. I turned around, returning my focus back on the nights special guests but this time I was feeling the beats of elation run steadily through my veins.

Jacob was engulfed in a mass of embraces and strong arms and I watched as Angela stood awkwardly to one side. I had been in her place once, to feel like you were half a step in, but still so far from belonging and I knew the mass of whirling emotions it could leave you feeling. I turned to Jared and let him know my intentions before circling softly to her side.

"Hey Ange", her timid smile was so endearing that I almost fell apart at the sight of it. I couldn't even imagine anyone more suited to each other than Jacob and Angela.

"You hungry?", I watched in amusement as she looked to Jake before nodding her head at me. What I wouldn't give to understand her motivations. Was she looking to him for permission? Or confirmation that he could endure the lack of her presence? I had never felt like Jared and I fit the imprint mould, we were something else entirely. Thinking of him I looked to see him standing where I had left him, but he wasn't alone. He was locked in what looked like an intense conversation with Leah.

Angela and I filled some plates with food and made our way to sit by the driftwood flames, the sky still too light to display their true beauty.

"So, how're you doing?", it was such a broad question but no matter how I tried to scale it back, I wanted Angela to have the upper hand, to offer me only what she felt comfortable offering.

"Good, weird, scared, all of the above I guess. Do they do this often, the whole bonfire thing I mean?"

I looked around but I couldn't help when my eyes lingered on Jared and Leah. In all the wonderment of the past couple of weeks I could honestly say I had forgotten about her, but here she was, front and center on my radar once again.

It took me a couple of seconds to think back to what I was meant to say, "Umm, every month or so I guess. This is the first one I've been to since I met Jared though"

I caught her eyes as they trailed to Jared and I smiled to see her appraising him, no matter how subtle.

"I like you with him. I mean nothing against Edward, but you and Jared, it seems… I don't know, more equal somehow". I would never underestimate Angela again. She had hit my own feelings for the situation right on the head, it was true. It was impossible for me to ever feel like Edward's equal, bur that had only seemed wrong once I had found Jared. Even though both clearly held an advantage over me just through genetics, it was only Jared who could make me feel like I belonged. And it was only with him. Edward had so many other things working in his favor, a best friend, a full blown family; something I had always craved and while I hadn't seen it at the time, it added greatly to his appeal. Jared on the other hand was a one man show. It was all or nothing, but it was only him for better or worse. I couldn't help but feel more certain in the words I had spoken earlier and I smiled broadly at Angela silently thanking her for unknowingly affirming my actions..

I wanted nothing more than to run back to his arms but I held myself down, keeping my focus on Angela. Bodies began to fill the spaces around us as the light receded below the depths of the ocean. It was only when I noticed Jake take to Angela's side that I knew I was officially locked in place for the nights festivities.

"Hey Bells", to say everything was natural between us was a lie. We were awkward and weird and I couldn't help but think it had something to do with just how hard we were trying. I watched Jake's eyes narrow slightly and it was only when I felt a warmth on my back that I knew the source of his angst.

I hated that we were bound by whatever this strange entanglement was, but there was no denying that we were. It seemed that only Angela was oblivious. I didn't need to turn as I felt Jared's lips on my shoulder, only he would kiss me there so tenderly. I quite often longed to ask him the reasons behind his frequented spot of affection, but somehow it was enough to know that such affection existed.

I didn't catch when everyone had surrounded us or when Jacob had begun to talk, but apparently both of those things had happened while I was lost in Jared.

I heard Jacob's familiar intonations as I shifted so that I could rest flush against Jared's body. He gave me not only a sense of security but also happiness. I didn't want to miss those emotions as I listened to Jacob's words, as he spoke of the legends of the tribe. The words I had heard before, but for Jacob to be speaking them to his imprint felt like a right of passage, something that would be continued from here on in.

I tried to remain as focused as I could on Angela, to hint out any indications of stress or fear, but she showed signs of neither. Jacob's words were hypnotic though, and I'm sure I would have been deep under, locked in the flames and fire were it not for Jared. He alone kept me alert; his fingers, his breath on my skin, his proximity alone. I was tied, anchored in place, unable to lose myself in legends as I once would have been.

The legends were over, stories of the first wife, the formation of the tribe and the Wolves and while all were intoxicating I could feel the tension in the air switch. Story time was over. Now it was time to talk.

The air filled with expectancy and Angela began to shuffle around beside me, as all eyes turned to her. Even I felt nervous, though I knew the night held no fears for me. I couldn't remember how it was though, no matter how hard I tried. There was a time when I had been oblivious to Wolves and Vampires bur it felt like another lifetime ago, and no matter how far I looked back I couldn't get there.

I looked to Emily who was nestled against Sam. If anyone knew of the direction this conversation should take it would be her. Seeing my glance she rose and moved to sit before Angela, the two of us cocooning her against Jacob. Emily nodded at me, in what I assumed was an indication to speak. I looked to Jake for permission before I began.

"Ange, the stories, well that's the thing, they aren't just stories. The Wolves, the imprint, everything is real"

I watched her face for any signs of change but I didn't see anything, just the sweet innocence she always held. I looked to Jake and Emily for anything, but both looked lost.

"Funny Bella, is this like an initiation thing or something?"

I could see her resolve and I knew it was taking root. Jared shifted behind me but I didn't understand what he was doing until it was too late. Torn fabric fell around us and I willed my body to turn. I caught eyes with Emily and she looked just as thunderstruck as I imagined I did.

I felt a small hard hand fill mine and I turned to see it's owner. She didn't smile at me or offer any visual signs of comfort, instead she squeezed me hand in hers before nodding once. Angela and everything else was forgotten as I gripped Leah's hand in mine and turned. While I had seen some of the pack in their wolf forms I had never seen Jared. I wanted to pretend that everything was falling softly in my strides but it wasn't. Seeing his eyes, bright and grey contrasted with a deep mahogany fur was something I didn't have words to bring to life.

This was him, I could see and feel that, but it was also something else entirely. The look in his eyes pulled my hand forward and I stroked his muzzle as if he were a common dog. I didn't like the feelings rolling around in my stomach. This was the man I loved, but he was wrong somehow. I could see him within the depths of the beast but there were layers there that betrayed our simplicity.

I had forgotten my surroundings until I felt my arm being tugged slightly. I looked back to Leah who was trying to pull me away. In the pits of my soul I wanted to walk away with her but something kept me rooted to the spot. As soon as I was aware of her presence, others began to shift in to consciousness too. I looked to Angela who was being lulled by Jacob's words spoken softly into her ear.

"I need a minute", it took exactly that amount of time to realize the words had come from me. I felt Leah tug me again and I allowed her to lead me away down the beach. We didn't speak, instead we just walked. I was lost in my thoughts and while I'm sure I should have been concerned with the company I was keeping I truly wasn't. Leah was a welcome presence to me.

We stood there silently for forever, the two of us deep in our own thoughts. When she began to lead me back towards the group I wasn't sure if I was ready to follow. When I looked at her she offered a simple nod and I felt an innate sense of trust in her judgment. I didn't know if I wanted to trust her, but I knew without reason that I did.

Leah led me towards the group but kept us just beyond the circle of their influence. When Jared approached us I would have considered the move coordinated were it not for the hesitation in his eyes. But Leah led us on strong, moving to his side with barely a fraction of doubt in our steps.

I felt like a small child being handed off, as my hand was moved from Leah's to Jared's. I didn't feel fear, only hesitation, but the moment my eyes were trapped in his, everything was lost. He wasn't a Wolf, or a legend, he was just mine. The man that I loved.

I pulled him in closer and while my strength wasn't even enough to budge him, he allowed himself to be moved. There we stood on the outskirts locked in each others arms. I didn't want the night to be about us when it should be something else entirely.

"Are you okay? I didn't mean to scare you" I smiled as warmly as I could but even I knew it was a poor attempt.

"I'm okay, it was just really weird, seeing you like that. It was like you were you, but you weren't somehow. I didn't like it. Are you okay?" I felt ashamed to hear the words fall from my mouth but I was lifted when chuckles rippled from his body to mine.

"Of course I am" I felt us move and the scene that filled my eyes made my heart soar. The fire was filled with commotion but of the good kind. Jacob had his arms wrapped around Angela but both were embracing the pack one by one. From a distance it looked like a moment of triumph and I guess in a way it was. As the happiness filled me with a soft warmth I felt the breath on my ear as Jared pulled me closer. The night had been strange and difficult and wonderful all at once, but everything was suddenly eclipsed. The whole night meant nothing to me as Jared whispered in my ear. The words he spoke so softly would change me, they would change my life forever.

"I love you too"

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**a/n: The next chapter should be up sometime next weekend. Thank you for all your review and alerts.... oh and I hope you understand why I didn't go into the legends at the bonfire. I can't tell you how many fics I read where stories are rehashed to the point where I end up just skipping them entirely, a great examples of this is Jasper's back story. I don't know why I hate them so much but really it didn't offer anything to the story. Also I hope you get Bella's reaction to Jared as a wolf... I can only imagine how I would feel seeing the guy I'm crazy for turn into a horse sized wolf so there we are!**


	16. Burn One Down

**a/n: As always I own nothing**

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**Jared's arms were locked around me as we stretched out on the sofa. It had been a long night and my body was failing me, feeling sluggish and slow but I still wasn't ready to let him go yet. We hadn't remained long after offering our strange congratulations to Angela and Jacob, sneaking off covertly into the night as the partying rallied on strong behind us.

"Bedtime!", he had risen to his feet and was pulling on my arm with a superficial force, I groaned and protested like a small child, asking for just ten more minutes. I sensed weakness and went in for the kill, looking up at him from underneath my eyelashes, "Please?"

His body fell back to the sofa and he lifted me effortlessly into his lap.

"Fine, but only if we do this", I didn't have to ask what 'this' was as his lips fell down hard on my own, teasing me with their heat and building a fervor of burning passion within me.

I was pulling him closer to me using his shirt as leverage when I crumpled my forehead in distaste, feeling him pushing me back. I looked to see what the thought process was behind his actions but stopped when I noted the way his lips were slightly delightfully flushed and swollen.

"…Bella?", I lifted my eyes and gave him an apologetic half smile but he was looking at me expectantly. "Your phone". I'm not sure how I missed it, but now I was aware the room was singing softly. I scrambled for my pocket and looked briefly at the caller ID; Emily.

"Hey Em, what's up?" I pulled the phone back slightly to see just how late it really was but stopped mid action when I heard Emily sounding thoroughly frantic.

"Bella, Jared's phone is off. You guys need to come over right now" Everything happened so quickly. Jared was checking his phone and cursing something about batteries. I didn't have time to compute what he was saying before I was lifted unceremoniously from my feet. I hated being carried around like a useless baby, but now didn't seem like the opportune time to act like one either. It took all of what felt like ten seconds to get to Sam and Emily's and as we barged the door, I felt my whole body react to the still tension in the air.

The whole room was silent but as my feet found the floor again I could see how deceptive that was. There was so much being said, you just had to look in people's eyes to hear the fear. My eyes instinctively found Emily and Angela, both of whom were tucked protectively into their imprints sides and I cautiously took a step back into Jared. Whatever this was, it wasn't going to be pleasant.

"Well now that everyone is finally here, let's begin", I didn't like the way that Sam was pointedly looking at us but I tried not to dwell on it, this was obviously a high tension situation and my indignation could be saved for worthier battles.

"Embry you stay with the girls. Everyone else outside", huge bodies started to file out in disarray, only Jacob and Jared seemed to hesitate at all, seeing this Sam bellowed out "Now!", uncharacteristically. I shuddered at the commanding tone of his voice but it pushed the boys into almost immediate action. The exchange probably would have been fascinating were I not so involved, as it was I couldn't help but note the look of anger flash through Jared's eyes.

As soon as I lost Jared's frame to the night I turned back around to catch Angela's actions mimic my own. Both of us stepped towards Emily in what looked like a choreographed move.

"What's going on?" I left the question out there for anyone to snatch up but Embry was too busy pacing and Emily looked positively petrified, her eyes darting wildly now that Sam was no longer by her side.

"Embry?", he turned and looked at me as if seeing me for the first time, but when he just kept looking at me with a blank expression on his face I could feel the pulses of frustration begin.

"Embry, what's going on?", I went for the hard tone that had worked so well for Sam but even I could hear the shrill underlying pitch of panic.

"We found something while out on patrol", it was like pulling teeth as each sliver of information was painfully extracted. "What did you find Em?", I had never seen any of the Wolves look so fearful before but there it was, written clear as day on his face. He kept his eyes locked where I assumed the other boys had congregated to discuss whatever this was.

"I don't think, I mean, I think I should wait for Sam to explain", I walked to his side and stilled his jolted movements with a light palm on his arm. "It's okay Em", his eyes met mine and he looked every inch the boy that he truly was, hidden beneath the depths of this mammoth frame.

"They were everywhere we went Bells, it was just…", I was horribly hypnotized, desperately needing to know what had been everywhere but fearing that I wouldn't be strong enough to deal with whatever this was.

"Whatever it was Em, it's okay, it'll all be okay", he shook his head violently and I tried not to pull back, anxious that he wasn't entirely under control.

"But it won't be.", I wasn't getting anywhere. Embry was clearly in shock or whatever this was. I looked over my shoulder and was surprised to see Angela comforting Emily and not the other way around. I was feeling the oppressive need to do something, anything really, but without any idea what was going on, that was going to be incredibly difficult.

I walked over to the kitchen and rummaged around in Emily's cupboards, looking for something sugary to feed Embry. Chocolate chip cookies were the only things I could find which didn't require any actual prep time, so cookies it was. I threw them at Embry who looked at them like he didn't know what to do. I sighed and walked to him, fully prepared to shove one in his mouth if necessary but I was saved the trouble when the other boys started to noisily filter back in.

Jared didn't quite meet my eyes but I remained patiently rooted to the spot, waiting for him to take his place beside me. I was saved the exasperated look I was sure I would see when he moved behind me, wrapping me up tightly in the cocoon of his embrace.

"What's going on?", I laid my head back and whispered lightly, knowing he would be able to hear me above the rumble of chatter in the room. I sighed loudly when he just shook his head at me. If someone didn't start talking soon heads were going to roll.

"Okay guys. For those of you who don't know…" Sam's eyes fell on myself, Emily and Angela, of course the only ones still left in the dark, "…we found some bodies while we were out on patrol. I want all of you girls to stay here tonight, Seth and Embry are going to stay with you. You're not to leave for any reason. We will discuss this again tomorrow if the problem hasn't been resolved." Questions were poised at the edge of my tongue but I wasn't given any time to ask them.

The room became a flurry of activity and I couldn't get a firm grasp on anything that was taking place. The terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach returned from earlier in the day and I didn't want to be weak and needy but I didn't have time to compose myself and be anything else.

"I don't want you to go", I whirled around but I could immediately see that his eyes were fixed. There would be no convincing going on here. "Sam gave the Alpha command so I don't have a choice Bella, but even if that weren't the case they need me on this". Before I could ask any questions he was stolen away from me. I didn't even have the chance to give him a proper goodbye, just a brief kiss as Sam ordered everyone in that frightening voice to their predetermined posts.

I sat on the couch for hours, eyes achingly focused on the door from which Jared had departed. I tried in vain to get anything of value from Seth and Embry but both just gave me apologetic eyes and explanations of Alpha commands. I even desperately called Alice, hoping against hope that the Wolf induced holes in her visions had suddenly sewn themselves back together. But all I got was a chirpy little voicemail greeting. I hated being in the dark, but it was even more annoying that it had been done so purposefully.

I finally fell asleep curled up on the couch where I had been instructed to remain by Embry. Not only were we not allowed to leave the house, but not even this one room within the house. I knew better than to push the boundaries of the situation with the atmosphere so thick with tension.

I woke up to the smell of breakfast and the sun streaming down on my face. I stretched out my tense muscles but the action didn't really help much. I knew it would probably take a hot bath to work through the pains of sleeping in such a contorted position.

"Hey Sleepyhead", I nodded at Emily but I was too wrapped up in the hazy feelings of sleep to truly acknowledge her.

"You want some coffee?", my nod was a little more enthusiastic this time and she scuttled off, looking annoyingly unruffled by the nights events. A warm mug found it's way into my hands and I managed to mumble out my thank you. I hated cheery morning people so to see Embry sitting across from me, almost a mirror image of myself, well it brought a small smile to my face.

"Any idea when they'll be back?" Embry's eyes met mine for the briefest of moments before they flitted to the front door as if he expected them to walk back in that very moment.

"No. Seth is out there right now seeing if there's any news"

Conversation was slow and the usual fervor with which food was consumed in this house was eerily absent, as plate after plate was pushed aside after barely being touched. I tried my best for Emily's sake more than anything, but her usually delicious eggs felt like rough cardboard on my tongue.

At some point a television was turned on and we all congregated around it, each of us facing towards the screen with glazed over eyes. Seth had returned with a look that I decided was no more fearful than it had been the night before. But once again our delicate female constitutions were saved from hearing whatever atrocities were taking place beyond these four walls.

Time turned in slovenly rotations as the sun fell from the sky, basking us all in darkness once again. I was barely hanging onto the threads of patience I had remaining with the very edges of my fingertips when I saw Seth's spine jolt upwards. I stopped pacing immediately and the dominoes began to fall as Angela noted my sudden stillness. It took all of about thirty seconds for all eyes to be on Seth, who seemed to be oblivious to his newfound popularity.

We were all so entranced with Seth's every muscle clench, that when a door swung violently open, we all jumped back in fright. Huge tanned bodies straggled in, bringing an unsightly heat with them as they each passed me by. I looked from face to face, searching for the one that trailed in last. I didn't hold back as I flew into his arms, wrapping myself around him desperately.

I was oblivious to everything other than Jared as he laid careless kisses all over my face and neck. I pulled back to finally see him. His normally bright eyes shaded in darkness. I looked for the source in their depth but all I could see was layer upon layer of exhaustion. I brushed the soft skin along his cheekbones and spoke my words just for him.

"Can we go home now?" The exhaustion gave way just a little to sadness and I could hold back my inquisitive nature no longer.

"Well then someone needs to tell me what's going on,"

I followed Jared's eyes as they fell on Sam, asking and receiving answers to his silent questions. I understood and respected the Pack dynamic but I secretly hated that his choices were bound by those of another.

I didn't get an answer though, instead Jared sat us both down on the nearest chair where he sighed loudly before throwing his head back and closing his eyes. I couldn't find it in me to be angry with him when he was clearly under so much stress, so I resolved just to enjoy what little time I might have with him before they all ran off again. I snuggled as close to him as I could get, but it just didn't feel like enough.

I looked around the room to see all of the boys in similar states. Emily and Angela were curled up in their imprints arms but the most haunting thing was that no one was saying a word.

Emily only a allowed herself a few moments of comfort before she was back to business, unusually though Sam stood at her side helping as she threw ingredients around the kitchen in perfected movements. I felt guilty just sitting here watching but as I shifted my body in preparation to move Jared held me tighter. I stilled my intentions; I could deny him nothing.

As soon as every scrap of food had been solemnly consumed Sam called everyone back to the living room. Jared remained perfectly still underneath me, the only indication he was awake being the hand trailing softly across the bare plains of my back intimately, underneath my shirt.

"It was my preference to keep this from you until the problem had been eliminated, but after last night I don't know when that'll be. Embry and I found ten human bodies positioned strategically along the Treaty line. We spent all night tracking the scents though the forest. Paul took one out but we believed it was sacrificed to deliver a message."

I gasped at his words. _Some _bodies hadn't equated to ten in my mind. Every eye in the room was averted, except for Paul who was glaring coldly at me.

"The leech said they will kill one of our people every hour until Bella is delivered to them. Since that message was delivered we've found two more bodies, bringing the count to twelve."

It was far, far worse than I could have imagined and I could see the hopeless looks on the face of every person around me. The guilt was tremendous, not only was I responsible for ten deaths, but two more since, that could have been spared. I couldn't justify any more blood being taken to save mine.

"We're heading back out in a few minutes after I have spoken with the Elders", I shook my head violently before throwing my body away from Jared before he would have a chance to sense my intentions. But apparently my revolt had already been predicted as Embry and Seth stood protectively in front of the door.

"Bella, we aren't going to hand you over, so it'll save us all time and energy if you realize that now." I couldn't do that though, it didn't matter how much energy was expended on this as long as they understood I wouldn't stand idly by while people died.

"So what? You're going to let someone die every hour just to save me? That's not right Sam and you know it, you're here to protect your people. Not me." I could see the hesitation on a few of the Wolves faces and could understand the internal dilemma they must be facing. To protect an imprint was like protecting one of the pack, but as in all wars, sacrifices must be made, especially for the good of the people.

I could feel the shift in the air as options began to be weighed that hadn't really been considered before. I knew I wasn't a stranger to self sacrificing behavior but selfishly or not I couldn't bare the guilt of knowing that another person would be dying in my place.

"Sam, I need an hour" I could feel my heart drum wildly in my chest to hear Jared speak aloud, his voice clear and assertive.

"What the fuck Jared, that's your imprint", Jacob was fast to stand on his feet and others joined him, holding him back as he advanced menacingly towards us. Jared remained sitting, seemingly oblivious to the tempestuous nature of the situation we were in.

"I'm not handing her over. I just need an hour that's all. If the threat is still alive after that time I will do as the pack wishes." I hated the lack of emotion in his voice and the fearful feelings it emoted within me.

I'm not sure why Sam agreed to his demands and so easily, but he did. It was barely minutes late that I stood on the threshold of my makeshift prison, not knowing when or how I would see Jared again. I tried to be strong but I couldn't hide the tears that began to flow softly down my face.

"What're you doing?" my voice cracked on every word as he cupped my face in his warm palm.

"I'm calling on a friend for help. I can't just sit by and watch while everyone decides whether you should be allowed to die." I could see the pained resolve he was holding on to and I longed to share just a piece of his courage.

"I love you" I spoke to the words looking directly into his eyes, both of us blurry with emotion.

"This isn't goodbye. I'll be back in an hour"

And he was gone, leaving me shivering alone in the night air. I looked at my watch taking note of the time. Only sixty minutes to count until my fate would be sealed.

I was pulled harshly back from the door to the sofa, all but collapsing on my shaking frame. I could feel soft hands pull at me and I looked down to see petite fingers wrapped around my own, offering me a comfort that I couldn't feel.

The clock ticked by resolutely in the corner and lulled conversations happened all around. I could guess their content even if the words were spoken to softly for my own ears. I could tell from the guarded looks I received that none one believed Jared's solo mission would be successful.

An hour passed and the hushed plans took on louder voices. Another thirty minutes and those voices had been raised. Two opposing sides had been drawn, Paul and Jacob squaring off like they had forever been enemies and there I sat firmly in the middle waiting for my destiny to be decided by someone other than myself. As the minutes had passed I could feel my soul slipping away. If Jared didn't return then everyone knew this argument would be pointless, no one would need to save me then.

Without warning torn fabric floated around the room, leaving seven gargantuan frames behind in their wake. Angela, Emily and I huddled together, clinging desperately to each other with fear. I wasn't sure if I had missed something imperative in the decision making process but it didn't seem like it as all seven Wolves crouched around us protectively.

The door flung open, shards of wood shattering into the room. I shielded my eyes but as suddenly as the commotion had begun it was over.

Primal growls ceased and the room was filled with a haunting silence. I hesitantly lifted my head. Jared was standing before me, with a haphazard grin on his face I just couldn't deny, especially when I saw the company he was keeping. I looked around and immediately understood the sound of silence as seven Wolves lay passed out on the floor, intermittent snores escaping every now and then.

I carelessly pushed myself out of the shaking arms surrounding me and flew across the room into Jared. When he had been thoroughly engulfed in my affection I threw a languid smile over at Jasper who was looking all too pleased with himself.

"But the treaty?", I threw myself back from Jared, looking at Jasper with desperation.

"Well I think the least your friends here can do is make an exception, seeing as I just smoked two Vamps for y'all" I shook my head at the picture of arrogance, leaning against the torn doorframe in all his Southern glory.

"And what did this one do while you was busy saving the world?" I nodded my head over at Jared who I had to turn away from immediately, seeing the sinfully delicious smile on his face. God help me if Jasper wasn't rubbing off on him.

"Useless Mutt just chased his tail like he'd never seen one before", I loved the relaxed camaraderie between the two of them as Jared punched Jasper in the arm, but I was nervous to see the reaction it would get after the Sleeping Beauties realized just what was going on.

"Ahem Jasper, I think you might want to do something about this. How did you do that by the way, I mean why aren't I sleepy?" He shrugged nonchalantly, then followed my gaze back to the mass of fur carpeting Sam and Emily's living room floor and I swear I saw a brief look of disappointment pass between the two of them.

"Right you are Bella. Ladies?" He held out his hand signaling for Emily and Angela to join us. The willingly obeyed, skipping briskly across outstretched legs and tails, before Jared pulled all three of us out of the room to stand behind them.

The growls that I had expected to begin immediately were nowhere to be heard. And I was glad to be shielded from the view as they phased back into six naked men and one naked Leah. The room bustled with activity and once everyone was someone clothed a strange debriefing began. Jasper described in military detail the course of events and while everyone was ecstatic to have the threat removed, I could see flinches of aggravation pass between a few of the Wolves. It seemed they were irritated Jared had decided to outsource the problem without their consent. Neither Jared. nor Jasper, seemed fazed by the tensions though and I couldn't help but smile to see nearly everyone so relaxed after the stresses we had all endured.

Jasper didn't outstay his welcome, making excuses about returning to his lovely wife, who he said would be expecting my call later in the day. The living room seemed so much larger with the threat expelled and it didn't take long for everyone to disperse from it's confines, each leaving for their own home.

It was hard to believe after almost twenty four hours of oppressive tension we were finally free.

"So what do you boys want to do today?", I was practically skipping as Jared and I walked hand in hand back home, Embry nipping at our heels.

"Sleep" The synchronization of their response made me laugh, the air feeling so light around us. I couldn't believe how quickly I was putting away the torrid emotions I had endured, but I could see nothing constructive to be done with them. Victoria was dead and that should be rejoiced. One thing tugged at my mind though. Now that the threat had been eliminated, just how much longer could I justify staying in my blissful little haven by the beach?

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**a/n: So, so sorry I didn't get this out last weekend. As I said in my other story I'm in the midst of a transatlantic move right now. which might make my updates a little spotty in the coming weeks. Just a warning! We're coming close to the end of the story so I hope to be as on top of things as I can be. I have plans for five more chapters and then maybe and epilogue. **

**I'm looking for things to get lemony very soon i.e. next chapter...and I have to say it makes me very nervous to write. So if you think you can offer some lemony beta help on the next chapter/s please direct me towards something that'll show your style and I'll certainly give it a read. Depending on the number of responses I get I'll figure out what to do from there.  
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**Thanks to all who have taken the time to review and alert ... your thoughts and devotion mean the world!  
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	17. Warm Love

**a/n: I own nothing **

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I hadn't realize just how affected Jared had been by the previous twenty four hours until I told him to go on to bed without me. I only meant to grab a glass of water from the kitchen but his arms remained firmly locked around me, his frame almost sagging under the weight of exhaustion, but his eyes full of resolve. I tried to go as fast as possible and we had barely been diverted before we were making our way to the bedroom.

I didn't want to waste time with undressing or redressing, so instead of my usual nighttime uniform I stripped down to my underwear and crawled into bed. Jared didn't follow me though and I raised my eyebrows in question, but he didn't speak, he just came to my side and lifted me from the bed and carried me through to the bathroom. I followed each of his movements with a silent admiration, not wanting to break the strange aura surrounding us.

I couldn't find it in me to feel any glimmers of self consciousness as he walked to me after turning the shower on. I could understand his actions, he needed to do this, but he couldn't bear to do it without me by his side. This was as pure an emotion of need as I had ever encountered. His fingers were soft as the remaining scraps of clothing were removed from my body and while the atmosphere was charged, it wasn't tense or awkward, but so natural I felt like I had been naked around him my entire life.

I knew from his laborious movements that nothing was going to happen between us and maybe that was why it was so easy for me to take charge. Just as he had done with me, I stripped him down, enjoying the feel of his body so close to mine. I tugged him under the warm water and began to massage every inch of his taut muscles that I could reach. His head was bobbed down, and I could see him trying his best to remain focused. He tried to reciprocate my movements, but his hands were moving so slowly that it was almost comical.

I wanted to reach up and wash his hair for him but he was just so much taller than me that it wasn't possible in our current position. So instead of giving up I pushed down on his shoulders, his normal strength absent as he allowed himself to be easily manipulated.

I shivered in pleasure as his arms wrapped around my thighs and his lips fell naturally upon my exposed stomach. I pushed aside the pulsating feelings of desire though, as I maneuvered his head back lightly to massage the shampoo through his ebony hair. Smiling to myself as his eyes closed in pleasure and I could almost feel the waves of exhaustion rippling through him. While I was enjoying the intimacy of the situation I knew that I needed to get him into bed as soon as possible. Washing the last of the suds from him I pulled him back up to his full height. I wrapped myself in a large towel before doing the same for him. My hair was a little damp but it was reasonable irrelevant. I wasn't aware he still had it in him as I felt the air rush from beneath my feet before I was laid down softly on the bed. I watched every movement of his body as he unwrapped me slowly, pulling the towel from me like I was the most precious thing in the world.

I lay on top of the bed completely exposed but it was only a few seconds before he had joined me, throwing his own towel carelessly to the floor before laying down next to me. I wasn't prepared for the movement as he pulled me roughly on top of him and I couldn't help the soft giggle that escaped from between my lips.

"You don't know how much I want you right now", I could see the need in his eyes but it was captured under a darkness. I lifted my hand and placed my finger against his full lips.

"Shhh, we have all the time in the world. I just need you close to me" I replaced my finger with the softest of kisses and it took all of my resolve to not press my body down against his, showing that my need reciprocated his own, but I didn't want our first time together to be something rushed because we could only give half of ourselves to it.

I didn't need the blankets around me, he kept my body so close to his all night. Not once did I feel the exposed chill of the air around me and finally I had drifted off to sleep after hours of just watching him lying so peacefully beneath me.

I opened my eyes and immediately my eyes fell on the illuminated display of Jared's bedside clock. At four thirty in the morning I had only been asleep for a couple hours. The night was still casually going on around me and underneath me it seemed, as Jared was still snoring softly, his arms twitching around me possessively in his dreams. I shuffled around restlessly, trying to be as cautious with my movements as possible.

Apparently I wasn't cautious enough though. As soon as I had repositioned myself, Jared shifted us both, his body wrapping around me as we both lay on our sides. Initially I thought the action had been an unconscious one, until I felt his warm breath moving across my exposed neck, his lips pressing down on the sensitive skin there, earning him the basest of moans from the guttural recesses of my being. It wasn't just his lips that were alive though as his fingers began to silently explore the exposed plains of my stomach. I was holding my breath, afraid to make any movement less the pleasurable endeavors he was employing should cease.

I let out the strained air in my lungs as his fingers trailed upwards, cupping my breasts softly, his thumb tracing the now tautened peaks of my nipples. I pressed my body back against his and the desire that had been building, exploded in my depths of my stomach when I felt just how much this was affecting him too. His hard erection pressed against my curves and I couldn't resist as I pressed myself against him once more. Earning me a primal noise that sounded like something caught between a growl and a purr.

As his hands began to trail down my body I could no longer keep myself at bay. I flipped myself over and immediately pressed myself against him, feeling his fingers trail down and pull one of my thighs over his own. I pressed my lips urgently to his and instantaneously his tongue was in my mouth. Actions hasn't always necessarily been cautious between us but this was an entirely new level of passion. It felt like sometime during the night a wall had been penetrated and finally I was seeing just how we wanted and needed each other.

The kisses continued in a frenzy of tongues and teeth, biting and tasting, a constant battle to satiate passion and deliver pleasure. Somewhat awkwardly I began to move my hand down his abdomen, desperate to feel everything. Jared moved his body back slightly to give me more access and as my small hand wrapped around his hardened length we both pulled back from the kiss. Our eyes meeting for the first time, and I wondered if mine would match the raw emotions visible in his own.

It wasn't something I had done before unaided, so as I moved my hand experimentally up and down his massive erection I watched his eyes. As I curved my hand over the tip and squeezed slightly I noticed they fluttered closed and his mouth opened slightly, I repeated the action with a little more vigor before beginning to trace up and down again, occasionally repeating the actions that he seemed to enjoy the most. I could feel his own fingers gripped aggressively at my hips and I relished seeing Jared so undone by something I was doing.

When his hand came down on mine and stopped the frantic movements, I didn't have time to question anything. I was flipped onto my back and where I had moment ago felt so in control, I knew that I was now putty in the hands of my very own protector.

I could feel his erection so close to where I truly desired it to be and as I wriggled my body down I caught his eyes once again. Our conversations had barely touched on his previous sexual relationships and I had no inclination to start on such a topic now. Instead I lifted myself slightly and whispered against his lips.

"I love you, now make me yours", without hesitation his lips captured mine and the strength of his body pushed me back down onto the bed, his lips trailed down, devouring my neck with biting kisses that left me pressing myself against him again and again, no longer holding back from the sensations he was creating within me.

I felt his fingers pass down my body and I immediately jolted back at the intense sensitivity as his fingers caressed gently over my clit. When he had touched me before it had been a slow burn, but everything right now was on a precipice and I was sure that only a few touches would throw me right over the edge.

Seeing my reaction Jared immediately went back and touched me again and while I writhed underneath him as his fingers passed back and forth I felt his erection press against my entrance. I was too caught up in the whirl of emotions and building tensions in the pit of my stomach to notice anything but a mild shock of pain that intermingled with pleasure as he finally pushed us to become one. He stilled all movements for a moment and it was too much for me to bear, aggressively I pushed my hips up to meet his and gasped to feel myself so full. I could feel every inch of him inside me and it was quite possibly the most wonderful feeling in the entire world. That was until he began the thrust into me, his fingers working in a slower rhythm than his body, driving me absolutely insane. I had expected my first time to be full of tense muscles and awkward exchanges but with Jared taking full control of my body, I was just a big pool of desire laying underneath him.

Finally I could take no more and as I bit down on his shoulder to cover my moans, my body finally exploded underneath him. While his fingers stopped their ministrations I rode out my orgasm as Jared pulled into me again and again, the speed and force of each thrust pushing and pulling me to every extreme. I was just coming out of my high when he finally tensed on top of me, moaning out my name into my heated neck.

I didn't want to move a muscle and while I wasn't sure on the decorum of post coital practices, Jared didn't seem to inclined to make any moves either. After a few minutes I felt Jared pull away and I was shocked to find just how empty I now felt without him inside me. But he barely moved an inch back from me and for that I was grateful, feeling desperately needy to have him as close to me as humanely possible.

"How're you feeling?" I could barely make out the words as they were spoken into my hair, but once I had figured them out I thought about it for a moment. I tried out a few of my muscles and winced at the soreness I felt in my inner thighs. I couldn't imagine where in that tangle of exquisite sensations I had pulled anything but it was definitely there. I listened to his breathing as I basked in the pleasure of feeling so utterly loved before I coaxed my voice to respond.

"Okay, a little sore I guess", his body shifted back from me and I tried to follow with my own but he stopped me.

"Stay, I'll be back in a moment", I watched as he walked away from me towards the bathroom and while I wasn't enjoying the separation, the view offered a certain consolidation. I heard taps and water and I smiled to think that after taking care of me so well in one way, he was still thinking of me enough to take care of me in another.

I didn't even know he owned them, but when the bathroom door finally opened I could see the waves of candle light bat gently against the tiled walls. His dark skin shone hypnotically in the fragrant light and I lifted my body just to be closer to him. I didn't get far before I was swept off my feet and carried to a bath filled to the brim with an abundance of white bubbles.

He gently placed me back on my own two feet and held my hand, supporting me as I stepped into the perfectly warmed water.

"Would you like me to stay?", I could barely force the words from my mouth but as this was a first time thing, I wasn't sure whether there would be any blood or not. The idea of allowing him to think he had hurt me in any way dispelled any selfish desires from my mind. I shook my head and as he kissed me my body reacting automatically to his touch, straining to be as near to him as possible.

"Isabella Swan, you will never know just how much I love you", I pulled back from his lips to see his eyes shimmer, the sincerity and depth of his emotions made my heart tremble in my chest. How could I have ever imagined that this beautiful man in front of me was a curse?

"Now I need you to promise me that you will never, under any circumstances offer yourself as a sacrifice again" He watched me intently as I considered whether this was something I could give him. It only took for me to imagine how I would have felt to have been in his place, to see him offer to take himself from me and the words 'I promise' flew from my lips with assertion. He seemed satisfied as he stood and walked from the room, his eyes lingering on my until the very last moment.

I rushed through my bath as quickly as possible and while time in the warm water probably could have soother my aches, I was willing to feel them just to be near Jared again. The blood was of no great substance and I couldn't help the smile that kept falling into place when I thought back over what we had done together.

It was doubtful that we had been apart more than ten minutes when I opened the door to see Jared laying on his back in bed, his eyes closed in the moonlight. I briefly considered putting on my pajamas but the idea of clothes laying between us seemed wrong. I dropped the towel at the foot of the bed and crawled in next to him, pulling the blankets around me as I nestled down against his body. My head lay of his chest, my legs wrapped around his own, while my fingers traced the hard lines of his shoulder. We didn't speak a word, yet our fingers continued to explore, innocently tracing, tasting and memorizing each curve and complexity until we both drifted into blissful oblivion.

If a dream could be a memory wired on repeat then that would have been what I dreamt that morning. Each fragment of time was replayed over and over so that when I woke it felt like we had been making love for centuries, not one night.

"Hey, how did you sleep?", I lifted my head to see Jared looking down on me, his eyes clear and his lips pulled up in a glorious smile. I reciprocated the smile until I tried to lift my leg from the heat of his body, grimacing at the sharp aches that ran up and down my inner thigh muscles.

"Really good. You?", he ignored my question though and instinctively went into protection mode. "Did I hurt you? Where does it hurt?", I pushed back down on his chest that was already lifting and he allowed my meager strength to influence him.

"Relax, I'm just a little sore. Nothing to worry about." Some of the tension fell from his frame and I decided to let him in on something that I thought might ease his worries even more. "Anyway, I like it. Every time I feel it, it reminds me", I'm sure I was blushing by this point but my smile remained firm as I thought about the feel of his weight pressing down on me, the feel of him inside me as he manipulated me to waves of pleasure. I could feel the lust rising within me as each moment fluttered through my mind but before I could take any physical action I was gently lifted from his body and Jared was climbing out of bed.

I gave him my best pout and while I could sense a moment of indecision his eyes flickered quickly to resolve. "Not yet. You need to heal a little first", I hmphed but I didn't press the matter. I didn't think it would take much to get a recall on that decision but first I needed some sustenance to provide strength for the battle ahead. I hopped out of bed and smiled to myself when my thighs ached out in protest. Dressing was a little more painful than pleasurable and when Jared insisted on helping me into some yoga pants I could see his resolve slipping. I knew all it would take would be some not so innocent touches and I would be lying underneath him once again.

Something strange had occurred to us during that night. While Emily had once relayed to me that sex with Sam had finally loosened the imprint chains binding one another, it seemed to have almost the entirely opposite effect between Jared and I. Making breakfast was no longer casual, even as I fried eggs for the three of us Jared's arms were around me and his lips with softly working their was across my shoulder. Previously I could imagine finding the action frustrating but today I absolutely needed it. Instead of two plates I just threw everything onto one and while Embry looked like he wanted to throw up all over us, I sat happily on Jared's lap as we continued along in our own little world.

Embry made some politely lame excuses as soon as his plate was clear and while I suggested a walk, Jared insisted we sit on the sofa and talk. I knew what he was doing, and while I had kept my little grimaces of pain to myself, especially around Embry. I wasn't absolutely against a lazy day.

"So you want to watch a movie?", Jared was up before I could even finish the sentence and like usual he didn't offer me any choices, he just threw in the first thing he could get his hands on. It wasn't like we were going to really watch it anyway.

Once everything was set up he joined me on the recliner, picking me up so that I could nestle once again in his lap and just like predicted barely two minutes into the film he was playing with my hair and whispering my name against my neck.

"If you don't stop that I can't be held accountable for my actions", I had meant it to be a joke and I could swear that I had spoken in a playful voice, but the way Jared tensed underneath me made me replay the five second comment. "Are you okay?", he was eyeing me very cautiously and I waited as still as possible for him to respond.

"We need to talk about last night. We didn't use anything and while I know what I envision for our future. I think we need to speak about what happened and the possible consequences", I let out a little bubble of laughter which hopefully concealed my sigh of relief. I could see his eyes trail over me and I knew that my reaction was probably the polar opposite of what he had expected, so I put him out of his discomfort as quickly as possible. "I'm on the pill. When I moved in with the Cullens Carlisle suggested it as a way of making things a little less difficult for everyone involved. It cut my cycles down from twelve times a year to four". I had expected the relief that he was showing, but I couldn't decide if only for a minute there hadn't been a brief flash of disappointment in his eyes.

"Did you, I mean, do you want children?", when we had sat down today I hadn't expected this would be the way our sofa time would go. But in all truth we had bypassed many of the important conversations our relationship required. It wasn't like any normal situation, we basically had a guarantee of forever and we hadn't even stopped to see if our forevers aligned.

"I do, but honestly not right now. I want you all to myself for a while, a few years at least", I smiled warmly at his response. It would have been almost precisely what I had said.

"And marriage?" I held my breath. I didn't have the same anxieties when it came to marriage with Jared but it still held something of a stigma for me.

"I think we've both had some bad role models for what marriage should be. Your parents lasted barely a few years and mine made it to just over a decade. I don't need to marry you Bella, I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that you're mine and I couldn't wear a ring anyway. It probably sounds stupid but something in me would like the world to know that we belong to each other though. I already knew I had your soul and last night you gave me your body. It wasn't exactly how I pictured our first time together, but I can't explain it, it was like something snapped and all the self control I've built up just left me. I'm sorry that it wasn't more spec…." I practically slapped my hand down over his mouth.

"You stop right there. I don't care what you had planned in your head, it was absolutely perfect. And what do you mean self control?", Jared pulled my fingers one by one from his mouth and I gave him an apologetic smile which he reciprocated with a kiss to my wrist.

"You think it's been easy for me to keep my hands to myself? to not touch you, to show you how much I wanted you, every minute of every day. You don't see yourself Bella and you are obviously oblivious to what you do to me", just to show me he pushed his hips up and true to his word I hadn't noticed the hardened bulge resting beneath me. I tried to control myself but before I could count to three in my head my lips were already on his, as images of the previous night once again played like a slideshow in my mind.

I was already thinking of ways he could take me when I felt my hands being moved behind my back, the action pulling my body away from his own.

"Easy there tiger", I knew I was blushing and was about to open my mouth to ask why didn't want me, until my eyes met his and I could see my own need reflecting back at me.

"Like I said. You don't realize what you do to me. But we need to talk about a few things don't you think?", I knew he was being rational but it didn't stop my head shaking in protest and my hands, now free, crossing in front of my chest.

"Have I ever told you how sexy you are when you're mad?", I melted instantly and I tried not to show him how easily he had manipulated me but I knew the shiny resolution had dissolved from my eyes.

"Now, marriage?", my arms fell down and my hands intertwined with his almost subconsciously as I thought about the answer. Marriage with Jared would be so different from the images the word had always conjured in my mind. I had no doubt that he would be mine for as long as I wanted him by my side and right now I could think of nothing other than forever; I wasn't afraid of divorce or retribution. While it seemed almost an archaic practice and like him I felt myself already bonded to him body and soul, there was just something about us being recognized by the entire world and not just the reservation that appealed to me.

"I want to yours in every way possible. I don't need or want to marry you any time soon. But yes, some day I think I would like it", I could tell my answer had shocked him but his response wasn't even remotely what I had expected.

"In _every_ way?", the emphasis on every had brought out little Goosebumps on my arms and I wasn't sure why but I felt a little trepidation when nodding my assent back at him.

"Well then I should tell you that in the legends, a wolf would lay claim on his imprint by marking her", I nodded slowly and if what I was thinking was correct then it was something I could never imagine him agreeing to, even though the idea sent an incomprehensible wave of desire through me.

"Bite me?", he nodded and I continued on in my silent musings.

"Have Sam and Emily, or any of the others?"

"No, Sam refuses to, he refuses to hurt Emily any further and Claire is clearly too young, I doubt Quil could justify bringing her home to her parents with a huge bite mark on her. Jacob hasn't even thought about it yet with Angela, but he is very much against the thought of you and I…" I was sort of glad that he had trailed off. I didn't need to hear Jacob's thoughts on my relationship and I was fairly sure I would be receiving some sort of sit down intervention when he heard this conversation in Jared's mind.

"Will it leave a mark?" I didn't feel any fear but Jared began to softly trail his fingers up and down my arms absentmindedly.

"Yes, it would be a permanent scar. But you know that I would never do it Bella. I can't even think of how much it would hurt you", I could see something in his eyes though and it wasn't too well hidden. He wanted this, he just wasn't willing to admit it to me yet and possibly not even to himself.

"Well, I want you to, I want you to mark me as yours. I don't care about the pain. And when you finally lose that carefully constructed control, I want you to remember this conversation and that I can't wait until you do." He lifted me just slightly to shift me and if I hadn't of been made so aware of his body earlier I might have missed the way I was being positioned to avoid feeling him underneath me. I'm sure he thought I was just as oblivious as ever but when I reached down and grasped his pulsating erection under the thin layer of his sweat pants, I showed him in no uncertain terms that I was all too aware. "And just so you know, I know you want to".

I smiled deviously as I pulled back my hand after giving him one last squeeze and repositioned myself so that I could pretend to watch the last half of whatever it was he had put into the DVD player.

The room was filled with so much tension and I knew neither of us were watched the movie. But only ten minutes after I had started this terrible game, Embry had sauntered in the door and was now giving us a play by play of a movie neither of us had seen. No matter how many times it had been on in the background.

I couldn't take anymore and while it may have been a little cruel I lifted myself from Jared's lap and excused myself to make a call. I bounced around the bedroom for a little while before I remembered I had promised Jasper I would call Alice today. Pulling my cell phone from the bedside table, I scrolled to her number and hit dial, surprised when she answered after the first ring.

"Bella"

"Alice, I thought you couldn't see me when I'm with Jared"

I could practically hear her rolling her eyes at me over the phone, "of course I can't silly, it's called caller ID remember. Anyway I'm so glad you called. Isn't it the best thing ever?"

I had given up trying to figure out her little cryptic responses long ago and went with the direct route "What is?"

"Well, my Jasper and your Jared. I can't believe I didn't see this coming but that's why your calling of course. Isn't it wonderful. Do you think we should do a double date? I've been thinking about it and I have the best ideas and I promise shopping isn't one of them. You'll let me plan it all won't you, I mean, I know you don't like planning and I know how much Jasper loves the whole new element of surprise thing. Come on Bella, say yes" I was glad she didn't have to breathe because I was practically suffocating after her little speech. I was trying to figure out what the most important part was when I heard her pitying pleas again. Oh yes, double date. Did I really think that would be a good idea?

"Alice, I don't think it would be very fair on your brother if the next time he sees your family he has to endure replays of our night out do you?"

"Well I thought you might say that Bella and I don' t think that will be a problem by the time we see Edward again. Anyway Carlisle and Esme have left again, so it's just me and Jasper. We were thinking of joining them, but then all this happened and I think maybe a few years apart would do us the world of good. Please Bella, if not for me then for Jasper. He's never made a friend on his own before" I was about to protest her using her husband in such an insulting way, until I heard his melodic laughter in the background, clearly amused at the lengths his wife would go to just to get her own way.

"Bella, just imagine what is like for him living with me. Predicting every move he makes. If for nothing else then please Bella, for Jasper?", I sighed loudly and she knew that she'd won me over. For once though she couldn't anticipate or manipulate my next move.

"I will have to ask Jared though"

I was already smiling gleefully to myself when suddenly my plan fell down around my feet "Ask me what?", I could only shake my head at his appalling timing as I heard Alice chime through the phone. "Oh wonderful, why don't you pass the phone across and I can ask him now"

The ease with which Jared agreed to Alice's crazy plans pulled up a whole new set of questions for me to ask him. As he hung up the phone and lifted me up into his arms I sighed to feel him close to me again. "So, double date huh?" I lifted my head to see his grey eyes smiling down at me. "Yeah, it'll be fun".

I watched him silently for a few minutes as he swayed us to some silent song in his head. "So when did you and Jasper get so close?", he took my question with his usual ease.

"Do you remember when Jacob was under and Alice dragged you away so you could tell her just how wonderful it was to finally kiss me…" I could feel my cheeks light up but he only laughed lightly in response, how could I have forgotten that private conversations were never so private around the people I seemed to love. "Anyway, you girls were gone quite a while and Jasper and I got to talking. He's the first guy I met here that I wasn't forced to be close to and the fact he won't ever be in my mind is a big plus. And I guess for him I offer his something he's never had with his girl, she can't predict what he'll do. I can't even imagine what that's like." I thought about it and I couldn't imagine what it would have been like to move here and find yourself automatically tied to this huge family that could read your every thought and insecurity. But then I was also a part of that and I couldn't help the little twinge of jealousy. "He's an empath you know!". I sounded like a spoilt little brat and while half of me couldn't believe I was jealous of Jasper, the other half was goading on the emotion with the hurt I had felt. Jared just shrugged his shoulders though "so what, all he's gonna see if how I feel about you and that's no secret".

I smiled lightly as his lips descended on mine for what I thought was going to be a soft kiss, but as he became more demanding I pushed him away from me.

"I'm sorry that you were forced to be close to me", I kept pushing at his chest as his arms pulled me closer, but it was a useless expenditure of my energy.

"Oh really, just how sorry are you?" I knew it was a stupid and moot point but I tried to resist. Unfortunately the way his voice had dropped just a little and the way his eyes were sweeping over my entire body sent a shock of need through every inch of my being. As he sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled me to him by the end of my shirt I couldn't quite remember what exactly I had been so upset about.

"How about instead of telling me, you show my instead?", I was lost, completely and utterly lost to him as I took the last step to close the gap between us. As his hands wrestled to free me from my shirt and my legs lifted to straddle his body I knew that I was finally getting what I had been craving since he had left my body for the first time. Control had been cast aside by waves of lust and need, and I sighed out in pleasure as he control snapped once again.

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**a/n: It's been so long since my last update and for that I am so truly sorry. Had I of planned a little better I wouldn't be sitting here wondering after such an inordinate amount of time if any of you are still with me. I can only say that the time away has been beneficial as it has given me some new insights in to these characters. Anyway, for those of you who are still with me I hope you enjoyed this. Also, I have decided that the next chapter is going to be from Jared's point of view, so maybe that will help you all forgive me a little sooner! **

**I will see you all again next week.  
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	18. Brothers in Arms JPOV

**a/n: nothing in the Twilight world belongs to moi**

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I wasn't sure whether this was an upside or not to the mind fuckery we had to endure every time we phased. Instead of talking us through what they had seen, Sam just sat there going back over his memories of the horrors they had encountered earlier on patrol. Everything was so vivid that I could taste the repulsive smell of death in the air. I tried my best to block everyone else's reaction but it was damn near impossible.

Each body was just a little harder to stomach than the one before. Pallid skin, glassy eyes and mouths open in horror were the only similarities. Each body had been grotesquely posed, some were wearing their insides on the outsides, while others had been torn apart, literally. I could hear some of the guys whisper out names in their minds as Sam replayed finding body after body, making the abominations seem all the more real. These weren't the wax replicas I had been envisioning in my mind but real people, with brothers, sisters, friends and mothers. I felt the fur on my back stand on edge.

While some of the bodies had been torn to the point that it was difficult to find humanity in the shreds, there was no doubt who had committed these atrocities. Pleasure and pain had been twisted together as the life source of man flowed down the throat of the undead. Vampires.

I was ready, fuck ready, I was born for this. My paws were restless underneath me as Sam went over the areas of land we were each assigned to. I could hear the same nervous energy flooding the minds of my brothers, but Sam put a stop to everything.

"_Okay, any questions?" _It was the first time since we had stepped outside that all of minds were silent at once. The time for talking was over. "_Damn straight!"_, I nodded in Paul's direction acknowledging his approval of my thoughts.

"_I need to speak with Emily"_, we all phased back and dressed quickly. Alone again with my thoughts I realized that I didn't want to go back in. I knew that Bella would look at me, all pleading brown eyes and I would have to do something that went against my every instinct. I would have to tell her no. She would ask me not to go, I could see it now, but I couldn't back down from this. If anything that was the first time I had truly felt the pull of the Protector instinct. I couldn't _not_ do this, but to look in her eyes and let her know, that was going to be tough. Stepping back into the stuffy confines of Sam's house I took a deep breath, steeling myself for what was inevitably to come.

I was a coward and I fucking hated myself for it. I couldn't even bring myself to look her clear in the eyes. She was covered in fear and anxiety and the only thing I could do to make it all okay would require me walking away from her. Half of me wanted to scoop her up and run away to Canada or some shit, hide out in a small town and just be Jared and Bella for a while. But the other half was stronger. I wrapped my arms around her and she leaned back into me, I closed my eyes and imagined for a moment that we were alone, that death wasn't skipping through the forest calling us to it like an addiction.

Sam gave the girls the PG 13 version of events and I pulled Bella to me just a little bit tighter when I felt her body tense. It was coming, I could feel it and I was already preparing myself. Almost as if she could hear the thoughts whirling through my mind she whipped around and looked up at me, just like I knew she would.

"I don't want you to go", I tried my best to look softly down at her but my mind was already set and I knew if I let her in, let her tiny fingers creep around my heart I would be done for. I looked up and saw Jacob was in the same position, Angela was looking up at him with her own puppy dog eyes. Sam however was fairing a little better. Emily took her role as Alpha female, as she saw it, very seriously. I was fairly sure that whatever breaking down she would do in the coming hours, would be done very discretely.

"Alright, everyone out", I caught Sam's eye and nodded before returning my attention to Bella. She was obviously caught up with the sudden movement in the room as her eyes darted about wildly. I wasn't sure what exactly I was supposed to say in this situation but I refused to say goodbye. So I did the cowardly thing again and swept my lips across her, memorizing her taste and feel in just the few brief seconds I permitted myself.

I could hear Sam throwing out reminders of where we were all meant to go, but I was already striding out the door, refusing to allow myself to turn back. Just in case I turned heel and made that side trip to Canada a reality.

We had been running for hours and hours but had come across nothing. Just flashes of the sickly smell I had seen like poison in the others minds. It seemed to stick to my fur and linger languidly in the air around me, like a toxic gas.

It was an all enduring exercise in patience and endurance. Not only were all of my muscles protesting against the energy they were expending, without the proper sustenance in my stomach to keep them going, but my mind was on high alert; the thoughts of the five other wolves on one track while my own thoughts lay on another. We were all pushing ourselves to the very limits, the adrenaline high we had all initially felt so strongly now only came in waves when one of us would picture those fucked up bodies, reminding us all why we were all exhausted and still running strong.

"_Fuck"_, my ears pricked up, even though the voice was internal. Paul had something and it took Sam's alpha restraint to keep us all in our designated areas. I kept my senses on alert but my focus was on the battle taking place only miles from me. The leech was quick but Paul was faster and as the leech leered at him in victory something didn't seem quite right. I thought perhaps this was one of those with special gifts and Paul was walking into a trap. No matter how still the blood that ran through it's veins, I didn't know a creature that would smile so freely when staring down its demise.

My blood ran cold when I heard it's shrill voice laughing hysterically in Paul's mind.

"_Did you like the gifts we left for you? I wish I could say this was all my idea but it's genius don't you think. Now, now mutt, it would be a waste to kill me before you hear what I came to tell you, don't you think?"_

I could hear Paul struggling against his very nature to keep his teeth from the bare sickly throat that was being offered to him. I'm sure it didn't help at all that every one of us was thinking of our own personal tortures that we would like to inflict on the fucker.

"_You have something we want. You hand her over like a good little puppy and the killing stops. You don't and one of your people will die every hour until there's no one left. So, what will it be? Personally I'm hoping for option two, how about you?"_

Paul had obviously had enough and was now tearing off limbs as the leech squealed out in delight. I just couldn't understand the behavior at all, only that if it was meant to annoy the fuck out of Paul it was doing a pretty bang up job.

"_Well, well, puppy's got a temper. Anyway let's get this over with shall we. You bring little Miss Swan to the cliff's within the next hour like a good little boy"_

It was only a fraction of a second before Paul tore through it's neck when I sensed just a hint of hesitation in the leech's face. Sam had already made his way to Paul's territory and I could see the beginnings of the unnatural smoke rise from the trees as he set to burning the pieces that he could tear from Paul as he decimated everything around him.

I was already running, pushing my legs to their very limits as I tore through the forest undergrowth. I needed to see her, to know that she was alive. I was torn between begging Sam to let me stay by her side and staying out to fight where I would probably be the most effective. I just couldn't get the panic to lift enough from my mind to think straight.

I was sure they would all hear me as I barreled through the tree line, standing just feet from the window in the dim evening light. But not one of them noticed me. I could see the television in the corner, spurting out something eerily mundane, but my eyes were locked on my sweet, innocent little brown eyes. She was sitting in the corner of the sofa, from a distance giving the illusion of being at ease. I could see how wrong that was though. He body was too still and her eyes weren't moving, staring at a spot on the wall that couldn't possibly hold any interest.

I heard Sam call us all back to the forest just behind where I was standing. I silently thanked him but I could see in his thoughts of Emily that I wasn't the only one feeling the need to be close to his imprint. I pushed myself backwards even though everything was telling me to walk forwards and close the distance between Bella and I.

"_I think we all need to phase out to have this conversation. Quil, can you remain as you are and keep alert"_, I could hear Sam's thoughts about how it might be difficult for me to hear every thought in the packs mind about the decision they would be faced with. There was no decision to be made for me.

When we had all thrown on whatever was at hand we gathered again. The exhaustion that we all felt was etched across all of the normally vibrant faces surrounding me. I didn't envy Sam the task of mediating this discussion which I could already sense was going to test every inch of me.

"Okay. Firstly I would like to suggest that this be a group decision. I'm sure each of you have a strong opinion on this and I think it's only fair that we decide as a pack"

"What the fuck Sam, that's his imprint, how would you feel if we all stood around to talk about whether to hand over Emily to a seriously sadistically fucked up leech?" Leah was absolutely furious, her tiny fists flailing around as she moving aggressively towards Sam. I could see Jake move in a little closer and I honestly couldn't tell whether it was to restrain Leah or protect Sam.

I didn't want to be here for this, to listen to the pack decide whether or not to send my world to her death and as a very likely side effect, me with her. I considered walking away and coming back when all the hashing out had been done. But something voyeuristic within me kept my feet still. It wasn't like I knew what I was going to do when the verdict was read anyway, I just knew that I wasn't going to let anyone hand over Bella, not matter how many Alpha commands Sam threw at me.

"I think we should vote" it was obvious from the lack of willingness to respond to Paul's suggestion that everyone was having a tough time with this.

"Okay, that sounds as good an idea as any. All those in favor of handing over Bella raise your hand", I looked around but not one person would meet my eyes. Only one raised his hand though and I wasn't surprised in the least. I wanted to hate him for it, but Paul had been at odds with my imprint since before I'd stepped foot back in La Push, so it wasn't surprising. Apparently not everyone shared my opinion and while I was busy letting out the breath that I felt like I'd been holding forever, I watched as a fist swung forward and landed square on Paul's jaw. He didn't drop to the floor like I'm sure she hoped, but he did stagger back as Leah glared at him with a malicious grin on her face.

Not one person had tried to stop her, it was only Sam's authoritative voice that brought us all back to the dark reality of the situation. "Well, I think that was fairly painless, for most of us at least. Everyone back to your posts. Jared, can you stick around for a minute", I nodded and watched as everyone walked back out into the night. I raised my head to look at Sam who was facing back towards the house, an impenetrable look on his face.

"What can I do for you Sam?", I wasn't sure if he had heard me or not until his lips began to move, his body and face stubbornly still turned from me. "I just wanted everyone to have a chance to go back over everything without you needing to overhear it. If I could order them to keep their minds closed I would, but you know it doesn't work like that", I nodded but again I wasn't sure if he had seen me. I didn't envy Sam his position, mediating seven tempestuous wolves was something I doubted anyone would covet, but he was a fair judge. I just couldn't understand how he could separate friendship from responsibility with such a seeming ease.

Sam didn't even turn to look back at me as he stepped back out into the darkness and I walked steadily to the edge of the forest to take one last look at my love. She had barely moved an inch and the urge to go to her was almost too hard to suppress, so I threw myself backwards, phasing mid leap. Not caring about the strips of cloth that I left behind in my wake.

Two hours had passed, two more bodies had been discovered and the minds of the pack were torn. As protectors of the tribe, each one of us was being tested to the extreme, guilt oozing from each and every available pore. I could hear through the minds of the pack the attempt to reconcile our actions with the consequences. The bodies we had found weren't posed or disemboweled as the others had been. Instead they were simply drained of every last drop of blood. It was a message and it was received all too clearly; this was no longer a game.

When Sam called us all to regroup at the house I couldn't run there fast enough. We had been out for almost eighteen hours and had nothing to show for it but the stain of blood on our hands.

Even with my legs battering the forest floor I made it to the house last. My earlier impatience had come back to haunt me as I searched the forest for the bags of clothes we all left laying around as a precaution. Walking through the door I felt my body begin to relax and nothing could have held me back as I peppered her face with soft kisses. Bella was alive and I would do everything in my power to keep her that way. She was asking for answers like I knew she would but I was too tired to give them to her. I pulled her towards me and sat down on the first available chair I could see. Bella was a source of strength to me and I closed my eyes to memorize every inch of her for the coming hours.

Whatever our plan was it wasn't working and I could hear the hesitancy in everyone's minds as we were outwitted time and time again. How many more bodies could we endure? And how many more until we met a face that we knew from our very own dinner tables? This was no longer an imprint issue and I could see myself becoming a lone island.

I was only half listening as Sam relayed his plans to the room. Talking with the Elders would do nothing to aid us and neither would Bella's idiotic idea to hand herself over. I wanted to scream, hearing that she was even thinking it, but from what she had told me of her past it was a stereotypical Bella move. She was just lucky that I was willing to be selfish when she wasn't.

I needed to think of something and fast. Only one name came to mind but the more I thought about it the more it made sense. I knew that the pack was extremely territorial about vampires on the res but I truly didn't care.

I told them all I needed an hour. I wasn't sure if it would be enough, but it was the all I thought they would agree to. One more person's life in exchange for Bella being alive. I was surprised when they didn't press me to find out where I was going but I was saying goodbye to Bella so I didn't really give them a chance. I looked deep into those brown eyes and told her I loved her. I didn't say it very often, but each and every time I did it came from the depths of my soul.

I didn't bother running all the way to the Cullen's, it was a waste of time. Instead I called Jasper directly. He was shocked to hear from me no doubt that much was obvious but he was more than willing to help. I waited patiently by the treaty line and was seriously fucking grateful when the familiar frame of my only non-pack friend emerged from the trees.

"Hey dude, I've been thinking about what you said. I'm guessing this is all Victoria but like you said, we can't be sure how many people she had working for her. Anyway I want you to run patrols and I'm going to keep a distance. They'll be expecting you, but not me. I think it might work in our favor. Here, once you phase smell this, it'll have my scent on it, just incase you go all crazed mutt on me or something", I grinned with him as he threw his jacket down by my feet. Something about this guy was just so carefree that I could let my guard down and just feel like myself around him. I didn't know if it was his whole emotional fuckery or whatever but I just couldn't bring myself to dislike the guy.

"What're you waiting for. You feeling a little shy? Want me to growl at you or something for incentive?", I laughed while shaking my head, throwing my body forward and phasing, barely remembering to take in Jaspers scent as I went. I wasn't sure what exactly he was planning, but I trusted his instincts, so I ran back an forth across the reservation with determination. I had no concept of time, all I knew was the fevered pace and distant sounds of the forest. I didn't hear anything that sounded like a vampire brawl but I kept up my resolve.

I had started including the cliffs in my circuit and was on my third pass when I smelt something acrid in the air. Pulling through the last of the trees I couldn't help but shout out in glee, the exhalant expression of joy coming out more as a bark in my current form.

Jasper was standing lazily against a tree like he was waiting for a bus or something, a bonfire of remains flickering away at his feet, I stepped back into the forest and found the last of my stash of clothes conveniently close by.

I jogged back up the cliff as quickly as I could, cursing my slow two feet as I went. I was too out of breath to speak, so I motioned with my hand for Jasper to tell me everything as I caught my breath.

"Well, crisis averted. Thanks for inviting me out, this was pretty much the best fun I've had in years, and you know what, almost the best part about it is Ali won't have a clue. I finally get to tell her a story that she hasn't already seen first hand"

I took his outstretched hand and grasped it firmly, "Hey, anytime. So, you wanna run a little of that story by me first?"

Looking down and seeing that the remnants of the fire were about to die out he nodded. "How about we head on back to your girl and I'll tell you about it on the way"

The walk took about ten minutes and while I felt a little aggrieved that Jasper had taken out the threat so easily I couldn't bring myself to care too much. Who cared how the result had been arrived at, so long as no one else was dying and I could take my imprint home tonight and finally not feel the underlying fear that had surrounded us for so long.

It was hard to believe as I ran back over the memory that it had been a little over the week since Jasper had smoldered Victoria and her little crew of accomplices. It felt like so long ago and I was grateful that Bella hadn't been dwelling on the lives I knew she felt responsible for. Something had changed for us though and I didn't know if it was a result of feeling so close to losing her, or the new level of intimacy in our relationship. It was figure out after everything that had happened but everything was going so great.

"Hey, honey can you ask Jasper next time you talk to him if he's figured out Alice's plans yet?"

I was about to let her know that was fine but when I turned the corner into our room my eyes fell on her bare back and all the words that had been poised in my mouth just dissolved. I wasn't trying to be quiet as I stepped across the room to her but apparently my presence had gone unnoticed

"Jared, did you hear me?", I wrapped my hands around her bare body and mumbled out a few words as I hungrily kissed her exposed neck. "Mmmm, I think I heard you, at least I did before you distracted me". I pulled her gently back to me so that she was flush against my body with one hand, while grazing the exposed sensitive flesh of her bare nipples with the other. I loved the way her body reacted to me, but I knew we didn't have time today for any of this. It was a wonder she had allowed me this much, but like I said something had changed between us and the need that had been subdued for most of our relationship was now hitting us both full force. We had barely left the house in the past week and with Embry gone now that Victoria had been eliminated, discretion had flown out the window.

I bit gently down on the side of her throat and sucked on the skin there. It wasn't meant to mark her but it was the spot I dreamed about at night. The spot that every time I released inside her, I had to force myself to not sink my teeth into. She had been right when she said I wanted to mark her and now that I knew it was something she was eager for too, it was hard to hold back. But it still felt like a selfish act and as none of the other imprints had gone through with it, I could only imagine the pain to be of the worst kind.

Bella turned in my hands and I felt myself grow impossibly hard as she pushed her taut nipples against my bare chest. Her hand was tugging on my neck and ideas of time were pushed to the back of my mind. Her tongue swept across my lips and I plunged my own into her mouth, backing her up against the wall as I lifted the skirt that was hiding her lower half from me.

I could feel her fumbling around with the buttons on my jeans so I bit down softly on her plump lip, she rewarded me with a low moan and the buttons flew open at a faster rate. I ripped both sides of her panties and heard the soft sound they made as they hit the floor between us. As I lifted her up by her bare ass, her feet pulled my jeans down to the floor and my mouth clamped down on her peaks of her breasts. I bit down and thrust into her all in one move, her nails clawing at my back in response. I lifted my eyes to see her head thrown back in ecstasy, her emotions mimicking my own.

I wasn't being soft or gentle, but I knew my limitations. I thrust into her again, the sensation of her wrapped around my dick was the best fucking feeling in the whole world. It had taken almost a week to build up enough tolerance that I didn't feel like I was going to nut the minute she enveloped me.

I could feel her shaking underneath me and I knew she was close, so instead of doing what she wanted I slowed down my pace, moving in and out of her lazily, while nipping and sucking lovingly on her exposed neck and shoulders.

"Please", her voice was a pitch lower than normal, husky with the strength of her emotions. "Please, don't tease me". I could deny her nothing. I felt the knot tighten in the lower depths of my stomach as I slammed into her again and again, her back banging loudly against the wall. Her moans flooded the house as she finally let herself go. Only two thrust and I exploded inside her, pushing her back against the wall one last time before laying my forehead down on hers to catch my breath.

"We're going to be late", she laughed lightly as she ran her fingers lightly through my hair.

"We're always late", it was true, for the last week at least. Our insatiable appetites for each other had cost us punctuality at every turn. I kissed her one final time, sucking on her bottom lip while I placed her gently down on the floor.

"Do you think you can be ready in five minutes?", I saw her nod but I was doubtful in my mind. I grabbed a shirt and while buttoning up my jeans watched as Bella flitted around the room. Her skirt that she had favored not so long ago was discarded in favor of jeans and a long black t-shirt. We both threw on sneakers and while she threw up her hair in a messy knot, I made my way downstairs trying the remember where I had dumped the keys to my truck the night before.

It was couldn't have been much more than five minutes later as I pulled the front door shut behind us, wrapping my arm possessively around her shoulders as we headed to the truck.

"You ready for this?"

"Yep, let's go sell us a house"

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**a/n: Ahhh, I wrote the first draft of this and was about to post on Sunday but I threw it all away and started again. I know we don't move too far on with the story but I felt like the Victoria thing deserved Jared's attention. **

**Next update will be on Sunday!**

**Oh and I'm looking for a last name/surname for Jared but am struggling with ideas. Any thoughts would be most welcomed....  
**


	19. If It Kills Me Part 1

**a/n: Twilight is the sole property of Ms. Meyer. **

* * *

"So, how's the house coming along?", I looked into the mirror but Alice was too busy whipping around me with a curling iron in her hand to take too much notice. "Good, I guess" Alice stopped moving instantly and narrowed her eyes at me, nothing more. "Fine, it's terrible. Just when I think I'm doing okay I find something stupid, like Charlie's old take out menus, or a fishing lure caught between couch cushions, and I just seem to lose it a little. I think Jared's planning an elaborate escape and I don't blame him. Either that or he's thinking about sending me back to the imprint factory and asking for a replacement ".

Alice was putting the finishing touches on her creation so her voice came from all around me. "Oh, hush Bella. You could be sobbing over a piece of lint and that boy would still be crazy about you. He's been through it himself Bells, I'm sure he understands." I sighed, knowing I should shut my mouth and just agree, but some weird glitch in my system was running on a different wavelength. "Yeah, but underneath the imprint he's probably screaming to get out."

"Isabella Swan, don't you dare. Please tell me this is just your insane self sacrificing showing, please tell me it's just guilt and you don't really believe that!" I slumped down in my chair a little and did some internal self chastisement. I wasn't sure I even really felt that way but I had been on such an emotional roller coaster of a week that I couldn't seem the get off the tracks long enough to think about what I was really saying.

"Okay, now do me", it was a weird new Alice fad that I had given an expiration date of one month. She's watched some girly movie about sleep overs and now she had it in her head that it wasn't enough for her to throw hair products and makeup at me, I had to throw them at her too. I expected a long list of do's and don'ts but Alice just sat there with a happy little smile on her face, I guess if I fucked up too bad she's be able to fix it quick enough anyway.

It was fun for a little while to exact some painful revenge back on her but no matter what I did she's just turned out to look a different shade of beautiful. There was no such thing as too much eyeliner, or too eighties a blue eyeshadow, every thing just looked so right on her. When I tired of trying to make her look, unsuccessfully, like a drag queen, I started over and did just what I always really wanted to. I left her without a morsel of makeup on and declared her complete. No color, or paint, no matter how expertly placed could outshine what was underneath for my best friend.

"All done", I was a little shocked when Alice just smiled sweetly at me, "Thank you Bella". I guess she had seen my intentions, or just knew me well enough to understand my reasoning. Make up was one thing but I wasn't allowed within even an inch of her hair. "As much as I love you Bella, I refuse to go out tonight looking like I've been electrocuted", I couldn't help the wide smile I offered her in the vanity mirror, imagining just how I could have gone about creating such an effect.

I sat gently on her bed as I watched her go about softening her little black spiky hair into short waves. "So, you promised you would tell me, how did you end up agreeing to sell Charlie's house anyway?". I lay back down on the bed, my hands falling back behind my head. It wasn't something I had been holding back from her for emotional reasons, I just liked the way it felt inside me, like my own little wonderful secret nestled warmly in the depths of my soul.

"Well after Jasper helped rid the world of evil Vampires everything got a bit murky I guess. I mean, I was only staying at Jared's place because of the threat, so it felt weird being there. Like I was intruding all of a sudden or something. I was a bit of a coward so I packed all of my stuff while he was on patrol and waited for him to get back. I seriously considered just leaving a note, but I didn't think that would go down so well.

Anyway, I sat on that damn couch for hours waiting for him. When he finally walked through the door he looked down at my bags, then at me, then back at my bags again and without another word he picked them all up and took them back upstairs"

I wasn't sure how much I wanted to tell her of the next bit. How when I had walked upstairs pretty much every article of clothing that had been in those bags was now laying around the room and how Jared was sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. I had stood in the doorway for just a fraction too long, but when I finally kneeled in front of him, prying his hands from his face I could see the pain that I had caused and it had literally floored me.

I couldn't tell her that he had begged me to stay, told me that he had been avoiding the conversation for days because he couldn't face watching me walk away. I didn't tell her how I so easily acquiesced knowing this was what I had wanted all along. Instead I told her something nice and sweet and filled with saccharine intentions. She smiled and nodded along, but I knew Alice well enough to see that see wasn't buying it, but neither was she pushing it either. Not everything needed to be spoken aloud.

When we had dispensed of gossip and makeup I finally stood in the living room of the Cullen mansion, dressed surprising casual in jeans and a beautiful silk tunic. Waiting for our lovely boys to pick us up. After Jasper had essentially saved La Push from a tragic ending Sam had worked through a few new clauses in the Treaty with the Elders. Namely that a Cullen could be on Quileute land if accompanied by a Protector. So the boys were getting ready at our house, while we girls primped and prepped for the first Vampire/Wolf/Human double date probably known to man. If I didn't end up with a tattoo or at least a permanent scar I was determined to be disappointed.

"Bella, they're here!" I honestly don't know how she did it, but Alice seemed for all intents and purposes to be genuinely excited. I guess it made sense though, after a few weeks of bouncing around ridiculous ideas for our first official double date, some even included Europe! Jasper had thrown Alice some accepting emotions and she had delegated all planning responsibilities to her wonderfully empathetic husband.

"Oh my gosh Bella, they have motorbikes!", I didn't really need her to tell me, as the powerful roars of the engines had reached me by now. I tried to hold myself back but by the time the doorbell rang I was hopping along with her. We both got to the doorway together and Oh My God did I absolutely swoon when the door was flung open. On the top step stood, not one, but two of the most beautiful men I had seen in my existence. I knew Jared stood a few inches taller than Jasper but somehow it didn't seem it tonight. They were equals somehow, both oozing charm and sex appeal. I took a giant step forward and felt my body being thrust against Jared's rock hard chest. Had I just done that? I assumed so when he chuckled at me, his head dipped so his tantalizing lips could brush just underneath my ears.

"You look absolutely beautiful", I could feel a light blush on my cheeks, but his lips were there immediately, soaking up the warmth with their brief touch.

"Are you ready?", I looked up to see Jared's ice grey eyes glimmering down at me, so carefree and full of love. I took one last look between him and the gorgeous bike, that through my time in Jacob's makeshift garage I could discern was a Ducati. It looked powerful and I couldn't hold back the wave of desire when I imagined myself pressed up against Jared with the bike purring between my legs. "Always".

I was feeling a little left out that I would be the only one wearing a helmet when I saw Ali pulling one down softly over her head with an adoring smile. I couldn't believe how easily she was relinquishing control and how differently charged the whole atmosphere seemed around us because of it. She was no longer the person we were all looking to for answer, but just a girl having fun, not knowing what exactly would be coming next for her. I had only considered how freeing this would be for Jasper and how naïve that now seemed.

The wind whipped by us and I clung tightly to Jared's back, I just loved the way his strong broad body felt against mine. I didn't care where we were going or how long it would take us to get it there, only that if it were half as good as the journey there, it would be well worth it.

After what felt like an hours drive, whipping through trees and forestry, the scenery finally entered back into the artificial jungle of humanity. I could feel the roar of the bike diminish between my legs as the buildings stopping whizzing past so quickly and I knew we were close. I almost liked getting off the bike as much as being on it. Jared lifted me up, my legs locking firmly around his waist and while he held me up with one hand, the other trailed slowly up my side, just teasing past my breast as I pushed myself against him uncontrollably. I lifted the helmet from my head and went against all first date policy, molding my lips to his the minute I was finally free.

I could hear Alice giggling behind me but I couldn't find it in me to care in the slightest. It was Jared who pulled away first, smiling brightly at me. I wriggled in his arms when he started to walk, my legs still wrapped around him. It wasn't the most conventional of dates so far, but I was drawing the line on walking into a public place like this. "Put me down!", instead of releasing me, he lifted my body, throwing me back over his shoulder, jogging lightly to catch up with Alice and Jasper who had obviously grown tired of the show. "Only if you promise to behave!". When my feet hit the ground I looked up at him through my eyelashes, eyes wide, "I promise". I liked games but inevitably when it came to keeping my hands to myself I quite frequently found myself on the losing end of the battle.

I kept my eyes focused, my lips curving up into a light smile as I entwined my fingers with his. I could see the beginnings of his resolve slipping as his body inclined just slightly towards mine. "Come on, better not keep the others waiting". Jared's eyes flashed with determination as he tore them away from me. I turned around and finally allowed something other than the beautiful man next to me to capture my attention. I laughed out loud as I took in the large, warehouse looking building in front of us. "Umm, you have met me haven't you?", Jasper was holding the doors open for us and the moment I stepped through I felt the pinpricks of chilled air tingle at my skin.

I walked down the concrete steps, feeling a hint of trepidation as I neared the expansive frozen abyss. "I won't let you fall", Jared's breath was hot against my shoulder. I watched in awe as Alice and Jasper stepped out on the ice, her petite body twirling around him, her face full of adoration and glee. I swallowed my nerves, knowing I would only be feeling this brave for a short period of time.

"Come on then, let's get this show on the road", Jared let me to the cold concrete steps and gently removed my shoes, before re-wrapping me in the alien weapons that now adorned my feet. I wasn't even sure if I could walk, let alone glide, so I snuggled up to his side as he finished lacing up his own boots.

It seemed wrong somehow that someone of his size should have such grace and poise, but as he stood in front of me, I decided that I needed to trust in both fully to get me through the next however long.

I was wobbly and uncertain but walking wasn't quite the trial I thought it would be. I looked up at Alice and Jasper, who were gliding around with serenity surrounding them. I took one last deep breath and stepped out onto the ice, Jared true to his word propping me up as I gripped onto him and the barrier like a lifeline.

It took maybe ten minutes for me to work up the courage to let go of the barrier, but I was a pathetic mess. Jared was ever patient as I wobbled around like a flailing fish out of water.

"Do you trust me?", his eyes were soft and pleading, I tried nodding but it shifted me off balance somehow, so instead I shouted out a little too loudly "of course I do". He chuckled softly at my behavior and I couldn't suppress the smile that was forming on my face. "Well, then, how about for one circuit you let go of the wall. If you fall I promise we can sit on sidelines and watch those two put on their medal winning routine". I didn't answer, instead I unwrapped my fingers from their death grip on the barrier and held out my hand for him to grasp.

He was warm and sturdy, and his eyes never left mine once. I figured out that if I locked my legs and didn't attempt to move any of my muscles I could actually see just a hint of why this was such an enjoyable activity for everyone else. After two full circuits I could see Jared thinking about pushing my new found confidence a little further.

He didn't tell me what he was about to do, one minute he was standing in front of me pulling me along, the next he was standing behind me, his fingers gripping my hips, his body pressed so neatly against mine I could feel his warmth flowing into me.

His legs were so close to mine that I was forced to move with him, borrowing balance and confidence from the man I loved as I skated across the ice. I smiled wildly as I felt the rush of adrenaline flow through my body, as we moved faster and faster until we were flying. It was only when I considered how we were going to stop that I started to panic a little. I must have tensed my body or given some indication that I was no longer at ease, because suddenly I lost the tracking beneath my feet as we skidded to a stop. I laughed loudly and whirled around without thinking about it, clutching to his shirt when the top half of my body insisted on going a different way from the bottom. I could see myself flushed and beaming up at him, laughing so carelessly as he righted me once again. "That was so much fun!", I watched as his lips descended on mine, stealing a kiss which melted the cold from my body.

"Okay guys, are you ready for phase two?", I lifted my head and head on tightly to Jared as we walked back to our shoes all lined up on neatly on the cold concrete steps. I could hear Alice nagging Jasper to tell her what 'phase two' entailed but he was just grinning like a Cheshire cat. I didn't need the synthetic feel of his projecting emotions to know just how happy he was.

I was ashamed to admit that my muscles ached slightly as we all walked up the steps to take us outside. I reasoned with myself that I had probably worked just as hard as the rest, twisting my muscles in impossible directions just to stay upright. So I couldn't tell you how confused I was when Jared led me not to the bike we had ridden here on, but a sleek black SUV. I could see Jasper already opening the door for Alice. "What about the bikes?", Jared was holding open the back door for me, but instead of answering he lifted me lithely into the seat. I watched as he walked around the back of the car and only truly settled in the vehicle when he was sitting next to me.

"Don't worry, they'll be in Forks by tomorrow", I nodded but then immediately recognized the words he had spoken. "What? Are you serious, that's ours?", I was bouncing up and down but I couldn't stop myself. I could picture us flying around the lush Washington forestry, my body pushed deliciously against his, stopping off in secluded spots when the tensions of being so close but not being able to touch became overwhelming. I was so lost in my happy dreams that I had lost the thread of the conversation somewhere along the line. Jared kept turning around to smile at me, and his fingers were wrapped protectively around mine, but he was deep in conversation with Jasper about horses, or cars, I couldn't quite figure out which. I didn't mind in the slightest though. It was nice to see him so carefree, his eyes dancing as he threw his head back and laughed heartily at something that had been said. Forget the Whales, Jared watching was one of my favorite activities.

It didn't take us long to arrive at our next destination and I was overjoyed to see that we had left the extreme sports portion of our date firmly behind us. I smiled broadly when Jasper put the SUV in park, I hadn't been put putting in years.

"How about we play in teams?" I looked nervously up at Jared who didn't seem phased in the slightest at the possibility of being paired with such a liability so I nodded along gleefully. The boys strolled off to gather everything we would need.

"So, Ali how're you coping?", I had honestly believed that she would be struggling with the loss of her sight but she was beaming back at me with such ease. "Oh mu gosh Bella. I was so nervous, you don't know how many times this week I tried to find a way around this whole wolf thing. But I can't believe how free I feel. It's amazing. And of course Jasper is loving it." I smiled lightly as I watched her gaze dreamily across as the boys were making their way back to us, a juxtaposition in their obvious strengths but blatant differences. There were three teenage girls sitting off to the side with their mouths hanging open as they walked past and it was all I could do to nudge Ali and laugh at their reaction. I was imagining the three of them suddenly breaking out into tiny little green eyed monsters as Jared wrapped himself possessively around me and Jasper twirled Ali around in the air.

I couldn't imagine a more perfect evening and it seemed that the fates were certainly working in my favor. Apparently possessing otherworldly strength and senses did not make for a very effective mini golfer. Jared couldn't seem to grasp the right level of strength required, Jasper over thought every move he made and Ali was so obsessed with being perfect that she could only succeed in being anything but. We were only nine holes in and I was leading all three by five strokes, of course that would have been wonderful were it not for Jared trailed by a further ten putting us at a fairly even score.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me" I tried to contain my laughter as the golf ball struck me on my calf with a little thunk. I could see Jasper and Alice sniggering behind him but Jared was looking at his ball in disgust. I had tried to offer him a couple tips along the way but he just couldn't get a hold of the pseudo sport. I walked slowly up to him with his ball in my hand that had obviously fallen out of bounds once again. "Honey, can you do something for me?", he was nodding but I the frustration was evident as each muscle in his jaw clenched again and again. I paused dramatically for a moment, watching to see the point at which he was just about to beak before I grabbed a hold of his shirt and whispered out "kiss me". I was laughing as he threw down his putter and lifted me from my feet, pulling me aggressively against his chest. As his lips molded softly against mine I felt his whole body begin to relax and by the time my feet were back on the floor he was smiling widely. Jasper was groaning, sensing perhaps a change in the game.

"Now, how about we show these two how it's done". To my shock Jared sunk the next shot in one but that was about as far as my magic could work. When he began to lose abysmally again Jasper and Alice put a no kissing rule on the game and we ended up losing by one shot. I couldn't hide my elation though as I bounced around in glee. I had finally found something that I could do better than anyone, okay well not anyone, but my three favorite supernatural beings and that was enough for me.

I probably should have been paying more attention, or watching where I was going but for once it wasn't a particularly dense pocket of air that I tripped over. I didn't know where he had come from but Jared's foot appeared in front of me and I was too slow to stop gravity. I watched in horror as the floor loomed closer and closer to me, Jared was turned in the other direction and couldn't right himself in time to rescue me. My palms and knees hit the floor and I was too busy laughing at the stupidity of my situation to notice how quiet or tense things suddenly were. I felt the burn of the concrete as I clenched my palm underneath me.

I stopped laughing immediately as I heard the growls from above me, lifting my head I could only see Jared blocking my path. I clutched my palm to my chest instinctively and twisted my body to see past the mammoth frame protecting me. My heart stopped still in my chest as I saw the one thing that could possibly ruin not the day but the blossoming friendships around me. Pitch black eyes were staring back at me, but it wasn't the black of the eyes or the growls, it was the hunger glaring back at me. It through crawled through my veins igniting every sense of my body with pinpricks of fear. All I could think about was how I could have survived an activity with blades strapped to my feet yet fallen at the wayside with something so inane.

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**a/n: Okay so a few of you may hate me for this but I didn't kill Jacob so some sacrifices will have to be made.... Anyway I had considered putting chapter 19 and 20 together but it all just ended up being too long, so I had to find a suitable point to separate the two and some of you will hate me for ending it here I'm sure. **

**I've never done anything like this before but I need to do some editing on Chapter 20 and if I get a lot of reviews for this chapter I will post the other half tonight... After all I do owe of you who have been diligently reviewing/alerting and making this story one of your favourites. I hate the be a review whore but I have to say it's been difficult to feel inspired for this story recently and I'm hoping some of your lovely and constructive words can get me back on track.  
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	20. If It Kills Me Part 2

**a/n: Anything Twilight related in my story is not mine to own :(**

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The growls stopped so suddenly that the air around me felt so thick that I could barely take a breath. I was watching Jasper eyes as he held Alice firmly against his body, the muscles in his arms flexing under the pressure she was exerting in an attempt to be released.

I was glued to the scene in front of me as Jared's body relaxed and slumped down next to me. Something was passing between Jasper and Jared and I watched in fascination to see my protector nod once. Jasper jogged a little too fast, with Alice still in his arms, dropping her into the car we had arrived in. The tires squealing in protest as he exited from my sight.

"Are you okay?", I finally looked down at my hands and shook my head in disbelief at the quite large cut on my right palm that was seeping out a trail of blood down my wrist. His eyes were full of concern but I could see the hint of panic behind them. I hated that my fragile nature had ruined such a great night, so I let out a huge sigh,

"Yeah, I'm okay. I just wish I wasn't so weak sometimes", I could see that he was about to say something in contradiction to my words so I shushed him with my index finger. I didn't need to hear another round of how it was too dangerous for me to be friends with the Cullens, I had endured enough of that with Edward. Getting the message, Jared helped me to my feet and held my palm up gingerly in his as he moved us to a bench nearby. Once I was settled he jogged off and returned a few moments later with makeshift apparatus to clean me up.

"Will it be enough do you think?", his eyes weren't meeting mine and his voice was soft when he spoke. "I don't think they're coming back Bell". I shook my head ferociously, "No, they have to, you have to make them. Everything was going so well." I could feel the warm tears falling without warning down my cheeks. I hated that I would always be such a liability to my friends.

"Hey, it's okay. It's not your fault. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine" I looked up at him, questions swimming in my mind. I had expected him to be placing all of the blame on Alice, to be wearing a look of anger and indignation, but all I could find was exhaustion.

"Wait, you don't blame Alice?", his strong thumbs brushed away the last of my tears as he kneeled in front of me, our eyes at exactly the same level. "No, I think she panicked more than anything, she wasn't trying to get at you, she was trying to run away. Jasper was holding her in place trying to convince her that she wasn't going to hurt you, but I think the whole thing just freaked her out. I guess she's never had to face something like that blind before." I felt the clouds parting. My arm was still aching a little under the band aid that was three sized too large but I was just so happy to hear Jared sounding so rational about the whole thing. Now all I had to do was convince Ali that everything was okay.

I was about to tell Jared the same thing when his phone began to vibrate loudly in his pocket, his face a mask as he greeted the caller.

"Hi"

"No, we're fine"

"Okay"

The call ended and I sat impatiently watching Jared as he mulled around the conversation in his mind. Finally when I could bear it no more I thumped him on the arm and gave him my most impatient eyes. "Well?", he wrapped his arm around me distracting me for just a moment as I basked in his proximity. "Jasper's coming back". I didn't understand the glum tone though, "Well, that's great news!" I didn't have long to bask in the happiness of knowing this would soon be just a silly little glitch, before Jared was bringing me tumbling down to earth.

"He's coming alone."

"Oh" It was all I could say and was the last word I spoke until I saw the black SUV drive slowly towards us. Jasper looked utterly defeated and I couldn't keep my eyes from lingering on the seat that Alice had so happily occupied, not so many hours ago. "You should sit up front with Jasper", I had just been tucked neatly into my seat. Jared looked from the empty seat next to me, to the one upfront twice before nodding solemnly.

"Jasper, where's Ali?", he looked back at me briefly as we headed out back onto highway to La Push. "I don't know Bells, she needed to be alone. Don't worry she'll be fine once she realizes that she wasn't going to do anything." His eyes met mine in the rearview mirror and I let out a sigh, even he didn't believe his own words. The rest of the drive was silent and I tried my best to keep my thoughts on something unrelated, keeping my guilt at a minimum for Jasper's benefit.

"I'll be back in ten minutes, I just need to ride with Jasper back out to the border", Jared's lips brushed my forehead but it was rushed, cold and offered me very little comfort. I was too busy in my self hating spiral to really notice anything else. I took a lingering look at the kitchen as I passed by but I couldn't think of anything that didn't make my stomach churn. No matter how optimistic Jasper and Jared's words had been, I couldn't believe them. History had taught me to be cautious when it came to Cullen's and rash decisions. All I had to do now was wait around for Alice to call and tell me that she and Jasper would be leaving soon.

I loved my life in La Push but I couldn't imagine not having Alice in my life anymore. She had transitioned so easily since I had left Edward and both of us had clung so ferociously to our friendship that I couldn't help lingering on the feelings of fear that hadn't abated from my system from earlier. I felt the bed shift underneath me and warm arms wrapped around me. Neither of us spoke, it was enough just to feel his body pressed firmly against mine, stealing his strength as he absorbed my sorrow.

I looked to the bedside clock and brushed the tears from my eyes so I could see the blurry lines more clearly. Jared's was snoring softly beside me and I was no nearer sleep than I had been seven hours ago. I moved as gently as possible from his embrace, pulling off my clothes from the night before and redressing in my favorite yoga pants and a big sweater of Jared's. I looked like a mess, but I couldn't ever remember looking too great at 5am, so I watched indifferently as my reflection shrugged her shoulders back at me.

I scribbled a quick note for Jared and left it on the counter in the kitchen, pulling my keys from the bowl by the door. I knew I needed to do this. The drive to the Cullen's felt quicker and as I felt the flinch of hard stones under my feet I looked down to see that I had forgotten to put on my shoes. I wasn't about to go back for them now, instead I walked delicately over to the front door and knocked. Five minutes and three knocks later I was still standing there, my heart laying on the floor next to me.

Sunlight was streaming down on me and I couldn't tell how long I had been curled up on the Cullen's front porch. Only that my skin was tingling from the rare rays. "Bella?", I looked up into golden eyes, eyes that I never thought I would see again and launched myself in their direction. It didn't matter that this was wrong or that he was sighing into my neck. All that mattered to me in that singular moment was that I hadn't lost them all forever. I heard him breath out my name and I felt the twinge of guilt bubble inside me. I shouldn't be doing this to him, but neither could I seem to pry my body away, he felt so familiar and safe to me, and he was here.

"Bella?"

Oh God

I pushed myself back and looked beyond him to see Jared standing with the door of his truck still open, his eyes moving frantically between Edward and I. I called out his name hopelessly as he slammed the truck door closed and peeled out of the driveway, kicking up stones and dust behind him. I was watching the mess I had created settle when I felt Edward's cold fingers entwine with mine. What had once felt so comforting to me, now felt alien and wrong. He gently turned my body so that I was facing his and brushed a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Go to him. Don't worry I'll sort Alice out. Jasper called me, it won't take me long to convince her that no one leaves Isabella Swan without regretting it." His eyes were warm and loving. He was doing this for me, and I truly didn't deserve it. But my world was somewhere else now, so all I could offer was a heartfelt "Thank you" as I scrambled back to my truck and sped away.

I had to make this right, but I couldn't even remember what I had written on my note. I turned into our street and sighed when I saw his truck parked haphazardly outside. But the house was cold and empty, the only evidence that he had been here was a couple of smashed plates on the kitchen floor. I contemplated picking up the pieces but disregarded the thought quickly, it could wait.

I grabbed the house phone and dialed Jared's cell, cursing loudly when I got his voicemail message immediately. I noticed the back door open and ran out, hoping against hope that he would be sitting out there waiting, but I was met by the roar of the ocean and nothing more. How had everything fallen apart so quickly?

I stumbled up the beach to Sam and Emily's house. I wasn't sure what time it was exactly but with patrols they so often had people coming and going at all times of day, so I wasn't too worried about showing up at an ungodly hour. I didn't walk right in, no matter how many times Emily told me to, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. So I stood outside and waited as the sea air swirled around me, making me shiver under it's chill.

"B" I looked up as Leah closed the door behind her, she didn't utter another word as she wrapped my arm around hers and pulled my feet back towards the beach. I kept looking back at Sam and Emily's house but it was eerily still, not even a curtain flickered as we walked away.

"Just give him some time", I moved my eyes from behind me to the girl next to me, looking at me with a smile on her lips, but sadness in her eyes. "Is he there?". She was shaking her head though and inexplicably I found myself trusting her. "He was, he's out running with Sam and Jacob." I stopped walking, my body turned out to face the ocean. "Did he tell you what happened?", I couldn't see her face but I could hear the hesitation "He told us what he saw, but I was hoping you could explain."

I slumped down and even though the ground was wet underneath me I didn't care. I pulled my knees up to chest, wrapping my arms around them. Leah sat next to me and I spoke into the distance as I told her about the night before and how I had ended up with Edwards arms around me, as Jared stood on and watched. It sounded so weak in my ears though, both my actions and my words. I tasted the bile in my throat and knew that while I hadn't kissed Edward, I had sought comfort in someone else and wasn't that some sort of betrayal in itself. Someone else who just happened to have a hold on my past.

"Did you ever think that you maybe just need to let them go B, not just for you, but for Jared too? Think about what's it doing to his relationship with the pack." The thought of never seeing a Cullen again hurt my heart but maybe she was right. I knew Jared had developed his own friendship with Jasper, but it was doubtful that would ever have happened without my influence. Had he forced himself into the friendship purely for my benefit, only to have me throw this all back in his face. Not only that, but what was I doing to the Cullens? Alice was sitting in her house feeling terrible because I couldn't even keep my own feet on the floor. Was I really this selfish that I would cause so many people so much pain just to keep myself happy?

I lifted myself to my feet and weakly brushed the wet sand from my clothes. "Lee, if you see him, can you tell him I miss him." I started the slow ascent back up the beach and couldn't believe how true it felt, but I felt so far from him and I knew that I would give absolutely anything to have him back by my side with his arms wrapped around me. Nothing else was worth more than that.

"B…." Leah was still sitting where I had left her, "I know you see them as your family, but you have that with us too you know. Both of you do, you just need to give us all a chance." I nodded knowing what she was saying was right. As soon as I had seen a chance to have Alice back in my life I had grasped onto it with everything that I had and maybe that wasn't so healthy in the long run. Jared was my life and the pack was his. Perhaps it was time that I fully embraced that.

I stepped back into the house and pulled the door closed behind me. It was no use searching out Jared if he was in his wolf form. This was something he needed to work through on his own. So I grabbed my cell phone and clutched it to me, laying down in bed with my eyes shut. I didn't sleep and while I didn't, the daylight faded away. The sounds of the night took over the stilled house and still I remained motionless. I didn't even move when I heard the sounds of the front door opening loudly and footsteps falling on the stairs. I held my breath as Jared climbed into bed next to me, not pulling me to him as he normally did, but still laying close enough that our bodies were touching. The atmosphere was thick but I couldn't bring myself to turn around and see the untold emotions that would be written in his eyes. Instead I let the tears fall down my face silently as his breathing began to slow.

"I'm sorry", I had thought he was asleep but instead I heard him gruffly mutter out from behind me, "I know you are."

I listened to his breathing and couldn't tell if he was sleeping or not. I fought against the waves of lethargy that were pouring over me, needing to stay with him just a little longer, but it was a losing battle.

I woke to find the pillow wet beneath my cheek, my tears not even subsiding with sleep, and the bed cold next to me. I thought about getting up and moving downstairs, but the idea of actually watching the front door was worse than just listening for it. I jumped when my phone vibrated heavily in my hand around midday. The name on the called ID igniting little flutters of fear in my stomach.

"Alice?", her voice was bright and breezy but I could hear the forced intonations. She was acting. "Hey Bells, so Jasper and I are thinking that now might be a good time to visit the Folks. I know you think this is your fault Bella, but I promise it is. I really think this might be good for us." I couldn't help the tears as they began to fall again. "But Alice, you weren't going to hurt me, even Jared said so."

"Thank you Bella, for having so much faith in me, and please thank Jared too, it means everything to me. But we have to do this, I need to do this. I didn't realize how weak I am without my visions and I hope you understand just how scary that is for me. We'll be back I promise." I didn't believe her though and Leah's words echoed in my head. I should let them go, pretend just like Alice was doing that this was only temporary and something good. I couldn't hold her here with me for selfish reasons.

"Okay Alice, I understand. I hope you and Jasper have a good trip…." I forced out the word trip, knowing just how much of a lie it was "…I'll miss you both." The little sharp intakes of breath letting me know she was crying were enough the break out a sob from deep within my throat. "We'll miss you too Bells, and Jared too." The line went dead and so did my heart, I knew it would probably be the last time I ever heard from her.

I buried my head deep within my pillow, sobbing out loudly, not really understanding the depths of my emotions. It felt like a tightly wrapped string had been cut inside me. My heart shattered, knowing that I would no longer be able to call on my best friend, to hear her annoyingly chipper little voice and worst of all I had absolutely no one to blame but myself.

"B?" I just shrugged her arms away as Leah hugged me from over the blankets. "What's wrong?" I didn't lift my head or stop the crying. It felt like everything I should have felt when I walked away from Edward was finally hitting me full force. My vampire family had finally walked away and this time I knew I had to let them go. I had finally ruined everything, the reason I was walking away couldn't even bare to be in the same room as me. "Is it Jared? He's okay B I promise. You just need to give him some time, he was really hurt by what he saw. Oh B, please talk to me"

It was hopeless as Leah began to peel away the layers of blankets wrapped around. No matter how hard I held on, I was no match for her strength. "B, I know I hurt you, but please, let me in, let me help you". I couldn't hold back any longer as I threw myself on her, crying violently into her shoulder, choking out as many words as I could. "I did what you said. I told them goodbye. But it doesn't matter… I hurt him Leah… I didn't mean to… but I chose them over him... And now he doesn't want me anymore"

Leah was softly stroking my back and I tried to steady my breaths. Leah didn't need to see me like this, but if I was being honest I would rather she saw me break down than Jared. Her voice was almost a whisper when she finally spoke and I realized just how tired I was as I struggled to hear each word "Ssshh, everything will be fine. Jared will be here soon, you know he could never leave you and you have us, all of us. Just try to get some sleep and when you wake up everything will feel better, I promise"

I was cold. That was the only thing I knew. I felt arms around me but they were sending deep chills through me. I threw my body back immediately but it was only Leah's deep sleepy eyes that met mine.

"Sorry B, I must have fallen asleep. How're you feeling?" I nodded and it seemed like a fair reaction when it had been nearly two full days without Jared by my side. "C'mon, you need to eat something", I followed her sloppily downstairs and slumped down at one of the breakfast stools with my head buried in my arms, while Leah made a raucous noise in the kitchen. When the noise stopped I lifted my head warily to see something that looked like a pancake on a plate, with bacon and strawberries turning it into a slightly lopsided smiley face. "Sorry, this is the only thing I know how to cook, well this and chocolate cake". I smiled lightly. "Thanks Leah, but you don't need to stick it out here with me. I know I'm not much fun right now", but she didn't seem to be listening. Her own fork was moving too rapidly between her plate and mouth to allow time to speak.

I had cut everything up and moved it around my plate giving the illusion of actually having consumed a good portion of the plate, but in reality the two bites I had managed to swallow were still sitting precariously at the very top of my stomach. Leah frowned at me when I pushed my plate away. "Do you want the rest of this?", she resisted for all of five seconds before digging in. There were more important battles to be fought than food apparently.

"Okay, shower!", I groaned in protest but she was right. I wasn't in the mood for anything too extensive, so I washed my hair and body as quickly as possible. I redressed in a clear pair of Jared's sweats and one of his recently discarded shirts, his scent still lingering on it. I crawled back into the bed that Leah had just made and laid there with my eyes closed, while she watched a DVD next to me.

"You can go now Leah", I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or not, but the words were being angrily shouted out in whispers. "Really, can I? Or are you just going to leave her again tomorrow so she can spend all day in bed crying her heart out. You can't do this to her J. She's falling apart and she can't even figure out if it's because of you walked away from her or because her family did. She let them go, for you, but all you can do is fucking prance about letting Sam and Paul fill your head with bullshit. You need to man up. You caught her hugging her ex for fuck's sake, it not like you walked in on them fucking J."

"Leah!" It was a warning but I still couldn't figure out if all of this was really happening.

"No J, I came here cause she needed a friend and I'll be damned if you get what you need from her tonight and leave her falling apart again tomorrow. Now stop being a dick and let her know that you aren't going to leave her too"

I turned over but the room was silent, I must have been dreaming. It was still silent when I felt large arms wrapping around me and Jared's hot breath on my neck. I twisted around to see his light eyes looking down at me. I couldn't read the emotion there, so I whispered out my words to him again. "I'm so sorry", but this time the response wasn't gruff or cold, it was passionate and filled the emptiness inside me "I know you are, and Bell you have to know that I could never leave you. But I think you both need to know that he can't touch you anymore. All I can see is you wrapped around him, his sickly scent all over you and it's been driving me crazy. I love you, but for once and all, he and everyone else need to know with absolute certainty that you're mine".

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**a/n: Thank you so much to all of you who reviewed the last chapter. Some of you I have never heard from before and that was so lovely. Welcome all new readers. Ah, so this is what I see as a turning point in the story. I know I mentioned a while back that we only had a few chapters left and right now I'm thinking we have about two or maybe three more, I have two endings for this story right now and I'm debating which one to use, still undecided, so who knows maybe your thoughts will help me make the final choice. You'll know soon enough anyway. **

**Anyway I hope you all like this chapter, I'm sure many of you will guess what's coming next and I personally can't wait, very nervous to write to though and do you all proud!  
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	21. Hard to Handle

**A/N: It had been absolutely forever and for that I'm so, so sorry. I don't have any excuse good enough for you I'm afraid. So I'm repenting my poor efforts by delivering this to you today. I initially wrote this and the next chapter as one, but it didn't feel right somehow. So for now here is the first half of the beginning of the the end. The second half will be up a little later today (hence this one being a little short, the next isn't). And then I think there will be an epilogue, or something else. Anyway I'll speak more about that at the end of the next chapter... **

**As it's been so long... If you are up to date please ignore this, if you need a little refresher read on: After feeling the temptation of Bella's blood, Alice ran away. Bella, being scared of a future without her friend left in the middle of the night, hoping to have her fears relieved. But it wasn't Alice that she encountered but Edward. Upon seeing them together Jared ran away, spending some long overdue time with his pack. Bella on the other hand was left to deal with the loss of a friend/family and the uncertainty of her relationship with Jared all by herself. After a few choice words from Leah, Jared returned to Bella's side;**

_I turned over but the room was silent, I must have been dreaming. It was still silent when I felt large arms wrapping around me and Jared's hot breath on my neck. I twisted around to see his light eyes looking down at me. I couldn't read the emotion there, so I whispered out my words to him again. "I'm so sorry", but this time the response wasn't gruff or cold, it was passionate and filled the emptiness inside me "I know you are, and Bell you have to know that I could never leave you. But I think you both need to know that he can't touch you anymore. All I can see is you wrapped around him, his sickly scent all over you and it's been driving me crazy. I love you, but I think for once and all he and everyone else need to know with no uncertainty that you're mine"_

**And on with the show we go. All things Twilight related are not mine, but belong to Ms. Meyer. **

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"No", I pushed my hand against his unrelenting chest. Even though he remained frozen in place, I knew that the pressure he would feel would get my message across.

"What do you mean, _No_?", he sat up he resting tensely upon one elbow. His light eyes darkened and while I didn't want to believe it was truly there, I noticed a tiny flutter of anger flash indiscreetly across his eyes.

"I mean, I think I understand what you're implying, and I'm saying no. I refuse to carry around another scar with me that has negative memories attached to it", I didn't need to say anything further as Jared reached for me, his lips brushing against the cooler crescent skin on my wrist. As we watched each other, it must have been almost ten minutes before I spoke again. "When I told you it was something I wanted, I thought it would come from a place of love, not revenge or jealousy. I understand you don't like what you saw yesterday, but I think you need to take a step back and really think about what you're saying… What you're asking from me."

I pulled back slightly and brushed away the dark hair that had fallen down into his eyes. "I may not have realized it at the time, but I left him for _you_. I've given up everything for us and if I had anything left standing in our way, I would walk away from that too. I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty, but I would, I'd walk away without a second thought. But if you can't see that, then maybe…"

"Than maybe what Bell?" the room was silent and dark, the air around us suffocating me with the unwelcome tension. I wasn't sure exactly what I was going to say. Any threat to leave would be empty, the past few days had shown me just how incapable I was of surviving in any true sense without him, and honestly I saw no reason why I should. But maybe we needed to step back a little.

"I don't know, I mean, maybe we moved too fast. I know without a doubt that you're my forever…"

"But?" I was second guessing every word that was coming out of my mouth and I needed him to know that, to know that I wasn't certain of anything in this moment, that quite perhaps I was being completely irrational. The only thing I knew for sure was that I needed him. So I shuffled a little closer, burying my head in his broad chest and brushed my lips against the smooth warmth of his skin.

"I don't know. Can we please just lay here. I haven't been able to think clearly without you here and I just need some time…I don't want to say anything I don't mean" It didn't take any more words for me to be enveloped in his strength, both of us sighing in pleasure at the close proximity and the lack of awkward words permeating the air.

I lay there at peace working through the past few days, what they meant to me and how I wanted to move forward from them. I thought back to how alone I had felt as I mourned the loss of my best friend and I wasn't sure if I was angry because I was upset, or upset because I was angry, but as I breathed him in I figured out one thing for certain. I was angry; truly angry at him for the first time. Sure, we bickered and challenged each other about menial things, but since I had realized my love for him we had been sailing on fairly calm waters.

I held onto him just a little tighter, relishing the feel of him wrapped around me and the peace it brought, before I forced him away. My world was split equally between my heart and my head; what I wanted and what I knew was in my best interests.

"I'm angry", I liked the way the words sounded as the fell from my lips, muffled into the night. "Huh?", I pulled back and spoke again, so clearly and concisely that there would be no confusion this time, each word sharply encompassing it's own frontier; "I am angry"

His face was solemn but I could see the flickers of his own anger again, only barely concealed this time, I didn't know if I was truly ready for this, but it seemed more and more that now I had started down this path, I didn't have a choice.

"Perhaps we should take this downstairs", I swung my legs to the floor and took off briskly through the house; arriving in the living room faster than I thought possible and sitting down rigidly in Charlie's lounger that we had brought over the previous week. I felt more in control as I waited for Jared's soft, unrushed, footsteps to fall silent. He didn't sit down on any of the other open chairs but instead pulled the coffee table nearer to me, sitting on the edge, engulfing me with his large imposing frame.

"So, you're angry?", I didn't need to take a deep breath, or steel my nerves, it was all flowing out of my mouth before I even had a chance to contemplate what I was going to say.

"Too right I'm fucking angry. I know it was wrong of me to hug him, but if you had even taken thirty seconds to talk to me, to be an adult and ask me why, then maybe you would have understood my actions a little more. He wasn't Edward, he wasn't the boy I was in love with. He was just a Cullen and I knew when I saw him, I would probably never see any of them again. I spent three years believing they were the family I never had, but just like I knew would eventually happen I've driven them all away. The only thing holding me together was you, but you weren't here. How can I keep doing this, when you keep showing me that you don't believe in me. I thought we were done doubting each other. I know you were hurt, but I needed you and you weren't here. My best friend is gone, all because I was too weak to hold myself together and I know that you had a right to be upset. But didn't I deserve to have you here with me?"

I took a big breath and sat back, evaluating the words that had just fallen from me, trying to decide if I had said anything untoward in my sudden rush to spill my frustrations. I wasn't quite sure that everything I'd wanted to say had come out the right way but before I had a chance to truly evaluate I noticed Jared's eyes narrowing. It was obvious he wasn't just going to tell me he was sorry and move along.

"So, it would be fine with you if I did the same thing? Because I wasn't the only one who ran away. I just wasn't as subtle about it as you were. You wouldn't talk to me, you never talk to me about what's bothering you. Instead you ran to _them_, again, in the middle of the night no less. I'm sorry you didn't think I was here for you, but from where I was sitting you made it pretty clear that it wasn't me you wanted. But I would never leave you. I can't"

"Yeah…._can't_" I couldn't help the venom as I spat the words out.

"So is that what this is really about?", I shook my head in frustration. But I couldn't deny that I did seem to always come back to this in my mind. One of my last conversations I had shared with Alice floated back to me and I felt guilty remembering how casual we had been, especially knowing how far apart we now stood.

"Well, how would you feel when someone keeps telling you they _can't_ leave you, not that they don't want to, but that they _can't"_

He lowered his head burying it in his hands, hiding his true feelings from me. This wasn't how things were meant to go, I didn't want to fight with him, to be angry or upset. I just wanted him to come back to me and tell me how much he was in love with me, to hold me close and for everything to be forgotten. I could feel the edges of everything peeling back and I was struggling to reach all four corners to push them back down again. I could no longer feel the anger bubbling inside me, instead I was just tired and hurt. We had both run away from our problems and I wasn't quite sure anymore if I had acted any better than him.

"I don't want to fight with you", Jared's head snapped up, his eyes telling stories that I didn't have the language to read. "Really, are you sure about that? Because just a moment ago it seemed like you wanted to do just that". I threw my head back. I didn't quite know how I had come to this point. But it was obvious that however it was, we had some underlying issues that needed to be resolved.

"You're angry with me", it wasn't a question, I had known all along that he was, but would he ever have admitted it to me? His eyes met mine and he nodded. "I was".

The silence spanned between us, but I wasn't willing to fill it. I just sat, watching and waiting.

"This isn't even about Vampires and Werewolves, Bell, it's about you and him, and what he meant to you. Not so long ago you were willing to give him everything, just like you say you are for me now. So not only do I have to see you wrapped around him, not _hugging_ him as you so innocently put it, but wrappedaround him. But I also have to deal with knowing that you chose him. You never chose me, no matter how much we try to tell ourselves that you did."

I felt like I had been physically punched in the gut. I knew how prevalent my doubts and fears could be, but I hadn't really ever seen them manifest in Jared.

"You think I don't remember that you called this a curse once", his hand was gesturing back and forth between the two of us. His eyes were filled with a deep, dark sadness and just when I thought I couldn't feel any worse, I did. I didn't really know how to make this better for either of us.

"I won't let you go", as my words met the air I reached out to tangle my fingers with his, binding us together, trying to push all of my love for him through the simple gesture. He chuckled softly, his eyes softening as they met mine. "That won't be a problem. Not matter how much I doubt whether you would have been mine if you had a choice, I know without a doubt I would chose you again and again. I'll never let you go Bell"

"It seems I have a little work to do then, convincing you that there is nothing and no one I would ever chose above you", I crawled into his lap, moving my fingers behind his neck, as I pulled myself closer and closer to him. I kept my eyes locked with his until the very last moment, until my lips were brushing against his. The kiss was soft and gentle, no pushing or pulling. Just an ending to something that probably shouldn't have ever been in the first place. I couldn't deny that my eyes had been opened. Jared was far too good at hiding his insecurities from me, or perhaps I had just been oblivious to the glaringly obvious.

"I missed you" I was still laying soft kisses on his lips as I softly spoke the words that had been long overdue, but was met with something that would top them every time; "I love you Bell". I smiled into my last kiss, before sliding off his lap and holding out my hand for him to take. We walked hand in hand upstairs, not letting go of one another for even a fragment of a moment. The night was soft and gentle, both of us rediscovering the pleasure of the other, sharing kisses and careful words until the sun washed the lasting darkness from the skies.


	22. New Deep

**a/n: All things Twilight are only mine to manipulate.**

**Okay, here's the next one. Fingers crossed I've done you proud.**

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"Good Morning", his voice was just too chirpy. I groaned and buried my head back down under the blankets. I wasn't ready for the day yet, but it seemed Jared had other plans as he threw the blankets back, exposing us to the chilly room. Instead of scrabbling around on the floor for covers, I crept back into his arms, stretching my body against the length of his, stealing his warmth. I could just feel the weight of sleep beginning to creep back over my mind when my body began to bounce around under the weight of his laughter.

"Stop", I tried to hold him still, but he found whatever I was doing too funny to stop.

Just as I was about to complain about my pillows inability to remain still, I was up in the air and feeling the cold breezes of the house whistle past me.

"Where're we going?" I asked, but unsurprisingly received no reply. We finally came to a halt with Jared sitting me down on the counter and I couldn't help but note for myself, that we had found our way down to the kitchen.

"Well, we were going to have a shower, but I think someone needs a heavy dose of caffeine first", I smiled despite my morning mood and watched as he clattered around, pulling out mugs and utensils in no seemingly good order. Normally my instincts would have forced me to take control, but today I was happy just to watch as his eyebrows drew down when a cupboard didn't offer the contents he expected, or as he smiled broadly when it did.

"Here", a steaming mug of morning deliciousness was placed next to me but I was far more interested in something else that could warm me from within.

"Come here", Jared didn't resist as I hooked my foot around his knee and drew him closer to me. I loved this about him, how he was willing to be with me and not hold himself back. He nuzzled aggressively at my neck, his arms clutching tightly around me, so close that I could feel a hint of hidden desperation.

"So, I was thinking about what you said last week", I pulled my head back to see if his expression would offer more in the way of information than his words currently were. We had spoken about so many things since our mini fight night that I couldn't even fathom a guess. I raised an eyebrow and waited patiently as he took a sip of his own coffee. "…about spending more time with the pack". I nodded my head enthusiastically. I had finally opened up to Jared about my reticence regarding the authenticity of his friendship with Jasper and his distance from the pack. While my fears were laid to rest on one front, he did admit that the few days he had spent with his brothers had shown him just how much stronger his bond could be with the other wolves. I knew that I was a huge factor in that, so I had decided to make a more conscious effort. "How do you feel about throwing a barbeque over here this afternoon?" And just like that, those few words, our lazy morning was over and we were a flurry of activity and excitement.

A few hours of cleaning later, I was just finishing up with the vacuum cleaner when Emily poked her head around the front door. "Hey Bella, I heard you might need a hand feeding the masses", her arms were full of pots and pans and I rushed to her side grabbing the most precarious and leading her to the kitchen. It felt like I hadn't seen her in forever and I was pleased when we fell effortlessly into a casual routine. I didn't try to analyze the situation too much knowing if I did, I would no doubt begin to make unnecessary comparisons to a certain small friend I was working hard not to think about.

The kitchen was already full of delicious aromas when another knock sounded at the door. I was just about to shout for whoever it was to enter when Leah bounded through with a beautiful wide smile on her face. "Hey B!", even seeing Emily didn't seem to slow down her good mood as she leaped up onto the kitchen counter and began to swing her legs gleefully back and forth, making little bangs with the back of her bare feet. Emily raised one amused eyebrow at me, before she turned back around to her potato salad preparations.

"So, Leah, are you here to lend a hand?"

A look of mock indignation crossed her face and she gasped dramatically "B, how could you? Surely you know the rules; imprints cook and wolves eat", I turned to see what Emily had to say about this but she was laughing softly into her bowl, clearly amused by Leah's antics.

"Well, if that's the case then shouldn't Angela be here helping us create this wolfie feast?" The words were barely out of my mouth when a loud clattering drew my attention back to Emily, who looked slightly ashen faced.

"Oh my gosh Bella, I didn't even think of that. What will Jake say?", I looked back over my shoulder at Leah, who was too preoccupied with cleaning out the remnants of a cake bowl to pay us any attention.

"You mean what would Jake say when he finds out we haven't forced his imprint to slave away in the kitchen all day? I imagine he'll thank us", but I was being tsked away as Emily brushed past me for the phone. After a very brief but seemingly conducive conversation, Emily was back in full on cooking mode.

Apparently we were back on Leah's radar as she shared more of her words of wisdom on the subject, "Don't pretend you don't enjoy this B, you imprints love to cook, I doubt you could have summoned the imprint mojo if you didn't" I thought about it for a moment and truly couldn't imagine one of the wolves having to fend for themselves in the kitchen. Instead of arguing against Leah like I wanted to, I merely snatched the bowl from her hands, which earned me a pout and a low growl from Leah, and a high five from Emily.

Much to my chagrin when Angela arrived twenty minutes later she did little to dispel Leah's theory on imprints, as she lugged in two huge bowl of macaroni cheese she had just 'prepared earlier' for the hell of it. When Leah flashed me a triumphant grin, I threw a handful of pasta at her, which almost broke out into a food fight, until Emily stepped in and brought a little decorum back to the situation.

As Leah continued to follow our progress with her own personal form of bowl cleaning, Emily and Angela talked animatedly about the pro's and con's of cinnamon in apple pie, while I watched on in peaceful silence. It wasn't the perfect icy family I had once been grasping for, but I realized for the first time that this was where I fit in, the noisy effortless normality was so welcoming and the best part was that I didn't have to change a thing about myself to feel like I truly belonged.

"Bella, do you have any large serving spoons?", I looked up to see Angela standing right in front of me, her eyes soft and questioning.

"Umm, try that drawer there", she nodded once and scurried away in the direction I had indicated. I could hear the thunderous sound of the boys booming voices coming from the back patio and I looked around to see what just a moment ago had been a mess of disorganized chaos, had suddenly come together as several large bowls and platters of food. Emily's wonderful influence no doubt.

The change of mood in the house was immediate as the previous familial calm was discarded. A light energy seemed to reverberate around us as the patio doors opened and the cold Washington air rushed through the kitchen. It didn't take long for the guys to follow the cold stream of air, looking from bowl to platter with greedy eyes. I could already see Emily and Angela being swept up into strong possessive arms and as bodies moved around me and still no warmth surrounded me, I looked around anxiously. After passing glances through and across all the large bodies around me, I finally set my sights on the one I was looking for.

Standing in the doorway looking like a disheveled slice of sin was my very own wolf, an amused glint sparkling in his light eyes; he had obviously been watching my desperate search for him. He made no effort to move towards me and I felt my feet drifting unconsciously. My instincts were so strong that I didn't even occur to me to resist. It was only when I could feel the warmth of him seep through the light cotton of my t-shirt that my body stopped it's natural progression to be by his side.

"Hi", I whispered out, the pink of my cheeks deepening as his intense gaze held me in place. I was hypnotized as his nimble fingers reached out to brush along the length of my jaw, lifting my head slightly. I was completely under his spell as he leaned down towards me, the room, the guests and the low rumble of noise around us disappearing, so that all I could see was him and only him. His lips were forceful as he pressed against me and what probably should have been a discretely intimate encounter was passionate and demanding, forceful and all encompassing. It was only when he pulled away from me did I hear the whistles and calls of the pack from behind me. I buried my head into his chest and reveled in his safety, as I hid away from teasing taunts, raucous laughter and the embarrassment of bright pink cheeks.

I wanted to remain there forever but it wasn't long before Jared was being pulled away to start the cooking the meat on the barbeque, the only food preparation process the boys ever deemed worthy of their time.

"C'mon Bells, let the boy go, we got a whole cow outside waiting to be grilled up", I smiled at a passing Jake as I pulled myself away, even though all I wanted to do was remain clamped to Jared's side. I watched in awed fascination as he strode purposefully towards the meat cooking station. It wasn't long before the boys all returned outside with plates full of potato salads, pasta and a little of everything else we had spent the day preparing.

As glasses of wine, red plastic cups of beer and full bellies welcomed the stars into the dark La Push sky, the atmosphere around us softened into the warm welcome lull of friendship. Deep, sincere laughter sung out around us and I joined in as the boys recanted the mishaps and high jinks they had found themselves involved in. Feeling hard fingers press softly into my hips I leaned backwards with no doubt of what or who I would find behind me. The night was only just beginning and already I knew that I would consider it a success. Seeing Jared so at ease with his pack was something that I hadn't realized was missing until it was right in front of my very eyes. I liked the way he would stand with his brothers, while surreptitiously keeping an eye out for where I stood in the room. In some ways it felt like the end and the beginning of a chapter in my life, knowing that these would be the people I would now call my family. The Cullens, who I had once seen as my forever after, were now only a stepping stone to get to where I truly belonged.

"Hey, are you okay?", I looked up to see Jared's concern etched eyes staring down on me. I nodded and gave him one of my brightest smiles, to let him know that in fact not only was I okay, I was so much better.

"Hey B, get your pale ass over here, I need a team mate", I looked across to see Leah waving ferociously, while shouting from across the yard, a table set up in front of her ready for a game of beer pong. I took one look from the table to Jared and knew that before I officially stepped into this night and this world, there was something I needed to do.

"Sorry Lee, not right now, why don't you ask Angela?", I sniggered at the look of absolute revulsion she gave me, before turning to Angela and asking her in the voice of a grumbling, petulant child if she would like to join her. I was about to turn and ask Jared if there was any history behind her ill will to Jake's imprint, when I saw the concerned look was back in his eyes. Sidling closer to him, I pressed myself against him, standing on the very tips of my toes to whisper in his ear.

"There's somewhere I want you to take me", it didn't take wolf ears to hear that my voice had lowered slightly, begging him to see my intentions. As I pulled back I could see that his eyes had darkened, flickering intermittently down to my lips, which I purposefully ran my tongue across, teasing him in the most blatant manner I could manage.

"Ahem, where?", if he was trying to hold back the eager excitement in his voice then he had failed miserably. Instead of telling him, I took his cup from his hand, placed it slowly on the nearby table and then intertwined my fingers with his own. We slipped from the noise of the party down to the edges of the beach, as I smiled to myself knowing that where we were heading was secluded from any of the houses sitting on the beach.

"Bell, where are we going?", I didn't reply, instead I walked on, running my fingernails up and down the inside of his arm as the night grew darker and more intimate around us.

When I knew that we were in the right spot or near enough to it I stopped, turning slowly on my heels and without a word began unbuttoning his shirt. "Umm, Bell, what are you doing?"

I smiled coyly before I drew my eyes back up to his "Using your shirt to sit on". This seemed to appease him, but I could see feel the edges of his uncertainty surrounding us. Placing his huge garment of cloth of the sand I laid down, patting the ground next to me when I was settled. He cautiously laid down and only when I felt his body begin to relax next to me did I make the next move.

Moving ever so slowly I sat up, locking his gaze with mine as I wordlessly crawled closer to him, stopping only when I had him trapped beneath me. Feeling the warmth of his body through my thighs I shuddered involuntarily in pleasure. I kept my eyes on him the whole time as I lowered my head and began to place soft open mouthed kisses all across his naked chest.

"Bell… how much did you have to drink?"

I could see the lust clear as day in his eyes, and feel the hard physical manifestations of it beneath me, but he was holding back from me. I laughed at his ridiculous question, before surreptitiously shifting myself around on top of him, earning me a low guttural moan caught in the back of his throat. I knew the next, however many minutes, were going to be about him dominating me, but I wanted him to know that I was ready for this, in fact, I was asking for it.

"Jared… shut up", I didn't wait for his response, instead I lifted both of his hands and placed them mid way up my thighs before resuming my kisses, working my way up towards his thick, pulsing, neck. I smiled as I bit down gently, before lifting my head, my lustful stare crashing into his own.

"Here, this is where I want you to mark me", I nibbled down again for emphasis, "Here, right where everyone will be able to see who I belong to".

I could feel his chest vibrate softly underneath me, his wolf obviously agreeing with my choice and words. His fingers moved slowly upwards before tightening just a fraction as they reached the top of my thighs, sending little thrills up and down my spine.

"Are you sure Bell?"

Instead of answering and potentially losing my nerve, and my control over the situation; I bit down again just a little bit harder, moaning as his hands moved from my thighs, up under my t-shirt, to the bare flesh that had been aching for his touch. I didn't let him get any further though, I pulled back, grinding down on him slowly as I lifted my own shirt and peeled it from my body, tossing it aside with abandon. I watched his eyes as they trailed hungrily across the newly exposed skin I was offering him, his hands twitching at the very edge of my jeans, begging for permission.

I waited until I had the full attention of his eyes back on mine, then I slowly reached behind my back and unclasped my bra, dropping the straps from both shoulders while leaving the lacy cups in place. I bit my lip and laughed lightly when he groaned in frustration. I rotated my hips once more, knowing I wouldn't be able to hold back for much longer and more to the point Jared probably wouldn't let me.

I could see the resolve in his eyes as he lifted his hands, grasping my delicate wrists in his oversized palms, pulling them down from my body. Our gaze was heavy and unbroken as the cold Washington air brushed across my exposed, taut nipples. The sensation bit at the back of my throat and I moaned loudly, sending a light blush to my cheeks. Jared's reaction was immediate as he replaced the night air with his fingers, his eyes now torn from mine as he watched himself mold and massage the sensitive flesh.

I didn't even catch the movement of being flipped, until I was laying flat on my back with Jared's hands and tongue now roaming freely over every exposed inch of my body. I didn't care that I had lost control, all that mattered now was the aching want spreading throughout me like a lightening bolt.

Jared moved his body slowly up mine until his lips were at my neck, the teeth nipping at the delicate skin as I writhed underneath him, begging for some friction and his touch.

"Here?", I nodded in response as he sucked gently on the spot I had indicated on his own neck, gasping as his teeth bit down with a little more force. I thought for just a moment that he was actually going to do it, until his lips found my own, demanding everything from me with their passion and want.

Lifting my hands I ran my fingertips with feather light touches down his muscular torso, skimming back and forth along the edges of his jeans before popping the first button, the second, the third and finally the fourth, freeing his throbbing erection into the petite palm of my hand. I felt the rumble of Jared's moan seep through my skin, to my very core, as I tightening my grip and began to move my hand ever so slowly up and down his length.

I felt his lips and teeth again, back at the spot I had designated, almost like a new obsession. The anticipation of when he would finally draw down on my flesh, added to the height of the pleasure trickling wantonly through my system. I could barely hold back as my hips thrust upwards to meet his, desperate for him to touch me, to relieve some of the pressure building exponentially inside me.

I thrust again only to be met with strong hands forcing my body back down. I thought for a moment he was going to tell me to have some patience, but apparently I wasn't the only one desperate to feel a little more of the other. My buttons flew from my jeans with inhuman speed and before I could even react I was naked, lying exposed for the entire reservation to see, with the man I loved kneeling over me, desperate want glimmering in his light eyes.

My eyes closed of their own volition as Jared parted my thighs with his warm palms, his fingers delving immediately to the place I craved them the most, as I moaned loudly into the ocean breeze. His fingers worked their magic as they thrust into me again and again, his thumb rotating in devilishly slow circles on my clit. I knew I was close but I didn't want to come this way. I wanted him inside me, to come with me. So with huge efforts of will I pulled his hand away, pulling him down on top of me in own swift move.

I hadn't noticed his jeans being removed, but as I felt his bare legs and his pulsating erection against my core I knew they were long gone. He took me in one quick, hard movement, burying himself inside me, pushing me down into the earth. I clawed and grasped at his back as he thrust into me over and over, building up my high to an almost excruciating plateau. I was just about to fall over the edge when I felt my body being lifted in the air, the surprise pushing my pleasure back down to a bearable level once again.

With my legs now straddling his, our bodies almost intertwined in the air, I could feel his fingers grasp tightly around my hips, rocking us both as I poured my love and passion into his with each thrust. As his lips descended to my neck, my whole body shuddered in response, the slow burn turning into a blazing forest fire. I could barely keep in my groans of pleasure as I felt my whole body explode, tingling like glitter. Just as I was beginning to think clearly once again I felt the sharp stab of pain in my neck as Jared bucked wildly into me, sending me over the edge once again, screaming out his name in a mix of pleasure and pain as he emptied both his body and soul inside me.

I was still gripping fiercely to him as my breathing finally began to ease. I tentatively lifted my hand to my neck and winced slightly as my fingers ran over the torn edges of my skin. I couldn't keep the smile from my face though, something about this action just felt so right, knowing that I was visibly proclaiming myself as his. It was like having our own strange little marriage of sorts, but there would be no divorce from this; this was my forever and it had been all of my own choosing.

It took a few more moments for my normal sensibilities to return to me and a blush to fill my already rosy cheeks, not only were we completely naked and out in the open for any random passer by to see, but I had absolutely no doubt in my mind that the pack would have heard exactly what we were up to as well. Not that there could ever be a secret among them.

I pulled back to look in Jared's eyes for the first time since he had broken through my flesh, to tattoo his imprint on my body. I had expected to see some hesitancy or doubt, but all I could find was a blissful peace emanating from him. His fingers raised to my chin, lifting my head cautiously to view his handy work in the moonlight. His eyes met mine, perhaps looking for some regret, but I knew he would only find complete and utter happiness. Seemingly pleased with what he found, his lips pressed softly against the raw wound at my neck. I tried not to visibly wince, but I knew there would probably be nothing I could hide from him at this point.

Now that my heart beat had calmed to an even beat I could feel the surrounding chill begin to penetrate my nude form. Even Jared's unnatural warmth couldn't help me as a chill ran down my spine. It was time to move, but I wasn't quite sure that I was ready to walk away from this moment.

I wasn't given a choice though as my new cold state hadn't gone unnoticed. "C'mon, let's get you back to the house".

I could feel my body being lifted but I clung ferociously to him, not willing to let go, even when he unwrapped me from his body and my feet were back on the crisp sand. I knew I was being difficult and considered for a moment being a petulant child, but decided against it when another icy gust of wind coasted through the air. Needless to say, my clothes were back on in three point five seconds and still I was shivering.

Jared was standing casually waiting for me with his arms open and I ran into them, practically rubbing myself against him for his additional heat.

"Do you think there's anyway the pack didn't hear that?" I looked up hopefully into his pleasured eyes.

He laughed lightly before placing a soft kiss on my lips. "Even if they didn't, which I seriously doubt, they'll be able to smell me all over you"

I ducked my head, blushing into his chest. I hadn't really weighed up the aftermath when I had decided to do this earlier, in reality I hadn't really thought much about it at all.

"Do you think we could maybe slip in the front door or something?"

He looked to be weighing up the situation. "How about you sneak in the front door, while I distract them?"

I grinned up at him hearing that he would willingly fall on the sword for me, also knowing in this moment I would be too selfish to stop him. We walked back to the house languidly, leaving the moment behind us somewhere in the sand. The house itself was indistinguishable from any of the others around it, except for the raucous shouting coming its perimeters. Jared placed one last lingering kiss on my lips before pushing me to walk around the side of the house.

Just as I was about to turn around the corner and leave his sight I heard him calling to me. I whipped around to find him only feet from me, a puzzled look on his face.

"Why tonight? Why there?"

I smiled to myself more than anything, knowing the answers so well in my own mind.

"Today's my birthday, and before you say anything, I didn't tell you because I knew that before the night was over you would give me the only thing I truly wanted but I didn't want you to feel obligated. I wanted you to have a choice as well", I began to walk away, unwilling to ruin what had just happened with a conversation about birthdays, or omissions, or anything of that nature actually. But just as I reached the corner of the house I turned back around, smiling lovingly back in the direction we had just come from "…and I picked there, because it's where we first met"

I smiled to myself, thinking back on that night as I stepped out of his sight. I could just about hear his loud welcome party as each voice fought with the previous to be louder and more rambunctious as I reached the front door and opened it softly.

Thankfully I managed to slip upstairs unnoticed and immediately headed to the bathroom. I stripped back down out of my sand laden clothes and turned on the shower, stopping to look at myself in the mirror. It wasn't just my neck that shocked me. All along my arms and hips were the beginnings of large bruises. I sighed knowing that Jared would beat himself up for days over this. Thinking about other things he could possibly regret I pulled my hair back carefully from my neck and gasped. It wasn't a neat little circle of teeth like I had expected, but deeper, more feral. It truly looked like I had been bitten by a wild animal and I couldn't conceive how _human_ Jared had done this to me. I traced the red teeth marks reverentially, taking pleasure in knowing this wasn't something people could ignore, but I also wasn't sure how well it would be received initially.

I stepped away from my gruesome form and stepped into the wonderfully warm heat of the shower. Missing my usual shower partner and his unbeatably soothing fingers, I didn't linger for any longer than necessary. It couldn't have been longer than twenty minutes before I was sitting on the edge of our bed, contemplating just what I would be walking back into downstairs. I knew from Jared that marking was something the pack looked on with fear, to hurt your own imprint, on purpose no less, it just didn't warrant being considered for them. I didn't really understand their stance feeling just how connected I now was to my wolf, knowing I would bear his mark on me for all the world to see.

I finally gave up my uncertain trail of thoughts when I heard Leah calling me from downstairs.

"C'mon B, you ditched me once already, don't make me come up and drag your scrawny little butt down here"

I laughed out loud at her words. It seemed that only for me did Leah save what for her could only be considered pleasant words. I trotted down the stairs, immediately looking past Leah to the back patio, an uncontrollable grin spreading across my face when my eyes locked with Jared's in a flash.

"B, you've played with lover boy enough tonight. Now you left me with Jacob's human for far too long, so you owe me at least an hour of your undivided attention"

I looked mockingly at my watch before looking at her sympathetically. "Awww, did you miss me Lee? Not sure I can give you my completely undivided attention, you might want to take that up with one of your pack mates, but I'll try. Let's go, clock's ticking"

I heard her muttering something about stupid imprints as she dragged me outside, whipping past Jared and straight to the beer pong table, knocking Angela and Emily out of the way as she went. Her manners had definitely been relegated to a different part of the reservation tonight.

"B, I thought you had a shower, you still stink of Jared", I immediately found something to look at on the floor as I felt my cheeks heat up. Apparently I hadn't done such a great job at showering after all. I could hear a couple of the guys chuckling brazenly around me and I knew I would have to face them eventually, I just wished I didn't have to do it while my face was impersonating a tomato.

I instinctively lifted my hand to my throat, gaining strength from the little sharp jabs of pain I felt there. But my movement, no matter how unconscious, had drawn Leah's astute attention to my neck. Typically just as there was a lull in the conversations surrounding us, Leah whipped back my hand, pulled aside my hair and shouted out dramatically, drawing the attention of every living thing in a ten mile radius with her furious words.

"What the fuck is that B, what the fuck did he do to your neck?"

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**Super sorry for any mistakes in this, I hate putting anything out that I haven't thoroughly edited (I know there are often still mistakes but I think that's what came of not going the beta route), but it was a question of do you want this today or on Sunday and I thought you might be willing to put with a few errors.**

**I did say this would ultimately be the last chapter but as I was writing things took on a whole new stream of their own and there will be at least one more. **

**Just a little question for you all... I have a Paul story that I've been working on and I'm in completely two minds. It could be a continuation of this, with Jared/Bella together. Be warned they would only appear as background characters, but it would work as an epilogue of sorts. The other option is that I just put this to bed and start all over with Paul/OC. I'm happy to do either but it will affect how this story continues, so let me know...**

**A BIG THANK YOU TO EVERYONE READING, REVIEWING AND ALERTING. YOU HAVE ALL MADE THIS STORY WHAT IT IS.**

**LVN  
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	23. In Omne Tempus

**a/n: Twilight - I own nothing**

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It probably took all of two seconds after the words had come out of Leah's mouth for all kinds of pandemonium to take over. Conversations had been disregarded, drinks and games abandoned, all to come and take a look at what Leah was screeching about. I was just grateful that my first instinct had been to find Jared's eyes within the pack, which thankfully I did instantaneously. I could see him pushing the others to the side as he moved aggressively to stand not by my side as I had expected, but slightly in front of me. I could feel the soft vibrations of his low growl as he warned his fellow wolves to keep their distance.

"Enough! everybody out the way!", if I had ever wanted an example of Sam's power, this would have been perfect. A path was paved for him as he strode through the now slightly more docile crowd, with Emily trailing behind him, a curious but cautious look on her face.

I looked over at Leah who had surreptitiously stepped back from the action, looking angrily towards an ever encroaching Sam. She flashed her eyes to me and mouthed '_Sorry_', to which I nodded gratefully. Leah was many things to me, but I didn't believe she had done this with any malicious intent, the fact that she was apologizing was practically unheard of, the least I could do was acknowledge it's magnitude.

With Sam standing right in front of us, Jared moved just slightly to the side, allowing Sam to eye my neck with a stoic stare. I couldn't read anything in his reaction, but it felt like eternity before he spoke. "Jared, follow me" Sam's voice was commanding and I felt a cold chill fall over me, where just a moment before I had been safe and warm. This was one of the things about the pack that I didn't think I would ever feel completely okay about, the absolute lack of will Jared had when it's came to Sam's command.

Whether he did or not, _I_ still had a course of action and I swept my eyes over the pack once, all of whom were watching Sam's retreating form with undeniable interest in their eyes. Seeing my path I walked briskly after them, knocking a nearby table in my haste, sending several plates and cups clattering loudly on their sides.

"No Bella, you need to stay where you are", I looked up at Sam to see his eyes boring into mine and without warning my feet had stopped. I looked down in wonderment, willing myself to move forward, but nothing happened. I tried again, a bubble of panic rising in my throat.

When I realized my feet were going nowhere I trailed my gaze upwards to Leah, who was looking at me in shock. Something in my eyes must have given away my internal struggle and she rushed to my side.

"B, what's wrong? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say anything, I was just shocked"

I nodded at her, but I didn't need her apologies right now. I just needed her to make my body work again. I held onto her arm, gripping my nails in, trying to pull my body away from this damn spot.

"Lee, I can't move"

She looked down at my feet, back up to my eyes and then repeated the action. Something inside her clicked and suddenly she was yelling for Sam at the top of her lungs, the high tones of her voice alerting him that something was amiss.

It wasn't Sam who appeared first though, but Jared. A look of pure panic on his face as he saw Leah standing by my side.

"What's wrong Bell? Tell me what's wrong?", his hands and eyes were tracing every inch of my body, panic and impatience making his touch harder than usual.

"I don't know, I can't move"

I looked up at Jared, who had now turned to Sam, his eyes narrowing in accusation. "Did you give her an Alpha command?"

Sam it seemed was just as shocked as the rest of us, the tension evident in his high shoulders and darting eyes. It was only when Emily had come to his side and taken his hand did he seem to relax just a little.

"It doesn't matter, even if I did, it only works on the pack"

But something was very wrong and I didn't think it would take a genius to figure out why. All of the pack were eerily silent behind us as they all watched the drama unfolding in front of them.

"Well, how about… just for fun, you let her know she can move, eh Sammy boy?", I smiled at Leah, only she could retain her biting personality in any situation.

Sam was looking me up and down like some kind of science experiment, before Emily tugged on his arm, her raised eyebrow pushing him into action.

"Sorry, Bella, you're free to move"

And just like I stumbled forward, the muscles that I had been exerting in my efforts to move, finally giving way under Sam's words. I could hear several gasps and _woahs_ from behind me, but none of that mattered as warm, strong hands wrapped around my waist and stopped my impending collision with the earth.

"What the hell, dude? Is Bella a wolf?"

When I was firmly back on my feet I turned back around to face Quil, who's eyes met mine with an excited glint. I'm not sure what he saw in my own, but I knew it wasn't excitement, probably something a little closer to abject horror.

"No Quil, I don't think Bella's a wolf. Jared I need you to come with me so I can see exactly what happened between the two of you tonight". I cringed back at Sam's words, my hand clinging just a little more aggressively to Jared's. I knew that the pack would eventually see what happened through Jared's thoughts, but I was under the impression it would be awhile from now and I had hoped, probably a little foolishly, that it would never reach my ears.

But Jared didn't move, instead he wrapped his arms around me securing me to his body. "No Sam, I'm not leaving Bella right now".

Sam looked back and forth between the two of us. I tensed, waiting for the moment when he would force Jared away from me again, but it didn't come. Instead he let out a heavy sigh before running his hand agitatedly through his hair.

"Fine, my place, the both of you. Everyone else stays here"

It felt like we were about to be chastised by a parent for being naughty, both Jared and I followed Sam with out heads down, not saying a word. The air in Sam's house was thick with tension as we all sat, staring at one another in silence.

"Okay, from the beginning", my heart began to beat wildly in my chest and I was seriously considering begging Jared to leave my side and go alll wolfie, just so I didn't have to endure what I knew was going to be a horrendously awkward conversation.

As Jared began to speak I kept my eyes firmly down, staring at a tiny stain on the rug in front of me. I couldn't keep my fingers still as I picked at a small hole developing in the knee of my jeans.

"There's not much to tell. We went down to the beach, I marked Bella, we came back, Leah couldn't keep her mouth shut and now here we are"

I was so relieved that I hadn't had to sit through an embarrassing detail filled account, so I chanced a look up at Sam, who's eyebrows were drawn down in concentration, seeing if this would be enough to appease him, somehow I doubted it.

"Okay, so you bit her. Did you say anything while you did it? What were you doing? I need more details to understand what we're dealing with here", I looked up at Jared who was smiling a little too cockily for my liking at Sam's question.

"I was kind of busy at the time Sam. I don't think I said anything, did I Bell?" Both of them were suddenly looking at me and I prayed that my blush wouldn't be of epic proportions as I choked out a response "Nope, umm, I don't think so, no"

"As for the rest, I don't understand how it's relevant. I'm sure you know what we were doing when I marked her, I don't think the details are important, do you?" The sight of Jared standing up to Sam did something warm and fuzzy to my insides. But I wasn't the only one affected by the unorthodox nature of the conversation as Sam cleared his throat, looking a little flustered.

"Okay, well then…. Bella, did Jared tell you anything about what he was going to do to you? Did you understand what this would mean? Did he ask you?"

I couldn't look at him, knowing what I was going to have to say. It wasn't that I was ashamed of the marking in anyway, I just didn't want to have a nice little coffee table chat about it with Sam.

"Yes Sam I understood everything. I asked him to do it"

Apparently this wasn't the answer Sam had been expecting as he sat back in his chair, eyeing us back and forth warily. I had thought knowing I was on board with the idea would make Sam more comfortable, but I think it just pushed him to understand us both a little less.

"Okay, well the choices you mark are none of my business. But the possible effects it may have on the pack, are. Jared, I think you and I need to go and see the Elders tomorrow. Maybe they have more insight into whether there are any umm, other side effects, to the marking. It's not been something any of us have considered doing before, so my knowledge in this area is limited"

Jared didn't seem at all phased by this, but one look at me and he was running his fingers up and down my arm, calming me with him touch. It was bad enough that the whole pack would know, but the Elders, that meant Billy and Billy was like a second dad to me. I didn't need the images the marking would conjure in his head. I wondered if maybe Jared had expected this.

"Do you think the marking meant Bella was responsive to your Alpha command?"

Of course I was already almost certain this was the reason for my new disadvantage, but I was interested in what Sam was going to say to Jared's question.

"It seems that way, but I can't remember ever giving an imprint a command before, it's not like I even did it on purpose tonight. Maybe we need to do a little experiment"

Jared's shoulders raised just a fraction, a sure sign that he was unsure whether he liked what Sam was saying.

"What do you have in mind?", Jared's head whipped around to face me, almost as if he'd forgotten I was even there until I spoke.

"Well, first of all I would need to see if the Alpha command works on any of the other imprints, and then we'd go from there"

I was already on my feet before Sam had finished, grateful to have something to do other than sit there and potentially rehash a play by play of my most recent sexual encounter with Sam.

"Well okay then, let's go find us an imprint to play with", I didn't even wait for Jared as I practically ran from the room, making the short distance between our houses seem even less in my desperate need to feel free.

I'm not quite sure what I expected to find as I walked back through the door, in our absence the party seemed to have been resumed into full swing. Leah loudly called me over and pushed a drink into my hand, and for just one minute as I threw back the drink with abandon, I managed to forget who would be walking through the door very soon.

Sam's presence brought a lull to the festivities, the pack now all twitching with anticipation over what would happen next no doubt.

"Jake, would you mind if I borrowed Angela for a moment?"

I could see Jake's arm curl just a little more protectively around his imprint as he weighed up what exactly Sam was asking for. "Why?"

Sam chuckled lowly before opening his mouth to answer. "Relax, I just want to see if the imprints respond to my Alpha command, Emily and Bella will be involved too; so you have nothing to worry about. I won't hurt her".

I was almost positive that only hearing Sam say Emily would be involved appeased Jake. We all knew that Sam would go to the ends of the earth to keep Emily safe, hurting her intentionally wasn't even something he could conceive of. The thought made my fingers return to my neck. I knew that Sam and probably all of the imprinted wolves, would disapprove of what we'd done. But for me, I didn't see it as Jared intentionally hurting me, it was just a way to make us closer, but you had to be willing to see the shades of grey to understand that. Of course I knew they would argue I was hardly one to talk about rational sacrifice in the endeavor to find love.

I watched on as Sam took both Emily and Angela to one side, and just as I had expected, neither one was affected in the slightest by Sam's stern alpha timbre. Both Emily and Angela seemed relieved and if I was being honest I probably would be too. It wasn't like I had gone into the evening looking to be under Sam's will, not matter how much I trusted him not to abuse the power he now held over me.

When it came to be my turn though, each time Sam's voice took on that Alpha timbre, my body involuntarily reacted, no matter how much my mind protested. I tried to make a mental note to ask Jared if this was how it was for him too. Did he, like me, mentally push against Sam's will as his body betrayed him?

It wasn't long after the newest revelation that the gathering seemed to break up. Apparently nothing dulls the fun like an imprint who's been bitten. I didn't really mind though, as much as I enjoyed spending time with the pack, I certainly enjoyed spending time along with Jared a hell of a lot more.

I could see the creases of concern on his forehead as we lay in bed, staring at one another in the soft light of the moon.

"Do you regret it?", I didn't need to tell him what _it_ was, there was nothing else I could be referring to after all.

"No, I don't. I thought maybe I would, but it feels right. I don't think I've ever felt so connected to you before. It's like you're a part of me now"

I brushed my fingers across his bare chest, his words mimicking the exact way I felt. I smiled warmly at him as his fingers traced the perimeter of the mark he had left on my neck.

"What do you think will happen with the Elders?", Jared's eyes flickered away from my neck to meet mine, obviously thinking over his thoughts before offering an answer to my question.

"I don't know. I'm hoping that they'll have some more information on what's going on. Other than that I'm not too worried. The pack might not approve, but imprints are a sacred thing, no one will interfere in a choice we made together. At least they better not"

I felt his fingers press down just a little harder on my neck, barely anything more than his usual touch, but I was so in tune to him now that I knew this meant he was more concerned about what the Elders would say than he was letting on.

I snuggled in closer to him, feeling my body beginning to succumb to the bubble of oblivion being wrapped around me. It was just as I was falling over the edge that I heard him mumble out, in all the glory of my sleepiness. "Happy Birthday Bell, I love you"

The next day was slow, so slow in fact that I had checked the clock probably fifty times to find out that barely an hour had passed. I wasn't quite sure why I was so on edge, I knew it was damn near impossible that the Elders could do anything negative to Jared and I, but a wave of nauseous apprehension kept sweeping over me. I checked the clock for the fifty first time, then threw my book aside in disgust. Time just wasn't moving today, at least not for me.

I decided to call in on someone who I knew would entertain me, whether that was a positive thing or not I wasn't sure. I rued the fact that Leah lived less than five minutes away, too close for the trip to her house to take up any additional time, but this was La Push after all, nothing was more than five minutes away.

Walking up the walkway to the Clearwater's family home, I realized that although I knew of it's location I had never actually been here before. The thought made me pause in my tracks. It was there, on the driveway, standing like an absolute idiot that Seth found me. Shirtless, shoeless and probably just coming off patrol, his light laughter caught me completely by surprise as he walked up behind me.

"You gonna stand there all day? Leah's not in you know, I'm guessing it was her you came to see and not me"

I stuffed my hands in my pockets and tried not to look too disappointed as Seth strode up to my side.

"C'mon, there might still be some lunch left over, if we're lucky"

I didn't have much of a choice in the matter, as Seth wrapped his strong arm around my shoulder and pulled me along his side into the house with his strength. I could barely hold in my laughter when his boyish face fell in disappointment when he found the kitchen cleared out, barely a scrap left. I decided in that moment that Seth Clearwater, ambassador for all things positive and cheery, should absolutely never wear a frown on his face. I could barely believe the words were coming out of my mouth, but as I heard them in the air, I knew it was me speaking them.

"C'mon, let's go back to mine. I'll fix you something"

I knew why I'd done it. It was two parts desperation and one part needing to see Seth smiling again. His imprint was going to in deep trouble when Seth finally laid his eyes on her, that was for sure. He practically skipped us back to my truck and I was pleased to find that his easy company and light chatter kept my warring nerves at bay.

"So Bells, what made you decide to let J mark you?"

I turned to see Seth still smiling brightly at me, washing any uncertainty I had in his motives away with it's sincerity. Seth wasn't asking to judge me, he was just an inquisitive little pup.

I thought about how to word something that had been what I would consider one of the most intimate encounters of my existence. I wasn't sure that my words would be able to do it justice.

"When Jared told me about it, I just knew that it was something I wanted. I didn't come to this whole imprint thing like the other girls, it wasn't that I was rejecting it, but I think I denied the feelings I was having for a long time. I guess I would do anything that makes what we have stronger. I wanted everyone, the pack, Jared, everyone, to know that he's the choice I made and not just something I fell into because I had to. I wanted him to be mine and for me to be his in every way possible. I know I don't have anything to prove, but sometimes I think that I need to fight just a little harder than everyone else to fit in here. God, that makes it sound like I did it for everyone else, when that's really not true. Honestly, I did it because I love him in a way I didn't think I would ever be able to love anyone, it's just so all encompassing and I want to be tied to him in everyway possible because of that."

I considered making some sarcastic comment about being the girl who was willing to give up her beating heart once upon a time, but I felt like it would be belittling what I had given to Jared. Because it was something I had done for him, for both of us and I needed to stop making comparisons with a past life. When I pulled the truck to a stop and the silence surrounded me, I realized just who I was talking to. Without meaning to I was baring my soul to Seth and I couldn't help but cringe in embarrassment. We barely knew each other, since when had I become the girl who would speak their feelings to anyone who asked?

Needing a quick change of topic I began rattling off the lists of food I knew we had in the house. I knew I was rambling but I couldn't help it. I could barely look at Seth as I led the way into the kitchen, pulling out pots and plates with a dramatic amount of noise to cover up how I was feeling.

"Bells….!"

I didn't look up, instead I stuck my head in the fridge and moved things pointlessly back and forth.

"Bella!"

I didn't have a choice in ignoring him this time, as Seth lifted me up like a rag doll and sat me on a nearby counter, his eyes were twinkling in amusement.

"Bells, you don't need to be embarrassed. I don't know about the rest of the pack, but I think it's cool what you guys did. I think I would want my imprint to let me mark her"

I smiled at the reverential look he got when he mentioned his imprint. That's what it was for the non-imprinted guys, something unattainable and magical. It was so pure in thought for him that I wasn't sure Seth would say those words again once his imprint was finally here. I was fairly certain he would fall in the camp of wolves who wouldn't be able to actually do what it took to create the marked bond. But whether I was right, or he was, his words had lifted the tension from the air and for that I was grateful.

Unlike most of the pack, Seth was happy to help in the kitchen and I only when the dished had been cleared away and the front door swung open with Jared's arrival, did I realize Seth had given me what I needed. He had distracted me so effortlessly that I hadn't looked at a clock once.

I guess with Jared coming home, Seth saw his arrival as his cue to leave. Jared passed a curious look to his pack mate as they crossed paths halfway across the living room. The look was gone as soon as his eyes met mine and the nervous twitters that had been so noticeably absent in Seth's presence made themselves known once again.

"We'll talk about that later" Jared nodded his head in the direction that Seth had just left before slumping down on the nearby sofa, pulling me with him.

I rearranged myself, sitting with my entire body inclined to Jared's, my knees tucked underneath me. I waited patiently for his words, the words that would put an end to my nervous afternoon.

"So, the Elders don't know much more about this than we do, but we can expect them to want a full report on anything weird that happens"

I looked at him with a wry smile on my face, my eyebrow raised. "And should we expect anything _weird_ to happen?"

Now that he was next to me, and it seemed the Elders were as innocuous and he had proclaimed they would be, all of my fears dissipated. Jared it seemed was a little more concerned about all this that I was, as his hand brushed his hair from his forehead with distraction.

"I don't know, just something Leah said"

I pulled back slightly to see whether he was serious or not, I mean Leah said a lot of shit. "What did Leah say exactly?"

He seemed to think about it, probably deciding whether to tell me or not, before he made what was in my opinion the correct decision and opened his mouth "She said you smell like me. And she's right Bell, you do. I thought that last night it was just because we'd been together. But today, I noticed it this morning after we showered. You smell like me"

I wrinkled up my nose in disgust, remembering the way the Cullens used to describe the wolves scent "Eww, I don't want to smell like wet dog!". I was stupidly happy when he let out a deep laugh, not having noticed before just how much the seriousness of his mood had been affecting me.

"I'll have you know Miss. Swan that I smell nothing like wet dog, and you most certainly don't", he pulled me up close to him and inhaled dramatically into my neck. I giggled as I pushed him away, his breath tickling me.

"So, is it a good thing or a bad thing that I smell like you, and how much exactly do I smell like dog?"

I could see the edges of his mouth as he tried to suppress a smile. Oh, this was definitely a good thing. "Well, you still smell like you, but it's like the way you smell has been mixed in with the way I smell. I guess maybe it's a way of showing anyone that didn't realize, that's we're part of one whole…", he paused for a moment before looking at me, his eyebrows drawn down "…that was really cheesy wasn't it?"

I laughed, happy to see that even if this was something that worried him, he wasn't taking it _too_ seriously. "Yep, cheese central"

I somehow wriggled free as he began a serious tickle assault on me, but I didn't get very far before I was on the floor, Jared's body pressed deliciously down against mine.

"Did you really think you'd be able to get away from me?"

I wriggled in pretend protest as he pressed my wrists down into the floor, his lips trailing down my neck, moving lower and lower, teasing me. I was just getting into the idea of being held prisoner when a booming knock on the front door interrupted us. We both groaned in unison as the door opened. Sam walked in dramatically and at least had the decency to look at little embarrassed about what he'd walked in on.

"Uhh, sorry guys. I can come back later if you like?", I took one look at Jared's dark eyes and gave him my most evil smirk before calling out to Sam. "No Sam, it's fine, now's good"

I pushed Jared away with all the force I could muster. But not before he managed to growl lowly into my ear with promises that he would be getting his revenge for this later.

"So, what can we do for you Sam?"

He was all business as he sat down on the opposite sofa, rehashing the meeting with the Elders and everything that had occurred afterward with Jared and I. It was nice to feel included in this conversation, even though I knew Jared would tell me everything in his own time, it felt like I was being awarded a certain amount of respect from Sam.

Jared filled in Sam on his theories on my scent as I sat taking in everything that was being said. It wasn't that there was a fear between them, but definitely a level of apprehension. With promises to keep him abreast of every new development, Sam departed.

It had taken nearly two weeks for all the fervor to die down in regards to my marking, and as the wound healed into what I considered a beautiful, prominent scar, the pack seemed to be more at peace with our choices.

It was almost three months ago since I had led Jared down to the beach in the most meaningful declaration of my love that I could imagine. It wasn't that a lot had changed in our relationship, more that we had finally been cemented together as one. The subtle changes to my scent had been an alluring prospect to a few of the wolves and I knew from Angela that she and Jacob had spoken quite seriously about her being marked. Apparently the guys felt that if we did ever fall into the clutches of vampires or predators, smelling like wolves would be a major deterrent to them. I wasn't so sure myself, but I was just happy that the marking seemed to be more embraced than we had imagined.

The only other notable difference the marking seemed to have made, was that I could feel Jared's location more prominently. It wasn't accurate to location or direction, but I could feel the distances between us more acutely. I was still undecided whether it was a positive thing or not. It seemed that the boys had always shared this sense with their imprint, but I was the only imprint who knew when her wolf was far away or near by. I was still waiting for a time when it could prove more useful than having a rough estimate of when Jared was arriving home for his dinner though!

Only Leah resolutely held to her opinion that what I had done was wrong, but I knew it was only because she saw the marking as a sign of weakness on my part. I was just waiting for her to get an imprint just so I could rehash her disapproval when she went all bitey on him.

I pushed my laptop away and sighed out in a smile of relief. A month ago the online magazine book reviews I had been working on as something of a distraction had paid off hugely. A nation wide newspaper had contacted me, requesting my services when their previous book reviewer had retired unexpectedly. It was a dream come true and the only downside was the extra level of work and stress I was under. Tuesday was my final deadline and as usual I had sent Jared away much earlier in the day, knowing he needed to be gone in order for me to concentrate.

I looked over at the clock, pleased to see that it was only nine thirty, which meant the boys would all still be playing poker at Sam's. I haphazardly put everything away and decided to forego my coat, after all it was only a couple of houses away and the sky was only drizzling at best.

Feeling a sense of relief to be outside and done with the days duties, I smiled into the watery air. I could hear the loud booming voices of the guys all the way from our front door and I smiled at the 'Sold' sign hanging in the yard next door as I passed by. This street was quickly being nicknamed Imprint Row, as Angela and Jake had just put down a deposit on this very house.

"Hey guys" I shouted out my greeting into the warm house, shaking off my hair as I brushed my feet on Emily's welcoming floor mat.

"Bells!", "Bella!", "B!" came a chorus of competing voices, leading me to their overheated presence in the kitchen. I strode confidently up to Jared and wrapped my arms around him. I was busy looking around the surfaces for any sign of left over food, already knowing I would be disappointed.

"Hey Em, you don't have any snacks going do you?", a couple of the guys chuckled, while Emily smiled sweetly at me. Pulling out a hidden plate from who knows where, to a chorus of "No fairs!". I was starving after a day fastidiously working on my reviews so I didn't even bother to sit. I knew I was garnering quite a few impressed glances, but I didn't care. I was just so hungry.

Finally putting the plate down, I felt Jared's arms wrap around me, his head resting against my stomach, filling me with his warmth. I leaned against him gratefully. Now that one need had been satiated, I knew I wasn't far from another, as I felt the last dregs of energy I had left fall from my body.

"J, do you mind if I go home? I'm kinda beat", when he didn't respond I looked down to see him pulling away from my stomach with a look of utter surprise on his face.

"Bell, just give me a second, I need to see something"

He didn't even give me a moment to protest as he whisked me off my feet, lying me down flat on the sofa. I tried to sit up, but his hands pushed down my shoulders, his eyes pleading with mine.

"Please Bell, just lay still" and something in the tone of his voice made me do just that. I lay back, in fear of the serious look in his eye, the strict tone of his voice; something was wrong.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

But when his eyes met mine again, they weren't fearful or stern, they were filled with beaming joy, which probably unnerved me more than the fear.

"Jared, please, you're scaring me, what's wrong?"

The pack had gathered behind us, all jostling each other to get a front row seat to whatever spectacle we were putting on for them tonight.

"I can hear a heart beat"

I rolled my eyes, before throwing my best waves of sarcasm at him "Great, so I'm not dead. Were we not sure about that or something?"

But apparently I was the one being dumb, as several of the pack chuckled and Leah actually called me a fucking idiot under her breath. I glared at her letting her know I heard it, but she just raised her eyebrow back, clearly standing by her point.

"No Bell, not _your _heartbeat. I can hear another one"

Without thinking about it, my hand automatically went down to my stomach, rubbing the spot where Jared's warmth was still the strongest. I looked from my stomach to him, to see his eyes filled with happiness. His words seeped through to another level of my consciousness and I felt a strange trickle of excitement flow through me.

"So, I'm….?"

The room was absolutely silent as he just nodded at me, his smile breaking out to show me his beautiful white teeth.

"And you're sure….?"

The nod was there again and this time I knew I was smiling with him.

"We're having a baby?"

The room suddenly filled with chaos, I could see the guys high-fiving, the girls hugging tightly onto their imprints, while something about the first pack puppy was being shouted. But the only thing in focus for me was Jared, his hand now resting along side mine on my stomach, stroking the bare plains of my body affectionately.

I saw Leah approaching us cautiously and I couldn't find it in me to feel anything other than unexpected joy. The look on her face though was so un-Leah like that she had almost my full attention.

"Umm, B, would you mind if I….?" her eyes had trailed down to my bare stomach, pleading with me. This was the last thing I had expected from Leah, so I raised my hand, showing her my approval. It was strange to feel the light touch of her face against my skin and I could see from Jared's eyes that he was keeping a close eye on her. It seemed that the new developments had brought out the overprotective side of his wolf.

But nothing would prepare me for the look of pure pleasure written all over Leah's face when her eyes met mine. I had given her something, but I wasn't quite sure what it was. Her reaction washed away any of the lasting doubts I had. This was truly happening.

I couldn't believe that only minutes ago I had been worried about sleep, now I had never felt more awake in my life. As the light eyes that had drawn me to him from the very first day, met mine, I knew just how wrong I had always been. This moment, this very moment with Jared, was something I had never known I wanted. Maybe because it had been to big for me to comprehend, or I had just been so blinded by my need to fit in with the Cullens. But right now, knowing that part of him was growing inside me, I knew that this wasn't anything I could have wished for, it wasn't anything I could have ever prepared for, because now I understood that I'd never had the imagination or the presence to dream this big.

* * *

**a/n: Well I guess I have nothing else to say. This is the end guys and I just hope I managed to do all of you proud. **

**I never really thought I would get to this point, never mind writing how ever many thousands of words this ended up being. The problem was, that I ended up loving Bella and Jared so much that this could have gone on forever, but I felt like this was a great point for them. She gave herself to him in such a way, that it felt like the sacrifice she has always wanted to give to prove her love. Only this time, her immortality came in the form of their child rather than her ever lasting ice cold self. **

**Thank you so much to everyone who's read, reviewed, alerted, love or even hated this story. I didn't realise when I started that I would love to write just as much as I love to read. Maybe some of you will check out my future fics. I have a Paul thing hamster wheeling around my head and it's just a case of when it finally breaks free onto the page, but it'll definitely be a few weeks til I get anything solid out to you. **

**I'm still not sure if I want to use a Beta in future, but if any of you would like to volunteer for the position, it would definitely be as more of a sounding board than a grammar helper (not that another pair of eyes wouldn't go amiss :) ), so if you think you might want chapters ahead of time and help out with the journey, just let me know.  
**

**Anyway, I've rambled on for far too long now. I just hope that you've enjoyed this ride... **

**XxX**

**LVN  
**


	24. Epilogue

**Almost four years later….**

"Daddy…."

I laughed as Aiden clambered up onto the bed, his little bronze legs dangling in the air as he struggled to pull his body up fully. I had woken up a couple times to hear the little fella trying to manipulate Bella into letting him upstairs to see me, but he should've known by now his mom was more savvy to his ways than that.

When he finished bouncing on top of me, his face a perfect mix of my eyes and Bella's pouty lips, I noticed Bella standing in the door with one of those lopsided grins on her face; the kind she always got when she watched us having some solo boy time. It had been almost twelve hours since I'd taken off for patrol, so my need for her was enough that I threw Aiden off me, getting a giggle out of him as tickled his stomach.

"Don't just stand there gawping at us, get your ass over here Bell"

It didn't take anymore than that to get her feet moving and I snuggled almost desperately into her warmth. Sometimes I wondered how she handled the pack vying for my attention so graciously. But I knew our time was precious, and so every chance I had, I would wrap myself around her and Aiden and feed from the strength they innately offered me.

Aiden clambered back onto my bare chest pulling me from my thoughts, but I kept one of my arms wrapped possessively around Bella, keeping her flush against my side.

"I hope you've been good for Momma today?"

I could see Aiden's face fall slightly. He was still so little, but he was becoming his own tiny person, and it was pretty clear he hated the idea of disappointing either one of us.

"Aiden was bad boy"

I bit my lip to keep from laughing. No doubt it had been a minor incident, after all I had heard an unusually hard tone come from Bella as they made their way upstairs, but it hadn't sounded too serious.

"Momma, what did Aiden do?"

I put on my serious Daddy face and turned to Bella.

"Aiden hit Mommy, didn't you Aiden"

It was something he'd recently started. He'd just turned three and though we'd scoffed when the _terrible two's _never came_,_ it seemed like he was just waiting to spring it on us a little later. Suddenly he was testing our boundaries and while it was often more amusing than anything else, I knew it was something we needed to be firm on. It was just so funny that Aiden always ratted himself out first.

"And did you say sorry to your Momma?"

He looked at Bella for confirmation, then she rose to wrap her arms around him, tickling him as she positioned herself to sit behind him, her legs nestling my sides.

"Yes he did Daddy"

I didn't have the control to have her in this position and not think about things I didn't even want to entertain with Aiden around, so I lifted them both easily and turned to wrap my arms around them both on the bed.

"I swear you do that shit on purpose Bell"

She was now positioned on the other side of Aiden, who was nestled between us and her face lit up as she laughed aloud.

"S-H-I-T"

I could barely feel her finger as she prodded my side while spelling out each letter firmly. I pretended not to notice, acting like I was engrossed in Aiden and one of his many books he'd pulled from the side table, but I couldn't help the smile that drew up the corners of my mouth. It wasn't long before her little hand reached around Aiden to wrap around my own, pulling it over his body and holding it against her chest, close enough that I feel her heart beat powerfully into my skin.

I loved the moments like this when we actually managed to feel normal, even if it was just for a few hours of the day. It was amusing when only four years ago the pack's world had been wrapped around blood sucking nightmares and now, it circumnavigated the existence of a barely three year old boy. I was curious to see what would happen in a few weeks when Emily arrived at her due date and Aiden would no longer be the epicenter of the universe.

When a knock sounded loudly at the door, not one but three pairs of ears raised eagerly in response. I figured we were probably all thinking the same thing, or at least two of us were. This was the res, where wolves pushed through doors and raid fridges without even so much as an incline of the head. A knock on the door was practically royalty visiting in these parts.

Lifting my body from the bed, I looked back at Bella who was mimicking my actions, her eyebrows drawn down with concentration.

"It's Embry and Seth"

I knew she would probably be able to hear indistinct voices, but with my acute hearing I already knew who it was and what they wanted.

"Come on, let's go see what they want." Bella huffed slightly as she lifted herself from the bed. I knew she wouldn't be particularly happy about them being around, especially since Sam had just upped the patrol schedule last week and my time spent with her had been cut dramatically.

I lifted Aiden easily and threw him up and down as I followed Bella's slow progress down the stairs. I could barely believe that they were still waiting outside the front door, but then I remembered how Bella had blown up at Embry over some muddy footprints of her carpet last week and it suddenly made more sense.

Swinging open the door, I chuckled under my breath to see my two pack brothers standing side by side, their heads down as if Bella was about to put them in a time out.

I caught Embry nudging Seth in his ribs and finally he spoke up.

"Hey Bells, we were just wondering if Jared could come out tonight?"

I had to lift Aiden up to smother my laughter into his stomach, but the little fella didn't do me any favors.

"Daddy, stop, it tickles"

I peeked out from around him and saw Bella was now glaring at me, while Seth and Embry looked a little more relaxed in the doorway. I held up my hand and backed away a little, using Aiden as a human shield, his feet dangling in the air as Bella loomed ever forward.

"Jared Jacson, you put AJ down this instant!"

I knew a couple months ago she would have chased me around the house and this situation would have ended a very different way. But as she put her hands on his hips, emphasizing her swollen stomach, I knew she had me cornered.

I put Aiden down and he went running to Embry, who picked him up and immediately set him on his shoulders.

"Growl Uncle Em, Growl!"

Keeping an eye on the action by the door, I took the two strides necessary to get to Bella and then lifted her carefully into my arms. She was only four months gone and barely showing, but no matter how often she told me I was too cautious with her, I wasn't about to take any chances.

"What was that you were saying Mrs. Jacson?"

I loved using her new name and I wouldn't deny if anybody asked. I could still recall the waves of pride I'd felt when she signed that little piece of paper announcing her as mine to the world outside of La Push. I rubbed my nose up and down the length of her throat, breathing in her scent that was now forever mingled with mine.

"Hmmm, what?"

I knew in a couple of minutes she would probably be angry with me again, but with Aiden occupied I wasn't going to miss the chance to have her in my arms.

"I thought the imprint thing was meant to wear off after a while?"

Both Bella and I lifted our heads to look at Seth in confusion, who was staring at us with a look of desperation in his eyes.

"Where'd you hear that?"

I knew he was about to shrug his shoulders and pass it off as nothing, so I raised my eyebrow, letting him know I wasn't going to let it go. He huffed but finally responded; "Just wishful thinking I guess."

Bella instantly pushed herself away from me and wrapped her arms around Seth. In the state she was in I would normally have growled at any guy even close to touching her, but even when she was pregnant with Aiden, Seth always had a free pass. I never quite figured if it was his age, or the fact that Bell saw him as a younger brother, but something about him didn't raise the protective alarm to my inner instincts.

"Seth, you know that you'll find your imprint."

She'd led him to the breakfast bar by now and I shook my head to see her obviously pulling out a chocolate cake that I knew she'd baked for herself. After all she'd hit my hand with the spoon so many times when making it, I was sure I would finally have a mark that wouldn't heal.

"Here, have some chocolate, it always makes me feel better."

Seth was already pulling the fork to his mouth, but I could see by the fact that the cake was still intact, he wasn't into it.

"But no-one's imprinted in years. What if that's it?"

I knew some of the guys, like Paul and Leah were more than happy to fill time with each other than find their imprints. But then there was Seth who was desperate to find his soul mate. I even knew from Embry's wolf thoughts that he was jealous of the guys with girls to go home to. After all we weren't kids anymore, Seth was turning twenty this year and it was tough to keep up hope when you were saving yourself for someone who might never come.

"Of course you will Seth, you watch, she'll might even be there tonight…"

I was shaking my head behind his back trying to get her attention, but either Bella didn't see, or she didn't truly understand how much she was getting his hopes up by saying something like that to him. After all it wasn't like she'd ever been in his mind.

"… and you'll have Jared with you to help look, won't he baby!"

I didn't know what out of her words I should respond to, the fact that she was saying I should go with them after a whole week of me convincing her I didn't want her left alone when she was pregnant, or that I was going to be Seth's wingman.

"Bell. Can I have a word?"

By the look on her face I knew she was already resolved and probably wouldn't let me get a word in edge ways, but I had to try.

"No, you have to go get ready and anyway, Sam will appreciate me keeping Emily company."

I thought about my options; I could ask either Jake or Sam to order her to change her mind, but I wasn't sure it was worth having to sleep on the couch for the next five months.

"Bella?" I walked towards her, but she just backed up behind Seth, seeing my intent.

"No way mister. You don't get to convince me like that. Now go upstairs and get changed, you at least need a shirt and some shoes."

I showered and dressed as quickly as possible, all the while thinking of ways to convince her that this wasn't the best option. By the time I was downstairs though, I didn't have much choice as now not only did I have Seth and Embry in my living room, but a heavily pregnant Emily and Sam, with Aiden in his arms. I didn't see how I was going to convince Bella I couldn't leave her alone, especially when Sam was going out and Emily was close to popping.

I sighed loudly and ran a hand through my wet hair that Bella had recently cut for me.

"Hey Emily. How're you feeling?"

I stepped just a little closer to her, but was cautious to keep my distance, knowing it wasn't a wise move to touch her with Sam in the room.

"I'm good thanks Jared, a bit bored though since someone won't even let me cook anymore." Emily sent a pointed glare at Sam and I laughed, but I knew where he was coming from and in my head I was mentally calculating how long it would be before Bella would finally let me take care of her.

Just thinking of Bella in those last stages of pregnancy when she would be all round and breathtaking, I needed to be close to her. So even though I knew she would chastise me for it later, I picked her up from the sofa where she was happily chatting with Emily and sat back down with her in my lap.

"Hey!"

I gave her my pleading eyes and without a word she nestled down into me, before continuing where she left off with her conversation. I rubbed my hands absently across her stomach and allowed my mind to drift into how long I could acceptably stay at the bar tonight without the pack or Bella being pissed at me and finally decided on two hours.

"Alright buddy time for bed"

I didn't think it had been barely two minutes since I'd sat down, but as I glanced up at the clock I could see that over thirty minutes had passed. I was at least grateful to be able to put Aiden to bed before I had to leave.

Lifting myself and Bella from the sofa, I gently set her feet down on the floor before catching a laughing Aiden, as he ran wildly towards me.

"Alright little man, time for bed, say goodnight to everyone"

He called out his goodbyes and made sure I let him give Embry a high five, before we walked upstairs to his bedroom. The house wasn't big by any standards but when I found out Bella was pregnant the first time around I'd added an extension onto the first floor so our kids could have their own room.

"Momma, will you read the one about the t-rex"

I knew some of the guys pushed wolves on him like you wouldn't believe, but my kid was a one hundred percent dino freak. I wouldn't have it any other way either, he was going to have it tough enough being brought up in a world full of monsters and legends. Just thinking about the conversations we were going to have with him in a few years hurt my head, so the less obsessed with wolves he was, in my opinion, the better.

I listened to Bella's dulcet tones as she read the story that he'd asked for every night for the past week and imagined what stories our little girl would ask for when she was old enough.

"Daddy, I'm sleepy"

Aiden was a dream kid when it came to bedtimes, probably because the guys ran him ragged all day, so more often than not he was the one kicking us out of his room. We both dropped down to plant little kisses on his face and then we backed out of the room quietly, pulling the door closed behind us. Seeing my opportunity with no-one to back up her words, I pulled Bella's body gently to my chest and spoke softly in her ear.

"I don't want to leave you alone Bella. I know you think I'm being overprotective, but I can't help it. I just need to be around you right now."

However, I knew what she would say before it was out of her mouth.

"And what about patrolling, huh? You seem fine leaving me then." The tone of her voice wasn't angry or raised, she was simply laying out the facts for me to see.

"You know Sam had to order me and anyway, you know I'm not fine with it."

Not a day went by where I didn't have to bribe one of the guys to go over and check up on her, and as much as it irritated her, I knew she secretly liked knowing how much I cared about her, about all three of them.

"I know. But I think you'll regret it if you don't go, after all it's Sam's last night."

I knew she was right and even though Sam might understand, he would probably be a little upset if I didn't at least show for a while. I sighed loudly and kissed along the expanse of her neck which she had on show for me, lightly nipping at my mark on her.

"Mmmmm, enough of that!"

I kissed her one last time and relented, knowing that she wouldn't be so unresponsive later when it was just the two of us. I didn't carry her down the stairs because I knew how much it irritated her, but I did beat her there so if she did fall, she wouldn't have far to go.

"Are you ready?"

Seth's eyes had brightened up considerably and it reminded me that I would have to have a word with Bella about raising his expectations. Thinking of the girl I would be leaving behind I whipped around and sealed my lips to hers, just as she was gasping at my sudden movement. It was just fine by me as I immediately searched out her tongue with my own, as I pulled her body against mine.

A couple seconds later a few grunts indicated to me my time was up and I pulled back. Her flushed cheeks and darkened eyes made me smile broadly and as I walked towards the door I looked back once.

"I won't be long, if you need anything…"

I left it there, knowing both Bella and Emily knew exactly where to find me. After all there was only one bar in the whole of La Push and only one in the State of Washington owned and run by the pack.

"Alright Sammy, let's go get you loaded!"

As Embry's voice boomed into the air, I didn't know how Sam was holding it together knowing his girl was back there and he was off on a serious night out. But then again it wasn't his fault that Jake had taken until the last minute to finally accept his calling and allowed Sam to step down as Alpha. There had been a couple of weeks where a few of the guys were seriously concerned Sam might just step down anyway and as the next to phase and the most ferocious fighter, Paul would be the natural choice for the next Alpha. I tried not to let my feelings known about that option, because even though Paul and I had long surpassed our issues with each other, he was still a loner and as far as I was concerned only really listened to Leah. It was going to be an interesting couple of weeks to see what happened after tonight when Sam finally stepped down.

The walk to the bar was short and though the guys were in high spirits, there wasn't much said in the way of conversation. When finally the little shack came into view, I quite rightly couldn't believe my eyes. With Bella pregnant and pack duties, I was only involved on the peripheries, but in the two days since I'd been here last, the place had been transformed.

The parking lot had been completely cleared of all the junk that had been tossed out of the crumbling building, along with all of the remnants of materials they had used in bringing this place up to code. It didn't look like a jobsite anymore, it looked like a small town bar, with a big flashing blue sign above the door 'Harry's Place'.

I looked over at Seth to see his eyes gleaming slightly as he peered up at the sign. But he didn't linger, he didn't have a chance, as Embry punched him in the arm. Seth nodded once in response, showing his thanks.

"Alright guys, first round's on me"

I strode up to the bar as I passed by the empty tables and chairs. The place was ready to open, but the pack was holding a little private celebration here before the official opening in an hour. Leah was standing behind the bar with a shirt emblazoned with 'Harry's' on it and I could see just how happy she was to be wearing it.

"You guys want a pack special?"

Her eyes looked dangerous as she grinned at us all, but I decided it was worth the risk and ordered four, watching as she loaded up glasses with shot after shot of liquor. It took a fuck load for us to feel anywhere near wasted with our metabolisms running as fast as they did, but this looked worthy of a chance if any drink ever did.

The murky brown concoction burned my nose as I took a first sip and reminded me of battery acid as it trailed down my throat. Leah was already laughing at the four of us, then she whipped out her own glass of murky gunk and threw it back in one.

"That's how it's done boys!"

I looked over at Seth who I knew wasn't about to let his sister's challenge slide, as he threw his own drink back before slamming the glass down, even though he looked about to retch. Embry followed suit and I wasn't going to sit back and look like the pack bitch, so I threw back my own drink and then ordered a beer, to boos and cat calls from the other guys. I didn't care though, I'd drunk the worst that Leah could throw at me, but it didn't mean I was going to try and get wasted just for the sake of it.

I laughed as Sam, Embry and Seth ordered up another and finally the door started to open and close, bringing Jake and Quil and the pack numbers up to seven.

"Hey Jake, where's Ang?"

Jake lifted a hand to Leah who happily threw one of her concoctions at him, before looking back at me a little unhappily.

"She gave Bells a call before we left and found out she'd convinced you to leave, so she decided this should be a boys only night."

I caught an insolent '"Hey" from Leah, but Jake didn't even flinch.

"Sorry man, I don't even plan on staying too long, but Bella all but kicked me out."

Jake looked at me sharply and then spoke, "You'll be lucky if she doesn't lock the door until closing, I know Bella when she gets an idea in her head, she's stubborn."

I nodded my head in agreement knowing he was probably right.

"So, you think this place is going to get a lot of business tonight?"

Jake just shook his head and I although I didn't say it, I agreed with him.

We were both wrong. By ten thirty the place was filled to the rafters. I knew as a member of the pack I was pretty insular, but I could still recognize all of the residents of La Push and most of Forks. Whoever had been doing the promo for this place needed a raise.

Through all the noise I could no longer hear my phone ringing so I couldn't help pulling it out of my pocket every two minutes to check Bella hadn't called. Screw this, I thought. I was barely managing to communicate anyway and half the pack was off scamming on girls, leaving Leah and Seth to work the bar and the imprinted guys to huddle in a corner.

"Sorry guys, but I think I'm gonna head out." I knew my words would be met by derision, but it didn't matter, my mind was already set.

"Seriously, Bellas fine"

I laughed at Jake, who eyes lacked their usual focus, but even though both he and Sam had been drinking all night and were more drunk than I'd ever seen either of them, his tone lacked any assertion.

I walked around finding as many of the guys as I could, but I stopped trying when all I got was lighthearted abuse. Waving to Leah and Seth, I stepped out into the cool night and jogged back down the street to our home.

"Baby I'm home"

"Ssssshhhh!" I hadn't noticed how dark the room was, but as my eyes trailed over the two passed out figures on the couch, I took in Angela's angry glare.

"Sorry Ang, I didn't realize." Appeased by my whispering, she smiled at me lightly. Four years on I still didn't know Jake's imprint too well, but I did know she had a good heart.

I kneeled down next to her chair aligning my eyes with hers.

"Why don't you head over to the bar and catch up with Jake, I can't imagine you're having too much fun here."

I was shocked when she didn't take me up on the offer though, instead she shook her head.

"Nah I'm fine, at least he'll be happier knowing you're here now, but he deserves a boys night. You take Bella to bed, I'll keep an eye on Em."

I looked uncertainly between the two sleeping girls, both looking as uncomfortable as the other all scrunched up on the couch and I couldn't help but think of them in nearly this very same position back when Bella didn't even know I'd imprinted on her. Looking over their swollen stomachs it made me smile to think how far we'd come.

Angela must have felt I was uncertain because the next thing I knew she was pushing my shoulder with her weak little hand and saying "Go, seriously, I know how little time you get to spend with her."

I threw her my best grin and thanked her before lifting Bell and carrying her up to our room. Before temptation gripped me, I jogged back down the stairs and lifted Emily into a more comfortable position. I grabbed the throw that I always used to wrap around Bella and laid it gently over her body.

"Can I get you a blanket or anything Ang?"

There was no reply though, just a soft smile and a shaking head. I pulled out one of the spare throws anyway and put it on the table in front of her, knowing the new Alpha would kill me if he came home and she was cold or uncomfortable.

"Goodnight Jared"

I took her words as my cue to leave and with one last goodnight, drifted up the stairs and back to my love. She was right where I'd left her and I had to readjust the covers around her to accommodate my frame.

I counted to three in my mind and on the final count, just as I knew she would, Bell turned in her sleep and lifted her leg over my body, pulling me to her.

I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and wrapped my arms around her and just as I was about to drift into oblivion I whispered softly in her ear. "I love you Mrs. Jacson."

Something woke me up and instinctively I raised my head and listened intently to see if I could hear Aiden, but he was sleeping gently. Just as I was about to lay my head down again, I realized it was my phone vibrating wherever I had left my pants.

I gently lifted Bella leg and scrambled to the edge of the bed. Thankfully I didn't have to move far as I reached down and silenced the irritating buzz.

"What's up Emb?"

The other line was silent for the longest moment and I could hear shuffling in the background, but couldn't figure out it's origins.

"Dude, you missed a crazy night!"

I sighed hoping this wasn't all he'd woken me up for.

"You're never gonna believe what happened man…"

I didn't want to wake Bella, so with the harshest whisper I could manage, I interrupted his excitement.

"Seriously Embry, just get to the point"

Some more shuffling came at me from Embry's end and I was about to hang up when he spoke again.

"Fine, but you asked for it. Paul imprinted, but that's not even the worst part. He took the girl home right in front of Leah."

I hung up. No doubt Embry would be pissed at me tomorrow but it didn't matter. Right now all I wanted was to hold Bella and forget that there was another world out there that didn't include her or Aiden. As I hit the red button knowing I would also be on Jake's shit list if he tried to contact me, I heard Bella mumble behind me.

"What's going on? Do you have to go?"

I shuffled right in next to her and lifted her leg back around me before kissing her once and then again. I drifted off to sleep with her locked in my embrace, as I whispered soothing words assuring her if it were up to me, I would never leave her side again.

* * *

**a/n: I know it's be a long long time since I put IOT to bed, but the idea of an epilogue has been running in hamster wheels through my mind ever since. That being said I hope you enjoyed it. Not only is it a final goodbye to Bella and Jared telling their story, but it's also a little intro into my next wolfpack fic. There are so many parts of this universe that I believe in, so I finally decided that my next story with Paul/OC will take place leading on from here. I'm currently wrapped up in my Bella/Jasper fic, but I plan to start posting in about two weeks time, so if you're interested in seeing more, please keep your eyes open.**

**A BIG thank you to all of you who've read, reviewed and loved this story. I don't know how I still get so many people reading it each day, but each time I log onto ff it makes me all fuzzy and happy to know how much IOT has been appreciated. If you'd like to join me on twitter, to hear me ramble through the days please head over to my profile page for the address. **

**Until we meet again. xxx LVN  
**


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